I am trying to decide whether to let my son attend kindergarten early this year. He will be turning 5 in October, which is past the cutoff for regular public kindergarten. However, he could attend a private kindergarten and advance to public first grade next year. The private school where I enrolled him for pre-K is recommending acceleration; they say he's already on almost a first grade level in math and beyond that for reading.

I agreed to the switch, but now I have some reservations. My main concern is that his physical development is not as advanced -- he doesn't ride a bike without training wheels, for example, and he's a little bit shorter than the others in his kindergarten class. Am I setting him up to be the kid that always gets picked last for sports? I've heard that young children judge each other on their physical characteristics, so the taller kids are usually the popular kids.

My son is also introverted -- he never makes the first move. He's been in the kindergarten class for a week but hasn't really made a friend yet. Would he be better off in pre-K with his best buddy?

Right now I'm leaning toward pulling him out of kindergarten and back to pre-K, so that he can be one of the tall kids. Is this a sound idea? Our public school does have a gifted program (though I don't know much about it).

Hi Green. Welcome!

There has been a lot of discussion of this topic in the past, so you will want to look through the archives. It should be helpful.

I have a DS8 who skipped K, but he is very tall for his age so I'm not sure that I come at the issue the same way others might. While there are a lot of factors that come into play when making a decision about whether to accelerate, to me size should be a minor factor. There are a lot of people who will disagree with me, though. Pros for skipping regardless of height are that your child will have a chance to be challenged and to learn, and could very well be socially successful regardless of height. Also, depending on how small your child is, he could wind up being one of the shortest in his class regardless of whether he is accelerated or not. Cons would be that your boy might stand out as different physically and it may make it more difficult to be at the top of the heap in athletics. Whether any of this matters to your family, though, is dependent on your view of what schooling and childhood should ideally be. For instance, sports are very important to some families and optional for others; academic challenge is important to some while others find social relationships more important. So, it can be hard to give blanket advice.

FWIW, I think there is a lot of variation in physical development at that age (e.g., probably a lot of kids don't ride a bike without training wheels yet), so you may want to discuss your concerns with his teacher and you may want to go in and observe his class.

What about letting him do private K this year (he's already in the class, right?) and then seeing whether you want him to repeat K in the public school next year or whether you want him to go to public 1st. Then you'd have a whole other year to gather data and observe.

Hi Green, welcome! My 4th-grade DS8 skipped 1st grade, so he's at least a year younger than his classmates. He has some company with a couple kids who are the same (short) height. We did discuss the sports issue before we skipped, but by the time he entered kindy it was pretty apparent that we didn't have that sporty of a kid! We got training wheels off his bike last fall, but that was too soon, so now he won't get on his bike at all because he doesn't want anyone to see him on a bike with training wheels but he's too afraid to go on it without. He is enjoying fencing outside of school, and it is not an age-based sport (well, there's a range of ages in his class). He is a fast runner, despite his size. He also dared to get on a razr scooter this summer, and he loves it.

I guess for us re: the whole sports issue, it came down to the fact that he wasn't going to be the sportiest kid even if we kept him with agemates. And the academic need was more important in our family. We talked with our kiddo before the skip and warned him that he'd probably be one of the slowest in gym, and he said "that's OK, I'm already the worst." It really hasn't been that bad, as he's been keeping up pretty well since the skip.

I have not noticed any kids judging each other on size in my DS's class, and in fact one of my DS's best friends is the tallest in the class.

Welcome Green You'll find lots of great advice here!

FWIW, my ds12 (7th grade) had a birthday 2 months past the kindergarten cut-off. We desperately wanted to send him to kindy the year before he was eligible because intellectually he was beyond ready - but we couldn't. Our school district is so extremely rigid about the birthdate cutoff that they don't make exceptions for new incoming students until 2nd grade, so even our local private schools follow the same rule re age starting kindergarten.

That's part 1 of our ds' story - part 2 is, he's very short. So am I. He's not terribly athletic - in fact, he's generally less coordinated than most kids his age (he has Developmental Coordination Disorder which impacts how well he can catch a ball, he runs very slow, can't figure out things like skipping, and he was older than 5 before he learned how to ride a bike). He is extroverted by nature (prefers to be with people) but in early elementary he was extremely shy around adults and not terribly outgoing with same-age children. He's also a bit sensitive about how he perceives other people see him.

Soooo.... he fits most of the reasons you're considering not sending your ds to kindergarten until next year (short stature, not great at sports, and sorta-kinda-not-outgoing). From my perspective, each of those traits are things that are innately part of who we are, not things that are going to go away with age. Some things will change - as kids mature they often find more self-confidence in making new friends or talking to people they don't know well. Children do get more coordinated as they grow and most eventually learn how to ride bikes. But a kid who is going to be short is going to be short, no matter what grade he's in - not just when he's full grown, but most likely all along the way. The variation in height in each of my children's classrooms throughout elementary school has been huge; my older dd is relatively tall, but she's been with same-age peers who tower over her. My ds has always been the shortest boy in his class and sometimes the smallest kid in his class, and there was an age where this bothered him a bit (I think back around 2nd or 3rd grade) - but the thing is, he would have still been short and would have still gone through that phase where it bugged him no matter when he'd started school. AND keep in mind... we didn't have the option to start him early so he's always been one of the older kids in his class.

Would I have started him a year early if we'd had the option? For academics, absolutely yes. Have I regretted that we couldn't start him earlier? For the vast most part of everything, no. He did get bored with academics in elementary school, he probably didn't ultimately advance as quickly ahead-of-the-game as he could have had he started one year earlier, but we after-schooled a wee bit in the areas he was most interested in, and at the end of elementary he was able to use his after-school work to advocate for subject acceleration and we found middle school to be a place where subject acceleration has worked to give him an opportunity to have academic challenge yet still be with kids in his age group, which is a good fit - for him. It might not work as well for a different child with a different personality - but sometimes there's no way of knowing until you get where you're headed to, kwim?

If I were in your place, I'd put aside worries about height, sports etc and trust whatever my inner gut feeling is telling me. You know your son best

The last thing I'll mention - for many of us with EG kids, school just isn't ever going to be a great or perfect fit. Although I mentioned that middle school has been a better fit for my ds in terms of academics, he's still after-schooling in science so that he can learn at college level in an area of academics that he loves. He's matched ok with school and language arts - that's not his area of strength. He's ok with his math placement at school (he's subject accelerated a few years). The pace of his other classes (history etc) can be a bit boring at times (even the math) but he's ok with that. High school holds out promise for more challenge with the classes that he'll be able to take - so in many ways, it would have been nice to be one year closer to high school at this point, but on the other hand, it's also been ok. Not sure that makes sense, but what I'm trying to say is - it's not going to be easy (most likely) no matter when your child starts school, but it's also going to be ok.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Green,

Your DS sounds a lot like my DD. (birth month as well as personality).

1st thing 1st. He is doing 1st grade level and keeping him in pre-K is a very BAD idea. Most of pre-K is learning alphabets and numbers but mostly pay time and nap time. He won't find any challenges in school. Believe me, he will find friends. Kids that young do not judge and he will find some friends. If you want to accelerate that, invite the whole class to early Birthday party.

After seeing how he does in Kinder, you can decide whether to put him back in kinder or move to 1st grade in public school. Check the gifted program. They usually test the kid if you request acceleration and you can decide upon the test result.

Most of the time, popular kids are outgoing kids. If he is into sports, being small and young in the grade level makes it harder to compete at the school. Summer leagues are different matter. My DD did not bike on her own until last December (she turned 10 and when her younger sister bike without training wheels). She was scared to ride without training wheel but when she was ready, she asked me to take it out.

Some kids have physical attributes but many of the kids (in this forum) has better intellectucal attributes. We (my family)address their shortcomings and celebrate their achievements. We as parents want our kids to excel in everything they participates in. But the matter of the fact is they may be good at something and not as good as other thing. At least, my 2 DDs are bad in sports. We gave them swimming lessons and tennis lessons (at their requests) but we know that they will never be able to compete successfuly at the tournaments.

I have been in your shoes before. He will be fine and so will you.

I don't have any helpful answers, I just wanted to join you in being unsure what to do when my ds was approaching kindergarden. My ds8 has a September birthday that is the very day of the school cutoff, so we had the choice of putting him in a situation where he'd be the youngest in his class or the oldest. Luckily, the school had a preschool program inside the elementary school, so we started him in that. His teacher immediately noticed his skills and bumped him up to the kindergarden.

However, we had two immediate problems:
1. His fine motor skills were not near good enough to write at the level the teacher was wanting.
2. He was still well above the grade level he was bumped to in intellectual ability.

The school found a happy medium that worked for two years, in that he stayed in his grade level, but bounced around the school for math and other subjects. I know he spent a good deal of preschool nap time doing math in the second grade class room.

It was still so imperfect though, because he changed schools after K, and he no longer gets bumped up. But he still doesn't have the fine motor coordination (or self-regulation abilities) to thrive in higher grades despite being academically ready for them.

Personally though, I do think fine motor coordination is more important than, say, size when it comes to whether you should place the child ahead. We would have been in a whole different ball game if ds had the physical writing ability to match his math and reading ability.

I just wanted to add the obvious, which is that being tall won't make a boy any less likely to be picked on or any more likely to be a sports star. My DS14 is the youngest in his class, although he has a July birthday, and has always been off-the-charts tall and has the muscle mass to go with it. He has been teased for being tall, not because there is anything wrong with it, but because it's different. And kids will find anything different -- from your name to your hairstyle to your shoe choice -- to tease about. FYI: He's not really into sports so he doesn't benefit there, but he is placed appropriately for academics, and that has made a huge difference.

I say keep him where he fits cognitively. Fyi my neighbour's 8 year old son still uses training wheels (perfectly normal kid - he's just cautious) and there's a boy in my DS's grade 3 class who is the size of the KG kids.

My DD is an introvert and very sensitive. She's had all kinds of issues with this. She's also a late fall birthday, so she's usually one of the youngest in her grade. Her best year emotionally was grade 4 when she was the second youngest in a 4/5 French Immersion split. Many of her classmates were 2 years older. She wanted a 5/6 split this year but they didn't have one.

If they feel like misfits for whatever reason (too short, needs training wheels, etc), IMHO they're only going to feel worse from the stress of a cognitive miss-match. On the other hand if they're challenged and engaged with their curriculum, it has a positive effect on their self esteem because they feel like they "fit" and they're not bored, i.e. "this is pointless and stupid." Plus a connection with peers based on cognition rather than superficial characteristics is likely to be more substantial.

Another point on the social/athletic issue, is that we're noting, 4 weeks into our skip, that second grade seems to be the year that the boys split into the sporty group and the not-so-sporty group. The not-so-sporty kids are spending their time doing active stuff, just not playing basketball and football. DS reports spending his recess time kicking a 4-square ball against a wall with a few other kids, and I know of a group of second grade boys last year who played demigods as some sort of Percy Jackson derivative.

I suspect a younger, weaker, less coordinated "sporty" kid might have a harder time than the introverts/creative playground types.

I'd encourage the OP to make a visit to the elementary school in question and talk with administration and GT staff if possible. See if subject / grade acceleration is something they practice should a child show readiness, also talk about who would be the best kindergarten teacher to differentiate for a young GT student. After that conversation, the answer to whether to enter kindergarten this year or next will have some school background to be base the academic portion of the question on.

As far as the physical portion of it goes? I think it's already been summed up nicely. It's unlikely your're going to have your cake and be able to eat it too, you just need to decide as a family which is the less of two evils, perhaps being younger and smaller or potentially being unchallenged and frustrated mentally.

Many have gone though this same thing. We waited a year, however, we also knew the school system and the GT staff well and felt strongly that if subject / grade advancement became a strong need, they'd be accommodating, they were, multiple year subject acceleration in a couple of different subjects kept the best of both worlds.

We did sort of the opposite for our early October birthday kid, DD14. She started at a private school that had an end of calendar year cutoff date, and after 2nd grade, she moved to the public school. She was quite short and rather immature. The school gave her some quick tests and said she was academically ready for 3rd (and based purely on testing, that is where they would place her), but if we wanted her to repeat 2nd grade for social reasons, that was fine with them too.

We opted to repeat 2nd. Sure, she was likely bored out of her mind, especially since the private school was about a year ahead in math. However, this is the kid that I declared, "not college material" when she was 4. I later realized I was wrong on that one, but not until much later (entered gifted program in 7th grade based on FSIQ).

We later realized we were wrong on the sports side of things too. She is not super athletic, and while our kids have tried a lot of rec sports, husband declared that age 12 would be the last year in sports (even the lousy level of rec play) for her. However, two years ago in 7th, a friend asked her to try out for volleyball. She did and was a starter for the 7th grade (and next year, 8th) team. She made the cut for JV volleyball this year in 9th. She also asked to play travel softball. We had asked her many times before if she would like to try travel ball, but at a younger age when there were developmental teams (would have been helpful for her). However, she tried out for a local team and made it. She is now in the 3rd year of travel ball.

Sorry if this is long, but my point is that I wouldn't count out abilities - sports, academics, arts, etc. - based on early performance. I think that most bright kids are bored in elementary, so skipping pre-K or K probably won't serve their academic needs. While my three kids went to private school in early elementary, most folks I know say the public K is a waste of time from the academic side. Still, our district has very high test scores. SAT scores are on par with a lot of private schools in other areas, and with six colleges within 2 miles of our house, there are a lot of bright folks around here. There are many kids "waiting it out" until they get to middle or high school to see an academic challenge.

Of course, you may need to consider if the public schools will have other kids like him (possibly bored kids, but bright kids he can relate to). Here there are plenty of kids as bright or brighter than my kids. Staying back to be in the correct grade per birthday cutoff also likely allowed her to grow/develop skills in volleyball and softball so that she can play on the school teams. If we hadn't held her back, I doubt she would still be playing sports. Oh, and she still can't ride a bike, but that is my fault as I didn't teach her when she was young.

I feel your pain. My ds just turned 6 and missed K cutoff for last year. Sigh. I think there is no perfect. He is very bored academically but doing fantastic socially (and he had always been a follower /sensitive kid) . So we see his self -confidence soaring. BTW: both my ds and his bf can't ride bikes without training wheels (ugh...we're trying) OR tie their own shoes. As far as a skip: my ds is well -beyond first grade curriculum also - and I KNOW he couldn't emotionally handle 2nd or 3rd grade!

I would look at:

Do you think his experience in K is harming him emotionally?
How are his fine motor skills?
How will the gifted program change if he enrolled in K vs 1st?

We chose to spend last year with s lot of hands-on home "enrichment". It was awesome....and now that he's in school five days a week - we both really miss that time we had.

My husband is a prime example of that. He was the smallest in his confirmation class and was not particularly coordinated. He was a September birthday and was pushed ahead.

As an adult he is taller than the average NBA player, with incredible hand-eye coordination, and a longstanding annoyance with his school system for pushing him ahead. He didn't have much of a chance to compete physically because, as he says, he was younger than a good chunk of the boys the grade below him, and it took his body a long time to catch up. (He gained two more inches and 20 lbs the year after high school.) The higher curriculum wasn't a help either, because he was so bored and had such bad handwriting he simply refused to do any homework -- considering it beneath him to do mundane practice of things he already knew. He graduated with a nice C average from straight A's on tests and very little finished class or homework.

Of course, that's just anecdotal. I think, on the whole, it's better to support the academic needs than the physical needs when you can. I think it's really about whether the grade above will give enough of a curriculum boost to be worth the possible other issues, and whether they're mature enough to handle the transition (mine wasn't).

I would caution anyone against labeling their child as nonathletic at an early age. My own history suggests that can be flat wrong.

This gets at the debate about red-shirting.
I was amazed last year when volunteering in my (then) first grader's class how, after awhile, I could pick out the kids with the really late birthdays who were young for their age. They were not always the smallest. They tended to be very immature, have poorer fine motor skills, and were just sillier.
One girl used to randomly wander around the room- I would gently redirect her to her desk to try and write the little paragraph the class was doing. I finally realized that her birthday was in August, and she was almost a year younger than everyone. (I don't know if she was gifted or not).
At such an early age, K or first grade, you can see a difference in how they write or pay attention, simply based on age. I think it can make a difference too in how they do in school- if you can't sit still to write you paragraph, simply because you are way younger than everyone, then you will miss out on that academic opportunity.

I just wanted to chime in that I think that athletics and it's importance in childhood is much more of a family lifestyle decision than it is a matter of whether you kid is going to be athletic or not. In other words, how does your family view athletics? Is it primarily a fun way to get exercise? Something that you'd like to encourage because it helps build friendships and a sense of team? Something your family deosn't really place much stock in? Or, do you think athletics is very important to a well-rounded childhood? Are you hoping for an athletic scholarship to college? Are you die-hard sports fans and look forward to your child's participation? It holds a different level of importance for every family.

Did want to offer another perspective, also. DD11 was involved in various sports but never was particularly driven at them. But, she fell in love with one sport and then, because all her friends at her small school were doing it, started playing two other sports. These are all school sports and my DD is more than 2 years younger than some of her teammates. What we have found is that she plays up to the level of her coaching and her teammates -- she rises to the challenge. If she was still playing with 5th graders, we really feel like she would be playing at a 5th grade skill level. But because she is with 7th graders and being taught 7th grade skills, she is competing with them. Is she the best person on the team? No. Is she the worst person on the team? Not at all. And, while she's never been the shortest person on her team or in her grade despite being two years younger, as they all hit adolescence, she is on her way to becoming one of the tallest girls on her team, although it may not happen for another year or so.

So, I guess my point is, things change and you can only do so much to anticipate how things will change. So I think it's a question of your family values in so many arenas (sports, academics, friendships, etc.) that, while we can all give you advice and offer up our experiences, you're just going to have to go with your gut after you've done your best to take everything into account.

Possible cautionary tale: don't have kids with late summer / early fall birthdays.

Or maybe don't have SMART kids with near-cutoff birthdays?

Or maybe don't have smart kids?

I digress. I am more than pleased that my dd2 has an April birthday.

Fair enough. I guess I was thinking more along the lines of the fact that if you want to be really competitive in hockey, which is big around here (esp. in my DH's family), you need to at least get out on the ice before you hit age 8. We truly are not expecting him to be on any sort of competitive traveling team in any sport. But there are individual sports he enjoys, and those are not age-or grade-based. Around here, there are not as many opportunities for rec sports that are just for fun, unfortunately.

I think this is highly dependent on the child. No one, from teachers to friends to other parents, has ever noticed that my child was younger than the others. In fact, for two of my kids, people are still convinced that we redshirted them. And, once people do find out my kids' true ages (which we don't hide but don't advertise either), they are usually very suprised. And I'm not sure it's just because my kids tend to be mature, but also because there is such a huge range in kids in any given classroom. Also, we took small motor skills, like the ability to write well, which I think is important, into account. Now, I have had people when they finally find out my children's ages after a year or two who begin saying things like, "Well, he is young for grade . . . " because their knowledge of their age begins to color their perceptions. But when they don't know their birthday, no one ever suspects a thing. Academic maturity is different than social maturity which is different from physical maturity and they don't necessarily correlate with birthday. Which is kind of why we're all here -- our kids don't fit the norms.

Yes, you are referring to Malcolm Gladwell's books. He had looked at what month elite hockey players in Canada were born. I forget the exact details but almost all of them were born within 3 months of the start date- b/c then you had older kids (who were likely bigger and had better motor skills) starting; then those kids were naturally selected for elite teams; they developed faster, etc.
Obviously, every child is different.

If only because it's miserable being very pregnant in August.

Wow, thank you everyone for your replies!!! It is a difficult issue for me to think through because there are so many emotions clouding my "gut feeling" -- sadness that he's growing up so fast, missing our time at home together (kindergarten is 6 hours per day, twice as long as preK), admiration for how advanced he is, and worry over every little thing that could possibly go wrong!

I got a better look at all his classmates, and he's actually not the shortest. He's 50th percentile for both height and weight for his age, so I guess he would fit in ok with either the older or younger group. He really is a pretty mature kid as far as sitting still, taking turns, etc. and his fine motor is ok too. And he seems to be starting to make some friends in the class!



I guess this is what we'll do for now. Much as I miss him, I couldn't keep him home now that he's experienced the fun of school. He complains about having to leave his toys in the morning, but after school he always tells me that he had a great time. Even if I did keep him home, I couldn't stop him from continuing to learn. Might as well give him a chance to hone those social skills and get used to doing homework (which seems to be going better this week than last week!).

I also appreciate the suggestion to visit the public elementary school and learn more about the GT program there. Keeping him at the private school is an option too, although we'd have to adjust our financial plans.

As for sports, he's not very athletic right now but we hope he'll develop some interest eventually, for fitness and social reasons. My husband loved swimming and wrestling in HS even though he wasn't the best, and maybe those will be good choices for DS as they're less "team"-oriented.

Oy...my feet/ankles have never fully recovered

Ha ha. A few months ago I was delighted with DD1's amazing vocabulary, but now I see it a little differently. She'll be 2 in a couple of weeks -- so I guess we'll probably go through this all over again in a few years.

Although I did read Outliers, I'm talking more about my crazy hockey family (in contrast to my overly cautious kid) and how things are around here for elite sports rather than the book. And if we were in Canada, my kiddo would be in the right month to be an elite player, but you can only lead a horse to water...

ETA: Also, if you don't start ANY sport young around here, there are very few simply fun, recreational opportunities to play sports when you decide you want to try it out later. Especially team sports.

(LOL I might be the only Canadian who's steering my son AWAY from hockey... poor kid has enough pre-frontal cortex issues without risking any hits to the head )

Joking aside, I think sports are extremely important, so my two are usually enrolled in something. Currently it's swimming, skating and gymnastics

I used to think that being involved in a competitive sport was important, I've changed my way of thinking on that in the last 8 years or so. When my eldest was a mid-teen and had been on numerous teams that experienced varying levels of success, he came to me one day and said, "You know, I just can't seem to find a team that wants to ACT like a team, treat each other with dignity and respect, help each other on and off the field, everything a team is suppose to do. If I can't be on a REAL team I have no interest. I'll just do something on my own."

He did, he started into the gym and trained hard in lifting and very disciplined in his diet and sleep. He went from being the little smart kid to one of the more physically developed young men his Jr. & Sr. years in HS.....and he did it by doing his own research, his own discipline and perseverance, and by requesting advice from others and sorting out the good suggestions from the bad. He never competed, though having judged body building contests I think he'd have done well, however, he learned the same lessons he would have in competitive sports, the same ones I learned doing so.

This changed my train of thought. As long as my boys are doing something to keep them physically healthy, I'm good with that. Now DS #2 (14 years old) has seen what it's done for his brother and goes to the gym with me 3 times a week. He's a music kid but his older brother lead by example.

Aw, what a smart guy... he understood the true meaning of team

I just figured that team play would be too much of a learning curve for DS, and DD has never shown an interest until recently (she's been playing soccer at lunch at school).

Meanwhile the solo sports they've been in have still provided socialization while giving them skills and exercise. They're happy, and so am I