Frustration with peers...

Posted by: Momtogirls

Frustration with peers... - 05/04/11 05:29 PM

Maybe it's some more end of the year-itis... But dd8 (hg/eg-right on the line) has been in trouble twice in the past week for getting angry and saying mean things to classmates. She has had particular trouble with group work. She was recently moved to a new group. Her teacher has trouble placing her with the other "high ability" kids in class because she wants to run the show. She manages to stick out like a sore thumb, even when grouped with the HA kids.
So now, she's in a group with two special ed kids and a little girl who is a major discipline problem. I think her teacher's rationale was that dd running the show in that group might be a good thing. Not such a good thing...
The teacher is probably going to move her, and we've been working on "accountable talk" and steps to calm herself when she's angry or frustrated. We're meeting with the GT coordinator and principal tomorrow evening. After her Explore test came back, they want to consider some form of acceleration. I was impressed when the GT coordinator said to me, "I'm not sure GT classes will be enough." At least they're thinking about what to do with her. I'm just worried her recent outbursts might make them reconsider. To me, her frustration is more evidence that regular curriculum isn't working well for her. I'm not sure acceleration will fix that, but it can't get much worse socially for her at this point. She has a few friends, but she's being so mean and surly, I'm surprised they're putting up with her!

Any insight?
Posted by: intparent

Re: Frustration with peers... - 05/04/11 05:50 PM

I have always encouraged D16 to save her stories about her frustrations for me, and not let them out in class. Especially when her classmates are slower in learning something, or say something she finds ridiculous. Just yesterday she emailed me from English class... all it said was, "Is there a new testament every year?". Followed by a dash and the classmate's name who said it.

Acceleration may help, but in all honesty, there is no GT path in life where everyone you meet and work with is at the GT level. It is very important for our kids to learn to deal with this fact, because no matter how smart they are, they are going to have to deal with people in life. I have drilled my kids on the fact that being smarter than the people around them does NOT give them the right to be mean or unkind to them.
Posted by: Momtogirls

Re: Frustration with peers... - 05/04/11 06:03 PM

Oh, I came up with a good punishment... She wrote a five paragraph essay tonight apologizing to her classmates and expressing why what she did was wrong and how she should handle her frustration next time. She wrote it herself. I helped her a little bit with organization. It accomplished several goals. She would have rather been playing, so it was punishment. She thought extensively about what she did, why, and what she should do instead.
Posted by: jenner

Re: Frustration with peers... - 05/04/11 08:51 PM


Your story about your daughter texting you about the New Testament is cracking me up!

Reminds me of the time as an undergrad when a very bright, eager student next to me in a Bible as Literature class asked, "Yeah, but is this the *Bible* bible...?"
Posted by: Trillium

Re: Frustration with peers... - 05/04/11 11:03 PM

Ooh! Here's one I remember from high school:

"But the Nile can't flow to the north! That's UPHILL!"

In her defense, the girl who said it was actually quite smart--she just had random episodes of ditziness smile
Posted by: Wren

Re: Frustration with peers... - 05/05/11 04:26 AM

I have been really strict with DD. Even when she was 3 or 4 and she said something to hurt another feelings, she had to go and apologize. She would be resistant, crying but I made her do it. And it pays off. Today at 6, she is very conscious of what she says can hurt someone and also she is resiliant about others trying to manipulate and control and will smile and walk away and play with others. Not that she won't play with those kids, because sometimes they are her favorites. But if their behavior doesn't line up with what is acceptable and respectful, she goes and plays with others.

Even more reinforced this with the physical. There was a girl in her preschool that was her best buddy who hit and kicked. The girl did it to her own mother. DD tried it with me and learned very quickly -- not.