Hi,

Before I begin my ramble, let me state my point up front: I want to know if you or your spouse was diagnosed with AS after your child was diagnosed? Did you discover that you or your spouse was highly gifted after your child was tested? Were you fairly clueless about your own issues before they came out in your child; as in, you never saw the issue nor did anyone hint at it, esp. in regard to AS? What are some of the red flags, in an adult, for either/both of these? (I've read the lists... just wondering from your own experience.)

Our son is presently having another evaluation to rule in or out Asperger's. In our initial consult yesterday, he laughed and told the doctor that perhaps I (his mother) should also be tested for AS. I had previously commented on how well I "get" my son and how much we think alike; and this is true, I really do get my child in a way that my dh doesn't; but I only have one child and I don't know if this is the normal type of "getting" that a parent does or if it's something else. (DS 8 is PG, FYI.)

At the end of our visit yesterday, I found myself sitting in a chair in the waiting room, stunned. The receptionist had become quite upset with me and had left the room, closed the door, and had a conference of sorts with the doc and the office manager. I was sitting there in shock because I had little clue as to what I had said or done that was upsetting to her. In my talk with the doc, she had recommended that we cut the three visits down to two visits since we're driving from a couple of hours away for the appt. The receptionist had apparently missed that just minutes before when the doc stood up front and repeated the instructions. When the receptionist tried to schedule us for multiple appointments, I politely asked her to make sure that *I* hadn't misunderstood the doc. I repeated twice that *I* may have misunderstood the doc (and truly, I was wondering if I wasn't confused). That's when she became angry with me, gave a sharp "I will ask her," and marched out of the room. Bad day? I don't know, but I was in shock and wasn't sure what to do. When she came back, the doc and office manager just hung around and observed until I left. I felt a bit humiliated by it all, but I remained pleasant (and in shock).

As I thought about this and looked back over my adult life, I saw that this kind of thing seems to happen to me a lot, and it seems to have intensified in my late 30's. I ask questions that I feel that I need to know --like how many appointments we'll have or how long they'll take --and I get what seems like a "ruffled feathers" reaction. This doesn't happen with doctors; it only seems to happen with the ancillary staff. (It happens in non-medical situations, too.) My best friend suggests that my directness may threaten some people; I'm baffled by that. To me, it seems that if you have a question, you should ask it. If you're not being hateful or mean, where's the threat?

Yesterday's encounter really stuck in my brain, as did my son's comment about me being screened for AS. I have had so many social problems over the past few years. I live in a very rural area and have always attributed my conflicts to it just being a matter of thinking differently, but I'm not so sure now. I recently saw an interview with Temple Grandin and I thought to myself, "Other than the interesting clothing selections, she seems fairly normal to me!" I don't know how she would be in real life, of course, but the way she was laying it all out in this interview seems very much how I perceive my own self to be --very cut and dried or "Just the facts, ma'am." Could someone else give me a perspective on what they see in this video? "Ten Minutes with Temple"

I want to point out, too, that I am indeed an underachiever, by the academic standards of most. I have educated myself in whatever areas have interested me and have always felt that I could learn anything I wanted (except Calculus... not a mathy person at all!). I was the kid who had almost no parental involvement. My mom never had a clue what was going on with me, simply because she didn't ask. My dad was the same way. I did excel in just about everything, but I never learned to study; this was an issue when I went to college. When the college counselor looked at my ACT scores, she insulted me by suggesting that I might have cheated; no one with those ACT scores should be having the difficulties that I was having, she suggested. The problem, I think, was that I simply could no longer sit in class and absorb all of my microbiology, chem, zoology, etc. as I had in high school. I didn't know how to organize myself. I'm the only honors student I know from my high school who didn't graduate college. I am a senior in college, credit-wise, but never finished a degree program. (I did, however, love the variety of classes available to me! So many exciting things to learn about, but so little time, woo-hoo!)

So yesterday I looked back over my life and realized that while I've always had surface friends, I've generally been a loner. My own family has always said that I'm "different" from them. (I've secretly wondered if I was mixed-up at birth with their bio child! LOL) My mother couldn't tolerate that I was so highly emotional and "feeling," and I do recall a high school AP History teacher (whom I really liked) commenting on how intense and emotional I was. I'm all about justice and truth and doing the right thing and this seems to rub some people the wrong way. I do tend to hyper-focus, if interested in something, often losing a few hours and having no clue where they went. (Though, I rarely get to do this now that I'm a homeschooling mom.) I easily see things that others do not, and I don't mind at all sitting for hours on details that would drive some people crazy.

I don't know that I'm gifted, but my husband swears that I'm the smartest person he's ever met, (*cringe, blush*); I don't feel that way at all, truly. I was in honors and AP classes in high school, and I was identified as gifted in elementary school. My mom didn't sign the papers for me to be in the gifted classes, so that was the end of that. I can add that when I get to talk to my son's doctors, I feel such a sense of relief... like I'm talking with someone who thinks like I do. I know that may sound odd, but I see this same thing in my son; he reacts to intelligent people by perking up and talking "smarter." When he's around most people, whether adults or children, I usually perceive that he's dumbing down. I often feel that same way, but I thought that's how most people operated. Is it not?

As my son matures, and as I see so much of my own self in him, I am beginning to wonder if this is a gifted issue, AS issue, or something else in my own life. Are these the kinds of issues that highly gifted people deal with when engaging with the rest of the world? Does this sound more like Asperger's? Both, perhaps? I'm looking for some personal experiences and perspectives here.

Okay, that's all. I'm SO sorry that this is so long and so scattered. I'm just really in need of some input from others.

Thank you!

Hi, Mom2,

It happens a lot that when a child is diagnosed on the autism spectrum, the parents figure themselves (or other family members) out. DH and I have looked at our family tree in a new light, and we see an awful lot of traits that do show that DS doesn't come from Mars... he comes from us, for sure.

The good thing we see in it is this: yes, many of us in this family are unusual, but hey, look, we're functioning, even the ones of us who are most AS-like. That gives us great hope that DS will be capable of an independent life in the world, too.

You can see yourself as underachieving if you prefer, but I would rather say, gosh, if you're 2E, you're probably doing really well with what you've got. To me, that's achieving.

DeeDee

Hi, Mom2,
I have sometimes had the same kind of experience (seeming to rub people the wrong way for reasons I don't understand) but since moving to the South it's happened less--after I learned to be much more indirect about things, which is the way people seem to interact down here. I often use the technique you mentioned of saying that maybe *I* am confused (even when I am sure I am not) because it seems much less likely to cause offense. However, I had kind of put this down to a South (indirect) vs. North (more direct) kind of thing. I also make an effort to adjust my vocabulary to the situation and over the years have definitely cut out the 'big words' unless I'm talking to somebody who also uses them because I noticed that people sometimes reacted to them.
What I have had more trouble with over the course of my career is inadvertently getting on the wrong side of some people I work with, particularly other women. Fortunately this has only happened a couple of times, but it has been pretty dramatic. I still haven't figured this out entirely, but will say that although I think I dress 'normally' I do not care much about shoes and other things that women seem to spend a lot of time thinking and talking about. So I guess that puts me on the spectrum somewhere. I don't worry about it too much, though, because I am lucky to have a wonderful DH and a great job with a great boss and have what I consider a pretty nice life.
"This American Life" did a story on something like this (figuring out that you or someone in your life has Aspergers), and had a link to an "Aspie Quiz", here http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
The American Life link is here http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/458/play-the-part
It's great that you 'get' your DS; he's very lucky to have a parent that does.

When we/I realized that our dd13 was gifted when she was 6-7, it was an aha moment for me in terms of giftedness. That was what had been wrong with me my entire life as well.

Dh was dx with ADHD, inattentive before dd11 but as an adult and there are definitely a lot of similarities btwn the two of them. She is HG and he is probably a lot more intelligent than he and others give him credit for. I wonder about significant 2e issues for him (maybe a bit lower on IQ than dd or maybe just as high with more significant disabilities or just a poor upbringing/schooling for his needs).

Understanding what it going on with our kids has been great for introspection and, b/c they are both HG and possibly more than bare level HG (some of both of their scores are at, above, or very close to DYS level), I do wonder if one or both of us is more than the MG I've assumed of myself and the slow that dh has assumed of himself.

No one in our family is on the autism spectrum, though. I am answering this b/c some of what you say about yourself is true of me and I am as confident as I can be that I do not have an ASD.

As the parent of two kids, I can say that I don't "get" both of my kids equally. Dd13 is a lot more like me than is dd11. I don't get dd11 very well at all but I try really hard b/c I love her tremendously. Loving and understanding are not the same, though. I don't want her to feel like the odd duck out as I did growing up.

I don't know, unless there was something to your tone that isn't being conveyed in words, I'd say that the problem in this instance is with the receptionist, not you. Especially b/c:

To me this may be a disconnect btwn a HG+ adult and adults who are of average intelligence or maybe even less. It doesn't have to be that you are on the AS, but maybe that you are a threat to them, like your friend suggests, b/c you are different due to your intelligence being drastically different than theirs.

I haven't watched it yet, but I will. I will tell you, though, that I live in the community where Dr. Grandin works and I have both spoken to her and seen her speak at a community event. You are right, she doesn't come across as majorly odd other than her dress and hairstyle aren't very feminine or typical. However, she's the first to acknowledge that she has learned over the years how to interact and act in a way that makes her fit into society. How she comes across now is a result of a lot of work.

For instance, when I saw her speak at a fundraiser, she was on stage and there was some feedback from the AV equipment/microphone. She was able to stay calm about it on the outside, but flat out stated that that type of noise was horrible for people with ASD. OTOH, my dd13 has some sensory issues as do I and I found it irritating as well.

I think that the differentiation btwn Asperger's sensory issues and just HG+ sensory issues might have something to do with how hard the person on the AS has to work not to melt down over them and how aware the person is of how odd s/he appears when melting down. HG+ people with sensory issues know (at least dd and I do) how they come across socially and if they are looking like oddballs for crying or blowing up over noise or frustration. They can read other people.

People with ASD, from what I understand, have to be explicitly taught to understand how they come across and cannot easily read social cues, tone such as sarcasm, and facial expressions.

I pulled out just a couple things you wrote that didn't apply to me. Everything I left here sounds like me as well. I've grown tired as I've gotten older of hiding. I know who I am and I'm more comfortable in my own skin. Dh has suggested that I leave my Master's degree off my resume, use lesser vocabulary in interviews, etc. b/c I've had a hard time finding satisfying work. I've also had a few people tell me in job interviews that they felt the work would be too boring for me or I was too intelligent. I've come to the spot where I realize that I may be shooting myself in the foot by being myself, but I don't want to spend my life being someone I'm not so I'm going to keep presenting my true self and hope that it is the right fit somewhere.

I'd say that most of the issues you present seem to be pretty on par for the norm for HG people. I can't comment, like I said earlier on ASD b/c I don't have experience with that beyond knowing a few people through the years who are on the AS. They do look different, though, than typical HG. I don't know from the inside how that experience differs from straight HG difficulties, though.

I definitely don't think I have Asperger's--I have always had a lot of friends and been socially and romantically successful. However, I do think I have SPD (it was more obvious when I was a child) and I also have face blindness and severe direction-finding issues. So I have some ASD-ish traits.

I just took that quiz; my results were "most likely neurotypical." However, I have some spikes into the Aspie side on my profile. My family has a long history of Aspie-like individuals but no one has ever been diagnosed. That was quite an interesting quiz--I saw some questions that were very relevant to my DD, who currently has no dx but seems to be in the gray area for ASD.

All this is to say that I have indeed become more aware of my own ASD-ish traists since having my DD and reading more about ASD.

I want to ditto most of what Cricket2 said. Right down to the comment about her DH, who sounds identical to mine. He has been 'pursuing' an ADHD-inattentive diagnosis, since DD was identified, for the past two years.... in the procrastinating, inattentive way he approaches most things, in that he talks a lot about it but doesn't ever get around to it. He is DD9 in grown up form. I, too, think that he is an unidentified 2e. In my own case, I had never even heard of the term 'gifted' before DD was identified. I had to look it up. There were no gifted classes or programs in our area. It was an AHA! moment for me because a lot of my childhood made sense looking back and thinking I may have been gifted. I have no idea where I lie on the gifted spectrum... maybe MG? I work damn hard to achieve what I have and I have a very rewarding career that I love. I can meet any goal I set for myself, but I see this as reward for my hard work and not from any innate cognitive abilities.

I can't comment on any ASD traits, as none of us display them. For us, it has been the ADD and the giftedness. I can identify with the excitement of meeting another person that you can converse with. I recently became friendly with a mom who lives across the street. Her little boy is the same age as DS3.5 and after our first meeting it was very apparent that her DS is gifted and likely ASD. She had been identified as gifted as a child, too. I enjoy our conversations so very much. I don't have to watch what I say or which words I use. She gets me and it is an incredible relief to have a friend who finally does!!

This is so timely. Thanks for the post. You are not alone.

A lot of what you say about yourself is true of me and I am 100% positive that I don't have an ASD and there is no family history, so while that may be an issue in your family, it seems to me a lot could also be attributed to giftedness. I also really get my oldest dd11 (PG), and for whatever it is worth, I also seem to get those kids who are 2e with an ASD. (For sure not as much as a 2e adult who actually has Asperger's, but better than most it seems) I do *not* get my youngest dd, who I suspect is at least HG, but her issues don't seem to be related to autism. Or, I should say my issues with understanding what is going on in her sweet and complicated little head, haha! So, probably not much help...

So, for whatever it is worth, and I just skimmed so maybe you have read it, but I would get the dual diagnosis and misdiagnosis book and make sure the person diagnosing your kid really has experience with gifted kids. And what an NT gifted kid looks like as well as a gifted kid with Asperger's. Good luck.

DeeDee, I love what you wrote here. I think it's always important to realize that AS without HG or PG is quite different from regular AS or MG plus AS, in some ways, even though the similarities are real.

So much depends on strengths and motivations in particular areas.

I didnt' realize that I was gifted until my son was identified. I didn't realize that my OEs weren't just 'me being weird.' My son also got OT for sensory integration disorder and poor motor planning - it was great to see him get help with things that I struggled with alone and unidentified. I especially liked learning the phrase 'Gravitational insecurity.'

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Me too. Although most people look at you funny if you use it; it's a phrase for select company. And IEP meetings.

DeeDee

I would dearly love to know what "gravitational insecurity" means! I suspect it's not what I think.

I am very similar to almost everything you posted here, so you are not alone. I have never thought of myself as "gifted", but I've always known I was the smartest person in the room no matter how big the room was -- my whole family is that way. My oldest brother flew under the radar all his life, except to people who really knew him, but the rest of us have always stuck out like sore thumbs. They didn't even have "gifted" in my school -- it was just competition between me and one boy for the top of the class, and teachers finding us things to do.

I've always been a social nightmare. In grade school, I had my nose in a book and didn't notice anything, but by junior high and high school I was being bullied and threatened and outcast, and I never had a clue as to why people acted that way toward me. Someone told me that if everyone had a problem with me, that the problem was me, but that didn't make any sense because I hadn't done anything wrong that I could see -- just pointing out the obvious and saying what I thought and what I knew. I'm still that way, although I have learned how to "make nice" a little bit better. But I still get depressed trying to figure out why people react to me the way they do.

I probably wouldn't even notice what Temple Grandin was wearing. I know there is a serious difference between me and normal women as far as that stuff goes -- I wear jeans from the thrift store, and t-shirts with funny stuff on them, and sneakers until they wear out and then I get a new pair, can't be bothered with makeup, cut my hair when I can't stand it anymore. I stand around on the edges when it comes to the parents at the school, feel like a wallflower all the time, despise crowds and social things.
As for Asperger's, I haven't been diagnosed by anybody but myself. When I started researching it concerning DS, I realized that if they had had AS when I was a kid, I would have been diagnosed with it for sure -- except my mom would never have let anyone hang the label on me. I took a quiz called Autism Spectrum Quotient on Facebook, not sure if the quiz posted here is that one or not, and scored a definite hit. It was my cousin who linked to it originally, and she was higher than I was -- and she has a son with AS, and I would not hesitate to say at least two other cousins have it as well.

Thanks, DeeDee... what I said was that "by others' standards" I am an underachiever; I'm fine with me, for the most part. It's the blasted social issues and misunderstandings that frustrate me so.

I do love that I 'get' my ds.

Okay, my ds and I both took this quiz. I could see where a few years ago I would have given more Aspie answers, but I came out fairly NT with only hints of Aspie thrown in. My son, however, almost balanced perfectly between NT and Aspie. LOL His 8 y/o reply was, "Well how's THAT supposed to help?"

My aspie score was 78/200. My NT score was 143/200.
My son's was 103/200. My son's NT was 107/200.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.

--------------

I'm going to go ahead and do a general reply now; my full screen reply won't work for some reaosn and I don't want to post oodles of replies. I do so much want to thank you all for replying. It helps me so much to have your perspective. I simply do not have people like myself around me and it's so difficult to not feel as if I'm the one with the issue.

---------

Re: what Nautigal stated:

"Someone told me that if everyone had a problem with me, that the problem was me, but that didn't make any sense because I hadn't done anything wrong that I could see -- just pointing out the obvious and saying what I thought and what I knew. "
----------

I came to that place a few years ago when I began to ask myself if I was overlooking some of my own issues. Surely I wouldn't be having such conflicts if all was well with my own self. So, I, for the first time ever, really began to make a real effort to watch my own actions and to not be confrontational in any way. (I disliked this, btw, because I felt like I was being fake. Ack!) Still, nothing really changed, and if anything, I felt worse about it all because I was giving up a part of myself by doing this. So, I'm presently back at a place where I'm just shrugging my shoulders and doing a mid-life review.

-----------------------
Re: Cricket2's post:

Thank you so much for taking the time to pick out the individual parts of my post; this truly helped me very much. It's as if you were inside my own mind, thinking as I do, when responding.

I esp. appreciate the comment on not getting both of your children, though you dearly love them both; that helps, too.

----------------------

Again, thanks to ALL of you who gave your input. I cannot tell you how very refreshing it was to read about your own experiences and thoughts; they mirrored my own.

I took it and showed up neurotypical for everything except social, at which point it tells me that "a high score is related to many psychiatric diagnoses and is sometimes required in order to get a diagnosis."

Which I already knew, given that I suffer from chronic "stress and overload" (shutting down and having a meltdown) and "consequences of not fitting in" (depression, being bullied, low self-esteem, mood swings).

Which is consistent with my particular problem of having extremely limited coping skills and social skills. I figure I'm probably 14 years old, emotionally.

My in-laws are apparently convinced that I have AS, whereas I consider myself more of a wandering social-emotional catastrophe.

I just tried that test and came up with 117 Aspie, 88 NT. And a spiderweb picture I won't even try to interpret!


Jon, I love it!

That's pretty funny, Jon. My whole DH's family is very different from mine; they are wonderful people but very LOUD and when we go out to dinner with them often many people in the restaurant stare at our table because it is so LOUD, which of course causes me acute embarrassment but I keep it to myself. They of course think I am mouse-like and somewhat strange. However, recently DH and I listened to the audio version of "Quiet," a book about the value of introverts and introversion, and was very much cheered. Thank goodness being introverted hasn't been pathologized (yet). Anyway, I'm not sure that's relevant to you but if so you might enjoy the book.
http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-I..._1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1334496291&sr=1-1

Cheers!

FWIW, this describes me as well, but I scored highly neurotypical on the quiz. Meanwhile, my DD, who has a lot more ASD traits than I do, has an amazing sense of fashion, color, and style, and clothes are important to her (but she is not much influenced by trends...that is, she considers them but only adopts them if SHE likes them). Just another data point...

ETA: I just did the quiz for DD (as best as I could--I overestimated when not sure) and got:

Your Aspie score: 79 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 103 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

Well, there you go.

Fascinating test. I also seem to have both Aspie and NT traits.

edited to add: and I have terrible trouble with the receptionists of my favourite (smart) Drs. What's with that?

FWIW, that test's results made no sense to me given the experience of being me, and were inconsistent with the results I have repeatedly got on taking a validated questionnaire-style autism test, and in the absence of validation data I hypothesise that this test is a pile of *&%$ :-)

Agreed. Online assessments of any kind are of no diagnostic use whatsoever. Better to see a reputable neuropsychologist and get an ADOS if one is concerned about the possibility of autism.

The pop-culture appropriation of "Aspie" is troubling; it reduces autism to a kind of personality quirk, instead of the lifelong disability it is.

DeeDee

I agree with DeeDee. FWIW, I took the test for me and for my ds. I came out as extremely hopelessly forever NT, which is me. My ds came out 1/2 - 1/2 Aspie/NT. In real life, we know he's not on the Autism spectrum, but has developmental coordination disorder. He's had a counselor in the past who has worked with clients with autism, and when she was first working with ds felt he was somewhere on the spectrum based on those very similar symptoms. What we found through multiple evaluations is that there is an overlap of "symptoms" associated with DCD, ASD, ADHD, ODD etc.... and it is *really* important, if you have a child who you are concerned is struggling with a challenge, to have them evaluated by professionals.

Best wishes,

polarbear

ColinsMum, how did you feel misidentified? Too NT or not enough? I am curious

I could have written the original post (there are several reasons why my handle is a shortened form of Stranger in a Strange Land, only half of which being the fish out of water experience of the long term expat/immigrant). And I have looked long and hard at myself and the family tree since my son was diagnosed.

But I still id'd as resolutely NT on that test (also on the quicky one from Wired): 45 Aspie, 162 NT. Of course I suck at multiple answer tests -- I always want to ask "what's the context" and "what do you mean by 'a little/a lot'" (which probably means I screwed up on a lot of those questionnaires I filled for my son). Ironically the test puts me more on the physical side of the graph than the intellectual -- I was id'd as gifted (degree unknown) in elementary school and used to be the quiet girl with glasses and her nose in a book in middle/high school.


The difference between pop quizz character traits and recognized disability is that section of the diagnosis criteria that says "the disturbance causes clinically significant impairments in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning".

Sigh.

I'm "highly gifted", dysgraphic, an introvert, probably ADD, and tremendously uncoordinated. I scored 148 for Asperger's and 60 for NT, with the result "You are probably an Aspie." The only area where my scores were more NT than Asperger's was in social/communication, which is, in my opinion, a pretty important area to consider for a disorder whose primary symptom is deficits in social communication.

I would add that my son, who has a formal Asperger's diagnosis, is often blissfully unaware of his habitual movements or sounds, or that his behavior is a little odd, or that other people have a problem with any of his quirks, or that people may be getting bored or frustrated with him, and so would probably have answered in the negative for many areas where he should have chosen "often", had he taken this "assessment". I think Asperger's "diagnosis" by self-reporting of symptoms, particularly in the area of altered social behavior and interactions, is a staggeringly unreliable measure.

LOL!

I *think* I get the social cues, but considering how some people react to me (our preschool's director once told me some teachers found me scary ) I might be deluding myself.

DD was identified as HG about five years ago. Neither my husband or I was identified as gifted and we never felt gifted. Quirky, intense and out of step, yes; gifted, no. When I stumbled on the concept of 2E while researching IQs, I put my forehead on the desk and cried. It explained soooo much of the pain and confusion I had experienced over the years.

DS9 is identified as 2e, but is not AS. He is HG and has ADHD, dyspraxia, dysgraphia and probably dyslexia, but definitely not AS. In fact, he may be one of the most popular kids at his school. Older kids come up and high five him and the little girls all bat their eyes at him (good looking kid, if I do say so myself).

I am pretty certain I am not AS. I am almost too sensitive to people's feelings and reactions to me. But that does not stop me from asking the questions I need answered, even if I know they are irritating, and I do not back down when I know I am right. I also have an intense dedication to fairness and truth, which seems to piss a lot of people off. I get along well with service people day-to-day, but sometimes have serious conflict with co-workers. I cannot go along to get along. I cannot give false praise. I cannot do things I know are stupid or poorly thought out for any length of time. I know that if I could, my life would be easier, but I cannot.

Coming to grips with m own 2e-ness has not been easy, but it has been a good thing overall. I can now step back from my behaviors and understand them. I used to believe that my intensity and hyper-focus was a serious personality defect that I needed to remedy. Now I see that it is inborn and what I need to do is manage how I direct it toward others. When I do that well, it can be a really positive force.

I also now compensate for my deficits without feeling totally humiliated by them. I have two really notable problems as an adult. One is that I am severely navigationally challenged (god I love my GPS) and I don't hear (figure/ground) very well. So when I am in a lecture or meeting situation, I know to sit close to whoever I think will be the main speaker, I take notes and I am not afraid to make people repeat if I need to. Before, I would not really understand much of what went on. When I need to drive somewhere new, I take time to figure out in advance as much as possible. Technology has made wonderful advances here, so this gets easier and easier for me to negotiate. But if I am carpooling with friends, and they wonder why I am using GPS for someplace I have been five times already, I am just honest. It is what it is. Before I would have driven solo so I could hide my disability.

So, in answer to your question, yes, I was clueless about the giftedness and the LDs before my kids were identified. I have not pursued any type of formal DX for myself, although I consider trying ADHD meds occasionally since they work well for my son. But just the insight I have gained about my own intensities and quirks has been hugely beneficial and improved my ability to function in the world.

From your post, it sounds like at least some of your issues are related to giftedness. But it is all extremely heritable, both the IQ and the LDs. If the kid(s) have it, there is probably some genetic predisposition inherited from the parents. I don't know what the research says about the AS, but I know that statistically, most families are pretty tightly clustered around a certain part of the IQ bell curve and that if a kid has ADHD, there is a strong probability that at least one parent has it too.

Did anyone really take it seriously? I hope not. We took it with as much seriousness as we would a glam mag quiz.

Very interesting... this is very much how it is with me... excepting the service people part. I don't always have issues there, but it seems to happen way more often than when I was younger. Very interesting. Thanks for posting.

NCmom2, what do you consider your second "E" to be? I'm curious because you do sound very much like my DD, who does not have a dx outside of giftedness but whom I consider somewhere on the gray edges of ASD...perhaps. I feel like she does KNOW that people don't like what she's saying or doing but that her compulsions towards rightness and fairness keep her going forward regardless.

IMHO, these types of people (referring to ultramarina's description of her DD above) are an important part of society because they are the whistle-blowers (when needed), strike leaders, people who have the guts to go up against things that might be legal but are morally wrong (for example, slavery).

There would never be any types of really important changes if there weren't, here and there, the type of people who not only recognize something that's really wrong but are so passionate that they're not stopped by worrying about what people will think about them.

It's sort of a hard personality to have but I don't see a Dx attached to it. It just needs to be "managed" I suppose and channeled.

It's tied into being an enforcer/punisher.

"Studies have found that social cooperation and punishment go hand in hand. In fact, punishment is often an altruistic act: Enforcers uphold fairness and order despite very real personal costs. Whether the punishment they dish out is just and warranted or sadistic, enforcers also face "social disapproval, public scorn, hardship, persecution, or death itself," writes retired army lieutenant colonel Dave Grossman, author of On Killing."

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200904/field-guide-the-enforcer-the-punishers

Oh yes I believe I remember that enforcer/punisher topic has come up before.

Well looking at history it's not pretty to be a society-changing person, but looking kindly upon a child who sees right from wrong clearly and prefers not to back down, there are ways to channel that like getting involved in a cause that kids can do, helping with the environment, standing up to bullying, spearheading some sort of effort to raise money for a cause.

Oh, indeed. In fact, I think my DD has the potential to do some truly amazing things in the world. My god, she has grit, and fire. But she can be hell on wheels to parent. I wouldn't necessarily say she is big on "order"...nor is she "conservative." But fairness and accuracy and justice--oh my, yes. She has been highly aware of sexism since she was probably two.

BTW, DD and some of her friends have been getting bullied at school by a couple of kids. I've confirmed her story with another parent and think it's probably accurate. I asked her if she wants me to speak to the teacher, but she says no--she plans to take it to the teacher herself. I gave her some pointers, but she does not want to discuss it further because she has her own plan. This is very typical of her.

Good for her, and good for you. Since you asked if you can talk to the teacher, she knows you support her and since she said "no" and you'll give her space to hone her skills, so to speak.

Order is much different than fairness and justice. Don't even get me started!! She obviously knows the difference by nature.

"Well behaved women rarely make history"

I was diagnosed with moderate dyslexia in elementary school, but according to the psych who did the eval, I was compensating well and needed no accommodations. This was not true, I was so stressed I was having panic attacks and my hair was falling out. I also suspect ADD since my son has it and we share some characteristics. But who knows. Maybe I was just bored spitless in school and that was why I could not focus and eventually checked out of my academic life almost completely.

I don't think the focus on fairness is a DX. From my reading, that tends to be more of an IQ trait than a disability. I feel like it is my job to uphold and protect, even when it is hard or people disapprove. My heroes are the civil rights activists who exhibited such intense physical courage combined with a real commitment to the principles of non-violence in the face of horrible violence and injustice.

Your daughter sounds like an admirable child.

bzylzy--Heh... I should really get DD a mini version of that t-shirt. Maybe when she's a little older. Not sure I want to encourage it at present. I will admit that to some degree she comes by it honestly. I am also not one to go quietly, in many circumstances. However, I was not like this as a child. That is, I can remember having some similar thoughts, but I never spoke up about them. I wouldn't have dared.

NCmom, I think it can be a trait of gifted people, but it certainly does not seem to be true of all. DD does seem to fit very neatly into a certain "subtype" of gifted people. I kind of think someone should do a "Field Guide to Gifties" (you know--the visual-spatial, arty dreamer...the mathy builder...the exacting, driven, justice-focused type...obviously, some people fit into more than one category).

Yes, for sure. If I recall it is one of the tick boxes on the "your child might be highly gifted if...." type lists. But certainly not all people who are highly gifted have it.