Gifted adults

Posted by: Schaps

Gifted adults - 05/19/12 05:24 PM

I am interested in starting a discussion about problems facing "gifted" adults. My reading has led me to believe that I may belong to that category and it would be helpful to discusss some of the challenges that this "group" has to deal with on a day-to-day basis.
Please respond if anyone is interested. Thanks.
Posted by: Grinity

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 09:09 AM

Hi Schaps,
Welcome!
Have you found this page of resources?
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/gifted_adults.htm

I particularly enjoyed this essay
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/optimum_intelligence.htm
Posted by: mnmom23

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 10:12 AM

Thanks for sharing that essay, Grinity. I hadn't run across that one yet, and it captures the emotions of being a gifted adult and a gufted parent quite well.
Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 10:13 AM

smile Hi Schaps, and All here.

I am an elder woman who in January 2011 learned I am a Gifted Adult. I learned this about myself from a Mental Health Therapist, who is gifted herself. I accidently found her. I intially chose to see her because I had decided that problems with my parents were due to their having narcissism. I needed help with understanding how to cope with them better. One of her specialities is narcissism. Her help helped.

It happened that in addition to her speciality of narcissism, her speciality was and is also in Giftedness. Her name is Lisa Erickson, of Seattle, Washington. You may Google her name, and read one of her webpages that decribes Giftedness. I still visit her now and then. Her tune-ups help me alleviate the natural build~ups of muscle tightening feelings. The tensions are caused by my feelings that include being frustrated over being misunderstood, isolated, impatient, stuck, trapped, and more regular run-of-the-mill feelings of being a unique and rare Gifted Adult.

About your request to discuss challenges for gifted adults: one of the life-changing challenges for gifted people is finding a therapist nearby that understands what it means to be Gifted, and who is highly skilled at this.


Everyday daily challenges that I run into include finding and interacting with people who I can "let it rip" and be intense with. I crave and completely enjoy being with people with a great sense of humor, and who can welcome even talking about the mystery of death, the afterlife and spiritual enlightenment. Most people, to me, are over the top way too too serious, and too too too focused on Just Getting By. Most do not even look up or around to see the Big Picture of why we are here ~ which is to love and be loved.

How do I cope with feeling like I have duct tape tightly shutting my mouth and clinching my heart? I look for and find others I can have spirited (pun intended) smile discussions with -- like those who may be found here online, or in the presence of therapist Lisa Erickson. I can even "let it rip" a bit and be intense with my daughter and my grandchildren - who are gifted & intense in their own unique ways too.

I welcome discussing the daily challenges of being a Gifted Adult for awhile here.



Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 10:20 AM

I would love to have a gifted adult thread.
Posted by: JonLaw

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 10:50 AM

Originally Posted By: Ellipses
I would love to have a gifted adult thread.


Are you dissatisfied with this particular thread?
Posted by: Pru

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 11:19 AM

After about 4th grade my schooling was a disaster; I had tons of issues and was considered an underachiever, so I never really considered myself smart. I only allowed the idea that I was a gifted adult after struggling to grasp my first daughter's gifted issues. I was struck at how much she reminds me of myself at her age, even down to having a precious companion toy friend with her at all times.

One problem I have suffered from my entire adult life is impatience in conversations, especially meetings. I agonize waiting for people to finish what they say because I catch on very early knowing what they're going to say. Group discussions are particularly difficult, where people seem to enjoy the creeping pace of approaching an insight or conclusion that was obvious to me long ago.

This feeling has never made me feel smarter. Until recently it never occurred to me that other people were not doing this inside too. I just figured that most of the world enjoys blabbering on and sneaking up on their conclusions, and that I was somehow defective in that regard. I squirm and feel restless, falling back on my imagination to make the topic more interesting, usually by blurting out left-field analogies that others usually find humorous if not jolting. If I were a more articulate speaker in general I might thrive in these situations. This might be giftedness, or it could just be my ADHD. If I think back on it, I can recall having that same feeling in classrooms too.

I recall a while back I was trying to install a lesson in DD by explaining why she was being disciplined. She squirmed in frustration and cried out, "I know what you're going to say."
Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 11:37 AM

No Jonlaw, I am interested. Didn't realize it had begun. LOL

Pru, I find myself interrupting often for similar reasons. I work on that all the time, but sometimes I get impatient. I have few peers in the town where I live now and it gets tough - conversationally.
Posted by: Val

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 12:54 PM

Welcome, Schaps!

For me, one of the hardest things about being a gifted adult is the frustration I feel when people make incredibly bad decisions for emotional reasons, rather than using facts to analyze a situation. Then, when the predictable happens, everyone wonders why and still, no one looks at the facts to try to find a solution.

I'm not saying I haven't made bad decisions in my time. But when I have, it was usually because I wasn't thinking about things.
Posted by: LNEsMom

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 07:34 PM

Oh, this should be a really fascinating thread. It will be really interesting to see how our experiences are similar and different.

For me, I think the worst part of being a gifted adult is that my education as a kid did not ever truly challenge me, so I did not really learn that work ethic that we have talked about instilling in our kids. Watching my son deal with his perfectionism really made me start thinking about my own. School never challenged me at all until I had to write my master's thesis and dissertation in grad school and then massive writer's block set in. It wasn't coming up with the ideas that was hard, but the persistence needed to complete them was foreign to me. And the paralyzing perfectionism didn't help either. I did finally finish, but it took much longer than it should have and that is why I am so adamant that my kids receive challenging educations and learn that persistence at a young age.

And related to previous posts, I too have the experience of waiting around for people to get to an obvious point or having people explain something ad nauseum. This does not bother me so much now since I have perfected the ability to look like I'm listening while really thinking of something completely different! smile

There's much more I could write, but I'll stop for now.
Posted by: islandofapples

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 07:47 PM

I mainly feel sad that my schooling basically made me into an underachiever.

I just met a bunch of gifted moms, so I am excited about that. They talk about interesting things and very quickly grasp whatever I talk about. Apparently they are drawn to natural living and attachment parenting, so I found them through those parenting groups.

That said, I finally feel like I am stretching my wings a bit and exploring what I'm capable of in the business I started. It is deeply satisfying!
Posted by: Beckee

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 08:57 PM

I'm a gifted adult who teaches in a public middle school, having had a few careers in government, research, and publishing before getting my elementary certification. I have a network of gifted friends all over the world, but not too many where I actually live.
Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 05/23/12 10:12 PM

Hi All

In reading through the existing posts regarding the daily challenges of gifted adults, some similarities are popping up. There will probably more similarities in future posts.

Some daily challenges mentioned and by more than one member here are:
1. being impatient with conversations, or a lack of
2. having a tendency to interrupt others
3. lacking or feeling a lack of discipline and/or persistance, and
4. feeling frustrated by an apparent lack of intelligence in others

I experience all of the challenges above myself. And so far this is how I've learned how to get around them:

1. During 'bad conversations' I remember to take deep belly breaths to help keep my body and mind relaxed. This deep breathing also helps me feel more patient with others, and helps keep my body protected from going limp from being drained by another.

2. When I interrupt another person, I catch myself & immediately apologize by saying something like "I'm sorry for interrupting. I'm excited about..." (or "I'm very interested", or "I completely understand") what you said and couldn't contain myself. Please forgive me. I may do this again but just know I'm listening." When I say something like this, I've noticed that people immediately perk up, smile and say "That's okay." This way I either made or kept a friend, or at least this will be someone that won't go to the other side of the street when they see me coming. They feel like I sincerely acknowledge them as another person, and that I respect them enough to give a good apologize. (A Special Note: There is an art to and a deep and abiding importance in giving a Good Apology. This single act, of immediately giving and receiving a Good Apology by everyone, can help save the world.)

3. I've learned that a lack of discipline and persistence can be a good thing to have. This 'lack' can actually prevent me from continuing on with doing something that may eventually not be good for me at all. It's like how too much of anything can feel too compulsive and mindless to do -- like how too much exercise or counting of calories takes the joy out of life. Going with the flow, being open to new ideas and interests, and changes, including changing the mind, often feels like a wisest way to go. I mean, how many college degrees, perfect conversations, weight to lose and gain, or weeds and lawns to dig up and mow, do we need to be truly happy and loved people? And sometimes just letting go and moving on is the best preparation for a peaceful & wise dying and death.

4. When I am feeling frustrated by the apparent stupidity of others (including my own) I eventually end of chosing to feel compassion and humor - because it feels better to feel these emotions than feeling continually repulsed, [SPAM] off and arrogant. And a terrifically good laugh-at-it- all makes the heart happier and lighter. That and a hot bath. I also like myself better when I just throw my hands up in the air and say with gusto "Mama Mia! I (they, we, you) got stuck on stupid again! Jeeezz!!" smile


Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 05/24/12 10:44 AM

Hi All,

Another challenge I have is creating and maintaining a peaceful enough mind to help me relax my body more. My mind is frequently inventing something new to think about and do. I don't have any sort of thing going on like clinical ADHD. I can concentrate on one thing long enough - amd especially when love and compassion inspire me.

There are some cool stuff I can do with my very active and creative mind. I can read several different books at once and comprehend them all, and then next Voila! I can come up with a whole new concept or way of doing something even better. I can also imagine what its like to be someplace or to be talking to a particular someone and that place and that person physically materializes in the near future.

I could be an excellent medical diagnotician or detective, except for dealing continually with sickness and crime. Yuck. That stuff is way too sad for me to be involved with on a daily basis. I just stick to watching tv shows like maybe Bones and The Killing for mental exercise and for some emotional distance. I'd get stuck in muck being too up close and personal to that stuff.

~~~~~

Meditation works great for calming the mind. Once as an older adult, I actually did discipline myself enough to meditate every morning at around 7am. After six month of doing this, something mysterious happened. I still don't know what happened but that's okay. My 'aura' or the color around my body turned lavender. My ND, my husband, my best friends, my neighbors, could see this color too. I was transformed into a calmer or maybe what can be called an enlightened being. I stopped "needing" to meditate like I had been doing up to that point. I was exceptionally feeling even more lonelier as a result too. I had experienced something extraordinary and no one around me could relate.

Today, I can just think about mediating and that's enough to calm my mind down and help get me back on track of what is really important - like love & compassion. This mystery of turning the color of lavender isn't mentioned in any books or by anyone that I've run across yet, and I've been calmly looking for an anwer for a few years now. But I'm okay with not knowing why -- on the Other Side all mysteries will be revealed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 05/24/12 11:00 AM

My mind just won't stop. I am a failure at meditation.

I loves Bones - and House and other types of "Whodoneits". Nice to meet someone else who loves them.

Posted by: Val

Re: Gifted adults - 05/24/12 11:29 AM

Originally Posted By: DebM
When I am feeling frustrated by the apparent stupidity of others (including my own) I eventually end of chosing to feel compassion and humor - because it feels better to feel these emotions than feeling continually repulsed, [SPAM] off and arrogant.


I think I could have written my message more clearly. I was really referring frustration that I get from results rather than anyone in particular. Please forgive me if I came across as being arrogant.

Debates about how to fix our schools are a good example of what I mean. There's a societal assumption that the problems are simplistic, and all we need to do is throw more money at the problem or shrink class sizes or send everyone to college.

The problems with our public schools are complex. It's rare outside of this board and a few other places to even hear this statement --- much less have a meaningful discussion about the importance of appropriate pacing and content for all students, meaningful reform of union practices that reward seniority and nothing else, the unbalanced focus on low average and below average achievers at the expense of everyone else, unrealistic expectations about college, etc. Even bringing up ideas that aren't part of the conventional wisdom can start arguments or otherwise derail a discussion.

So as a person who tries to analyze a problem in depth, I get very frustrated when the discussion continues to revolve around the same simplistic ideas year after year and even after decades.

Just my two cents.
Posted by: Terrilth

Re: Gifted adults - 05/24/12 11:30 AM

Originally Posted By: DebM


3. I've learned that a lack of discipline and persistence can be a good thing to have. This 'lack' can actually prevent me from continuing on with doing something that may eventually not be good for me at all. It's like how too much of anything can feel too compulsive and mindless to do -- like how too much exercise or counting of calories takes the joy out of life. Going with the flow, being open to new ideas and interests, and changes, including changing the mind, often feels like a wisest way to go. I mean, how many college degrees, perfect conversations, weight to lose and gain, or weeds and lawns to dig up and mow, do we need to be truly happy and loved people? And sometimes just letting go and moving on is the best preparation for a peaceful & wise dying and death.




Wow DebM, this is all great stuff and I can relate to every single bit.

Right now one of my life lessons is this. Learning that I do not have to follow through with every single "great idea" I have. I used to feel guilty for having so many "great ideas" and not following through on many (most?) of them, as if it were a character flaw. I have since realized that it's not a character flaw, nor is it a lack of discipline or persistence on my part, it's just a part of life. I can't possibly follow through with everything, nor would it be good for me (or those around me!)

Interesting thread!
Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 05/24/12 11:59 AM

Val,

I agree totally that it is difficult to have a good discussion about schools. Our school has successfully closed the gap by bringing most of the higher students down to a lower level.
Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 05/24/12 07:31 PM


This is a reply to "Please forgive me if I came across as being arrogant".

Hi Val and All. This is another challenge Gifted Folks can experience-being misunderstood and put down for being arrogant. By the way, I embrace your opinions and in no way sensed you were being arrogant.

I've been frequently told by a non-gifted parent that "You're too big for your britches", when all I did was voice my opinion about something I'd given thought to.

Gifted folks are known for being "opinionated" (and are usually described this way in less than in flattering terms). After awhile, with enough disappointments and criticisms about voicing our usually well thought-out conclusions, the best of us gifted ones can become overly cautious about appearing "arrogant" to others.

Within a group such as this one, I personally can feel better understood and safer in expressing an opinion. Why? Because I sense we are having a good time, like Gifted ones can do, with learning about and exchanging new information - without feeling threatened. Whew!
Posted by: La Texican

Re: Gifted adults - 05/24/12 11:32 PM

Originally Posted By: Val
 So as a person who tries to analyze a problem in depth, I get very frustrated when the discussion continues to revolve around the same simplistic ideas year after year and even after decades.  


And sometimes folks give out quickly if you get really into something together.  Just means people aren't really into what they say.  No it doesn't.  It just means you're intense.  I guess I vaguely remember sometimes being told I was intense.  I forgot about all that.  I actually feel like a floating slow moving manatee, just watching my kids.  Any urge to "let it rip" is super suppressed by the urge to "watch it grow".  Something new is happening and I want to see.

Originally Posted By: Schaps
I am interested in starting a discussion about problems facing "gifted" adults.  My reading has led me to believe that I may belong to that category and it would be helpful to discusss some of the challenges that this "group" has to deal with on a day-to-day basis. 
Please respond if anyone is interested.  Thanks.


What kind of stuff you been reading?

My personal gifted adult issues-
1). I guess I personally do have a problem knowing I can do a better job than someone else at something that really does matter, it's something I could and would make a positive impact with, but I'm not taking any steps toward it because I don't want to argue myself into more work.  I have always been first in line to volunteer gladly.  Right now "my light's under a bushel".   

2). Many interests that I've had on and off throughout my life are still there and they're still growing and evolving on a path of their own.  Especially ideas I've been developing over my lifetime.  Instead of incessantly building my knowledge bank and sorting them like I have for all my life I just find little trinkets of ideas that I like and throw them into their satchel with their project group.  I'd elaborate but it's just the stuff of thoughts and ideas.  No, that makes it sound weirder than it is.  I mean interests like folk medicine and stuff.  And I've always collected and traded arts and crafts techniques.  Recently I got a little time using an airbrush.  No, I have nothing to show and did nothing spectacular but it's that I doodled as a kid and then got into colored pencils later and now that interest seems to be sticking around and continuing to evolve.

3.) As an adult and a parent it's TOTALLY not about you.  It's about appreciating your family life.  It's a gift.  Also I've never had sensory adverse symptoms but I got it a little now that I have kids.  I talked to a friend of mine and she said, yup, and it doesn't go away as you get older.  And my dad told me get ready because your body starts to do all kinds of weird stuff as you get older.  Oh yeah, and my nightmares have gotten B-O-R-I-N-G.  Used to they would have made a good novel but now they're about houses falling apart and stuff.

I don't know if those are gifted issues or adult issues but it's a few of the things I feel at this stage of my life.
Posted by: JonLaw

Re: Gifted adults - 05/26/12 05:39 AM

Originally Posted By: DebM
I could be an excellent medical diagnotician or detective, except for dealing continually with sickness and crime. Yuck. That stuff is way too sad for me to be involved with on a daily basis.


Eventually you figure out that most criminals are stupid.

And that much sickness in the modern era (diabestiy) is caused by people not taking care of themselves.
Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 05/26/12 07:21 AM

Jon,

I am now in heart failure (at 50) and have to use oxygen. My angiogram was clear and I was an avid exerciser and nutritional freak. This is due to unknown causes, but most likely a virus.

I know that people think that I smoked and did not take care of myself - that is not always the case.
Posted by: JonLaw

Re: Gifted adults - 05/26/12 07:35 AM

Originally Posted By: Ellipses
Jon,

I am now in heart failure (at 50) and have to use oxygen. My angiogram was clear and I was an avid exerciser and nutritional freak. This is due to unknown causes, but most likely a virus.

I know that people think that I smoked and did not take care of myself - that is not always the case.


I'm not speaking to specific cases, just the general trend in what is going on in the wider culture.

I just dealt with a woman who was about 40 who ended up in heart failure and is on oxygen due to no fault of her own.

And the trend is toward worse health due to personal action and inaction.

Generally, the more intelligent you are, the more you avoid the problems that lead to the reversible diseases of modernity.

I'm still trying to figure out how exactly people get to 400-500 pounds. I see plenty of them.
Posted by: jack'smom

Re: Gifted adults - 05/26/12 07:42 AM

I would say that obesity is the most important medical problem I see in my Cardiology Clinic. I see so many obese kids at my children's school also. It is really frightening. I guess- easy access to food, lack of physical activity, etc.
Posted by: islandofapples

Re: Gifted adults - 05/26/12 02:28 PM

Originally Posted By: La Texican
 

2). Many interests that I've had on and off throughout my life are still there and they're still growing and evolving on a path of their own.  Especially ideas I've been developing over my lifetime.  Instead of incessantly building my knowledge bank and sorting them like I have for all my life I just find little trinkets of ideas that I like and throw them into their satchel with their project group.  I'd elaborate but it's just the stuff of thoughts and ideas.  No, that makes it sound weirder than it is.  I mean interests like folk medicine and stuff.  And I've always collected and traded arts and crafts techniques.  Recently I got a little time using an airbrush.  No, I have nothing to show and did nothing spectacular but it's that I doodled as a kid and then got into colored pencils later and now that interest seems to be sticking around and continuing to evolve.


Is ^ a gifted thing? I have so many projects / hobbies / interests floating around in my pouch. I've had many of them for years now and they stick around. I return to them randomly and find that I know much more than I did before, or feel like I'm ready to dive into them again. And all of the things I've learned about in the pouch influence how I understand new things I come across.

And as far as constantly learning new things. It is like everything is connected and I've got a vast web of information in my mind where I can plug in the new tidbits that I'm learning every day. ("Oh!!! This is just like THAT thing...that is a different way of looking at it." etc. And a new connection lights up.) Anyone else experience that?
Posted by: JonLaw

Re: Gifted adults - 05/26/12 03:55 PM

Originally Posted By: islandofapples
I mainly feel sad that my schooling basically made me into an underachiever.


It could have been worse.

Due to my underachievement, lack of motivation, and lack of study skills, I ended up in law school.
Posted by: La Texican

Re: Gifted adults - 05/26/12 06:28 PM

Somebody wrote "growing old gifted" but I don't remember why I first read it so I can't recall who wrote it.  I found it again by googling "gifted + old age".  It mused on about how gifted elderly people can observe the end of life without letting their ego distort their reality.  It seems the writer is saying she still has no one to "let loose" with at age 87 since elderly are age-segregated and fellow elderly are trying to tune out reality.  
http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/PDF_files/argrowold.pdf
Now I think, will I have inherited Alzheimer's from my family and still live "with my eyes wide open" in my last years?  I worry about the strangest things, so they say.  I'm not worrying about it, I just thought about it a little.  Glad I didn't say that one out loud.  "Hey, who is that actors name who plays that girl in that one movie?". Yeah, I should say something like that.

Originally Posted By: 87 yr old & gifted
There’s no definition of where I am in life now. It’s beyond old—and I can’t write about it because I can’t define it. I’m saying goodbye to the last stage that’s definable. I have never felt this way before. I’m also feeling that there isn’t anybody who can identify with this. The other old people I know are either senile or too firmly rooted in the concrete! I’m living in a twilight world. There is a lack of definition. In younger years, you can get through these times by considering your future, but in old age, there is no more future to imagine. How can you live without the future? 

Posted by: JonLaw

Re: Gifted adults - 05/26/12 06:56 PM

Originally Posted By: La Texican
Somebody wrote "growing old gifted" but I don't remember why I first read it so I can't recall who wrote it.  I found it again by googling "gifted + old age".  It mused on about how gifted elderly people can observe the end of life without letting their ego distort their reality.  It seems the writer is saying she still has no one to "let loose" with at age 87 since elderly are age-segregated and fellow elderly are trying to tune out reality.  
http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/PDF_files/argrowold.pdf
Now I think, will I have inherited Alzheimer's from my family and still live "with my eyes wide open" in my last years?  I worry about the strangest things, so they say.  I'm not worrying about it, I just thought about it a little.  Glad I didn't say that one out loud.  "Hey, who is that actors name who plays that girl in that one movie?". Yeah, I should say something like that.

Originally Posted By: 87 yr old & gifted
There’s no definition of where I am in life now. It’s beyond old—and I can’t write about it because I can’t define it. I’m saying goodbye to the last stage that’s definable. I have never felt this way before. I’m also feeling that there isn’t anybody who can identify with this. The other old people I know are either senile or too firmly rooted in the concrete! I’m living in a twilight world. There is a lack of definition. In younger years, you can get through these times by considering your future, but in old age, there is no more future to imagine. How can you live without the future? 



Actually, this is the one situation where practicing law comes in *very* handy.

I recall one 80+ year old gentleman who was always wandering the corridors of the law library of the law firm where I worked. He still practiced law part-time. He was entertaining.

Anyhow, Oliver Wendell Holmes was on the Supreme Court until he was 90.

Also, you can be a professor when you are 100+. I knew one guy who was still working then. He finally retired at 103 because his eyesight was just too bad. Granted, he was doing it for fun, but still. I sometimes hung out with him at social events.

You can be 87 and still have 15 years of your career ahead of you.

Posted by: islandofapples

Re: Gifted adults - 05/27/12 12:11 PM

Originally Posted By: La Texican
Somebody wrote "growing old gifted" but I don't remember why I first read it so I can't recall who wrote it.  I found it again by googling "gifted + old age".  It mused on about how gifted elderly people can observe the end of life without letting their ego distort their reality.  It seems the writer is saying she still has no one to "let loose" with at age 87 since elderly are age-segregated and fellow elderly are trying to tune out reality.  
http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/PDF_files/argrowold.pdf



That made me cry. Depressing.
Annemarie Roeper wrote it and she died this month, at 93.
http://www.care2.com/causes/education-pioneer-annemarie-roeper-passes-away.html
Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 05/27/12 04:27 PM

This prose really gets to me. As I mentioned, I am having severe health problems and am going through much of this in my 50s. It is so well written and so true. I am trying to find myself (my new self) and it is tough as a Gifted Adult.

I really cannot do so many things I used to do - and am losing so many of my abilities. I have to see it for what it is and that is how I am going about it. Some people say I am negative, but I am just accepting some facts. I loved hearing it from her. It makes me feel a little better about it.
Posted by: islandofapples

Re: Gifted adults - 05/27/12 05:59 PM

I'm really affected by this stuff, too...ever since I had cancer when I was a child. My health hasn't ever been the same since I had chemo and I fear getting a different type now.

I was the only one in my family who could / would talk to my grandfather about his feelings about dying in an honest way... this reminded me of him.
Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 05/27/12 06:02 PM

Wow Island - you have been facing this for a long time. I really connected where she did not go for the short pat answers.

I am glad you had your grandfather and that he was so honest about his feelings. Most people don't want to hear about it. You probably meant a lot to him.
Posted by: Cricket2

Re: Gifted adults - 05/28/12 08:21 AM

Originally Posted By: Ellipses
No Jonlaw, I am interested. Didn't realize it had begun. LOL

Pru, I find myself interrupting often for similar reasons. I work on that all the time, but sometimes I get impatient. I have few peers in the town where I live now and it gets tough - conversationally.

I just started reading this. We've communicated before, and we're not in the same area, right? I'm kind of in the same spot where I live. It is tough to be somewhat socially isolated.

Back to the regularly scheduled discussion (which I'll read more of and see if I have anything salient to add)...
Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 05/28/12 08:38 AM

Cricket2,

We are in Lamar (southeast corner). I feel differently when I am in the regular part of Colorado. We just got back from a weekend in Denver.
Posted by: Cricket2

Re: Gifted adults - 05/28/12 08:43 AM

Originally Posted By: Ellipses
Cricket2,

We are in Lamar (southeast corner). I feel differently when I am in the regular part of Colorado. We just got back from a weekend in Denver.

lol re "the regular part of Colorado." We're not in Denver either, but probably somewhere more "regular" than Lamar.

I had a lot of issues that I wanted to leave behind when I lived in the SF Bay area, but in hindsight after leaving there, I had a lot more like souls in that area than where I am now.

I do also wonder if there is something about being older that makes finding friends more of a challenge in that the only natural places where you meet other adults/potential new friends tend to be work and kids' schools. Having HG+ kids puts a bit of kink in finding parent friends especially during the early years when there is a lot of parental ego tied up in child development.

I've loved finding the few others with gifted-HG kids with whom it isn't a parental [SPAM] contest. I've also loved the few parents who can gracefully recognize that differences exist and not be defensive about it.

Work has been hit and miss for me. It is interesting in looking back at my college years and realizing that many of my friends were guys. There is something about all woman groups that doesn't work sometimes. I work in a field that is very heavy on females. I am developing a few female friend groups that are not catty, though, which is nice.
Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 05/28/12 09:29 AM

I agree that I have had many male friends in my past. I am originally from Austin where there is a high number of educated people. Here only 5% are college educated.

I have finally (after 4 years) made a few friends that are educated. It helps tremendously. I've always had a difficult time finding truly interesting friends though. I enjoy a stimulating conversation.

And by stimulating, I mean not about nails or tattoos. LOL I am one of the few here without tattoos. That is a major topic here.
Posted by: Giftodd

Re: Gifted adults - 05/28/12 01:38 PM

This is a great thread smile

I think the thing I struggle with most as a gifted adult is STILL asynchrony. I am relatively young compared to the other mums at dd's school, my friendship group and compared to my work peers (between 10 -20 years younger). I still find myself being shocked at people's immaturity and poor decision making, their lack of personal insight and so on. Sometimes I feel so old as I listen to other people and like Val, I often can't underestand how they miss where they are going wrong. Yet on the other hand there are many things that I'm interested in that are age appropriate for me (going to see bands, pop culture, particular kinds of humor etc), and which they are well and truely done with.

It used to make me angry and resentful. Now I just feel kind of isolated (despite having a lovely group of gifted friends in that mix). I've never had the 'let rip' relationship (though sometimes I wonder if they really exist - whether maybe you can only ever really hope to find a few different people that different bits of you can 'let rip' with; if that's the case I do kind of have that and so perhaps I'm pretty lucky). I haven't had a chance to read the Growing Old Gifted article yet, but even the comments made about it in this thread resonated. I think I always assumed I would plateau and others would catch up as I got older and I'd find I finally fitted, but that hasn't been the case - doesn't sound like it will be either!

Posted by: JonLaw

Re: Gifted adults - 05/28/12 04:35 PM

I will say that I've found my entire adulthood experience extremely unpleasant, particularly when compared with my childhood.

A lot of that has to do with being bored out of my mind most of the time and having no actual friendships.

Life's pretty darn easy when you're a kid. At least if you are a well-funded kid.

Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 05/28/12 06:17 PM

Thanks for being so honest, JonLaw. I have been disappointed in my life as well. I have had friendships and that has helped me. I am also bored quite a bit - but a lot of that has to do with my heart failure and lack of energy (etc.)

I have had some great experiences also. My experiences and interesting conversations are the most fun I have had as an adult.

Being a young mom was my favorite time. My daughter is now 15 and our relationship is more difficult. This phase is very tough for me - maybe my worst.
Posted by: JonLaw

Re: Gifted adults - 05/28/12 06:30 PM

Originally Posted By: Ellipses
Thanks for being so honest, JonLaw. I have been disappointed in my life as well.

....

Being a young mom was my favorite time. My daughter is now 15 and our relationship is more difficult. This phase is very tough for me - maybe my worst.


I just need to find something to go do with myself that actually means something to me. So, theoretically, I should be able to solve my problem.

Severe congestive heart failure frustrating to have because it saps your energy and then you have to cart around an oxygen tank.

So, you've got "teenage girl" angst on top of severe medical condition. Not fun at all.
Posted by: Lori H.

Re: Gifted adults - 05/28/12 09:54 PM

I am an older mom and I worry that I will develop more health problems because of my anxiety which increases my blood pressure. The blood pressure medication I take makes me very tired and I need all the energy I can get to homeschool my son and help take care of my dad. I just don't know how to be calm when my son has to deal with so much pain and isolation because of the scoliosis brace and then it is extremely stressful knowing that if the brace doesn't work the doctor will recommend risky surgery. I spent so many hours looking up information about this online and it is very scary. My son knows that there are risks with any surgery and those risks can include death (he asked about this) or worse disability so he is willing to go through the pain, but every day is hard. It makes me so sad that in addition to all the pain he won't be around any other kids at all this summer because he couldn't be out of the brace long enough each day for musical theater rehearsals. He begs me almost daily to find a way for us to move to a place where we would fit in better, like the college town about 40 miles away, but we need to stay here for my dad. I wish I could do something to make life easier for him but people keep telling me he will be stronger because of what he is going through now.

We try to buy him things to keep him busy and hopefully keep his mind off his difficulties. For his 14th birthday he wanted Rosetta Stone Japanese. He has been steadily working on learning Japanese and doing well. He also wanted a midi keyboard so he can use synthesia online. We bought that too. Surprisingly he doesn't play video games all the time even thought he has plenty of those. He still chooses to read a lot and keep up with the latest news even in the summer. He still loves to learn, but I worry that he won't have the opportunity to learn everything he needs to learn.

We tell him that life will be easier for him as an adult. I hope this is true. I hope that my husband and I can stay healthy enough so that I can keep homeschooling my son through high school. I hope we can send him to college. That is all I can think about now.



Posted by: La Texican

Re: Gifted adults - 05/28/12 10:06 PM

Not that anybody asked, but my kids are not bilingual.  Almost everybody they know is bilingual except for me.  My husband thinks I should learn Spanish and teach them since I teach them everything else.  I say why should I be the one to teach them Spanish when everybody here speaks Spanish somebody else should teach them.  Actually I have the CAPS brand 3rd grade Spanish grammar program sitting on my bookshelf for later.  All of my in laws and neighbors use Spanish and English every day.   There is nothing I can say in Spanish that I can't say better in English but everybody who grew up here would just as soon say some things in English and somethings in Spanish depending on which phrase suits their story.  They can still use my Spanish grammar books later same as English grammar but if I did like my husband said and taught my kids Spanish then they'd go to school and correct little kids Spanish whose parents are native speakers or they'll think they were wrong and the other kids were right.  Let them learn locally and then I'll teach them to read Spanish.  
I also bought Chinese cartoons.  My kids have always heard Spanish being used everyday even if everybody speaks to them specifically in English.  I thought if I bought them Chinese cartoons then if they wanted to take up a third language later on it wouldn't be so foreign.  I should have picked Japanese because I didn't know I friend of the family in Japan.  Oh well.  
Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 05/28/12 11:53 PM

In reply to "I have nothing to show and did nothing spectacular", I love this. smile So much of what is truly important is invisible, intangible anyway.

Often times I know I'm just piddling around without wanting to hear angel trumpets or God's voice or experience anything intensely glorious - like I normally do. Sometimes it just feels good to just sit down and just flip through a magazine - like I'm in a dentist's or doctor's waiting room, just making myself as comfortable as possible.

Doesn't it feel sometimes like you're just making yourself comfortable until it's your turn for something to happen to you? Sort of like being in some sort of limbo? Almost boring but not quite. Just comfortably waiting?

I used to feel a hoard of ants in my pants enduring those almost cruel-like pauses and inbetween moments in my life. But I've grown to cherish them and feel healed by them as an older adult. I've flexibly switched to a slower pace and I am happier for deciding to do this. I'm not feeling as driven, or dissatisfied, or as intense - and I'm not scaring or bowling people over like I used to. Maybe its because I'm post menopausal. I can stand in line, wait at a traffic light, stop what I am doing, listen to someone talk about anything and not feel annoyed or impatient. Its like everything can be interesting - even just piddling around.

I have settled down and not because I've settled for less. I settled down because there is so much more to gain in letting go of believing I need to be in control all the time, and that I am the only one that can Save the World! Like I can really do that anyway! Humpfh. How arrogant I was! To believe that I was the only one who could handle things. How dumb can a smart person be? Ha!

So herein here lies one more challenge of being 'gifted'. Because of my mistrust and experience with 'less smart' people, I did not ask for help from others hardly at all, nor did I delegate and intrust others enough to take of things -- because I believed I could do things better -- which is actually true in many incidences -- but I am humbler and do ask for help from others more now - like I do ask strangers, and neighbors and family for help - who I am surprised to see are happy to help me -- and without strings attached.

I am often amazed at how geniunely friendly and truly helpful people can be! As a result, I do feel safer in the world, less isolated, less alone. And more like a geninue and normal and common human being -- who has needs, feelings and problems like other regular folk. Being "gifted" doesn't mean being exempt from these things. Oh shucks smile


And hey Schaps smile are you still here? What if anything are you getting out of this thread that you wonderfully started?
Posted by: JonLaw

Re: Gifted adults - 05/29/12 03:45 AM

Originally Posted By: La Texican
Not that anybody asked, but my kids are not bilingual.  Almost everybody they know is bilingual except for me.  My husband thinks I should learn Spanish and teach them since I teach them everything else.


I should probably learn Spanish so that I can do the translation for the (not my) clients while my assistant does my administrative work for my clients.

Then it would give me the added bonus that I could speak Spanish to my assistant and annoy the rest of the non-Spanish speaking office.

In fact, I might do that. Just talk to my assistant in Spanish only.

Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 05/29/12 04:35 AM

How much longer does your son have to wear the brace?

I would not worry about your health. My heart failure was a fluke. Most older parents do very well.

Sounds like your son is managing fairly well by finding things to learn.
Posted by: Val

Re: Gifted adults - 05/29/12 11:34 AM

I think you misunderstood what I was saying.

I wasn't referring to how you described the way you think. I was referring to your descriptions of how you express yourself.
Posted by: Dude

Re: Gifted adults - 05/29/12 01:15 PM

Originally Posted By: Grinity
Hi Schaps,
Welcome!
Have you found this page of resources?
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/gifted_adults.htm

I particularly enjoyed this essay
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/optimum_intelligence.htm


From the second link: "I work in a place where most of my co-workers are gifted, if not all. Software and hardware engineering tends to attract people like that." HA! I wish. I've heard that places like Google, IBM, and Apple attract that sort of talent, but from my view of the rest of the IT world, it's not that different from any other world of employment... a number of competent but not exceptional individuals, a surprising number of incompetent posers, and a handful of outliers that everyone seeks out. There may be a higher volume of outliers in IT than the general population, but that's not really saying much.

When I was in the Navy, we tech-types used an automotive analogy to describe these groups. We described people as axles (if these people broke, you were going nowhere), wheels (people who carried their own weight), and nubs (decorative features that contributed nothing of value). The fun thing about that environment is that everyone was a nub on day one, because there was just too much to learn.
Posted by: La Texican

Re: Gifted adults - 05/29/12 04:08 PM

I have that problem a little bit.  If you read the beginning of this thread you'll notice at least i'm not the only one who doesn't always take what other people are saying as seriously as they do.  One exception, when someone is being seriously serious I'll take them serious but when it's a little less serious I take other people less seriously than they take themselves.   That's kind of a rude move, i guess.  **

Grinnity has mentioned a kind of peer counseling program that teaches you to listen with your heart (I used to, but I'm out of practice. Got tired of being alone.  Quitting that didn't help).  But it's a couple hundred dollars and you have to have a partner and the closest class to me is two hours away.  I think I'll still try it but maybe after at least one of the kids are in school full time.  I still haven't made up my mind wether to try and go with my hubby or a Sahm friend.  I had thought of a meditation recently connecting brain to heart.  Now that I've typed this I think maybe I need to meditate on using my ears and my heart together.   I tell you I'm having a full scale Dabrowski's moment.. But this one's going in slow-mo and I'm actively participating.  It's a little spookier in slow-mo and I'm still a little blind in the corners.  

**that sentence sounded seriously cheesy and I wonder if it meant what I thought I said.
Posted by: La Texican

Re: Gifted adults - 05/29/12 05:42 PM

Not to change the subject but I was just uploading probably the last few pictures to my preschool mommy brag blog and I saw this opinion I wrote awhile back so I'm going to go cut and paste it to share with the OP. It's about the book called Smart Boys written by Barbra A Kerr.
Posted by: La Texican

Re: Gifted adults - 05/29/12 05:48 PM

I so highly recommend this book for the new gifted parent as well as for the gifted kid who wants to learn about common gifted issues.  It just covers a lot of ground with real-life stories illustrating many aspects of gifted life.  It discusses ambivilance about being gifted and the need to choose between excellence and normalcy.  It tells the stories and findings of researcher into the gifted psychology from the 1920's on.  It tells the stories of grown gifted men from the 1960 who qualified and were accepted into an elite school for the gifted to be educated as "the leaders of tommorow."  Surprisingly they didn't become leaders but became mostly successful middle management who pursued contentment rather than greatness.  Statistically emminent  inventors and such are overwhelmingly from troubled lives and raised by single mothers.  There's a section full of insights into the young gifted boy, pre-school and early elementary.  There's stories about adolescent gifted boys, underachieving gifted boys, behavior and emotions, peer realtions, romantic relationships, special challenges for gifted boys, common stories of grown gifted men, the boy code, nerds, and parental relationships.  It doesn't go too far in depth into any topic, but gives a great overview of issues relating to gifted life for boys.  I definately got some new insight into the struggles of smart men. "Smart Boys" by Barbara A. Kerr Ph.D., & Sanford J. Cohn Ph.D.
Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 05/30/12 10:25 PM

Aloha La Texan and All here

Ahhhh indeed, listening with the heart ~~ ahhhhh ~~~~ the best feeling of all. Thanks for mentioning this ~Sheer Bliss~ La Texan. I Love that kind of ear best of all when its my h-ear-t that is listening. Its grounding for heads in the clouds and oh so healing ~~ and helps peel off fear. Love Love Love how it slows down the breathing, and dilates the eyes and mind. Free Bliss for intense gifted adults. I give it ***** five stars, a Big Thumbs Up and Free Rent in my Head. It opens door and windows and veins that don't exist. A 74 degree temperature relaxing sweet scented breeze. Great for lovingly massaging in love into ourselves, for we too often give and give and give, and then give out.


Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 05/30/12 10:42 PM

Originally Posted By: annette
Problems as a gifted adult (for me) mostly come from being out-of-sync with others, like operating at a different frequency...




I Ditto your entire post actually Annette.

smile Let's clink our wine and or lemonade glasses together and give a toast.
What would you like it to be?
Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 05/30/12 10:55 PM

Another "challenge" I experience is that whomever I vote for (or write in) for US president never wins. smirk

Posted by: Travelator

Re: Gifted adults - 05/30/12 11:18 PM

Is this a thread where I could post my story and see if it makes sense to anyone? I'd hate to sound like a whiny self obsessed so and so, unless this was the place to do exactly that
Posted by: Ellipses

Re: Gifted adults - 06/02/12 03:50 AM

Travelator,

I think this would be a good place for that.
Posted by: Beckee

Re: Gifted adults - 06/02/12 10:03 AM

Originally Posted By: La Texican
 I had thought of a meditation recently connecting brain to heart.  Now that I've typed this I think maybe I need to meditate on using my ears and my heart together.  


In Hawaiian cosmology, you don't think with your head and feel with your heart. You do both with your gut. I was just listening to a singer whose Hawaiian surname means "daytime stomach" or "enlightened one". The opposite, "nighttime stomach" has been translated as "ignoramus". I guess the implication is that you can't think properly on an empty stomach.

And actually, there are neurons in the heart, so...

"The cardiac neuronal hierarchy can be represented as a redundant control system made up of spatially distributed cell stations comprising afferent, efferent, and interconnecting neurons. Its peripheral and central neurons are in constant communication with one another such that, for the most part, it behaves as a stochastic control system. "

http://ajpregu.physiology.org/content/287/2/R262.full
Posted by: islandofapples

Re: Gifted adults - 06/02/12 09:32 PM

Originally Posted By: Giftodd
This is a great thread smile

I think the thing I struggle with most as a gifted adult is STILL asynchrony. I am relatively young compared to the other mums at dd's school, my friendship group and compared to my work peers (between 10 -20 years younger). I still find myself being shocked at people's immaturity and poor decision making, their lack of personal insight and so on. Sometimes I feel so old as I listen to other people and like Val, I often can't understand how they miss where they are going wrong. Yet on the other hand there are many things that I'm interested in that are age appropriate for me (going to see bands, pop culture, particular kinds of humor etc), and which they are well and truely done with.




I have started to get involved in local business groups and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm still in my 20's and when I take part in things like this, I'm typically the youngest one there. The business leaders (or the people trying to be), seem to mostly be in their 40s-50s, with people on either side of that, too. They treat me as an equal. My age doesn't matter. It is such a relief after dealing with an entire lifetime of not being taken seriously because of my age.

I'm also enjoying it because I seemed to suck at social stuff for most of my life, but I feel like I'm getting better. I'm actively making the effort to get better. Learning how to network and "get along" is sort of a fun game for me. Learning when to talk and when not to is also a useful skill. I can be persuasive, friendly, outgoing, and get along with the group when I want to. The truth is that I was capable of this all along, but I lacked the patience and maturity to do it. I never saw any benefit to doing it, either.

I'm reading Exceptionally Gifted Children by Miraca Gross and there is a quote in here - "The highly intelligent child must learn to suffer fools gladly - not sneeringly, not angrily, not despairingly, not weepingly - but gladly if personal development is to proceed successfully in the world as it is." (- Hollingworth p 189)

You know... it is very true. I am hanging around educated folks these days and I genuinely like talking with them. So that does make things easier. My husband can get along with absolutely anyone, though. He knows how to bring himself to the other person's level. I can't do that yet (or I don't always want to.) He thinks this is a fault in me and he may be correct.

Posted by: islandofapples

Re: Gifted adults - 06/02/12 09:36 PM

Originally Posted By: annette


If friends in my group have a debate, I might play devil's advocate, but others don't understand that I don't have a fixed position. They have trouble conceiving the idea that you might argue a point very well, not because you have any interest in winning a debate, but because you want to see the merit of the ideas being presented, so you can then decide what to believe. The idea of debating to acquire knowledge is odd to them. Using the socratic method in daily life is seen as an attack (which it's not!) The way I think and the reasons I do things are very different from others, and at first they attribute their motivations to me, but occasionally they see how different I am, and it confuses them.





This is the worst!
Posted by: La Texican

Re: Gifted adults - 06/04/12 06:19 PM

I came back to clarify I described a process that the conversation brought to mind and not that I was trying to say that somebody knows more than somebody else (about what anyway?). I just meant to describe when I find it useful to "play devils advocate" or my "contrarian" side comes out and trying to describe at what point that becomes less useful although the switching point is an automatic function like breathing and I have only thought of it in reflection.
Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 06/06/12 10:59 AM

[quote=islandofapples][quote=annette]

Yes indeed. The example below can be an excruciating problem:

"If friends in my group have a debate, I might play devil's advocate, but others don't understand that I don't have a fixed position. They have trouble conceiving the idea that you might argue a point very well, not because you have any interest in winning a debate, but because you want to see the merit of the ideas being presented, so you can then decide what to believe. The idea of debating to acquire knowledge is odd to them. Using the socratic method in daily life is seen as an attack (which it's not!) The way I think and the reasons I do things are very different from others, and at first they attribute their motivations to me, but occasionally they see how different I am, and it confuses them."

Here's a solution that can help prevent other people from feeling confused with our behavior during a discussion. This is when and where we need to pause and slow down (often hard for us to do). This is when we can preface our contribution to a discussion by explaining ourselves first. We can say something like and this is just one example, and it can be adapted to fit any situation:

"Before I get started in this discussion, please let me explain myself first. I am open to changing my mind about what we're going to talk about, so I'd like to hear different ideas before I make a conclusion. And even then, I may change my mind later on too as I get more information. I'm just trying to find the truth that's comfortable for me. So if you don't mind, I'll be asking some questions and even be saying some ideas that may sound like I'm certain, but I'm really just probbing for what's true for me. Does this make some sense to you?"

This kind of introductory explanation before jumping into a discussion will help others understand where we're coming from better. Taking control of this, we can help provide ourselves with less feelings of being misunderstood by others. Sincerely, we do need to take full responsiblity for how we are perceived by others by explaining ourselves when needed.

~~~~~~~~~
Posted by: Kjj

Re: Gifted adults - 06/07/12 06:55 AM

I would say that the one problem I've been really been challenged with is that I have trouble delegating, because I don't think other people can do a job as well as I can.

However, also being smart, I've learned to recognize that that's ok. That the job or task doesn't have to be perfect to be acceptable.

The rest of the stuff that life flings at me; well, if I'm not smart enough to figure out how to deal with it effectively, that's on me.

Not my school, my parents, my friends, my spouse, my kids, or society at large.

One of the most annoying things about talking to some smart people is that they have no tenacity and no patience.

How can you know what I'm going to say? (and if you always interrupt me, you'll never know for sure, will you?). You derail thought processes and take the joy of storytelling away from the person you do this to.

I've watched people interrupt and change discussions this way, and the person being interrupted always feels as if something has been stolen from them, that it's been hijacked somehow. The end result is sometimes that the talker chooses to find someone who is a good listener next time, rather than someone who constantly "improves" upon their thoughts.

I don't care if you "know" what the end of my story is, shut up and listen and be present.

Gifted people call some challenges "stupid" and "boring" and give up on them after having defined them as having no use. And when they do meet an actual challenge, they sour-grape it and reduce it to being an exterior pressure that caused them to fail, rather than an internal weakness. Because, after all, they're gifted, right? It can't be them. Being sucky at something is only for regular people.

People who are truly excellent in their field rarely display arrogance-in fact, many times I'm surprised by how humble they are and how they downplay what are often incredible achievements. I believe arrogance actually stems from insecurity, and the need to tell people how great you are, rather than just do your thing and be good at it and let the accolades happen (or not happen, as sometimes is the case).

Gifted people seem to have switched their interior and exterior lives around-they obsess and have anxiety constantly over what's going on in their head or over events they have no control over (internalizing what should be external-i.e. giving up the illusion of control), and then they reject external connections, like people having conversations with them that they're already finishing in their head or becoming bored with.

I think if you're smart enough, you'll find a way to connect with the person talking. It doesn't matter how smart they are; it's about making them feel like you get what they're saying and that what they have to say is important. When we talk with very small children (who obviously don't have the mental capacity of an adult), most of us are engaged and interested in what that child has to say. It's not a content issue; it's a connection issue.

That's why a lot of regular people don't like smart people-they have the ability to pick up on the fact that you don't think much of them or what they have to say (and it's expressed by interrupting or correcting), and life's too short to deal with people who have so little regard for others. It's not because you're so smart, it's because you're not working very hard to connect with them.

Now, here's the thing-if you find no value in speaking to others, and you don't want to work on becoming good at it, that's fine, but don't blame the regulars. It's your own failing.

I know I'm likely to make a bunch of you very angry, but that's one of my shortcomings as a gifted adult. wink
Posted by: Mark D.

(NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/07/12 09:34 AM

Hi everyone -

I deleted a few posts on this thread, not necessarily because they were all bad, but because they veer off the topic of this thread. Please use the private messaging feature of this forum if engaging in a one-on-one debate or conversation.

Thank you,
Mark
Posted by: Val

Re: Gifted adults - 06/07/12 11:40 AM

Originally Posted By: Kjj
That's why a lot of regular people don't like smart people-they have the ability to pick up on the fact that you don't think much of them or what they have to say (and it's expressed by interrupting or correcting), and life's too short to deal with people who have so little regard for others. It's not because you're so smart, it's because you're not working very hard to connect with them.


I know I'm likely to make a bunch of you very angry, but that's one of my shortcomings as a gifted adult. wink


Hi Kjj,

Welcome to the forum! You didn't make me angry. But you did summarize what I'll call a "giftie issue" very nicely.
Posted by: Kjj

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/07/12 12:48 PM

"I think you have confused the topic of this thread. It's not "problems I have with gifted adults", but "problems I have as a gifted adult". "

Touche!

I apologize-I have a tendency towards hormone-fueled rants and short fuses. Way to make an entrance, I've been thinking to myself all day.
Posted by: La Texican

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/07/12 01:24 PM

Originally Posted By: Kjj
. Way to make an entrance, I've been thinking to myself all day.
ha ! "She blew in on a Stormy wind...| •. ♩# *♩♩"
Posted by: La Texican

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/07/12 01:42 PM

I just wanted to share the found phrase "gifted ex-child".   Because it's cool!

Originally Posted By: Link
.These gifted children have disappeared into the vast territory of adulthood. Have they disappeared in the same way prodigies do? No matter how powerful the adult talent of a grownup child prodigy, he is no longer a prodigy, because the term is linked not solely to ability, but also to age. The adult, even if continuing to excel in his earlier domain, is forever an ex-prodigy. Does the gifted child, grown up, similarly become an ex-gifted child? Having left childhood and school behind, has she also left behind the differences that were recognized in the "gifted" label? Or could she more accurately be described as a gifted ex-child?  
 http://www.stephanietolan.com/gifted_ex-child.htm 

Neat sounding phrase, "gifted ex-child".  This quote might be blurring "gifted" from "prococious" however this article makes it clear that they're not limiting "gifted" to the need for "gifted services" or "achievement" but saying that giftedness affects more than these visible effects of giftedness.  




also from the article:
The gifted frequently take their own capacities for granted, believing that it is people with different abilities who are the really bright ones (Alvarado, 1989; Tolan, 1992). 
The author of that article really put some thought and effort into it.
Posted by: La Texican

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/07/12 01:55 PM

Originally Posted By: Kjj


I apologize-I have a tendency towards hormone-fueled rants and short fuses. Way to make an entrance, I've been thinking to myself all day.  


Wait?! "hormone fueled", not "coffee fueled"... I think I know what that means.  :)
Posted by: Rocky

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/07/12 02:54 PM

KJJ, I think you have a very good point.

One thing I love about my DH is his ability and willingness to converse with people on topics that are important to the person. He actually has more patience in social settings for inane topics, then I do. I work with people from many walks of life in my work. Conversational and interview skills are just that skills that you develop. If you can't or just lack the interest, well that isn't the other persons fault. The feeling that you don't fit is another story.

One thing that drives me crazy about DH is his taking the Devil's advocate position, when what I want to know what he thinks or feels, Argh!!! Perhaps, this is what people are trying to tell you. They want a real conversation about what you think and what is important to you. Not to listen to you argue the case for something you don't believe. It comes off as disingenuous, unempathetic, condescending, and arrogant, even if it isn't meant that way. This doesn't mean that I don't appreciate a good discussion or that I am not entertained by an appropriate debate. rant off.

As an adult I find that the best indicator for fit for close acquaintances is actually processing speed (and interests, I love power tools!). I appreciate quickness. My few close friends are gifted. DH is PG, but his processing speed is slow. At work about half of my unit is gifted, but the best person to work with is bright with the ability and determination to get things done. He is tops in my book.

The biggest challenge for me is not necessarily gifted, but related to processing speeds. I sometimes hold three or four conversations/topics in my head during a conversation because the spoken word is sooooooo slooooow. I thought I had ADD. The best part though is I am highly visual spatial with killer visual processing, so I kick all of my son's friends you know what's at video games. There is a silver lining to everything:)

Rocky

Posted by: Val

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/07/12 04:31 PM

Annette,

I'm probably going to get myself in trouble here, but will try one more time to explain some of the comments about the devil's advocate position.

As I said, I NEVER questioned the validity of how or what you think. I said that the way you express yourself may not be ideal. Personally, I think it's great to see that there can be truths on different sides of an issue.

The thing is, if you argue a position with any level of passion, people will assume you're committed to it and believe in it. Why else would you speak in its favor? YOU may know that you're just trying to understand something better, but no one else can possibly know this for sure UNLESS YOU TELL THEM. This is what many people here have said, including me.

No one can read your mind. But if you argue opposing sides of an issue or pick an absurd position (the thing about trees being orange springs to mind), people WILL start to think that you're just playing with them and that you don't respect them. I'm NOT saying that this is how you feel, but what others may infer.

Everyone holds conflicting opinions. It's part of being human. The trick in a conversation or debate, for me at least, is to tell others something like, "I can see valid points on different sides of this issue, and I'm trying to understand it better." This just lets others know where I'm coming from.

Posted by: La Texican

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/07/12 05:28 PM

Leon Festinger  is perhaps best known for the Theory of Cognitive Dissonance, which suggests that when people are induced to behave in ways that are inconsistent with their beliefs, an uncomfortable psychological tension is aroused. This tension will lead people to change their beliefs to fit their actual behavior, rather than the other way around, as popular wisdom may suggest. -wiki

I love what Chris Rock said in the movie "Dogma", "don't have beliefs, people die for them.  People kill for them.   I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea, changing a belief is trickier. "

I have a friend that thinks that particular Leon Festinger observation is hilarious because, he says, it's true.  There are gifted adults with deeply held beliefs.  It doesn't make one less gifted to align your observations with your beliefs.  I don't have beliefs, I have ideas. There's room for all types.

The second half of that Chris Rock movie quote is, "Life should be malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant."

That sounds reasonable from "life being malleable" to "permits that", but wrong about the second part "beliefs ... limit... new ideas".   Because (see Leon Festinger above).  People with beliefs will rework them whenever there's cognitive dissonance between their beliefs and their behavior.  

Annette, I hope I don't make you feel lonely by answering your post.
AFAIK I'm not agreeing or disagreeing, just joining the conversation about beliefs, opinions, and cognitive dissonance.
Posted by: annette

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/08/12 01:41 PM

“To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.” wink
― Thomas Paine
Posted by: La Texican

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/08/12 04:14 PM

Something I read in the book "Smart Boys" was that exceptionally gifted men have a harder time staying married because they see a spouse as one more achievement. This theory fits modern parenting research that says we need to focus on what's inside, not on achievement. (you know, like my son's t-ball team didn't keep score at all this season). But, I don't know. I know divorced people. I don't think the #1 cause was an achievement mindset.
Just brought it up because marriage is a big part of many adult lives.
Posted by: JonLaw

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/08/12 04:30 PM

Originally Posted By: Rocky
Not to listen to you argue the case for something you don't believe. It comes off as disingenuous, unempathetic, condescending, and arrogant, even if it isn't meant that way.


I'm pretty sure that arguing the case for something in which I don't believe is what I'm technically paid to do.
Posted by: La Texican

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/08/12 04:37 PM

"Courage is the ability to go from failure to failure without loosing enthusiasm". -Winston Churchill on a calander
Posted by: ElizabethN

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/08/12 04:41 PM

Originally Posted By: JonLaw
I'm pretty sure that arguing the case for something in which I don't believe is what I'm technically paid to do.

Maybe this is the real reason that everyone hates lawyers (at least until they need one).
Posted by: Lori H.

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/09/12 10:44 AM

Originally Posted By: La Texican
"Courage is the ability to go from failure to failure without loosing enthusiasm". -Winston Churchill on a calander


I saw that quote while looking for a good quote about unavoidable setbacks.

My son told me yesterday that instead of being sad all the time I needed to get angry because you can channel anger into something productive--like he is doing by learning Japanese and improving piano skills. He doesn't dwell on the fact that he has to wear a painful brace until he stops growing which will probably be at least another year and he has already worn a brace for 2 1/2 years. I can't help being sad that he missed having a normal childhood and that we just keep getting slammed with bad luck.

After each bad luck event I try to see the positive. My husband managed to throw the chainsaw out of his way when he fell off the ladder this morning while trimming the storm damaged tree and he didn't break any bones. He rode his motorcycle to work several days last week because my car was in the shop and he didn't get killed.

At least we are surviving and our son seems to be handling his difficulties without losing his enthusiasm and his sense of humor and I am so thankful for that.

How do you regain enthusiasm once it is lost? I just feel so tired.

Posted by: La Texican

Re: Gifted adults - 06/09/12 01:06 PM

Originally Posted By: Schaps
I am interested in starting a discussion about problems facing "gifted" adults. My reading has led me to believe that I may belong to that category and it would be helpful to discusss some of the challenges that this "group" has to deal with on a day-to-day basis.
Please respond if anyone is interested. Thanks.


http://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&...ved=0CF4QzgIwAA

Especially go see page 3 of results.
Posted by: La Texican

Re: Gifted adults - 06/09/12 01:24 PM

Lori, I just don't know.

I just read that fear of the unknown and anxiety in some gifted individuals is a type of overexcitabilities.
http://m.jeg.sagepub.com/content/34/4/669.abstract?sid=17f971ab-5650-44a5-8aef-52c31e3d454f

I keep hearing that feeling like you have no control causes or contributes to depression, and depression causes loss of energy and enthusiasm.
http://mindrenewal.us/page4.html

I don't know if real life's that simplified.  My cousin who's a therapist said any medical doctor can prescribe you a mild anti-depressant to get you over this.  I haven't tried it because I'm extended nursing.

 My trusted guru says my feelings tired, loss of control, and loss of enthusiasm is part of the package of having kids.  He's Catholic so he's said his scriptures say to take good care of the widows and childless, who I guess weren't taken good care of back then.  He says that was a very practical commandment because what it actually ended up doing was keeping these women around the community that had all the skills and talents of a woman and a mother but the difference was they had energy and enthusiasm to do things for the community because they didn't have children.
Posted by: Kjj

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/11/12 06:56 AM

Originally Posted By: Rocky
Conversational and interview skills are just skills that you develop.
Rocky


I actually think the ability to converse and interview can be gifts, as well. Probably most people can learn to be adequate-to-proficient at conversing/interviewing, but there are some people who have an incredible gift for it.

I hear them and think, there's no way that's effortful study; that's a gift...
Posted by: Dude

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/12/12 08:39 AM

Originally Posted By: Kjj
I actually think the ability to converse and interview can be gifts, as well. Probably most people can learn to be adequate-to-proficient at conversing/interviewing, but there are some people who have an incredible gift for it.

I hear them and think, there's no way that's effortful study; that's a gift...


I disagree. We live in a rich laboratory environment of language, with tons of examples of how to do it right and do it wrong. All you have to do is observe, analyze, and apply.

I've been asked by adults for advice on how they could improve their communication skills. I give them a simple answer: read.
Posted by: Lori H.

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/12/12 11:37 AM

My communication skills are not as good as my husband's, my verbally gifted son's, or my daughter's. My daughter uses her gifts in sales and marketing and consistently outperforms coworkers, always winning extra money. I read more than she does. I would probably score higher on a vocabulary test.

I think the reason their communication skills are so much better than mine is because I don't have their gift for improvisation. It is a gift I just don't have. This is what I see as the difference.

I found this on Wikipedia:

"The skills of improvisation can apply to many different abilities or forms of communication and expression across all artistic, scientific, physical, cognitive, academic, and non-academic disciplines. For example, improvisation can make a significant contribution in music, dance, cooking, presenting a speech, sales, personal or romantic relationships, sports, flower arranging, martial arts, psychotherapy, and much more. Techniques of improvisation are widely trained in the entertainment arts; for example, music, theatre and dance. To "extemporize" or "ad lib" is basically the same as improvising. Colloquial terms such as "let's play it by the ear", "take it as it comes", and "make it up as we go along" are all used to describe "improvisation".

The simple act of speaking requires a good deal of improvisation because the mind is addressing its own thought and creating its unrehearsed delivery in words, sounds and gestures, forming unpredictable statements that feed back into the thought process (the performer as listener), creating an enriched process that is not unlike instantaneous composition [with a given set or repertoire of elements]."

I observe, I analyze; it is the applying part that is a problem for me.



Posted by: Lori H.

Re: Gifted adults - 06/12/12 11:48 AM

Thank you. I don't have much control over things that are happening now. I think my daughter, who is successful in her job and wants to do so many things including marriage and children, looks at me and wonders if she can handle it.
Posted by: Dude

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/12/12 12:01 PM

Originally Posted By: Lori H.
I think the reason their communication skills are so much better than mine is because I don't have their gift for improvisation. It is a gift I just don't have. This is what I see as the difference.


Solid point, but I wonder if it couldn't be reconsidered under the light of a personality difference (spontaneity) rather than "gift." Spontaneity can be practiced, and it begins at a very early age, in the form of imaginative play.

There are other things involved in face-to-face communications, though... intuition, the ability to read and correctly interpret nonverbal cues, your own unconscious nonverbal cues, etc. Many people with deficits in these areas struggle with communication.
Posted by: Kjj

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/12/12 12:39 PM

Originally Posted By: Dude
Spontaneity can be practiced


I am laughing my *a*** off over that one.
Posted by: JonLaw

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/12/12 01:11 PM

Originally Posted By: Dude
There are other things involved in face-to-face communications, though... intuition, the ability to read and correctly interpret nonverbal cues, your own unconscious nonverbal cues, etc. Many people with deficits in these areas struggle with communication.


It was really only a couple of years ago that I even realized the nonverbal cues existed and were actually important to communication.

It would have been helpful to know and really understand that for the first 35 years of my life.
Posted by: DebM

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/12/12 08:14 PM

Re: "... it would be helpful to discusss some of the challenges that this "group" has to deal with on a day-to-day basis."

I am looking forward into the future too much it seems. Not present enough in the moment to enjoy it, even now. And eventhough that's where I feel the happiest.

Maybe the big day - to - day challenge -- for me anyways -- is really how to feel happy??

Oh well, -sigh- there I go again.
Thinking into the future figuring out about how to be happy now --- when I already am!



Posted by: DebM

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/12/12 08:56 PM

Originally Posted By: Lori H.

How do you regain enthusiasm once it is lost? I just feel so tired.



Hi there Lori -- keep on remembering our resiliency. We always land on our feet and especially after things like --- 1. getting out of a good long hot soothing bath wink 2. plenty of deep sleep and 3. filling up with premium fuel to keep the flames in our bodies stoked. and keep on remembering 4. Things could be worse. wink

We too often feel we can keep on going like finely tuned racing cars that we are similar to. So another day - to - day challenge is how to mentally slow down long enough to really relax and be still and heal. We especially need to do this because our nerves are exceptionally sensitive and easily revved up.

Is there anything you can remember in your past that truly was relaxing, and that inspired you?

~~~~

Hi La Texican. I'll add something here to your comment above.

I am currently aware of adult women who are tired too and are feeling emotionally apathetic. And they don't have children.

I can agree with you though that feeling a loss of control can dampen the spirits. I've noticed with myself that when I complete something important to me (and I'm well-rested and well-fed too) I can keep my spirit's flame burning stronger.

By the way, one of the light-hearted family jokes going around here lately is that No One is Really in Control. This idea help lifts the heavy burden off a tired heart & mind that a person is responsible for things they actually have no control over. We laugh here alot about this. I mean really, some of the real control we do have is how we chose to react to feeling Out-Of-Control. HAA!

Our gift at Laughter helps us gifted folks out immensely and I'm deeply grateful for this.
Posted by: Lori H.

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/13/12 01:41 PM

I can feign spontaneity. I have had practice at this. There is a difference in the quality of my spontaneous improvisations. I am not as quick witted as my son or my husband. I am not as quick to see the humor in situations, especially difficult ones. I can't spontaneously come up with comedic scenarios to get my point across like they can. I see it as a gift.



Posted by: La Texican

Re: (NA) Re: Gifted adults - 06/15/12 05:08 PM

Emotionally apathetic, surprisingly I like the way you phrased that. Mild depression, loss of zest and zeal, those are external intrusions. Emotional apathy sounds like more something I might can work on. Words are so funny how they get the point across.

Oddly, it might be that a lot of these skills, communication, mental flexibility, spontenaity, might benefit from reading more fiction novels. I used to read a lot of fiction and I had a sharper mind. Now I'm reading a historical fiction called "The Discoveries of Mrs. Christopher Columbus: His Wife's Version". Her way of viewing things is so very different from mine, but I can see it her way for the point of the story. I feel like the reading experience greased my rusty cogs upstairs a little. I wondered why I haven't read good fiction in so long when i always used to love to. I think there might have been more benefit to reading than just "making time for myself". It might re-light what was quick witted.
Posted by: CCN

Re: Gifted adults - 06/27/12 01:09 PM

Originally Posted By: Ellipses
My mind just won't stop. I am a failure at meditation.



LOL same here!! I wish I could meditate. sigh.
Posted by: Anonymous

Re: Gifted adults - 08/28/12 09:46 PM

Truthfully, I don't even know how this post will be received. But at this point, it's an assignment my psychologist set me to doing (find an adult ADHD, Bipolar or "gifted" forum and connect with others - thus far, I can only find gifted kids forums so I'm a bit late to the ballgame it seems)...so here goes!

At age six I began building an empire in my head. Only those with the highest security clearance have been allowed in since. But as many of you know, those vast empires we put together to keep the world at bay will topple at some point. For me, today, Rome is burning and I'm sifting through the ruins for the boy I was 34 years ago.

That's the short story, anyway. I suppose what I'm asking is; "Do any such forums exist?" I haven't yet met an adult who called himself gifted without being regarded with contempt of the highest order. But thousands of milligrams of Adderall, Ritalin, Lithium and Xanax later, I've surrendered to my therapist and gone searching for people...like me.

Truthfully, it feels a bit like coming out of some sort of socially-mandated closet. I jumped on this thread because it mentioned "problems facing 'gifted' adults". Whatever definition gets slapped on - I don't much care. Most probably, I sound like an ***hole, I know, but my present mood (if I'm to be authentic at all) won't afford me the luxury of pretense.

I never considered myself gifted. I considered myself different and somewhat broken. But I'm alright with that. People like the stuff I create and that seems to be enough for my mind. But my heart and mind aren't on speaking terms right now.

Long and short; is anyone aware of any books, websites or forums where people can be real about some serious pitfalls that plague one who feels perpetually driven to create?

Thanks for providing a place to unload. smile

-John


Posted by: Momesq

Re: Gifted adults - 09/13/12 08:12 AM

Hi Everyone,
I'm the parent of a gifted adult son who is struggling with social issues. He's in the first year of an md/phd program and just can't find anyone like him in his medical school class. He is terribly lonely and sad. As gifted adults yourself can you provide any insight into how I can help him? I have sent him the link to Hoagies for a start. He needs to accept his differences but he needs advice on finding his "peeps." I will try to get him to post here but don't really expect that he will. Thanks
Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 09/13/12 09:28 PM

Hi John Silver. It looks like you live in the Seattle area. Here is a therapist in the Seattle that specializes in Giftedness - Lisa Erickson, in Madison Park. I ran across her by accident a couple years ago.

Here is a PDF available online that Lisa wrote on "Coming Out Gifted". She teaches grad students in counseling, professionally counsels gifted people, and was a president of the Washington State Counselors Association.

[PDF]
www.cascadia-training.org/assets/docs/ComingoutGifted2.pdfFile Format:
"Coming out Gifted". By Lisa Erickson, MS, LMHC.

Here is a long list of resources on giftedness I've bookmarked over a couple of years. The links are in no particular order other than when I bookmarked them.
Hope this list can help you and anyone else looking for more gifted info, self-understanding and self-acceptance. Best wishes. DebM

http://www.davidsongifted.org/default.aspx
http://www.lotsofessays.com/viewpaper/1693003.html
http://talentdevelop.com/3600/gifted-adults-in-the-workplace-nerds-or-heroes-or-misfits/

http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=careers+for+gifted+adults&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
http://www.educationaloptions.com/resources/resources_gifted_adults.php
http://giftedforlife.com/408/why-gifted-adults-fail-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/

http://highability.org/category/intensity/
http://www.prufrock.com/?gclid=CP6R__u6nKcCFQcnbAodMSU3lQ
http://www.authenticlifecounselling.com/gifted_adults.html
http://www.thegiftedway.com/giftedtheory/gifted-writers-move-results-in-temporary-loss-of-voice/

http://giftedforlife.com/
http://talentdevelop.com/selftest2.html
http://www.kmarshack.com/Personal-Growth/Gifted-Adults.html
http://www.educationoasis.com/resources/Articles/emotional_needs_gifted.htm
http://www.tcrecord.org/Content.asp?ContentID=8915
http://positivedisintegration.com/Jackson.pdf

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=high-aptitude-minds
http://www.counselingthegifted.com/articles/allaboutID.html

http://www.character-education.info/Articles/stages_of_moral_development.htm
http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10554.aspx
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/socialemotionalissues/qt/bossy_kids.htm
http://www.backstage.com/bso/esearch/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003813807

http://www.matthewcornell.org/blog/2007/...-you-built.html
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/social_emotional.htm
http://www.brainy-child.com/article/gifted-child.shtml
http://www.uniquelygifted.org/
http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/index.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al_-4-HWuzY

http://www.ri.net/gifted_talented/character.html
http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10619.aspx
http://www.thinkingahead.com.au/Who%20is%20gifted/gifted%20adults.htm
http://www.thinkingahead.com.au/Documents/I'mNotGiftedJustBusy.pdf
http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=20060911&slug=hothousekids11

http://www.alifeofthemind.com/2011/06/07/two-kinds-of-gifted-adults-part-2/
http://www.giftedservices.com.au/adults.html
http://deepwaterscoaching.com/blog/?cat=132
http://www.educationaloptions.com/resources/resources_gifted_adults.php
http://giftedforlife.com/1385/what-a-great-definition-of-giftedness/

http://pcp.lanl.gov/Papers/GiftedProblems.pdf
http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=gifted+adults+problems&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
http://sengifted.donorpages.com/AnnualAppeal2011/LisaRivero/
http://journeythroughthecortex.blogspot.com/2011/12/characteristics-of-gifted-adults.html

http://forumm.wgaul.com/archive/index.php/t-124615.html
http://deepwaterscoaching.com/blog/?tag=adults
http://www.pegy.org.uk/Inside-Out%20PEGY%20pdf.pdf
http://drsuzycarroll.wordpress.com/2011/...icated-zombies/

http://mygiftedlife.org/profiles/blogs/gifted-adults?xg_source=activity
http://giftedforlife.com/share-your-gifted-story/?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=being_successfully_gifted&utm_content=Bricks+to+Houses+and+Stories-+Can+you+help%3F
http://findpdfbooks.com/search.php?search=the-gifted-adult
http://austega.com/gifted/9-gifted/22-characteristics.html

http://www.giftedservices.com.au/adults.html
http://www.twelvegifts.com/Resources.html
http://www.scoop.it/t/high-ability
Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 09/13/12 09:39 PM

p.s. I have a Google alert for "gifted adults". Its sends me info on gifted adults when its posted online.
Posted by: DebM

Re: Gifted adults - 09/13/12 10:00 PM

Hi.

Focusing on understanding Emotional IQ and Dabrowski's Moral Development is like rocket fuel. Below are some sparks for keeping your adult gifted son's and your own spirit burning well and continuing to reach the stars.


1. This blog has some very brief info on the importance of doctors to have compassion.
"How Smart are Medical Doctors?" - medaholic | medaholic
www.medaholic.com/how-smart-are-medical-doctors/

and

2. here is a looong online article to read after a good meal and a good nights sleep. "Dabrowski’s Theory and Existential Depression in Gifted Children and Adults" - Webb, J, Ph.D.

"When people undergo a great trauma or other unsettling event—they have lost a job or a loved one dies, for example—their understanding of themselves or of their place in the world often disintegrates, and they temporarily "fall apart," experiencing a type of depression referred to as existential depression."

Also, you can look over the above reply to John Silver's request for more info. It has many links with more information and support.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Posted by: Peter

Re: Gifted adults - 09/14/12 05:50 AM

Momesq,

There are many gifted adults in medical profession. Gifted with social issue (2E) such as Asperger tend to stay in science and academic/research setting. (a lot of PhDs and not many MDs) When he starts doing research, he will see some PhDs in the research field just like him. I am sure he knows he is different and he should know that he has something special to contribute to this world and people will accept for who he is.

Please let him now that Graduate school is different than High School or Middle School. Keep open minded and the doors that he never thought existed will open for him.

Good luck!
Posted by: chris1234

Re: Gifted adults - 09/14/12 07:02 AM

Originally Posted By: Dude
Originally Posted By: Kjj
I actually think the ability to converse and interview can be gifts, as well. Probably most people can learn to be adequate-to-proficient at conversing/interviewing, but there are some people who have an incredible gift for it.

I hear them and think, there's no way that's effortful study; that's a gift...


I disagree. We live in a rich laboratory environment of language, with tons of examples of how to do it right and do it wrong. All you have to do is observe, analyze, and apply.

I've been asked by adults for advice on how they could improve their communication skills. I give them a simple answer: read.


Yeah, read Jane Austen....
``I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,'' said Darcy, ``of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.''

``My fingers,'' said Elizabeth, ``do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women's do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault -- because I would not take the trouble of practising. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman's of superior execution.''

Darcy smiled, and said, ``You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you, can think any thing wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers.''

smile
Posted by: chris1234

Re: Gifted adults - 09/14/12 07:13 AM

Hello JonLaw, JohnSilver and others; I've just now stumbled on this post, not sure how I could POSSIBLY have missed it, but it is a great read.

I also have many of the issues here as does my dh; not so good fit with most nd others, making odd entrances/introductory statements so that I think EVERYONE must be staring at me, finding work meetings to be downright excruciating and slow at times, and wondering why the DELETE key has to be in a different place on every laptop keyboard ever made.


I have also had tremendous luck in finding a few rare gems in people and resources (including this forum). A new neighbor just moved in and turned out to be a fantastically smart cookie, her kids are a tremendous fun fit for our kids and even my dh has found another person he can tolerate in her husband. Very cool.

'Tolerate' probably sounds snobby; my dh has a higher iq than I (by about 1/2 sd) and I am not sure it naturally follows he has a harder time fitting in and understanding where most other folks are coming from, but that does seem to be the case.
Life for him without me to sort of translate...not sure it'd go so well. We are best friends, but I am sort of his window to the rest of the world. Does anyone else feel they have this role with their spouse?

Anyway, glad to have found the thread! Will be reading more, only about 1/2 way through.
Posted by: Momesq

Re: Gifted adults - 09/14/12 07:16 AM

Thank you everyone for your empathy and feedback. I will defiantly encourage S to read all of the suggestions, as I will myself. The link to the Existential Dpression article sounds promising as he has had a kind of loss. After being mostly miserable and lonely for all of his school years, he went to a college which valued his quirkiness, for lack of a better term. He misses being there desperately and is having a hard time adjusting to the new normal of med school. My hope is that he can accept his own gifted ness so he will be comfortable with himself and that will attract other people.
Posted by: Dude

Re: Gifted adults - 09/14/12 07:57 AM

Originally Posted By: Momesq
Hi Everyone,
I'm the parent of a gifted adult son who is struggling with social issues. He's in the first year of an md/phd program and just can't find anyone like him in his medical school class. He is terribly lonely and sad. As gifted adults yourself can you provide any insight into how I can help him? I have sent him the link to Hoagies for a start. He needs to accept his differences but he needs advice on finding his "peeps." I will try to get him to post here but don't really expect that he will. Thanks


I'm wondering if there might be some misplaced expectations here. When he talks about his "peeps," what does he really mean? When he looks for someone "like him", how much like him?

I would expect to find a significant number of gifted individuals in a medical school environment. But because gifted kids are so intense in their pursuits, and led by whatever interests them, there is much more variety in the gifted community than you're likely to find elsewhere.

Plus, gifted kids have a natural resistance to conformity, preferring to do their own thing. Other kids find "their peeps" and begin to conform to a collective set of common interests, which manifests itself in common dress, speech, music choices, etc. These collective behaviors reinforce the bond among them, and they become just like their friends in a lot of ways. This process does not happen with gifted kids... they think it's stupid.

So, if he's walking the campus and wondering why he can't find that group that he fits perfectly with, he's not going to find it, because the people just like him don't fit with anyone, either. A group of nonconformists will naturally not conform with each other any better than they conform with any of the conformist groups. After all, if they conformed with each other, they wouldn't be nonconformists, would they? That would be a tautology.

The answer to this dilemma is, "Don't try to find people like you. Just try to find people you like." One benefit of nonconformity is that you can find common ground with just about anyone. Share those common interests, and respect each other's differences. If he does this well, he doesn't end up with one group of friends who are his "peeps." Rather, he ends up with multiple groups of friends, some incompatible with each other, with whom he shares different kinds of experiences.

The only person I've ever found who seems very much like me is my own daughter, so tell him that if you can't find anyone like you, you can always try to make one.
Posted by: HowlerKarma

Re: Gifted adults - 09/14/12 10:19 AM

Quote:

Life for him without me to sort of translate...not sure it'd go so well. We are best friends, but I am sort of his window to the rest of the world. Does anyone else feel they have this role with their spouse?


Yes, but it's (ironically) because my DH is further out on the social spectrum than I am. He finds the behavior (and motivations) of others to be a complete cipher much of the time.

My daughter and I both have natural ability as social chameleons, and he does not. She and I are about 1/2 and ~1+ SD (est.) further out than my DH is. We're just better empaths and therefore better at interpreting the incomprehensible/irrational behavior of NT (and not-so-NT, actually) people than he is.

I often feel like a translator for him.


I would also argue (and this may sound arrogant, but it isn't how I mean it)... that many of the people in MD/PhD programs are not necessarily at the same LOG as those in the corresponding PhD fields. My personal experience suggests that IQ increases as one moves from D.V.M./M.D. (unspecialized-- some specialties skew quite high) to MD/PhD and/or PharmD, to PhD programs.

My own experience, anyway, supports that analysis quite amply. I'm probably unusual in that I have a LOT of experience with all of those groups of people.

Anyway. That's neither here nor there, ultimately, as I think my earlier statement about my DH demonstrates. I didn't interview for a life partner by having them submit an application which included various sorts of data inputs such as IQ. wink

Quote:
So, if he's walking the campus and wondering why he can't find that group that he fits perfectly with, he's not going to find it, because the people just like him don't fit with anyone, either. A group of nonconformists will naturally not conform with each other any better than they conform with any of the conformist groups. After all, if they conformed with each other, they wouldn't be nonconformists, would they? That would be a tautology.

The answer to this dilemma is, "Don't try to find people like you. Just try to find people you like." One benefit of nonconformity is that you can find common ground with just about anyone. Share those common interests, and respect each other's differences. If he does this well, he doesn't end up with one group of friends who are his "peeps." Rather, he ends up with multiple groups of friends, some incompatible with each other, with whom he shares different kinds of experiences.

The only person I've ever found who seems very much like me is my own daughter, so tell him that if you can't find anyone like you, you can always try to make one.


Yes!!

Though to be fair, aside from Mini-Me, there, my dad was also very much like us both. What a shame that he didn't have a chance to know his granddaughter. He'd have found her fascinating and hilarious.



Posted by: JonLaw

Re: Gifted adults - 09/14/12 11:03 AM

Originally Posted By: Momesq
After being mostly miserable and lonely for all of his school years, he went to a college which valued his quirkiness, for lack of a better term. He misses being there desperately and is having a hard time adjusting to the new normal of med school. My hope is that he can accept his own gifted ness so he will be comfortable with himself and that will attract other people.


One of the problems with life, generally, seems to be that whenever you make a major life transition, from high school to college, college to med school, etc., your entire world is destroyed each time.

I wish there was a better way to do things in life.

This way just ends up being incredibly painful.
Posted by: herenow

Re: Gifted adults - 09/15/12 09:17 PM

Originally Posted By: JohnSilver

I never considered myself gifted. I considered myself different and somewhat broken.


wow. OK. That's it right there.

I never understood my feelings of "otherness" and I definitely thought it was my fault that I couldn't quite fit in.
Posted by: Beckee

Re: Gifted adults - 09/16/12 11:26 AM

Oh, wow. I've almost always enjoyed my transitions and getting to know new people. I have always wanted all the different spheres of my existence to interact with each other, but they usually don't want to! I should point out that I work pretty hard to maintain my friendships, even after I move thousands of miles away.
Posted by: aquinas

Re: Gifted adults - 11/03/12 08:21 PM

One of my greatest challenges has been finding balance between breadth and depth of experience, particularly in a professional setting. The conventional academic path in my fields leads to an over specialization in minutiae, which I find numbing, and most industry work is too superficial to be interesting. I'm a polymath. So are all my closest friends. I'm happiest when I'm solving a wicked, interdisciplinary problem that has societal repercussions.

I spent my university years chasing prestige to feed my ego, only to realize once I had it that none of that matters a fillip. Maybe that's the greatest shortcoming for me of being "gifted": the notion that somehow, there is an objective "right" path or ranking system for human achievement. There isn't. There is only the matter of how many rounds we leave in the chamber at the end of our lives.

My second thorn is the label "gifted". It's constraining. It defines you in reference to something you're not. I think over-identification with the label itself is problematic because it creates a mentality of entitlement based solely on potential. I struggle with this still. To me, true "giftedness" is the full and effective use of talents.