Maybe we wouldn't have to use cautious language, just up the love quotient in each message. "I disagree with your self-promotion on this board. <3"
I know you are trying to be humerous here, Lucounu, but actually this gets your original point across and it works for me on the level of 'here's what I think, I'm not here to attack anyone.'
I think humor and sarcasm is fine for many of the discussion here, but not all of them. If - for example - a newbie was posting about her child's problems, or about the difficulties of raising toddlers, and it can be percieved that the parent is concerned, then sarcasm doesn't belong in the mix, and humor must be gentle indeed,
You've always acted very kind towards OP with a personal question.
In the thread that bothers me the most, a personal appeal drifted into a question of parenting style, and the unspoken rules for a 'general freewheeling - we finally get to talk about this- what a relief- topic' were starting to be followed - in a way that was perceived by the OP as an attack on her parenting style. I think we need to be 'squeaky clean' about starting new threads when a personal appeal drifts into a 'let's spar!' kind of topic.
Maybe that needs to be the tradition - checking to be sure that a personal appeal topic stays closer to the OP's question and the any 'let's spar!' topics that come off of that start their own thread in the Discussion Forum? I think it's ok to mention 'hey! let's talk about thumbsucking' or 'hey, let's talk about teaching kids to apologize of in Discussion Forum!'
I did actually disagree with OP about the thembsucking, but I tried to do it with love, and gentleness. If anyone things that I want a 'only the kind of support where one never disagrees' forum then what does that say about all the 'Trin-Slapping' I do around here?
(Dottie and I call it Trin-Slapping when I lovingly disagree out in the open.) Consistent with my female socialization, I get highly uncomfortable when I disagree openly with someone who has presented themselves in a vulnerable position, but I do have a horror of 'group-think' and the dangers people go blindly into because 'the group' thinks there is no danger, so if I feel it must be done, then I do it.
And in a PM to a single person whom one perceives to be in the wrong, one might naturally use a bit tamer language for a few reasons (no words chosen in an attempt to openly vent group frustration, convince others to agree, etc.). In a PM including a moderator, one would obviously tend to use toned-down language.
Isn't that interesting? I agree with your observation Lucounu...but what would be so terrible if we used that same 'toned down' quality on the board? That's basically what I'm asking for.
Lucounu - I think you've shown tremendous grace and lack of defensiveness during these last few days. I often feel as though I've grown as a person while reading your posts - and that's about the highest compliment my mind has!
Love and More Love,
Grinity
