Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Advice for a 2e mom with 2 GTs & a 2e?

I have bipolar disorder & am a "gifted adult" so I suppose I am 2e. I never thought of myself as different or unusual until recently. I have become so frustrated because I feel that I can't live up to my potential. The past few years have been so much more difficult, even more so than when my husband was deployed to the Middle East. I don't have anyone to talk to which is unusual for me, because I have always had at least one good friend no matter where I lived. I feel like I am unable to connect with anyone on a genuine level & I cannot figure out why. This is the first time I have ever questioned my "giftedness" as a reason for social problems.

Two of my kids are in the gifted program in their schools & I am advocating for the third, as she may be 2e (gifted & dyslexic). Maybe I am so immersed in dealing with them that I put people off who are anti-gifted? And I just don't have the energy left over to defend/explain/care enough because of being bipolar. My energy is spent helping with homework, (convincing my son his summer vacation was not as depressing as the acrostic poem he is writing, explaining benchmark fractions to daughter #2 on the 2nd day of school), reminding my 13 yo to clean the kitchen (again) and making sure they are ready for school the next day.

I should do way more around the house & I really should be working as well, just because of the economy. I have been debating with myself substitute teaching, but I'm afraid I will become completely overwhelmed. That, or I may be able to use my gifts & individuality. (I'm just so concerned about the kids!)

Help!

I'm not 2e, but I feel the same way as you about not having the energy left to defend/explain/care enough. But I try to think of it in a positive light! My 2e son and my DH are my priorities: I use my energy for them. Other people who sap my energy are not worth it. My job is my 2nd priority and I've drawn the line with what I can handle. I sometimes feel guilty that I can't volunteer, or go to Mary Kay parties, or whatever...but I just think of my priorities and the guild eases somewhat. I don't have an answer for you, but I empathize. I got myself so worked up trying to do EVERYTHING that I had a bad car accident. That was my wakeup call to narrow my priorities and I do my best to stick to those. Nan

Hi Ginger ((waving wildly))
Good to see you posting here. Right now I have a local BFF,(best friend forever) and it's great. Other times in my life I go for years at a time without a local friend who I can really share my heart with. I don't think it's my fault, I think it's just 'how it goes.'

Of course you are concerned about the kids, and if you have no one to share the daily ups and downs then it's hard to get out of the worry cycle. You could try considering us a 'cyber crutch'to tell about how your daily life is going and what's on your mind while you look for local connections.

Advocating helps our kids, but getting into a worry cycle doesn't help our kids. That is where posting can help.

As far as creating a loving physical environment in the home, that has given me a lot of peace, but I don't want to spend my whole day doing it. If you want to join us over on the Flylady Experiment thread it isn't too late.

Hugs,
Grinity

Having a family just takes over. �Wow, you totally lose track of everything you woulda done before, starting with your social life. �Maybe, you need a vacation. �Can you take the kids to the beach? �Pack a picnic in the cooler. �Take me with you.
Is there anyway you could join a yoga class? �It's really a good way to pull yourself together a little. �It's a moving meditation. �A physical prayer for integration of your mind, body, and spirit. �Plus it's designed to ring out your innards and take care of your glands. �And the ladies there are usually kind, calm, and centered. �
How does this fit in with that theory of "positive disintegration" everybody talks about. �It's kind of like an existential gifted meltdown where you breakdown to the core and redesign your own construction. �It's seen as a good thing because it's part of the journey to self-actualization. �Supposedly not every body can make that trip. If that might be what you're doing internally and at the same time you're holding it together to run a house and take care of your family while your husband's off defending the country. �Ginger, no wonder you have little energy left to worry about the neighbors. �
��Just ask yourself about these people, "are you there to help me or hinder me? �Because I'm busy with my life, and if you're just going to make a hinder then what do I need you around for?"

Ginger,
I have a 2e child and a gifted/mildy 2e child (supposedly ADHD, but has been handling himself amazingly well). I spent a year where I couldn't think. I would go to the school all the time, I'd advocate, I'd fight, and then I'd get home in pieces. I felt very alone, partly because I didn't know anyone that had gone through the same thing. And, of course, I worked. I can honestly say that was the hardest year of my life.
Sometimes, all you can do is grit your teeth. We are all here to listen to you, and as you learn the processes with the school and you get them to work with you, I think that pressure will ease up somewhat; however, if you can't seem to work with the school and it exhausts you all the time to deal with them, you might want to see if you can find a gifted or special needs advocate. They really help take the pressure off and they teach you how to communicate in a way that makes the school less defensive.

I'm not sure if this helps. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. And now, I tend to help other people in the school going through the same thing.

Artana, You sugested finding a gifted or special needs advocate. What is the process for doing that and does anyone have a list of resources by state/USA to accomplish that? As I am sure someone in every state has these difficulties finding this information!

In my case, I stumbled across it quite by accident. I think many states have regional Special Needs Advocates, and just with a Google search, I found:

http://www.education-a-must.com/advocates.html

Gifted advocates are rarer. The one I used was PA-based and cost money, though he wasn't unreasonable about it. I also found that I only really needed the help for about a year and a half. After that, I was much more confident that I knew the process.

This Hoagies page has regional organizations that could probably point you at good local advocates:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.com/organizations.htm#usa

Ginger, It sounds like things are pretty stressful and that you are overwhelmed. If you can afford not to take on the substitute teaching, you might want to put it off. The unpredictable nature of sub-ing seems like it would add to your stress. Then again, having extra money can ease other types of stress. That's a tough one.

I also have 3 kids, one of whom is a gifted dyslexic (she also is dysgraphic). At the beginning of last school year, I got overwhelmed completely by all of the things that the "experts" told me I had to be doing "right away." School nodded in all of the appropriate places and then gave me suggestions of all the extra things that I could be doing to help her at home (writing practice, keyboarding, guided reading, etc.) I often felt like a total failure because I couldn't do enough for her. I also felt like I was letting my other kids down because I was always spending so much energy on her.

Eventually I realized that I only could focus on one thing at a time with her and that we could only work together peacefully for 30-45 minutes per days -- some days not even that. I needed to let go of trying to do everything. Things aren't always perfect but my stress level has gone way down. I also think that my DD's has too. Can you pick one manageable thing and let the rest slide for now?

As for the "anti-gifted" people, I wouldn't waste too much time and energy on them. If they can't be supportive, they are just adding to your stress. Are there any other parents with kids in the gifted program who you could talk to? Hang in there.

Oh my goodness, it is so nice to log back on this forum & have so many supportive replies! Thank you!!! I have been completely overwhelmed & having relationship issues on top of it all. I realize that sometimes I have to just "do the next thing" & stop worrying about the rest. *

I went to talk with a counselor this week & hopefully have found a new psydoc for myself (they keep leaving our county for some reason). I have to take care of me to be available to others, particularly my kids.

My daughter with learning issues (dyslexia?) has been spending 3+ hours on homework most nights & still not finishing. I talked to her counselor at school & she officially is going to become an RTI (response to intervention) student with appropriate modifications/interventions made. We still have to meet again in a few weeks to see if further screenings will be done & (I think) make the plan official. At least that's where we stand now.

Then, my oldest (dd13) came home this week in tears because of continued (2+ year) frustration with her band director. If music was not her biggest passion, I would have probably just pulled her out of the class. Instead, we had a parent-teacher conf. with the asst principal I usually deal with & decided for her to stick it out til the end of the quarter. If she is still dreading going to band every day, I will take her out. She can return in high school next year.

As far as finding someone to talk to, the last person I became close to also had bipolar disorder. Unfortunately she died this past summer. I'm still unclear as to what happened. So maybe I'm gun shy. And I never know when I am going to get the "anti-gifted" vibe. Sometimes all I do is answer the question, "Who is is your son's teacher?" & people around here immediately know he's in the gifted program. I'm not apologetic or stuffy; I don't even say the dreaded 'g' word but the atmosphere will change if it's an issue. I try to ignore it if I can, but I am not going to deny my kids' placement if it comes up. It's just weird.

Here's to a good weekend!


*advice from Elisabeth Elliot via an old Saxon legend

"Do the Next Thing"

At an old English parsonage down by the sea,
there came in the twilight a message to me.
Its quaint Saxon legend deeply engraven
that, as it seems to me, teaching from heaven.
And all through the hours the quiet words ring,
like a low inspiration, 'Do the next thing.'

Many a questioning, many a fear,
many a doubt hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from heaven,
time, opportunity, guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrow, child of the King,
trust that with Jesus, do the next thing.

Do it immediately, do it with prayer,
do it reliantly, casting all care.
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand,
who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on omnipotence, safe 'neath His wing,
leave all resultings, do the next thing.

Looking to Jesus, ever serener,
working or suffering be thy demeanor,
in His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
the light of His countenance, be thy psalm.
Do the next thing.

Looks like I shut this discussion down...anyone still out there?