From time to time, gifted adults fortunately find this forum when they may be struggling. After some discussion they may reveal that they wish their parents woulda-coulda-shoulda done things differently.

Not coincidentally, many parents may have similar thoughts, "If I knew then what I know now...!"

This post is intended to foster mutual understanding that it may be difficult for parents to become well-versed in giftedness while managing other responsibilities... and prior to information being readily available on the internet, it was nearly impossible... unless you happened to know someone who happened to know someone who was open to discussing the topic, sharing the story of their journey, and pointing to the few resources that were available at the time.

Although some families may have multi-generational history in recognizing, accepting, and nurturing giftedness... many families do not, therefore parents inexperienced in gifted differences have often been caught off-guard and unaware. The book, "A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children" (James T. Webb, et al) was published in 2007, and only in recent years (as the internet became accessible to more people, and search engine strength increased) did more parents become aware of support for gifted children... via SENG, Hoagies Gifted Education Page, Davidson Institute, and the blossoming network of schools, camps, and even specialists well-versed in giftedness throughout the lifespan.

Here's a thread which may be of interest - Gifted adults-what did your parents do right/wrong (2012).

If it helps to commiserate, there are many in the same boat... "Welcome to the club!"
There is much helpful information and inspiration to be found on this forum... both in old posts and new.

I'll close with an encouraging quote from Dr. Seuss, as seen in the book, "Oh, the Places You'll Go" (1990)
"The book concerns the journey of life and its challenges." - Wikipedia

A very wise teacher once heard a cacophony of student complaints, along the lines of:
- "Who wants to read about this?"
- "What are we learning this for?"
- "When are we ever going to use this stuff?
- "Where will it make a difference?"
- "Why are we learning it now?"

This was before the internet, smart phones, and calculators, when people needed to be self-reliant. The teacher told the class about timing, and won them over. While a quick surface knowledge of some things may be learned on-the-spot today through search engines and social media, the premise of timing still holds true.

An interesting and applicable excerpt from the book, Once and Future King by T.H.White.(Synopsis here, several quotes here.)

A few thoughts on self-esteem, which may be of interest to gifted adults who may be struggling...

1) Mayo Clinic - free advice and list of steps to consider taking:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374

2) Psychology Today:
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...01703/8-steps-improving-your-self-esteem (2017)
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-esteem 3) National Association of Self-Esteem:
- https://healthyselfesteem.org/lessons-activities/self-esteem-lesson-plan/

4) TED:
- https://ideas.ted.com/5-ways-to-build-lasting-self-esteem/
- https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_why_we_all_need_to_practice_emotional_first_aid

Unifying themes among these various resources may include both resilience, and dignity of all persons (avoid seeking a pecking order and developing a "kiss up, kick down" attitude.)

A research study published in JAMA Psychiatry on May 6, 2020 and by Harvard's T.H. Chan School of Public Health on May 6, 2020 concludes: "Regularly attending religious services associated with lower risk of deaths of despair"
(where deaths of despair are suicide, drug overdose, and alcohol related deaths).
Correlation does not imply causation. Attending may inspire one's thoughts and perspectives to take on the qualities noted in the article's excerpt above, such as sense of hope, meaning, resilience, peace, positive outlook, social connectedness, thereby influencing the trend observed.

When you can't solve Codeforces problems with ratings of 800-900, which is the lowest level, as an adult while there are middle schoolers who can easily solve them...


Sorry, I can't be gifted. I'm just a low-IQ loser. I doubt that I will ever be good enough for anyone, but I hate being seen as a loser over and over again. I'm in a horrible mood right now, and can't be productive anymore due to the fact that my brain is mediocre at critical thinking. No wonder why so many people weren't impressed with me all throughout school.

HighIQ, I’m concerned about you, health-wise. If you ever feel distressed or in need of support, the crisis and support lines in the link below are always available, with professional support.

There is no shame in asking for help if ever you need it. Excuse me if I’m being forward, but your posts recently have sounded quite unwell, and you needn’t suffer alone. Help is available.

https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help

I have asked my high school counselor for mental help throughout high school, but she believed me to be some sort of lunatic. She doesn't wish to connect with me any longer otherwise she probably would have already done so within the past 3 years. All of my former high school teachers thought that I was a lunatic as well.

It's tough when no one takes you seriously, but I somewhat have learned how to live with it. I don't know if I can continue to live with it though. I do wish to get taken seriously so that I can become successful and have my dream life, but I feel that I'm just too stupid to be any good to anyone.

@HighIQ, I will address various statements in your post individually.

1) Not solving Codeforces problems does NOT preclude giftedness.
Previous answers to your posts/threads/questions on IQ scores and IQ tests have shared with you that the same IQ score does not necessarily look the same on various people: scores across the various subtests are rarely even, but instead show both strengths and weaknesses. People can both be gifted AND have a learning difference or learning disability. This is called twice-exceptional or 2e.

2) Having a low-IQ does NOT make a person a loser. Please be aware that labeling low-IQ people as losers is a very offensive statement. ALL persons deserve to be treated with dignity. IMO, the only way to be a loser is to treat others unethically (for example, by not following the golden rule).

3) It does NOT matter whether your brain is mediocre at critical thinking. You have written budgets and schedules to support goals... you also have it in your power to change the budgets, schedules, goals.

4) No one needs to be "impressed" with you, me, or anyone else. Consider awarding yourself internal, intrinsic rewards by doing what you enjoy and enjoying what you do, rather than craving external rewards. For example: following through and completing even simple tasks on a daily to-do list can sharpen skills, lend perspective, and increase appreciation, including self-appreciation.

IDEAS:
- You have previously expressed an interest in resuming college courses during the Summer semester. Might you begin now to study ahead, in order to alleviate some pressure on yourself during the summer semester?
- You have previously expressed an interest in lexile levels or reading levels of books. Might you begin to gauge the reading level of some books you like, whose reading level is unknown? Although the specific formula developed/used by some organizations may be proprietary, reading level ranges and readability index which I am familiar with are determined by some combination of: words per sentence, syllables per word, syllables per sentence. Individuals can assess reading levels of materials using online tools. Assessing the reading level of a number of books, could be a goal which one sets for themselves in working toward achieving a portion of the requirements in earning the Congressional Award for youth (for which the cutoff is the individual's 24th birthday).

@HighIQ, may I ask, why do you mention your high school counselor? Reaching out for a sounding board and professional advice would not involve that person, but would involve moving forward, contacting resources such as those mentioned upthread.

I can't speak for the adults who were in your life during high school, but as someone who has walked alongside many young adults through dark moments something like yours, I can say that there are almost always more people in your life (in person and online) who are willing to help you, and even offering help, than it may feel like in the moment. If someone extends a hand, please take it.

Your value lies not in your intelligence or accomplishments, but in your unique humanity. There are beauties and joys that only you can contribute to the world, because they emerge from the singularity that is you. I encourage you to take the steps toward health and growth necessary to allow love and beauty to unfold over the course of your adult life.

I want to get over this feeling of inferiority, so that I can actually live and grow to become the person that I want to be.

What can explain why the MS/HS students can easily solve those olympiad/codeforces problems while I can't? I keep struggling to find a solution; I take forever to come up with ways to solve the problems even when they're classified as "easy". I know that there are programs that teach you CS concepts for the USACO/IOI, but I'm not eligible since I'm an adult. It sucks because I was never exposed to any of those competitions, and I was just a lazy kid who played games all day. At least I got pretty good at the games.

Today, a fast food employee called me a weirdo, because I thought that they were already done with my order. I foolishly walked into the cooking area, and got called a weirdo.

It seems that everyone thinks that I’m just a loser who is mentally challenged, but I have gotten so used to people giving me dumb insults for a long time now.

HighIQ - At what fast-food restaurant is a customer expected to walk into the cooking area when they believe that their order is ready?

In your post you called walking into the cooking area of the fast-food restaurant "foolish,"
... are you able to articulate why you did it?
... did you realize at the time that it was foolish?

Have you considered that the employee may have called you out, not because you incorrectly thought they were done with your order, but rather because you violated their space by entering the cooking area?

It is highly unusual that an adult would not have observed the expected behavior and etiquette demonstrated or role-modeled by others over the years, and understand that the same rules apply to themselves, also. If you do not learn rules by casual observation in everyday life, then you may want to learn through an experience of direct teaching. One way to do this may be through employment. Meanwhile, I will share that various areas are off-limits to customers for a variety of reasons, including:
- security
- health department inspection reports
- employee safety
- food product safety
- customer safety
- insurance
- proper attire, specific shoes are often required
- respect for workstation boundaries and personal space
People on the autism spectrum may have difficulty learning rules through casual observation and may need or benefit from direct teaching in these areas. Gifted individuals can be on the autism spectrum, and this is often referred to as twice exceptional or 2e. Books and other resources regarding Perspective Taking, Theory of Mind, Social Thinking, can help one become attuned to the impact of their communication and actions on others.

One does not typically enter an establishment's cooking area to "take" their food. One waits politely until it is their turn, then asks for, and is "given" their food. Communication is key.

Unfortunately, you seem to have lost your earlier perspective that it was "foolish" to enter the cooking area, and are now making derogatory remarks toward others for their reaction to your violation of several rules. It is my understanding that unauthorized entrance into a cooking area could result in one being arrested for trespassing.

Working diligently at learning and following rules may improve your daily interactions and help develop a healthy self-concept and resilience.

Your frequent reference to people as low-IQ losers is not OK, and others who read your statements may incorrectly presume that members of this forum hold the same views that you have repeatedly expressed. We do not.

It is highly unusual for people to still insult others despite all of these mass shootings that have been showing up lately on the news. I don't insult anyone in person. I thought adults are supposed to be mature.

Yes, I know that it was a mistake going into the cooking area. They should have already been done with the food. I don't know why it was taking them so long. I just assumed that they were done. There was no sign saying "Do not enter". What I thought in my head was that there are exceptions during COVID, and that I can enter the cooking area to get my food.

Because you previously mentioned Einstein, I will share this quote:
"A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be." - Albert Einstein

This goes back to understanding rules (as discussed upthread, here), and that the rules apply to one's self. If every rule was posted on a sign at each place where it applied, there would be layers upon layers of signs, making them impossible to read.

The COVID rules I'm familiar with require additional caution:
- people to maintain a distance of at least 6 feet from each other,
- frequent washing of hands,
- extra sanitizing of spaces,
- keeping people away from any open food and food prep, precluding the familiar practice of giving samples at restaurants, bakeries, deli counters, ice cream shops, grocery stores, farmer's markets, and more.
I do not know of any exceptions during COVID which relax or set aside the usual rules of sanitation and now allow people to walk into a restaurant's cooking area.

When you think something in your head, you might want to do a quick fact-check about the source of your information, to ensure that your thoughts are accurate.

You are not seen as a weirdo here, but as a gifted person who has asked for assistance in understanding "why this keeps happening." Therefore you are being provided with insight as to how your own choices may be inviting negative pushback from those you encounter in daily life.

Some may disagree as to the size of error of walking into a restaurant's kitchen to take your food. It is healthy to accept responsibility for one's own error, and not downplay it. If social rules are not automatically clear to you, this is something that can be learned. That said, I'm sorry if the restaurant employee(s) ridiculed you when you walked into their cooking area. But I believe it could have been much worse. For example: worst case scenario may have been arresting you and closing the restaurant to clean and sanitize because an unknown and unauthorized person went into the cooking area.

Live and learn. Put it behind you. You can face tomorrow knowing that you will not make the same mistake again. You are one day older and wiser.

Hello - this is a reminder to please follow the board rules, and keep discussion civil. Failure to do so may result in suspension from the forum.

Board rules can be found here: http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/ubb/boardrules/v/1.html