Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments school choice - let DS11 decide or not?

My DS11 just went through the admission procedure for middle/highschool. We are really pleased that he was accepted at both schools he applied to (one public, one private), especially since he has ADHD and the admission was based primarily on a 2.5 hour multiple choice exam.

Now our problem is choosing the right school! We would prefer DS to go to the private school, which has higher admission standards and likely a more advanced curriculum. However, DS11 strongly prefers the other option, which is an international baccalaureate program within the local public high school. This is also an enriched program, with a focus on team projects and an international perspective.

His reasons for wanting to go to the IB program: school trips, volunteer work, gets to learn a third language, no uniforms, no religion (the other school is mildly catholic) and most important, he will know quite a few kids and have at least one friend in the IB program with him. He doesn�t know anybody going to the private school. Also, the public school is close by -- he can walk to school and could even come home for lunch some days.

Our reasons for wanting him to go to the private school: advanced curriculum, structured approach, good teachers, excellent reputation, high achieving and motivated peers.

So should we push DS to go to the private school or let him decide for himself?

Wow! What a great dilemma to have. They both sounds like really good, strong options. Good luck with the decision-making...

jojo

A few things to consider:

I don't know how things work in Canada with respect to disability protections, but in the US, he would have more protection regarding any needed ADHD accommodations at the public school.

IB programs here tend to be very heavy on volume of written output, which can sometimes be a challenge with ADHD. Whether these demands will be higher or lower than at the private might be something to check out before your family decides.

The actual level of the curriculum in both would be good to check out, too, since good scores on IB exams frequently result in earning college credit or at least advanced standing. If you are leaning toward the private because you believe the curriculum will be even more rigorous and advanced, it would be good to ensure that this is in fact the case, and that there are mechanisms in place to provide similar opportunities for credit or advanced placement, so your child doesn't end up having to spend time and money repeating college coursework that had already been completed while in high school.

I don't really think that you are going to get poorly-motivated, low-achieving kids taking an IB program (particularly the high-level courses), unless you have a pretty darn stringent definition of motivation and achievement, so, if I were making this decision, I'd eliminate that from the list of reasons to consider one school over the other. Is the IB program where you are really known for having bad teachers? That seems strange.

Some research indicates that many highly gifted students learn best in environments where they have have the opportunity to engage with the material in a relatively less-structured way.

It sounds to me like your son believes he would be more likely to enjoy his experience at the public school and he would have more chance to follow some of his own interests (such as learning another language) and engage more with the family and with the community. You have to decide how much weight to give the quality of his experience as a factor in "good educational fit", and you might also want to consider whether things like already having a social network in place at the public school and being able to come home at lunchtime might decrease your son's stress levels and help with the organizational issues that sometimes go along with ADHD.

In retrospect, I don't think I did a very good job answering your question...

My son chose the public high school over private because he wanted more chances to enrich his interests in a wide variety of subjects rather than focus so heavily on academics. He participated in marching band one year and symphonic band an additional year. Through the gifted program, he worked with the university robotics lab one year and with the mechanical engineering dept. building a simulator for college students to test parts of the race car they were developing. Having those experiences helped him decide what he wanted to do in college and were well worth any loss of advanced curriculum - although he did finish college level calculus, biology, history and English as part of his high school courses at the public school. None of those options were available at the more elite private school, so we thought public to be a better match.

Good luck - it's a tough decision.

I would let him choose. If he ends up not really liking it, he can switch schools next year, right?

We faced a similar decision this year for our DD10: a large public school with many more course options and more chances to take classes for college credit versus a small private school with students who tended to perform much higher than the public school students in a school with very good teachers. We were very on the fence about it, but DD (9 at the time) had a list of thought-out reasons why she wanted to go to the private school. Because she'd thought so much about it and because we were really on the fence about it, we went with what she wanted, figuring, in the back of our minds, that if it didn't work out, she could always switch schools at any point. But, turns out, DD knew what she wanted and made a very good decision, and because she was the one who really wanted to go to that school, she really has ownership of her decision and her school experience in general and that's helped her confidence. Plus, we never had to feel guilty if it didn't work out.

Is your DS someone who is introspective and has a good read on his learning style?

Is entry in the IB program a one-time thing (meaning, if he doesn't choose to enter the program now, could he enter at another point)?

I will be watching this thread as we are in a similar circumstance. My DD (10) has been attending a private school for gifted kids since the 1st grade. Next year she will be starting middle school where in her current school, she would move to a new campus. I toured the public middle school and was very impressed. My expectations were low so the fact I came out impressed really shocked me. Now I am torn as to where she should go next year. We are very happy with her current school but it is very expensive. She states she wants to stay at her current school but I do need to tease out her reasons more than her friends and familiarity. Decisons Decisions....

Thanks everybody for your thoughts.

Regarding accommodations, I don't think private/public would make much difference. In our public system, if your child has an LD you can get a "code" that allows certain accommodations. For example, my DS7 (dyspraxia/dysgraphia) has a "motor impairment" code that allows him things like extra time, a scribe, a computer, time with a specialist, etc. There isn't a code for ADHD, and I haven't pursued getting any accommodations for DS11; I don't think I'd get too far with the school since he is an above average student without any extra help. Of course, this might change next year when the organizational expectations will be much higher . . .

Aculady, you make a good point about the stress level. DS is somewhat anxious and I think being able to walk to school is a real advantage. He won't be rushing for the bus after school, and hopefully would have time to get the books he needs out of his locker. He could also eat at home -- he doesn't like eating at school (and doesn't eat much lunch most days) because its crowded and smells like other people's lunches. His stress level would also be lower because he would know lots of other kids from the outset.

I did a bit more research and found out that the IB program is the certificate, not the diploma, program. So the intense writing, etc of the last two years won't be an issue.

I would say that right now I am leaning towards the IB public program. However, my DH is still strongly in the private school camp. The private school is clearly more rigorous academically. DH thinks that we shouldn't let DS decide as he doesn't have the life experience or perspective to make this kind of choice. I understand this point of view, but my DS is *very* stubborn and opinionated, and I think forcing him to go to a school he doesn't want to go to could backfire.

nmmom -- no I wouldn't call my DS very introspective. However, I do think he is aware of what situations he feels comfortable in, and he seems to think strongly that the private school atmosphere is not for him. I think the IB program is a bit reminiscent of the Montessori school he went to for 7 years.

He could switch from one of these programs to another after a year, although I'd like to get it right the first time. His biggest issues are social, so changing schools wouldn't be ideal.

After struggling with my DD8 basically since first grade, I say you let him have the final say.

He worked hard and was accepted to BOTH programs.
He has a well thought out and logical argument for his choice.
His arguments for the public school are HIS preferences.

I find Butter works better, harder, etc if she at least thinks she had some choice or control over the situation...

I have to ask, since we are not "work producers", when you say academically rigorous, is that code for "lots of paper work to prove how hard we work the students". I am all for quality over quantity now.

I agree that this could backfire in such a big way! Is your DH going to tell DS the same thing when he has his choice of colleges? What about when he is choosing the first company he wants to work at? He has to start making his own choices, his own advocacy eventually...

I can relate to your dilemma; we are at a similar crossroads for next year (middle school at 5th grade). Is there any possibility of doing a "shadow day" at each school? Or has he done this already? If not, this could be a way of truly experiencing each environment prior to committing. He might be surprised that he likes the private better, and by experiencing it, he could make the choice and not hold a grudge about it. I know with my DS9, sometimes he thinks he knows what he wants, but his expectations end up being far from reality. The biggest draw to private for me is the smaller class size which lends to a more personal experience. We are going to do a shadow day at a potential private school but it is not so common at our public schools to allow shadow days. I am going to push for it though! Good luck with your decision!