LOl I agree! And I do not have aspergers! But I feel like there is a certain way of communicating in upper middle class white suburbia that is very indirect. Kids learn it young (like someone mentioned speaking very indirectly eg "we don't like to climb on there") and then do it as adults. I come from lower class working poor... I *think* "we" are much more direct (for example I don't think anyone from my hood would say "we don't like to climb on there" to a child, it would have been "Hey there ! Whoa! Get down here right now! You're not allowed to climb on there - you'll get hurt" No one would have ever said, with the fake smile, "we don't like to climb on that."
My husband, upper middle class white suburban boy, often chuckles at me and my directness and says "Okay babe that is NOT how we say things here in white suburbia..." and then will give me examples of how to say the same thing very indirectly. I rarely have the patience for it. And being direct in upper middle class surburbia has indeed gotten me in trouble (and called 'offensive'). And I am not mean - I don't hurl personal insults or anything, I am just direct.
My MIL (is a very nice lady that I love, btw, so not bashing here) is the queen of indirect. An example I find amazing (it truly can be an art, imo) : Father in law was in hospital (major operation); nurse comes in and starts taking vial after vial of blood out of FIL; MIL KNOWS this is wrong; concerned she says to nurse "oh my! that's quite bit you seem to be taking there. Are you sure that's okay for him?" Nurse blows her off; MIL (having no doubt nurse is making a mistake) then goes to head nurses station and EXCHANGES pleasentries with head nurse first and then mentions to head nurse, "oh I sure hope my husband can go on his walk around the hall this afternoon." Head nurse says "why wouldn't he be able to?" or something like that; MIL says "well that new nurse over there is taking an awful lot of blood out of him and I am afraid he'll be too weak to take his walk." Head nurse freezes and says "WHAT!?!" and then runs to nurse making the mistake to stop him. (turns out nurse had never checked FIL bracelet and had him confused with a different patient). I found my MIL's way to deal with that postively amazing! I mean, that style really isn't for me but still amazing.
Last edited by marytheres; 10/02/12 06:54 PM.
