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Posted By: EandCmom Positive things about being gifted - 11/16/07 05:19 PM
I've been thinking alot about what it is to be gifted in this world and what it has done (or not done) for me in terms of my life. I know most of you (if not all) are gifted in your own right, not just your children, and I was wondering what positive effects this has had on your life. And I don't just mean that you can do crossword puzzles really, really fast!!!!! :-)

Posted By: mayreeh Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/16/07 06:43 PM
I am really good at dealing with boredom because I can always read a book or just daydream.

I am great at problem solving, which has led to a great job with great benefits and flexibility. I also make enough money so that my husband can stay home with the kids.

I have the ability to pick new things up quickly - allowing me to collect hobbies, my favorite thing to collect.

There is more , but that is all I can think of at the moment.
Posted By: acs Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/16/07 08:34 PM
I love learning new things, which makes it hard to be bored. I'm now taking a graduate course (CFK--I'm over 40 and also starting my second advanced degree) in a completely different field than my last one. I didn't realize how hungry my brain had gotten for new information (not just rehashing and modifying the old information)until I started this program. I'm having so much FUN.

I have always worked in and around health care and I would say the best thing about my abilities is that with them I have helped hundreds of people get through crises and make their lives better. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Posted By: Kriston Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/16/07 09:47 PM
I'm with acs--my love of learning. I'm curious about darn near everything. That makes me great at trivia games and cocktail parties! laugh

It did make choosing a major hard though! I wanted to study everything, and the old chestnut "You can do anything you want to do" wasn't very helpful.
Posted By: Mom2LA Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/16/07 11:05 PM
I think it has helped me to relate to my PG dd. When she has frustrations or doesn't understand something I think I'm able to teach her things in a way that really gets through to her.

Its funny, its not something I talk about with others that often. I was like dd when I was young. In K the school wanted me to skip to 2nd grade but I was only 4 and extremely tiny and shy and my Mom said nope. I was in GT but really leveled out in school. Looking back now I realize it was boredom. I would ace anything I studied for but had no real desire to excel academically. Ironic because all through jr, high school and 2 years of college I was pre-med...I had all AP courses and without thinking about it would get B's. If I liked a class I got A's. Hindsight is 20-20, though. Wish I had the desire then. Anyway, I think its helped me always land on my feet, though. I have a knack for numbers and managed to fall backwards into Finance! I did that for 8years before "retiring" to stay home with my kids. lol....Funny where life takes ya!
Posted By: EandCmom Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/17/07 01:20 AM
Dottie - LOVED the Mensa lapel pin remark!!! I laughed all the way to pick up my kids.

mayreeh and acs - you're right about never being bored. I had never thought of that as part of being gifted.

CFK - wow!! It really did make a wonderful difference in your life. Fantastic!

Kriston and acs - I'm with you about craving to learn new things. Sometimes I feel like my brain is just stagnating and it needs to learn something new!! I think that is why I'm such a researcher - I love to stimulate the old thought processes.

Tammiane - it's not something I talk about with anyone either. It's hard to find people to talk about these kinds of things with. Great that you were able to use your knack for numbers to your advantage though.

Thanks for all the replies. Sometimes I only see the negatives (feeling different, having no one to really relate to sometimes even as an adult, etc.). It's good to see the positive things and to realize some of the things I take for granted, such as never being bored and being constantly curious and wanting to learn new things, are part of the whole "gifted" package.

I'd love to hear some more if anyone has anything else! But if not, thanks for the replies!!!
Posted By: cym Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/17/07 11:27 PM
Wholehearted ditto about never getting bored.

I guess I think the course of my life, like everyone else who answered, was intertwined with being gifted: meeting interesting friends, going to a gifted magnet HS and a top college where I met my gifted DH, etc. I was successful in my career when I worked.

A good thing that helps me now is creative thinking, whether it's about my kids' education or some volunteer activities I'm involved with. I've helped bring interesting programs to schools, summer camps, a city-wide science festival (which sadly I come up with all the ideas), established our gifted assoc and set up speakers & write the newsletter, etc.

On the negative side, it's sometimes hard to turn off the endless analysis going on in my mind and enjoy the moment. I have to consciously tell myself to relax and put other things aside. My older sister who is incredibly bright is worse than I am...she doesn't stop planning and analyzing. It's high intensity and exhausting. Also, with her, she can get 100s on every test in grad school, but lacks common sense and a sense of humor(my DH always jokes with her and she says, "I don't get it")

Like EandC who says, "it's hard to find people to talk to about these kinds of things" I do find it lonesome many times and have trouble connecting to people around here. I remember one Book Club meeting where a woman wouldn't stop talking to me about her vacuum cleaners and I thought I was going to die...what about the book? And one luncheon where the big topic was who does your hair? Aggh!





Posted By: Kriston Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/18/07 01:03 AM
Oh, I so identify, cym! I have always been a pretty good chameleon, but there's a difference between getting along and feeling at home.

The worst case of not fitting in for me was when I was in grad school and attending a class reunion with my then-boyfriend (who was in the same program). It was a VERY small Missouri town with a big gender divide, and so he went off with the guys and left me with the women. They shared baby poop stories for 60 straight minutes. Seriously, it was amazing how many stories they had about baby poop! They weren't even funny or cute stories, and they didn't talk about their kids as people at all. They just talked about poop. Bleah! crazy

At last I could stand it no longer. I chased down my date and let him have what-for for abandoning me to THAT! His response? "But you can talk to anyone about anything." My annoyed response, "Well, I think we found my limit!" LOL!

To this day, I will not discuss baby poop with anyone for any amount of time. So perhaps it was a good lesson to learn. Ha!

But, boy, did I ever not fit in!
Posted By: delbows Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/18/07 02:12 AM
I used to play Bunko, until I realized that half the participants thought they were quite skilled at the game.
Posted By: EandCmom Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/18/07 02:17 AM
Kriston, I think you hit the nail on the head with the "there's a difference between getting along and feeling at home." I am a pretty good chameleon too. I can talk hair and baby poop for awhile before I have to run screaming into the night! Now the book club thing, cym, that is a different story. If we are there to discuss books, let's discuss books!!! :-) Seriously, from the outside I look as if I have tons of friends that I am quite close to, and in some ways I am, but I don't currently have a friend that I am completely "at home" with. I miss that very much actually.

cym I am very impressed with you. You sound like you are a person who really uses their abilities to their advantage. You must be somewhat extroverted. My introverted (though trying hard to be more extroverted) self is exhausted by just reading all the things have have accomplished!!! I need to take a page from your book and try to make a difference.

I'm glad to know that other people feel the same way as I do. It's nice to have this outlet to discuss these types of things. :-)
Posted By: willagayle Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/18/07 07:18 PM
I think the greatest benefit to me has been the ability to suck in information and make decisions in relatively quick and sensible fashion.

An example would be pertinent to this board. When I discovered Mite was 2E, I was able to gather resources rapidly, develop quick and thorough understanding of evaluations, assessments, educational styles, medical and learning disorders...etc. I was then able to almost immediately take up a strong advocacy for Mite's needs in both the educational and medical settings. The principal of a local school has heard of my advocacy skills and has asked me to be his advocate for his 6 year old, 2E child. See my huff on my fingers and polish my hand off on my shirt;^().

Or for example, a friend of mine needed a web site. I had an interest in learning web design; so, I was able within a matter of about 6 weeks, to master enough of Dreamweaver 8, Fireworks, Freehand and Flash and put together an excellent web site for my friend all the while immensely enjoying the intellectual challenge. Given that I'd never heard of those programs prior to being asked to help, it was pretty impressive. It was all for fun and I'm glad my giftedness allows for such intense learning.

In another practical sense, when my father arrived on my doorstep 7 years ago, penniless and deathly ill, I was able to undertake his caregiving needs, develop thorough understanding of his various medical disorders, quickly become quite knowledgeable of the medical welfare programs in our state, and get my father back to health and financial stability in just a matter of a few months.

The funny thing is, most people think I have neglected my abilities by being a stay-at-home mom, running a daycare business. I can list hundreds of things I have done that utilized my intelligence and benefited others, but other people get stuck at "daycare mom" and treat me like an idiot...until I blast them with a bit of my high VCI vocab;^P

One thing I hate though, that still happens to me, is when people realize I have such high ability and will sidle up to me acting like I'm their friend and try to use my intelligence for some need they have, then drop me like a hotcake when they are done using my skills. I'm so on to that behavior now that I'm very touchy and aloof from people until **I** decide I can help them in some way.


Posted By: EandCmom Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/20/07 03:07 AM
Wow, I need you to advocate for me and my 2e! LOL!!! That is great you were able to get your child's problems recognized and were able to advocate effectively.

I think researching is one of my best skills too though I haven't had to use it as extensively as you have. I also hate when people "use" you only for their benefit. It is disheartening to help someone only to find out they were just using you in some fashion.
Posted By: cym Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/20/07 03:55 PM
EandC--I have such a big smile on my face right now from your nice comment (funny how some of the nicest parts of the day can come from cyber friends). I was just thinking about how many things I'm involved with would be so much more enjoyable with some peers involved. It would be so much more rewarding and probably better accomplished...I think that's how our kids must feel in most everything they do. If only they could have someone or some-two to work on math or discuss their book with, or even playing creatively on the playground. How unfulfilling it could be to always have to be in charge and come up with the ideas and rules (how many of you have kids who make up the rules?) No wonder my kids mostly like to hang out together.

Willa Gayle, I am in awe that you have had the fortitude to help your father as you have. I know how consuming and emotionally draining health problems and "the system" are, and you're amazing.
Posted By: Grinity Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/20/07 03:56 PM
Ditto to all the other positives for me, and I'll add two more:

1) Being a fast typist, and have ready answers, so I can post so much here!
2) Having limited ability to lie to myself. Yes I've done some doosies, Gifted Denial included, but compared to normal people, I just don't seem to be able to lie to mysef. I've never seen intellectual honesty on a list of gifted characteristics, and I'm sure that it is a quality share by many more NT folks, but for me, intellectual honesty is one of my favorite things about myself, and it feels as though it is part of my giftedness. When the Emperor has no clothes, he just is naked in my book!

One funny thing is that to me we all sound so normal here, but except for Dottie and Lorel, when I talk to a "Mom of PGlet" on the phone, I notice that we both start talking about 1000 miles/minute. Revv, Revv - It's kind of fun, if you have to worry, to do so at such High Speed!
Trinity
Posted By: EandCmom Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/20/07 07:34 PM
cym - I'm glad my comments gave you a smile!!! I agree, doing something with someone else is so much more fun. Which is why I don't exercise like I should - I can't find anyone to go with me!!! But I digress...... :-) You're right about our kids finding things to do with others like them. It is hard for so many of them to find other kids with the same interests.

Trinity - I'm also a fast typist, but I am in love with spell check. Fast doesn't mean accurate in my case! And you are wonderful with having ready answers for everyone. I have a very limited ability to lie to myself too. In fact, I don't know that I can lie to myself at all (though I might want to sometimes). Hypocrisy is one of my biggest pet peeves as well as people being unable to see themselves in a remotely rational light.

I'm so glad to have found this board. I've only been here a short while but I have very much enjoyed the discussions!!
Posted By: Grinity Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/20/07 07:59 PM
EandCmom,
We are so glad to have you too! ((big smile))

LOL about the lack of spell check here! Although I'm fast at typing, I grew up thinking I was stupid because spelling and I are not on speaking terms.

Funny thing about challenge. It's not enough to be bad at something. One has to win AFTER struggle. With spelling I had the struggle, but no sensation of "WIN."

smiles,
Trinity
Posted By: Kriston Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/20/07 10:47 PM
My grad school roommate used to say that I was "pathologically honest," and I'd say that's a pretty accurate description of me. Hypocrisy and seeing others with a lack of self-knowledge just make me break out into hives!
Posted By: EandCmom Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/20/07 11:41 PM
Trinity - I had to have a spelling tutor when I was in grade school so I definitely know where you are coming from with the spelling thing. In fact a friend of mine at work the other day was telling someone how bad I was at spelling. LOL!!! I told her that is what spell check was invented for. :-)

Kriston, I'm with you on the hives. I'm pretty easy going with other people and their foibles (I've got enough of my own), but those things just really get to me. Blech!
Posted By: Kriston Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/21/07 05:55 AM
Yes, I'm definitely not easy to live with. I would never throw stones in that particular glass house! blush

But I never understand people who tell lies or who don't know their own minds. Those two things are just foreign to me, and I think both have to do with honesty--either with other people or with oneself.

I may need more evidence to make a decision, and I can certainly change my mind when new evidence pops up, but I always know what I think/feel/believe in the moment. I simply can't imagine not knowing my own mind! How is that even possible?
Posted By: Grinity Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/21/07 11:50 AM
RE: frustration with lack of honesty

There was a great moment in "The Simpsons" where Bart was asking Homer's advice about what to do if he doesn't know when to laugh during a movie because he can't see the screen because the kid in front of him was too tall (or something like that)

Homer told him to watch the other children very carefully and laugh when they laugh, and everything will be ok.

I found this funny, sad, and a great relief at the same time. Most kids do grow up feeling like that don't know as much as they should know, and that they couldn't possibly understand eveything, and that they are bad because of it...Most but not all kids.

See the connection? I feel this way every time I have to buy a big ticket item at a store. Garenteed that the salespeople will say anything they think you want to hear, no matter how outrageous. ((shrug)) It's just the accepted way it is.

Trinity
Posted By: willagayle Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/22/07 12:01 AM
I guess I should tell you the "rest of the story" regarding my dad. He lived with us for 5 years. During that time he returned to relatively good health. We saw him through major medical problems the first 2 years, but after that he enjoyed relatively good health.

Well in the summer of 2006, he decided to return to our home state to live with my brother. Dad was a brittle diabetic. My brother and his family took Dad out for a McFlurry one night last March. Dad ate a whole McFlurry then when he got home he gave himself an extra large bollus of insulin to make up for it and went to bed.

Dad never woke up again. He died of an insulin overdose.

So, while I was capable of helping him while he was with us, I wasn't capable of fixing everything.

But thanks for all the nice comments.
Posted By: EandCmom Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/22/07 12:13 AM
Oh Willa Gayle, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. It is still wonderful that you were able to help him while he lived with you though. We can't control others actions - all we can do is the best we can do and it sounds like your best was exactly what your Dad needed. Sadly, none of us are capable of fixing everything, though I know we'd all like to. You should be proud of yourself for being able to help him as much as you did.
Posted By: Grinity Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/22/07 03:43 AM
(((hugs))) Willa Gayle - sounds like keeping him healthy for 5 years was a big gift. Happy Thanksgiving.
Trin
Posted By: Lorel Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/22/07 12:51 PM
Willa-

I'm so sorry for your loss. If you don't find me too insensitive for saying so, it's almost funny, being killed by a McFlurry. I have a child with reactive hypoglycemia and I understand the difficulty of managing blood sugar.

My Dad died of a blood clot after flying to Hong Kong in 2000. He fell down on the escalator at the airport and that was that. I like to think of it as the "stairway to Heaven". Since he was a German citizen, it took some doing to get through the red tape to bring him home to the US for burial. When we finally saw him in the casket, my sisters and I were laughing as we cried. He was embalmed in Hong Kong, and had a distinctly Asian cast to his features that had never been evident in life!

Posted By: Lorel Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/22/07 12:57 PM
Trin-

So am I a "slow talker"? LOL, I never really thought about it, but I do like to choose my words carefully.

To politely give opposing testimony regarding speed talkers, I will say that I know several fast talkers who are not all that bright. I think it has more to do with personality type and impulse control than with intelligence.

No offense intended, dear! I just wanted to put in my two cents worth.
Posted By: willagayle Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/22/07 01:13 PM
My whole family talks very quickly. I've had people ask me to slow down. I usually respond, "Listen faster!!" ;^)

Quick speech is not uncommon in the gifted population. It is also a symptom of dyspraxia. I have recently spoken with a speech and language therapist regarding my rapid speech and that of my son, Rite (16). I was told in dyspraxia (which may occur in as many as 40% of highly gifted+ folks...in varying degrees), actually makes it difficult for my brain to hold all the information I need, take the adequate breaths and then say it. It's all in the ideation, organization and motor execution categories and dyspraxics have great difficulties in those areas. Basically, what I do is think what I'm going to say, take a quick gasp, spew the words...all of them no matter how many...then when I get to the end take another gasp. This ability actually makes me a pretty good singer as I can use a breath for a very long time.

when I talk slowly, I feel confused and lose my train of thought. The therapist didn't feel I could be helped at my age, but she's going to work with Rite this summer. Basically he needs to learn how to breathe while talking.

jsut some tidbits. Thanks everyone for the condolences. I do think the "death by McFlurry" thought is humorous. Dad would have loved that.

My point in my post re: my contributions as a gifted adult, is that sometimes it may not encompass great contributions to mankind, but it may make significant improvements for those one-on-one times. I enjoy my intelligence, but I don't plan on altering the future of mankind with it:^)
Posted By: Lori H. Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/23/07 06:11 PM
I don't know if I am gifted because I was never given an IQ test in school. This was years ago, and there were no gifted classes back then anyway.

At high school reunions people tell me that they remember me as one of the "smart" kids. I was bright enough that I usually made straight A's with little effort and in spite of attending a high school where I often worried if I could safely walk to my next class. I learned well in spite of having problems with anxiety and extreme shyness. I just read a lot at home and did most of my learning there. This was before everyone had computers in their homes and access to a wide variety of information.

Being bright, possibly gifted, allowed me to score in the top ten out of hundreds of applicants for different government jobs and also a private company where there was a lot of competition. I scored higher than some people with more education than I had. I scored similarly to my husband on some tests which surprised me because he is obviously much smarter than I am.

Unfortunately, my way of learning is different from my son's, especially with math. I was able to learn the school's way without coming up with or asking about alternative ways of solving problems. If I was told "this is the way you do this problem" then that was the way I did it and I did it without stopping to daydream about something else in the middle of the problem. My son always wanted to argue about math and do it a different way than I showed him. He would ask me questions that I didn't know how to answer. Until I had this child I really thought there was only one way to solve math problems and I didn't learn to think outside the box. We didn't do much math last year at all because I didn't know how to deal with it, yet he has been doing two lessons a day now for the last month on Aleks Middle School Math 1. Handwriting problems added to his difficulties last year and any time he had to do something like long division it was a nightmare. He prefers to do mental math whenever he can. I finally tried Aleks and that is working very well for him. I think if I were really gifted than I would be able to figure out how to help him with some of his 2E issues.

Maybe I was only gifted at test taking. I would like for my son to be able to test well also and I really wish I knew how to help him with that. But I didn't have the handwriting difficulties or problems with fatigue or sensory issues that he deals with. He is scheduled to take the Explore test in January and I wish I knew how to help him prepare for that. I think he might have trouble filling in bubbles on a separate piece of paper. I think he will have trouble with the length of the test. Because of his sensory issues I think he might have trouble focusing on the test in a room full of other test takers. I think he might get too tired to concentrate before he is finished with the test. He is used to working for about 30 minutes and taking a break to move around at home. I don't know if I should ask for accommodations. Since he is homeschooled he has no IEP.

I always thought I couldn't really be that bright because I don't have the "gift of gab" that my son and husband have. Because of my husband's intelligence and people skills he has had people tell him that he should run for mayor or some other office. Strangers have told me that my son might be a "politician" some day for the same reason. They are so much alike. When they speak it is obvious that they are very intelligent. I am very aware that my nine-year-old sounds smarter than I do. When he hears a story on the news he is better at retelling the story than I am. Yet I always made high scores on vocabulary tests. Tests just don't tell the whole story.



Posted By: Grinity Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/23/07 08:11 PM
Hi Lori,
I'm glad to hear that your son is enjoying Aleks!

I really like the way you are grappling with the idea that some skills are more valued and recognized than others. It's possible that your DH and DS are just a lot smarter than you are, but that isn't usually how it is.

On one hand we usually value the kinds of experiences we are good at, so talky people ususally enjoy and value talking. On the other hand, it's hard to give ourselves "full credit" for the strengths that come most naturally to us. I was talking to a friend who was commenting on her number-crunching abilities in her work environment. She said that she feels uncomfortable being praised for the skills that she hasn't had to work to develop, that they just seem easy and fun to her, and strangly, not to anyone else. So some of us even feel badly, or at least strange, for our strengths!

Do I feel the slightest bit embarrassed for being such a motor mouth and being "quick on the draw" with the advice and suggestions? I do! I think that I must be superficial, because I assume that everyone else has to think before they type. And in real time conversations I have to really try monitor myself so that I don't monopolize conversation or come off rude. I love this format because I can jump in and out of conversations to my heart's content and change topics whenever I start a new thread.

Lori, You said:
I think if I were really gifted than I would be able to figure out how to help him with some of his 2E issues.

I think that you have figured out a lot about your son, and with time will figure out more and more. I base this on that you knew you had to homeschool, and you do. To me this is a significant accomidation! I hope you ask for accomidations for the Explore, although it may be a hopeless quest. When you compare what you have been able to figure out to what trained professionals have been able to figure out, I think you don't have to doubt your strengths. I'll bet that if you found an email list about gifted with disabilities, that you would be amazed at how much you have to share.

((shrug))
My .02$ anyway!
Trinity

Posted By: EandCmom Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/23/07 09:17 PM
Lori,
Here is my 2cents too. I was labeled as "gifted" as a child and I definitely don't have the "gift of gab". I think that is more of an extrovert/introvert issue and gifted people can be either. Also, if you've read any of my posts in the 2e area, you know I definitely don't have all the answers for my 2e!!! :-)

I'm with Trinity, I think you should ask for accommodations. Have you had him tested? Do you know what his issues are? If so, maybe submit some information from his doctor's telling what his problems are and what kind of accommodations would be needed. The worst that could happen is they would say no - and they just might say yes!!! :-)
Posted By: Lori H. Re: Positive things about being gifted - 11/23/07 11:21 PM
When my son was seen by a developmental pediatrician two years ago at age 7 for handwriting and drawing difficulties, mild hypotonia, and coordination difficulties, she told us that we should do activities from The Out of Sync Child Has Fun and use Handwriting without Tears to help him with proprioceptive, vestibular and visual motor integration proglems. She had an educational psychologist come in to test my son with the WIAT. The educational psychologist that tested him noticed that he seemed to have vision problems, that he tired easily, and was fidgety and had trouble staying in his seat while being tested. Tests showed that he was grade levels ahead of age mates in reading and comprehension and math but only slightly ahead of grade level in spelling. Spelling was tested by having him write the words, which I thought was crazy since one of the reasons we were there was because his handwriting was sloppy and he couldn't write very long without getting tired. So he tested only slightly above grade level in spelling even though he was probably grade levels ahead in that area too, which makes me wonder even more about how accurate tests are for 2e kids. He tested grade levels ahead of age mates even though he only spent a couple hours a day doing what I would consider learning activities. The doctor and the educational psychologist were telling us he was gifted and the doctor said he needed to work on his motor skills at home so I went away thinking okay, we'll do that and he will be fine.

My son is the only child at home and I am homeschooling so I didn't often have the opportunity to compare him to other kids his age except in his musical theatre class where there is only one other child his age and at Cub Scouts where my son refused to do any writing or drawing in front of the other kids.

Since the developmental pediatrician did not give us a diagnosis other than confirming that he still had hypotonia and the sensory issues, I thought maybe he was just on the low end of normal but when he recently took a homeschool PE class and swimming lessons with younger children where the teacher called him a "wuss" for not being able to do some things, the lack of coordination seemed obvious. With the things we did at home the strength in this arms improved a little but the coordination did not. He still takes longer to learn dance steps and he still has some balance issues that he has to deal with and he doesn't have the endurance other kids have. I think his eyes still get tired faster than other kids although it has improved some after vision therapy that we did at home.

He will be seeing the developmental pediatrician, a neurologist, and the developmental optometrist soon. Hopefully I will have answers soon and I can also ask the doctors to write something so we can get accommodations.

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