A question from a newbie...

My 6yo first grader is having motivation problems in school, e.g. he would rather talk/joke with the other kids than do his work. He's an advanced reader and a fast learner, and he often complains that school work is too easy or that he doesn't like drilling on things he already knows how to do.

His teacher sends home work from time to time that he has not been able to complete in class, and it's really easy for him... when he does it at home, it's completed in a jiffy.

We've talked to her about giving him more challenging work, but she has only suggested giving him extra projects to do at home later in the year. She also seems reluctant about our request to have him tested through the school, which has gone nowhere so far. She's acknowledged that he's "very bright" but I really don't think she has seen just *how* bright... in addition to not being challenged academically in class, he has this thing about not showing off.

A teacher friend recommended that I look at the curriculum for second grade and come up with my own accelerated lesson plans for him, and then approach his teacher with them. She said if I volunteered to do that extra work for my son, I would probably have better luck with the teacher, who would then only have to implement them.

As a preparation for discussing this with the teacher, I copied some of the sample 2nd grade math questions out of the curriculum... I'm just going to leave them lying around the house... DS won't be able to resist doing them, I'm sure. But I am curious to see how he does on these without any formal instruction or help from me.

What do you think about this? Has anyone done anything like this with their school -- preparing their own advanced lesson plans, that is? I would love to hear from you...

- Virginia

changed subject to bump this thread.

thoughts?

I'd be very cautious about this, actually - I think many teachers might feel afronted (unless you're a teacher yourself, in which case you may have an easier time, or not!). I did, with some trepidation, take in some work DS had done at home to an early parent-teacher meeting. I emphasised that DS had asked me to and that he was getting upset and that I thought *he* wanted her to know what he could do. I think that if the problem is that your DS doesn't show his teacher what he can do, then it would be a good idea to take that as the problem, and build up a packet of advanced stuff to show her. It seems more likely - and more positive to assume! - that the teacher is unaware of what your son can do, than that she is unable or unwilling to provide material at the right level for him, so I'd go in with that attitude if I were you. In our case, DS's teacher did indeed react very positively: I hope your DS's will too!

I'd have to agree that most teachers I know wouldn't take that approach well. My state allows parents to get testing independently and if they pass the school has to consider it. You may want to check your state's policies.

My DS5 had a similar experience last year in kindergarten. He didn't talk or joke with the other kids, but would just space out and not do the "boring" work. The problem surfaced first in math and I am, by training, a math teacher. I approached his teacher about challenging him, but she preferred to see it as a maturity issue and that DS needed to learn to do "boring" work. It became a power struggle between her and DS.

Like others, I showed her the work he was doing at home and offered to provide advanced materials and even grade it myself. She said he could do these things after he finished his regular classwork and hoped that would motivate him, but he's not motivated by getting extra work. I kept arguing that she wouldn't know whether or not his focus issues were a result of maturity or the work given if she didn't at least try giving him something challenging. She then suggested the principal was the problem, so I went to him. Eventually (by this time the end of the school year) they agreed to do a trial of alternative work - which he happily completed.

My story just illustrates that some teachers may understand that your child is capable of higher levels, but not feel compelled to therefore offer more challenging work. DS's teacher felt very strongly that he learn that life wasn't all exciting and that often you need to do boring things. What a horrible life lesson for a 4 year old. I hope you have more luck.

Before you go to the work of developing your own lessons, you should first approach the teacher to see if she's willing to implement anything you give. If she feels your son doesn't need advanced work, you may want to ask her how they determine if a student needs advanced work (and mention testing again). You may want to ask her if she'll just try it for a week as an experiment. Offer to provide the materials and support her in any way she needs.

I found a book series For the Gifted Student, which DS's teacher loved and said she would use herself in the future with other kids like DS. The workbooks have pull-out sheets and answer keys, so make it very easy for teachers.

We had the same problem with our DS7. It started in Kindergarten and continued though first grade. The school was completely against giving advanced work until the child completed the grade level work. In our case, this was a huge problem because our child simply refused to do work that he'd proven he could do. The principal countered with eliminating recesses until the work was completed in a timely manner. Her solution only made matters worse. With no physical/social outlet, he just spiraled into despair. We ended up pulling him out of public school and I am now homeschooling him.

I hope you have better luck with your school system. I know from reading this board that there are a lot of understanding, truly helpful school administrators out there. You may be lucky enough to be in one of those districts.

Also, you may want to read When Gifted Students Don't Have all the Answers (I think that's the name!). It talks about the underachievement scenario and how dangerous it is to these bright children.

I did a modified version of this. After talking with his teacher about how his math wasn't really at his level, I emailed and asked her if I could substitute out his homework for something more challenging. She didn't respond. So I just started doing it three days later. I got a note back about a week later that she would get a different math book for him to do for homework.

I think the key is that it wasn't a surprise to her or an insult to something she was doing. It really only affected my time and energy since it was homework.

We also tried modifying homework, though a different approach. His teacher, while reluctant to change anything in her classroom, was eventually willing to let DS skip some of the repetition in math homework. If he did his classwork (side A) at 100% then he could skip the homework (side B with more of the same). At first this worked and he was willing to do side A at school... but after a few weeks, he went back to his old ways. Skipping the homework wasn't enough of a payoff for him. He'd rather skip the work at school and be stuck with the homework, actually.

Movingup6, our school also took away recess and tried other punishments. That too would work initially, but in the end DS would always rebel again. He's very stubborn, not unlike me! He's in a new school this year, which is going a lot better, though has its own set of issues. At least he's enjoying school again. Last year he grew to dislike it so much he wanted to stay home.

I guess we know that there is no single strategy that will work with all teachers or schools. BinB, try to keep an open dialog with the teacher and the principal and hopefully you'll find an approach that works for you.

Thanks for your advice, everyone. Gifted Mom, my son’s teacher is also determined that he needs to learn to do boring work. (Thank you very much for the book recommendation, BTW.) In some ways, I agree – sometimes you just need to practice (like hand writing, or playing an instrument) and it’s not always exciting. But there are ways to make practice less boring.

For example, he has to do a daily journal at home for writing practice, and often it was hard to get him to sit down and write. Then, for a few days, he started writing about the science books he had been reading and was really jazzed about it – wrote more than usual, without prompting, with elaborate, labeled diagrams – and was really excited to show it to his teacher. Instead of being pleased, she asked him to go back to writing about his day, like the other kids. When I asked her why, she said because he found it challenging. Well, sure – challenging to his six-year-old patience! He doesn’t care about keeping a diary; he cares about learning about science. If it’s just for writing practice, why not let him write about what he’s passionate about?

Movingup, I can relate… last week was a bad one… DS missed computer lab one day because he was made to finish his work and he missed PE twice. I was especially disappointed with him missing PE, because lack of exercise typically makes his behavior worse. I will check out the book you recommended.

I’m worried this laziness/stubbornness/defiance/underachieving/whatever it is will take hold and really sour his attitude towards school. And, of course, I want to see him do his best and develop his gifts. At the same time, though, I really don't want to aggravate his teacher, as she is very sweet, very qualified and (like most in public schools) underpaid and stretched thin. Maybe I will try the homework idea. Maybe I will just hold off for a bit and see how things progress.

On another note, DS did well with the 2nd grade math… already knows much of it and is ready to learn the rest. However, he got one problem wrong, and when I started to walk him through the right way to do it, he burst into tears. I asked him why he was so sad, and he said, “Because it’s always supposed to be correct when I do it!” He was a sobbing mess for several minutes. That’s the first time I’ve seen him react like that… perfectionism? Frustration with not being good at something the first time, with little effort? All I can think is, uh oh.