And I am asking for regrets of both kinds - whether you did or didn't accelerate, and how that played out beyond elementary.

We are mulling over a second acceleration for DS7, a rising third grader who was recently tested with an FSIQ of 154.

He was entered early, but as his birthday is only a few weeks after the cutoff and there happen to be no redshirted kids in his current classroom (this may change depending on which Middle/high school program we choose) a second acceleration would not appear to be that radical, except for the fact that he is very asynchronous and does NOT come across as socio-emotionally mature, additionally he's anxious and highly sensitive. Though he does like to play with older kids, there are a couple good fits among our acquaintance.

So far, he was tolerably engaged in his elementary classroom skewing highly for SES and achievement, which of course may change in third grade (new teacher, different demands). As I am sure the idea of a skip would make him highly anxious right now, the only option would be skipping after third into fifth, which would be the first grade of middle school, and also the grade gifted programming starts. The gifted program is a track within a public college prep school, so an already accelerated program that telescopes the curriculum by year and adds enrichment in the time saved. Parents appear to be very happy.

It is a bit of a dilemma - down the road, I cannot imagine him to be engaged by the regular college prep curriculum and I imagine being accelerated twice might help academically. But as for the social aspect, in a regular program he will meet redshirted and retained kids galore. And while I felt myself, having skipped only once, that the one year difference was never an issue after fifth grade, the gap to the kids two or more years older which I met in extracurriculars, and occasionally in the classroom, felt HUGE.

However, while in the gifted program being accelerated once is par for the course, being accelerated twice not that unusual either, and help with the typical issues (writing) will be offered, he might not actually need to be skipped to be engaged. Or might he, being HG+? If we do not jump at the chance now, will we regret it? Or should it be all about whether he can tolerate another year of elementary? We might not have a choice either way...

I should add, that after fifth, grade, any type of acceleration in either program beyond the regular curriculum, which is very strictly sequential through senior year, with barely any choices in subjects and none in levels, is almost unheard of. No more transitions, the same kids in one classroom till junior year. Grade corrections up or down could happen in tenth grade at the earliest, by spending a year abroad.

Basically I am asking you to be my crystal ball, based on your own experiences...

I think that gender plays a role. As a female, with a June bday, I was behind in puberty but I did not feel awkward. And liking a boy older than you are is not a big deal.
In high school, there is the possibility of drinking to fit in. All kinds of scenarios that may or may not happen.
Socially awkward guys, in high school, that are really smart, tend to become very successful but often choose the wrong women, compensating. Seen that a lot on Wall St. I know that people may think this point is ridiculous, but playing devil's advocate. This scenario is as real as any other. Hence why a school that allows for acceleration in subjects while allowing for social development is optimal. Why a school like Hunter allows kids to do a college degree at Columbia or NYU while they continue in other subjects staying in high school. That kid a couple of years ago who graduated from Physics at Columbia before he got his high school diploma from Hunter. He was already in graduate studies in math at NYU when he went to his high school prom.

I think it is very difficult to predict, as it depends so much on the specific child. But I think you knew that...

My own experience was largely positive. I also just missed the cutoff, and was entered early, skipped once at third grade, again at ninth, and left high school a year before graduation to enroll in the university. So four nominal skips (although the early entry to K was negligible). In the grades that encompass third through sixth, I was in various forms of gifted programming. In junior and senior high, I was not, but had a custom schedule, with additional acceleration in core academic subjects.

Factors that I think helped to moderate the peer social impacts include having HG+ siblings close in age, a community with a high performing peer group outside of school, and extracurricular interests that were not as affected by age/size (I was not an athlete). I am also rather small of stature, which may have steered me away from sports, irrespective of grade skips.

Regrets? Maybe a few awkward pre/early adolescent romantic encounters, which, at the time, I thought were awkward because of my age difference, but in retrospect, were just awkward because of my age, period.

Among my children, I have an early adolescent who skipped K and 4th, who appeared to be largely happy with the course of things while still in a b&m school. The one comment I have heard is a dislike for being treated (in a warm, cuddly, class pet kind of way) like a baby by classmates--although they consistently respected the academic aspects. This particular child is highly social. The others have been predominantly or solely homeschooled, so it hasn't come up as much.

I have a daughter so I cannot help directly but will still post some of our decision making process for others down the road searching for this topic :-)

We certainly considered pushing for a skip for our DD8 from the end 2nd to start of 5th given her IQ and achievement scores. We chose not to for the following reasons:-

+ The 'to be' 5th grade cohort was composed of physical giants almost across the board (it was as though a meteor shower directly over our town/village had emitted rays that effected every pregnant woman in the area LOL). So the size difference would have encouraged them to treat our DD as a pet/mascot and we want her to be mentally AND physically confident.

+ We didn't want to bite off more than our DD could chew in terms of social integration - we knew that academically it would be a cakewalk for her. We thought that we would test the water first with a bog standard skip.

+ We know that we can always (and will if necessary) push for another one if needed in the future - in our SD middle school begins in 6th grade and a skip across buildings is not recommended in the IOWA Acceleration Scale book.

Since skipping just that one grade my DD is *SO MUCH happier* in and out of school. She has made a few good friends with common interests so we are reluctant to disrupt the status quo for the time being. We after school with AoPS too so that she is still in her ZPD to some extent as well.

I am writing from a slightly different point of view, as an adult who wishes she had been (further) accelerated.

I am HG & w/ a late August birthday was lucky enough to enter school early w/o having to skip (though we did still do some subject acceleration). I was given the option of skipping again in 4th grade, which would have made me 10 going into middle school & I would have graduated at 16. Understandably, this made my mom nervous... but as an adult, I really wish she had taken the offer!

I didn't really relate to my age peers, & the one year I was homeschooled was AMAZING academically. It was the only time before adulthood I felt adequately challenged academically. Unfortunately this was not a long-term option for a single mom below poverty level. I feel I could have learned so much more & felt more enriched in that environment, or a further accelerated school environment. College was a very welcome change!

We have one who, by test scores, would be a candidate for multiple grade-accelerations. We've chosen instead to subject-accelerate (one acceleration is several years' skip) where he needs it most, keeping him with age peers in some parts of his day.

There is no one size fits all, and no solution that fits forever. What MON said: Do what will fit in the short and medium term, but be ready to shift gears...

Four case studies for you--

Myself-- should have been accelerated, possibly 2y or more, and wasn't. I spent my high school years skipping class and being-- well, the kind of teen that I don't want my DD even around. I was bored and depressed, and my self-worth was virtually zero. I graduated in the top quartile of my class even so-- and when I say "skipped class" I mean that in my sophomore year, the authorities were interested in my absenteeism rate, which topped 40%.

My Best Friend (HG)-- left high school at sophomore year, enrolling in community college and attaining her first degree and her CPA before she was 19 years old. She was the youngest state tax auditor that her state of residence has ever hired. She was effectively accelerated 3y at the END of her high school career, and this has worked out well for her. I seriously doubt that she has any regrets. She and I both married very young, however-- and to partners VERY much older than ourselves-- gaps of 11 and 7 years, respectively.

My BIL-- similar story to mine. He's EG.

My DD: Effectively a 4y skip, given her late birthday-- we delayed entry until she was 6 while we homeschooled in a variety of ways. At that time, she entered as a 3rd grader at the end of the year-- but worked through the entire 3rd grade curriculum in a compacted 8 week period. The following year, she compacted 4th and 5th, but the school started to freak out, and asked us to agree to "no more skips" which was fine for about 18 months, and not-so-great for another 12, and hideous for another 6 until we told them that she was probably not going to graduate if they didn't do something about the poor fit. She graduated #1 in her (VERY competitive) class at 14yo, and was accepted everywhere she applied, and has a full ride scholarship at a state research flagship in the smaller honors college program there. We'll see how she does, but the college environment seems to suit her well.


Okay, so things which I regard as collateral damage-- that is, they are regrettable, but the price which had to be paid:

a) sports-- she is fairly athletic, but the age difference means that outside of club sports, she is THE youngest, and usually the least capable,

b) social-- she, too, resents being "the baby" A LOT. She has chosen to modify her behavior so that she can "pass" which has worked well since puberty, but that brings me to--

c) romantic*-- because she is FUNCTIONALLY 2-3 y older, and very appealing in personality and appearance, she has a lot more interest from others than is wise or healthy, and mostly it makes her incredibly uncomfortable. She's never really known anyone that she wanted to be involved with within 2 y of her own age, and at the moment, this is a serious concern and causes her a lot of stress because of how strict our state laws are, and the R&J clause here, which is 3y. MOST of the college guys who hit on her are outside of that range,given that she's only just 15. Her first serious boyfriend is nearly 4 years older than she is; the two of them are well-matched in other respects, but it's an issue, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't worry both sets of parents. They're supervised as though they were both 15, and there are some VERY strange conversations because of this age difference. Things like making sure that NO electronic communications between the two of them could even remotely constitute "supporting evidence" of an improper relationship between them... and some of this stuff applies even with her FRIENDS.

d) pragmatic limitations on transportation, legal authority, etc. This is a huge mixed bag, but it will include things like not being able to stay in a hotel room with a group of older students, not being able to drive or vote, not being able to even GO INTO a bar while a college student (okay, maybe that is positive), insurance, driving, etc. etc.



* also note that because of my own experiences, I know that NOT accelerating DD would in no way prevent any of this. Remember, I met my future spouse at 15, too, and he was in his 20's at the time. So I didn't confuse acceleration as causative in this case. DD isn't drawn to people older than herself because she spends so much time with them, so much as that she finds agemates to not really be PEERS.

HK, maybe you could elaborate on what happens with sports clubs. If a multi-skipped kid, hanging with older kids, hangs with agemates in sports clubs, are they able to socialize with age peers, does that work? Etc. I think it helps us looking at skips. Particularly with boys, who I think have a greater cultural hurdle in social stuff.

Maybe I should clarify. You dated someone 7 years older when you were 15, can you imagine the scenario if it was a 22 year old girl dating a 15 year old boy.

Exactly-- there's also a bit of "that was then and this is now" going on, too.

So while my 15yo has a 19yo boyfriend, it's only not squicky because it's THIS particular 19yo.


Kind of. The thing is, kids talk about school-- and that leads to skipped kids being outsiders, or having to reveal that which they'd hoped to keep under wraps for social reasons.

So on the one hand, people may be more accepting of a girl who is younger than the median/average age of the group, they are generally LESS accepting of a girl who is an intellectual threat to the supremacy of the oldest members of that group. It's (seemingly) reversed for boys.

Most school-affiliated sports, and even a few CLUB sports, are organized by grade level. That means that if your child is a 10th grader on paper, they'll be playing with/competing against children who are 15-17yo. If your child happens to be accelerated by 2y, that means that s/he will only be 12-13 at the time.

On the other hand, going by chronological age (as many club sports do) means that s/he will be grouped with 7th graders, with whom s/he may have little in common. It's also a behavioral expectations anomoly in the life of that child-- that is, if s/he is expected to behave functionally as a 10th grader much of each day, it's easier to normalize "okay, when I'm with other teens, I'm 16" than to switch back and forth between a number of different behavioral templates.

Not sure if I'm explaining that one well. It's one reason why we've just gritted our teeth and had DD with that older cohort all the way around.

Our ultimate goals are for her to have a somewhat normative set of experiences to take with her into adulthood, socially speaking, and to at the same time make her academic life tolerable. The solution set there has unfortunately meant growing up faster than her chronological age would dictate, but that's the sacrifice that had to be made so that she can relate socially to a peer group throughout her life.

Just thinking this out, since DD is just turning 10. The frontal cortex does all that crazy growth 14-21, right? And just thinking how I was emotionally, even though I skipped, fit in socially, emotionally I was what I was. What is the price?
A 15 year old boy in college is probably not going to get any action for a while. While a 15 year old girl is a desirable target. No matter how smart, socially adjusted, it is still an emotional issue. Great, if the guy stays with her for a few years, but it aint high school. I had not thought about the emotional factor. Socially DD is great, intellectually no problems, but now that I think about it, not sure how any emotional scars from sexual relationships in college would impact her.

Suddenly reminding me of the desperately hopeful look on the face of the opposite-sex radically-accelerated college classmate who was one of the few I knew who was not one of my relatives or their friends. Too bad I had, by that time, decided that the solution to the age gap was to wait until I had reached late adolescence for anything more than simple friendship! Which is, of course, one possible solution.

Oh, and the frontal lobe is still growing well into the early 20s. Usually later for males than for females. Which is probably one of the reasons (in addition to the range of optimal reproductive health) that it is more socially-acceptable for the male partner in a romantic pairing to be older than for the female partner.

And see, I look back and feel that arc is largely idiosyncratic as much as the intellectual one is.

My emotional maturity had been goosed substantially by life circumstances-- so I was more or less not like any other 14-16yo, but much more like my friends who were 22-28yo. I understood certain things about the human condition, if you will, because I'd seen things that most kids my age had not. Most teens? Made me feel old. And tired. World-weary and not a little impatient with their-- immaturity and naivete. I remember that sensation quite clearly, and recall thinking that I hated being the functional "grown-up" in every group. My friends and family agemates and I did a lot of very dangerous/risky things during those years, but my judgment kept us just this side of major disaster, if that makes sense. I was a wild teen, but the ONLY time that we ran afoul of the laws of man or nature was when someone was too dumb or arrogant to listen to me when I offered objections. Of course, a healthy dose of good luck helped, too-- but when I go into detail about some of those things, like bridge jumping, staying out all night, etc, it is still clear to me many decades out that my judgment was that of a person much older. It appeared that I was far more reckless than was ACTUALLY the case. My mouthiness was the only thing that getting older helped with in terms of regulation. At 15 I was already very much like the person I'd be at 30. I realize that is somewhat anomalous.

DD's emotional maturity is similarly old for age-- but for different reasons. She is less sexually mature for age, however-- but she is far more self-aware there than I was, and having parents who are assertively in-the-loop has meant that we've done what we can to protect her and coach her as she encounters predatory individuals and unhealthy interpersonal stuff.

Anyway. All of that to note that I think that all of those developmental arcs (physical, emotional, intellectual) have to be taken into account, and reconciled in the context of a person's life circumstances if one is to know what the "right" thing is. Our strategy with DD is to make sure that she can talk to us about anything (and she does), and to express our hopes, our fears (within limits, of course), and expectations to her. We also make clear what is known about the neurobiology of any particular stage or event in her life, so that she can properly contextualize it and extrapolate from as many different places as possible. Thus far, that analytical approach seems to work very well for her.

Hindsight is always 20/20, though.

Tigerle, we didn't accelerate even though our ds has been working way ahead of grade level since he was very young. Have I ever had regrets? Yes. I've also had many times that I've been thankful that we didn't. I think that truthfully there is no clear answer in either direction for most kids, and no crystal ball for us as parents to look into and know what the best answer will be for "most of the time".

All in all, accelerated or not, I think the key to success for all of our kids is staying in touch and involved as a parent and being flexible enough to change direction or forge a new path as your child encounters a new bump in the road or a new opportunity along their journey.

For us personally, the one large looming thing that held us back from accelerating was hearing from parents of children who had been accelerated that it was great for elementary school but they regretted it once their child was in class with middle school kids going through puberty. I also honestly didn't want to lose any years that my ds would be at home with family by sending him off and away to college at an early age. For our ds, that decision worked out well because he's always been happy being with age-peers and once he was mature enough to talk about this and give us his opinions, he was very clear that he also didn't want to be whole-grade accelerated. He's also very clear with us that there have been times that boredom with the pace and intellectual level of some of his classes has been beyond bearable - but he would rather have that than be navigating socially in a grade where he was by far the youngest student. Did not accelerating prevent him from learning at as high of a level as he is capable of? Definitely at times, more so in his early education than now in high school, but yes, it did. Did it matter? It felt like it did sometimes back then, today I'd say a big "NO". He did not become lazy and he didn't lose any of his love and motivation for learning. He may have added a few years to the time it will take him to find whatever career he ultimately decides, but that's ok. Really.

So sorry - no real advice here, just a note that it's sooooo not ever going to be easy to know which is *the* way to go. And there might be multiple ways to go! The best any of us can do as parents is to gather all the input we can, and then go with whatever our gut feeling is - so trust your instincts, whatever direction they are pointing

Best wishes,

polarbear

I have been following this thread with interest. Like HK, I was absent a lot of the time in high school and developed a really negative attitude toward formal education during the process. I was near the top of my class and in the national honor society despite my absences and it gave me a lack of respect for the educational process that regrettably continued into college. I did fine in college as well, but could have taken much more from my education if I had been more engaged prior to graduate school.

My daughter has been accelerated one grade and has a spring birthday, so she is quite young for her class. Her psychologist suggested another skip, but she doesn't want one. She loves being one grade higher, but feels that a larger skip would be too much. Her school is somewhat flexible (it is a charter school and kids work at their own pace, plus she goes to the middle school classes as needed). It really isn't ideal, though, and we are starting up tutoring to try to keep her engaged. The expense really adds up; tutoring costs more than when she was in private school for a couple of years at this point.

I don't know what we will do for high school because she is so out of sync at this point. We will look at early college entrance, but I also don't want her going away before she is ready. People argued against the single grade skip saying, "do you really want your child to go to college a year early?" I responded that she could always stay home or travel for a year; she didn't have to go to college. The problem is becoming more pressing now that it's clear the acceleration wasn't enough.

I agree with polarbear. I think there are multiple options that can be made to work. You can always do an acceleration and then reverse it, as awkward as that may be. The decisions aren't irreversible and situations can change. I just try to do the best I can.

I was really bored in high school, and skipped a lot too. Skipping was fun Going to class, not so much lol! Except for a few classes that were made up of just the few of us very geeky science nerds… with teachers who taught us at our level. That kept me going. I have often been annoyed that I willingly spent hours daydreaming my way through the slow and boring classes because I felt that didn't help me develop good habits for paying attention in lectures when I needed to in college and beyond. OTOH, I think I'm by nature a day-dreamer so I'm not sure it's fair to blame all of that tendency on being under-challenged in high school.

We're just beginning the high school journey with our kids - but fwiw, high school is so very different now in terms of options than it was when I was young (a long time ago). There were electives and honors courses and AP courses (although far fewer) when I was in high school, but that was about it. Today our public high schools (where we live) offer credits for online classes, for courses taken through programs such as CTY, for mentorships in the community, for courses taken at both of our local universities, and we have several alternative programs as well as the traditional honors and highly gifted programs. The opportunities for having challenge and studying in your area of passion as a high school student *today* are just absolutely 100 times more abundant than they were when I had my relatively "non-challenging" high school experience. I hope they will continue to offer more variety and opportunities as the world changes in the next 10+ years for the children on this board who are just starting out in their education journey.

Just a thought

polarbear

Thank you so much for all these stories, it is incredibly helpful to get all this btdt perspective that is so hard to find in real life.

I realize that in our case, it is the emotional side even more than the social side that worries me. DS is tall, thin and handsome in a geeky sort of way, and girls seem to like him. He has a harder time with boys, particularly as he is unable to do the posturing and physical stuff. He is all sincerity and literalness. I am not even worried about him drinking too early - he is too much worried about the effects of alcohol even now, barely swayed by peer pressure and anyway, we live in Europe, he can legally drink with his parents at 14 and by himself at 16, which takes a lot of pressure off kids to prove their coolness by rule breaking.

But he is physically awkward and really bad at ball games, and while he wouldn't be interested in school sports and we can choose club sports for him where he might be able to succeed inspire of this (I will try to keep him interested in martial arts to improve his coordination, and later let him try out rowing) there is mandatory PE and games at recess...I could tell he was upset that his first number grade in PE was as bad as it was.

How to keep up his confidence, let him overcome his anxieties, understand that another kid being unfair or mean is not the end of the world or even that bad on the side of the kid...i think it might be harder with a second skip.

And all of you who reminded me that nothing is set in stone are right of course. Well, we might be choosing his high school soon, as middle and high are one continuous program we live. But schools can be changed and there is always early college - the local university might be a good science choice at least for a couple years.

Any more stories? Loving how this thread turned out!

Our current plan is to homeschool until we run out of advanced high school material, and then take individual/extension/online college courses in those subjects until our children appear globally-ready for the college life. We try to keep their schedules, independent homework, and extracurriculars at a level of intensity that matches their interests and developmental levels, with only the content of academics accelerated. Our sports enthusiast plays by age group, which appears to be the norm in our community, for both community and club teams. We do know many talented athletes who "play up," often with much older children, based on their level of competition. School teams play by grade placement, but also routinely "cross-grade" athletes by skill. (Alas, none of this is common for academics.) One of the advantages of homeschooling is that no one on the team (kids or parents) seems interested in the grade placement of our child.

My siblings and I were all radically accelerated straight into college, which, as I said, I don't exactly regret, but I and one of my siblings with school-age children appear to be tending toward the model described above for our own children. Another sibling, whose children are early elementary age, has them in a high-achieving private school (more or less pre-prep level), without any particular plan to accelerate so far.

We didn't go away to college (attending the state 4-year in our home community instead), mainly because our parents felt we should still be under the level of attention and supervision typical of our chronological ages, but also because, back in the day, most college insurance policies would not cover students under 16 in campus housing. Besides, our parents took the position that only your grad/professional degree matters; your undergraduate institution is irrelevant, beyond a minimum level easily met by a four-year state institution. Generally speaking, that proved to be the case.

As there is no way of accurately predicting the circumstances this many years in the future, I think it is most productive to make decisions about placement and programming based on what is best for your child right now--for the next six months, year, two years. I am inclined to overthink future plans too, but remind myself that my parents had to make very fluid school decisions for each of us (all quite different along the way), most of which they would not have been able to anticipate based on our circumstances at age seven.

I hear the anxiety about harming your child in the future with a decision made now in good faith. There is something to be said for extending a certain amount of mercy to yourself as a parent. We do the best we can, but we will make mistakes. Surprisingly few of them result in irretrievable damage, especially as long as we are effective in communicating to our children that we love and value them as they are, and thus make parenting decisions as an expression of our love. Even when there may be irreversible consequences, the context of love allows for forgiveness and healing. Do the best you can based on the resources you have available to you, apologize and make reparations if it doesn't work out, and forgive yourself.

You are so right. I'm guessing most of us parents here went through school during the early days of developing institutional gifted ed programs. (Actually, the early days of widespread programming for children with disabilities, too, so any of you who are 2e really got hit hard.) With all the challenges remaining, there are many more options now than there were in the past.

Oh, and I didn't skip class at all...but I did read through every one of my classes. I would check out a book at the beginning of the day, and return it to the school library before going home. Sometimes I'd have to stop by at lunchtime for a new book. I think it was very educational.

We're homeschooling, so many of these concerns don't arise.

I agree with doing what's right in the near term, and cross future bridges as you come to them.

THIS. Both paragraphs-- so, so much.

The reason that I had a thoughtful answer at the ready, honestly, is that we have thought most of this stuff through. Ad nauseum, in some particular niches.

No crystal ball but ask yourself whether you are a glass empty or a glass full type of person. This will make a difference. For example, if you are a glass full type of person, you are more likely to notice every instance down the road that affirms the soundness of your initial choice. Regardless, know this: There is generally not one right decision at a particular point but rather a series of adjustments we make along the way, which of course depends on what we have chosen before.

There are so many variables at any given point that you first need to understand your personal priorities and what should be priorities based on your particular child's idiosyncrasies. Because you described your DS as anxious and highly sensitive, I would examine your choices through that particular lens to avoid harm above all else. It's truly a balancing act. For example, while a little boredom never killed anyone, persistent unrelenting boredom year after year can also do real damage.

DS11 just started middle school (6th - 8th grade here) so a lot can still change between now and adulthood. However, I am glad that we chose not to grade skip him when it was on the table in early elementary. We did double subject accelerated him in math (during 2nd and 4th) so that he is studying GT Geometry with 8th graders this year. Interestingly, one of the reasons that we chose not to triple subject accelerate him was my concern that Geometry might be a weak area (based on his relative visual spatial weakness) so that I wanted him to be older when he took the course. At the time (two years ago), our district GT math sequence placed GT Geometry after GT Algebra II so that DS would have turned 12 before studying GT Geometry. However, due to Common Core, our district changed the sequence starting this year so that GT Geometry now comes before GT Algebra II. Ironically, this means that electing to NOT subject accelerate an extra year two years ago still resulted in DS taking GT Geometry at age 11. Who knew? As it turned out, based on a recent geometric reasoning assessment, DS is still an outlier and presumably well beyond ready for a course requiring geometric proofs. Now you can interpret our choice two years ago as a mistake since the district ended up changing their math sequence this year and it turned out that DS was ready for GT Geometry at age 11 so that he could have/should have taken GT Algebra I two years ago and GT Algebra II last year. However, it's actually all good. I don't have regrets partly because DS' GT Pre-algebra teacher two years ago helped lay that strong foundation in Geometry since many units in that course covered Geometric topics. DS would not be as strong in Geometry now if he had taken GT Algebra I instead two years ago. That's not my way of rationalizing or claiming that we made the best choice - only that there can be good found in many choices and it does not necessarily have to be do or die. HTH

I'll chime in as someone who was not radically accelerated, but who made choices that allowed for some acceleration in university.

My public elementary school volunteered a skip from 3 to 6, but my parents were concerned about socialization and encouraged me to select a single year skip. At the time, gifted testing began at the beginning of fourth grade. I moved into the 5th grade gifted program 6 weeks into the school year after the test results came in. I was not academically challenged, made friends, but felt like an isolate, and spent most of my time reading in class.

I moved to a private girls' school for 7 to 12 with a group of university bound girls. The social dynamic was terrific, and I quickly morphed into a social butterfly-hyper achiever, grew to hold leadership roles in many clubs and played several varsity sports. I had an A+ average every year, despite never doing work outside class and goofing off in class on my laptop with friends.

I managed to cut the final year off high school, complete the IB diploma program, and gain credits for first year university, giving me second year placement while preserving first year scholarships. University was probably the first time I'd ever had to work, but after a semester I had figured out how to get As with minimal effort while enjoying a robust social life. I enrolled in a master's program, compacted and completed it in 8 months, and went on to work as a researcher at a think tank at 20, where most of my colleagues were 30+.

I'm by no means as accelerated as many folks here. In hindsight, I think any number of arrangements could have been successful, including another year or two of acceleration in elementary. The single sex environment was, for me, a social catalyst. I went to university between 3 and 4 years younger than peers and blended in well. In my first year, most of my friends were seniors.

Just thought I'd tell a story of self-governed, late stage acceleration to show that the game isn't over in elementary.

I'm un/homeschooling my 2/pg ds8.5 due to the rapid acceleration issue. He's already been in two private (gifted) school and neither one of them could accommodate or even address the rapid acceleration needs. I ran out of options. Both schools could only deal with a couple of grade skips, but nothing else and ds started to tailspin. I had to un/homeschool and try to figure something out and quickly too.

Ds will be an early college in time and when he's social/emotionally ready. I don't have a crystal ball or when that time will be. However, there's a number of colleges and prestigious prep/boarding schools who enroll kids around 12 yrs old, some even possibly earlier. Mia Farrow's son, Ronan, went to college at 10 yrs old, for example.

A point to keep in mind is that there's tons of college courses online (MOOCs - massive open online courses) today - totally free too. There's EdX, Coursera, Udacity, Future Learn, Open 2 Study, and many, many more. So there are potentially options for some temporary or short-term college work at home.

I'm not saying online college courses are ideal, but they may provide an intermediate step for you. There may also be local opportunities for a young child to attend college courses at a community college or state college or equivalent. Again, these may not be ideal situations. However, they may be the lesser of two evils or the least worst situation.

Two things I try to keep in mind: 1) most decisions are reversible and 2) most 'normal' rules don't apply here. With un/homeschooling, my ds can take high school or college courses online yet play around with kids his own chronological age or at the playground, for instance, which would be nearly impossible otherwise.

So, what is a wrong woman, and how do I recognize them and get rid of the little hussies for my poor DS :p?
The first is actually a genuine question...

How do you undo a skip? I mean apart from the obvious - how did you make the placement work for her?

I don't want DS to start college too early. I think it's an important point that one can take college level course, either informally learning the material, or actually enrolling in individual courses before actually formally enrolling as a full-time college student.

At my high school in the 1980s there was a policy that you would be docked a full letter grade for skipping a single class. High schools do value attendance, in part because funding is tied to attendance and also because they are supposed to help enforce truancy laws.

Some but not all college course do not require attendance, although I would not recommend skipping classes. More important, the number of hours per week of class time is much lower than in high school. There is no "study hall", and you are not being babysat/warehoused. I was a goody two-shoes in high school, but high school graduation was still one of the best days in my life, because it meant FREEDOM. Accelerating your children means granting them freedom earlier.

I can give the OP some anecdotal information about my eldest, who is a boy and is 14. He skipped two grades and is now a combined high school junior/college freshman. This odd placement is because he's enrolled in a program called Middle College. I recommend that others at least read about Middle College programs. They're fairly popular are free, and aren't heavily advertised.

Academically and socially, the double skip worked out well through 7th grade. Eighth grade was difficult for him socially for a variety of reasons. One of them was that the boys were adolescents and he wasn't. He homeschooled for 9th grade and then went to the regular high school last year. At that point, he was bigger and he fit in better with the boys in his class, and always had someone to hang around with at lunch, etc. He was happy last year. He's also happy this year, though the girl thing is probably tough. That area is presumably tough in its own way for 99.9% of high school kids, though, so at least he's in good company.

Middle College (MC) is a dual enrollment program for high school students (some programs are for grades 9-12; more typical is 11-12). Academically, it's amazing at this point (>3 weeks in) and has surpassed my expectations. People who read this forum regularly know how often and how loudly I complain about schools, so for me to say "it's amazing" says a lot.

My son spends his whole day at the college, where he takes 3 high school classes with the people who run the program, and and 3 college classes. Interestingly, the MC students aren't allowed to take remedial courses! He may have an A.S. in Mathematics when he's 16 (hasn't completely decided yet). The people who run the program are very smart, and that makes a huge difference --- not just for my son, but for all the kids in the program.

Others here have said, "We don't want our child to go to college when s/he's too young," and I understand that sentiment, because I feel it too. My concern is that being too much younger than the people around you will create significant social problems. So far, Middle College is allowing DS to take college classes while being surrounded by students who are still kids. He also benefits from the college's open-minded perspective regarding very young students. For example, a 12-year-old took calculus recently, and there's a 13-year-old non-Middle-College student in one of DS's classes.

Middle College programs presumably differ from place to place, but they're generally seen as alternative ed. From what I've seen, programs in this bucket tend to have increased flexibility and less of many of the very frustrating stuff that comes with big public school systems and even many private schools.

I just looked it up. It seems that some middle colleges are with community colleges and some with universities. Depends on where you live. Too bad they couldn't do the university courses online with supplemental labs. Remember that CT high school student that was dual enrolled at Fairfield U but then went to Yale because the courses at Fairfield were not challenging enough? Nice to get some standardization.

I've have been keeping my eye on Middle/Early Colleges for the past few years. I have friends who have send their children to programs in other areas with a lot of success. Unfortunately we don't seem to have a problem in my school district.

We've managed some radical acceleration by homeschooling with a local learning center. (They are excellent BTW, so if you are in the PDX area, PM me for the lowdown.) DD is currently around 3 years accelerated and we've seen both negatives and positives.

DD would be entering 6th grade in public school, but is about to start with a mostly high school level curriculum (with a few upper middle school classes for various reasons). The school situation (which I appreciate is unique) has provided mitigation for some possible negatives. This past year it was middle school level classes.

On the positive side, she's much happier being able to learn new things and actually having to work. Regular school wasn't good for her intellectual or emotional health. Her work load last year could have been more rigorous, but this year should actually be a challenge (AP Biology!).

Because the classes have broad age ranges, she get's to be the youngest on a continuum, rather than the youngest by several years. This helps keep her from feeling like too much of an outlier. Or rather it did. This year she she will go from being the youngest in the age band to younger than the age band and probably will be an outlier in some classes (though her biology last year had a 9-year-old so...).

Because the school has mixed ages, grades, everything, she can easily connect to a peer group with more similar ages (for her this means kids 1-2 years older, which is where she's comfortable). It also helps with the flirting/dating issue (which she is only just dipping her toes into). We've made it clear that any boy more than a year older is TOO OLD at her age. She's comfortable with that too. Basically, she's not cordoned off from kids her age.

Another good thing about the school is that they are super flexible about homework and grades (optional and nonexistent). This might be a negative for some kids, but for DD it's perfect. She can learn the material without being crushed by a too-heavy workload or too much need for executive function skills (which are not at all advanced in my DD). We do insist on her doing homework and give her grades (at her request actually, though you should have seen her face when I gave her a C!). The negative is that college might crush her... but more on that below.

Honestly though, I don't know that a straight acceleration in public school would have worked as well. Academically it'd be fine, but the social issues and PE and workload might have been too much for her.

Sports are all outside of school and are run by age. Many kids here play outside of grade if they are very good and there are many other's who've been skipped a grade. So the disconnect isn't too bad. DD has found ways of dodging school talk, though sometimes it bums her out.

Summer camp is by entering fall grade, but we naturally enroll her at the appropriate age and not grade, which is what they really mean anyway. She has permission to tell any story she wants to the kids at camp about school. She can describe herself as a homeschooler without a grade or as attending a private school. Since the assumption is that all the kids are entering the same grade, it usually doesn't come up.

There's a particular early admission program she has her eye on, but otherwise we are taking it year by year. It's given her some focus to have that as a goal and the process of applying (taking the SAT and ACT, essays, campus visit) will give us all a sense of whether she's ready or not. That will start next year. She will also take her first community college class in spring of next year and this should help her dip her toes into college level workload. We are looking at a science class with a lab. I realize that CC is not the same as a 4-year in terms of rigor, but it's a start.

As she ages there seem to be more and more options. For example, she could spend a year abroad. She can decelerate to attend a rigorous boarding prep school. She can go wider for a while and explore more interests through high school level classes and community college, without necessarily launching on a full-time degree track. She can do an online / middle college option (classes at the CC, but enrolled as an official high school student). She can attend college part or full time and live at home. If there's a need to slow her down, there are more ways to do so without it feeling like a retread.

I wish I'd had the opportunity to accelerate (or really to skip high school entirely). School was mostly a boring kind of torture and there was enough of a disconnect between me and most other kids that it wouldn't have been worse if I'd have been younger. Mostly I skipped class, doing just enough for the grades. My sophomore year in college was a bit of a shock, being as it was the first time I needed to expel effort.

I notice that very few of you appear to consider learning more foreign languages and/or spending a year abroad as an exchange student as a deceleration option, rather than early college classes, online options, dual enrolment etc. Is that rather a European thing? Or do you feel it would be too hard finding the right learning environment abroad, seeing that it is so hard to find in ones own country?

The article isn't focused on students but I still think this covers some of the possible reason's it isn't as common in the U.S. (of course this is just a broad generalization) -
http://www.cnn.com/2011/TRAVEL/02/04/americans.travel.domestically/
I would add that I think a second/third/etc language through school is more common outside of the U.S..

FWIW I personally know quite a few Canadians who did something along those lines (although admittedly some of the families I'm thinking of weren't necessarily looking for deceleration due to gifted issues - they just wanted their kids to experience travelling).

We are pulling our kids out of school for a month this year to travel and are planning a larger trip in the next couple of years. If they were struggling (or being challenged) in school we would schedule it around school rather than purposely giving them a break from school.

I don't think gap years are as common in NA, in general, so it's probably not naturally in our awareness. Also, there's the issue of truancy laws, which require school enrollment until age 16 or 18, depending on the state.

I and my siblings used the time at the post-college level: for additional bachelor's, master's, work experiences, volunteering.

Many of the most ambitious Canadians will wind up in the U.S., and if I were a Canadian parent, I might want my children to spend some time in the U.S. To be successful, it's not as important for Americans as it is for people from many other countries to travel abroad or to learn a second language. My eldest son is starting to take French this year, and I want him to do well. But for me a foreign language has just been a hoop to jump though to get into a good college, and it may well be the same for him. His learning of computer languages will probably be more valuable to him.

Tigerle - no, that's definitely not true in our case. My ds is a dual US/UK citizen and we'd move or send him to the UK or an EEC country in a heartbeat, if $$ wasn't an issue. I've lived over there on/off with my UK husband before we had ds. We just visited family there in May since my fil isn't well at all.

Ds has been doing languages online with Memrise. Then again, dh is a Brit and learned two languages in public elementary/primary school. Ds is not interested in learning computer languages yet, but there are many ways to learn them today.

I know Jake Barnett is studying for his master's in Canada at Perimeter right now. He looked at the ivies here, Cambridge, and Oxford (I think) and probably many other places before heading north.

We've been looking at what's offered in terms of MOOCs (massive open online courses) with UK's Future Learn and Australia's Open 2 Study. Both offer some interesting courses that you wouldn't find here in the US. Newcastle U, for instance, has an archaeology/history course on Hadrian's Wall and the Romans. The chances of that type of course being offered here in the US are slim to none.

There are many opportunities around and ways to expose your kids to the wider world and beyond. There are many ways to keep them engaged in learning.

As for beyond gap years or truancy laws, if you receive approval or are ok to un/homeschool in your city/town/state then you should be free to pursue any type of gap year experience. In our state, we're only legally bound to submit paperwork for un/homeschooling until a child is 16 years old. Once a child turns 16 years old, you don't have to report and a child can, technically, drop out of school.

I'm not sure whether there are federal laws governing 16 years and 18 years old and public school but I would hazard to guess that each state allows a child to withdraw from public school at 16 yrs old without being considered a truant. After all, high school drop outs do find employment.

It's state-by-state. The range is entry by 5-8 and exit after 16-18. Homeschool statutes are state-by-state, as well, with some very loosely regulated, and others quite closely.

Thanks. I knew about un/homeschool statutes being state-by-state and by even city/town with the paperwork. That's enough of a headache.

I knew the situation changed after 16 yrs old with reporting for un/homeschooling and with public education in my state (and others), but was hoping that there was a tad more consistency between states with the 16-18-yr-old range. Sigh. Of course not. Pooh.

Really...I am now dual, my kid was born in NYC and is now going to school in Toronto. She started Mandarin in K, while in NYC. She has been to 12 countries. And now she is living in a different country and experiencing a different culture. I think it adds to her chances of success rather than staying in NYC until college.

I have a bit of experience with this. I accelerated several years in multiple subjects early in elementary school (base 5th grade at 7, some middle school courses), and I enjoyed it quite a bit. We moved a lot after this, and I ended up accelerated further and de-accelerated and everything in between for a few years. I started college part-time at 13 while staying part-time in high school (mostly for activities/sports purpose).

For me, my only regrets were not staying accelerated and not accelerating further, as the academic opportunities were wonderful and I was able to use some of the saved time to pursue other interests without getting behind in school (studying abroad, internships...).

The dating issue did come up for me, as well. I dated an older man when I was 15, and it brought up some of the problems discussed in previous posts. I was mostly supervised on dates, as well. However, by the time I was about 17, I was able to find boys closer to my age who caught my interest and could hold interesting conversations.

For me, having opportunities to meet others who were radically accelerated or partly accelerated helped with the social aspects. For instance, when I started high school, I had a "buddy" to help me, who was a smart senior who had been accelerated two years. It definitely helped me feel welcome and get over some of the awkwardness with new classmates when I was noticeably younger.

Dual-enrollment probably helped me as well. I was able to be academically challenged without having to give up all of the social/sports aspects of school with kids closer to my age--kind of a best-of-both-worlds sort of thing.

Flexibility was also a nice part of my education. Whenever something new was tried, it was with the understanding that it could be undone if needed. It might be something worth asking if the permanency issue is what is of concern to you...