DS11 is struggling along with a hugely increased workload this year in 6th grade and he has taken to lying to "manage" his workload. He is dysgraphic and ADHD and his teachers send some of the weekly work home on Friday so that he can work ahead over the weekend. The volume of work along with his slow speed on writing-intensive work such as required note-taking and comprehension questions require that he spend about 4-6 hours on homework over the weekend in addition to working 1-2 hours per weeknight.
He is allowed to use his computer freely for all assignments and the assignments are all fairly high quality. The kids are being trained to consistently take good notes using the Cornell system and think critically through the questions that have to be answered. No complaints there.
Unfortunately, DS has adopted a system of lying and underreporting assignments or exaggerating how much he has done in order to get more free time. I know he is very frustrated with the workload and feels that he rarely gets the downtime that he craves. He has spoken to me about the unfairness of struggling with his attention issues and writing. I have caught him lying this way about 4 times already this year.
The first time I made him stay up very late to finish a series of "hidden" daily assignments. The next time I suspended video game privileges. The next time he lost privileges and I made sure he made up all the assignments and worked ahead over almost a whole weekend. He lost almost all free time that weekend (as did I as I sat with him and kept him on track) but later agreed that he gained free time and sleep time the next week, made better grades and that it was "worth it." I thought experiencing some success from doing all assignments well and getting a pay back during the week might be enough.
Again he has repeated this behavior yesterday. I am baffled. He has been punished repeatedly, we have reasoned through how self-defeating this behavior is many times, discussed the importance of trust and "your word," talked and talked about delaying gratification both in school and in life and had a little taste of the success of working ahead. What is left? I proposed a death penalty sanction on the video games for the next time he misleads me about homework.
I know he is very frustrated. Sixth grade at DS' school is very rigorous. It is doubly rigorous for him. However, the teachers are excellent and the work he is learning to do is very valuable. I can appreciate how hard this year is for him but I can't accept lying as a way to manage his frustration and his workload.
Has anyone BTDT with an ADHD kid? Is this at all typical behavior or a plain old character flaw in DS? Suggestions?
