A bump in the road

Posted by: BWBShari

A bump in the road - 04/28/09 06:38 PM

The awesome experience we've had with PS has apparently hit it's first bump.

A couple of weeks ago DP and I noticed that our DS6's attitude seemed to be changing. I thought maybe it was just spring fever. Yesterday he got sent to the Principal for kicking his teacher. The teacher was a substitute and didn't know my son. She made a comment regarding "such a small boy and such a large book". DS completely overreacted and kicked her. Fast forward to our conversation.... DS agreed that he overreacted but explained that he was tired of being thought of as a baby! I asked him to clarify and he told me that he's being teased and bullied by a boy in his 4th grade class. He said it's been going on for a couple of weeks. He didn't tell me because he was afraid that I would pull him out of the class and it's his favorite (math) He said the boy is always very careful not to do or say anything in front of the teacher.

I asked him if he'd said anything to the boy. My DS said that the first time the boy teased him he had said "You're just jealous because I can do your homework, and i'm only 6!" Apparently this just made the kid mad and it's escalated since.

Part of me wants to bring my son home and protect him from all the idiots of the world, part of me wants to smack the kid upside the head! Leaving those two choices behind, I have a meeting with the math teacher tomorrow morning before classes begin.

I knew it wouldn't last forever, but it's so sad!
Posted by: st pauli girl

Re: A bump in the road - 04/28/09 06:49 PM

I'm sorry your DS is being bullied. frown Does his school have a policy in place to deal with bullies?

Hoagies has a bunch of resources here: http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/bullies.htm

I hope things get better after the meeting. Poor kiddo.
Posted by: Kriston

Re: A bump in the road - 04/28/09 06:57 PM

Sorry, Shari! frown

I hope the problem gets resolved fast and well!
Posted by: elizabeth4

Re: A bump in the road - 04/28/09 07:07 PM

It's probably wrong for me to say it, but I'm kind of proud of your son for his response. That was pretty quick witted of him! (He's probably right too. Oops, did I say that?)

Good luck at your meeting.
Posted by: Nautigal

Re: A bump in the road - 04/28/09 08:16 PM

Oh dear, you've got a smart-aleck kid, too! smile I'm just sure that's what mine would say (probably because it's what I would say, and the apple doesn't fall far from this tree). If you get anything worked out about this, I want to hear about it--we go through a lot of that here, too. Good luck!
Posted by: Austin

Re: A bump in the road - 04/28/09 08:46 PM

Maybe DS can befriend this kid?

Sometimes it works.

Posted by: Tiz

Re: A bump in the road - 04/29/09 01:24 AM

Shari, thinking of you and hope that the meeting goes ok and that you manage to work something out.
Posted by: Grinity

Re: A bump in the road - 04/29/09 04:59 AM

Originally Posted By: BWBShari
The awesome experience we've had with PS has apparently hit it's first bump.


Isn't school an interesting place. All kids get bullied for something. Schools either have a policy in place and handle it well or they don't. The age-difference is the pretext for the bulling, but not the cause. See the difference?

Quote:

She made a comment regarding "such a small boy and such a large book". DS completely overreacted and kicked her.

Kicking her was innapropriate, but not an overreaction in my book. That's obnoxious. And yeah, we have trouble with substitutes too.


Quote:
I asked him to clarify and he told me that he's being teased and bullied by a boy in his 4th grade class. He said it's been going on for a couple of weeks. He didn't tell me because he was afraid that I would pull him out of the class and it's his favorite (math)


Awesome that you two have such a good relationship that he can share this! Yippee! ((graphic of the slot machine paying off))

Quote:
I asked him if he'd said anything to the boy. My DS said that the first time the boy teased him he had said "You're just jealous because I can do your homework, and i'm only 6!" Apparently this just made the kid mad and it's escalated since.


My DS also fell into this trap. He had to learn by experience to avoid this sort of thing. It would be good to practice 'snappy comebacks' that DON'T refer to age or intellectual ability. What the books say is that the only thing that really works is to 'make fun of the tease, not the teaser.' As in 'last time I heard that I fell off my Dinosaur' or 'And?' or 'Do you have any better material?'

Of course the best thing is to get a friend in there to stick up for DS, and to alert the teachers.

I don't know of a child who goes through school without dealing with teasing in one way or another. Usually the child that my son 'locks horns' with is the kid who used to be the 'smartest boy' before he met DS. ((sigh)) Apparently (most) children think in crayon steriotypes, so if a person was 'smartest' or 'fastest' and someone new comes along, they are as threatened as if I lost my job, my family, and my typing skills all on the same day. Identity is a powerful thing.

That's why having the teacher do a unit on 'sticking up for each other' is so important. It gives kids the identity of 'we belong to a strong group and stick together.'

Shari, I wouldn't be celebrating right now, but this is something to embrace. You've done really well so far, and I believe that you will all get through this stronger.

love and more love,
Grinity
Posted by: BWBShari

Re: A bump in the road - 04/29/09 12:53 PM

Talked to DS' math teacher this morning. She was really upset. The school does have a "no tolerance" bullying policy in place and she promised the situation would be resolved today.

As my son didn't know the other boys name, she pulled out a class picture and had my son point him out. Once he had identified the offender, the teacher told me that they'd had problems in the past with the same kid and she was going to refer him to the principle. She apologized profusely to me and my son. She sat DS down and made him promise that if anything happens again, he'll come and talk to her.

So, i'm hoping this is the end of it for now at least. I'll have to give him some pointers on snappy comebacks!

Thanks to everyone for listening to me whine!
Posted by: kimck

Re: A bump in the road - 04/29/09 12:58 PM

Glad the teacher is so supportive! That's great.
Posted by: Grinity

Re: A bump in the road - 04/29/09 03:34 PM

Yippee! That's what I love about a school that gets it right around bullying!

Smiles,
Grinity
Posted by: Tiz

Re: A bump in the road - 04/30/09 05:38 AM

Shari, pleased to hear that it is being sorted out smile