Some time ago, we never even told them they were smart. Then, we started realizing that we had to, and as DD6 got older, she started mentioning differences in herself. She'd say things like, "other kids don't remember things like these, but I do", or "I have always many ideas flowing in my brain and my brain is pretty fast". Then, we had the realization of other kids' reading abilities (eventhough she was not a very early reader, she did start before K).

We have talked a lot about different people strengths; things that come easy, and hard work is something we had always stressed out, the same as trying again.

She is already in a gifted school, so she does have peers in there. I know there are other DYS in there, clearly we'll now be able to know of more (one I simply asked the mom...). Regardless of academic level, she truly found her place there. The kids engage in complex imaginary play, she has a company that solves mysteries with some friends (they do business cards, write and solve the problems, etc.). Anyway, she plays with them in ways she can't with other kids.

She notices that she writes more/better, reads thicker/more complex books that many of her peers. Fortunately, there are many others who are better/faster/more ahead in other areas.

I think we will indeed wait for a tangible moment. I noticed she had to sign one of the pages for enrollment. I see is she asks...

The other side of the coin, a "dumb kid's" point of view.

I was in a family where 2 of the sibs were PG. I was probably 2E. I felt stupid partially because my sibs ran circles around me, and partially because I was in the low groups in school.
My mother told me, "you are smart, but in your own way, and not in ways that show up on tests" I interpreted that as "mommy thinks you are smart but you are stupid". It took a long time for me to realize that much of what I didn't understand in school was because it was REMEDIAL work, which is actually harder than other work, but I digress.

So, now as an adult with one 2E kid and one DYS kid, I am in the same boat as my mother was. What do I tell my kids? My 2E kid is 99th percentile for GAI, just not 99.9. How do I acknowledge the DYS child without the other child feeling less? One day, I do expect to show the bell curve, but it's not time yet. For now, I say that they are equal and different. The 2E child actually did test higher on the SAT 10 than the DYS child so I feel like there are statistics to back me up.

And then, we make sure to double up on efforts to avoid thinking about intelligence and tests and focus more on what matters in life. With DYS being exclusive, an explanation is sometimes needed, and it can throw values out of whack for a bit if we aren't careful to keep priorities in order (and that's what I tell them too!)

Another thing I'm doing is fighting every day of every year to keep my 2E from getting stuck in the remedial classes. That makes my DYS jealous of the attention I give to him and his teachers, and it goes on and on.

I guess my rambling point is that getting into DYS is one little bit of help you have for your child and as long as you don't let them define themselves by DYS, I don't see where it matters what truth you tell them as long as they are sensitive to the other 99.9 percent of kids in the world.

Parening is hard! Balancing is always one thing that makes it tricky. That fair is not equal is something that is really hard to grasp. My parents expected better grades of me than my brothers. It drove me nuts that they'd get a high five for a B, and I got a frown for the same B. I "knew" it was the right thing, but it still made me feel it was unfair. I guess back then (elementary) I thought was smarter, and then more was expected of me. I did not consider personalities. I am pretty sure my younger brother would score higher on an IQ test, but he never cared for that school recognition. I did, we are probably still in a similar range, but personalities were just different.

I wonder about the sibling issue as well. I did get to relax a lot. My 4 year old just got tested on the WPSSI, and her verbal score was 99.9 (but not high enough for YSP). Since English is our second language, I fully expect her to get the required number in a couple of years. Achievement wise, she is not interested in academics yet, but I guess once she takes off, and she is 6 or older, we'll go ahead with testing to see if she will qualify.

However, from how it looks now, she would qualify on verbal only... we'll see; there is no crystal ball. Funny also, younger one appeared much smarter when super young, but not as much as sister, now at 4. Who knows what they will look like in 2 years!

Thanks for your post.

MON,

We have similar issues because we're currently homeschooling one and sending the other to public school with no accomodations. He may be 2E, may or may not wind up a DYS kid like his big brother, may or may not move to homeschooling in the future...

Different kids, different needs, different tools.

I think your point about intelligence not being all-important is the key point. I so agree!

Great question Mam, and great responses from everyone!

I haven't even thought about telling dd7. I figured DYS would be more of a behind the scenes thing, with me getting and implementing advice that I can bring to the school.

But it's true, I would like to meet some local families and participate in some events, and then there will be some 'splaining to do!

My situation is complicated by having an older dd who has all the gifted intensities, but not the pure academic strength of my younger dd. It will be a constant balance to make sure dd7 has all the resources available to her, without having dd9 feel like "less."