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    Joined: Dec 2012
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    Originally Posted by nicoledad
    Just my opinion but when you are at home the parent has an easier time to focus on the child. At school a teacher cannot give that same attention.i have no doubt from all the posts that he does not have the appropriate challenge at school. That said it still doesn't excuse bad behavior at school.

    No one wants him to behave badly at school. But the OP thinks the behavoir is a symptom and treating the cause is more effective long term than treating the symptom. Also with a strong willed kids threats don't work, the just make things worse as they simply don't care at that point. A parent may know when it will work but a teacher won't.

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    So are you suggesting "a strong willed kid" gets to rule your life?

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    I think the sum total of posts indicate that negative behavior is not OK... and that treating the cause (lack of appropriate challenge) may prove more effective than treating a symptom (poor behavior).

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    It just seems to me it's never the kids fault. It's always the teacher. No one has addressed a change in the kids behavior

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    I reread the thread and I see the parent saying that they do address the behavior at home (no specifics) and I see suggestions on how the parent and teacher can work together to help the child make better choices, or at least intervene before the poor behavior happens.

    The school has been called too rigid, but that isn’t necessarily a reflection on the teacher.

    Last edited by howdy; 11/21/17 07:04 PM.
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    We've been working with him almost constantly on his behavior. That's part of why I posted this question. It seemed like his whole life was becoming about discipline/reinforcement of good behaviors and discussing what we can do to have a better day tomorrow. It is too much for a 3 year old, and I could tell it was wearing on him, as it was wearing on all of us. We do time-outs, quiet time, marble jars, and discuss his behavior with him thoroughly, always requiring a sincere apology and talking about alternatives to avoid repeating the behavior in the future. I'm fully aware that he's a tough kid, but certain situations seem to make it worse. I think possibly that his teacher isn't as firm with him as she needs to be (such as too many second chances...) He knows how to read people and can easily manipulate a situation. It can be maddening at times. Because of that he has always required very clear boundaries and a routine to help guide him. Any sense that the boundaries may be flexible or that the routine can be altered and he will do everything he can to see how far he can push it. We've been working with his teacher to reinforce his positive behavior through consistent messaging, and things have improved in the past couple of weeks overall, but naptime has continued to be a challenge, one that has remained unaffected by any amount of positive reinforcement or punishment on my part. So my remaining options are to try and suggest ways the school may be able to better manage him, or to just bring him home for nap, but I worry that he will view this as a victory and the behaviors will spill out at other times whenever he wants to go home because he isn't feeling engaged. So I'm still on the fence. There's no school this week, so I have some time to consider what to do.

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    Does he get plenty of time to run? Maybe more exercise would help?

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    Update: after a couple of months of sticking to our positive reinforcement and communicating with the teacher things are going much better now! We’ve had an entire week with no incidents and DS seems happier as well. It seems we have worked through whatever was troubling him. Thanks for your advice!

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    Nice to hear!


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