Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Should we bother with the school bus?

I haven't been on here in quite a while and am so glad to have come back and read through some recent threads that gave me tremendous comfort if not always easy answers. I love this community!

That being said, I'm back to ask for specific advice from parents who know the struggle. DD8 has been accelerated in math since 1st grade and has just begun 3rd. They want to send her to 4th this year, but the school is about 15 minutes away. They want her to take the school bus that stops at our current/regular stop to the intermediate school, and then she will be transported by van back to the elementary school to rejoin her 3rd grade class for the remainder of the day.

My question is whether I should even bother trying to see how she does riding the "big kid" school bus. She has often struggled with riding the bus over the years, as it's basically the wild west of the school environment. Her official diagnosis has never gone beyond "Generalized Anxiety with Autistic Traits" but I find the only way I've had teachers and adults be able to understand her needs/struggles in the past is when I summarize it as "borderline Aspergers." She loves rules and no one follows them on the bus. I try to find balance in knowing when to push her and expose her to uncomfortable situations that will help her grow and stretch, and to know when to say there is no real benefit here and we are not going to fight this battle. That being said, is exposing her to the bus situation beneficial? Or should I just accept that my mornings will be a bit more hectic and drive her to the intermediate school, knowing that this will leave more reserves for navigating an a new situation and a big transition that may already be taxing for her?

The neuropsychs who have evaluated her in the past were always very sure that even going to another classroom would be too difficult for her anxiety and communication struggles. The school has always been adamant that is is necessary and we should continue to push to see how she does, and so far the school has always been right. She has always been happiest when she was with the older students in her math classes. So I am leaning towards listening to the school on this one and pushing her to ride the bus. Psychologist said he understands where I'm coming from in the debate, but thinks the bus is horrible and I shouldn't bother. So, there's that.

Do you know any other children from your neighborhood who meet at the same bus stop to ride the school bus to the 4th grade? If you do, you might try to meet their parents and see if their child might be a "bus buddy" for your child. If either child is NOT attending school on a particular day, the parents would contact each other so a child knows whether or not to expect to meet the bus buddy at the bus stop that morning.

If you do not know other children in your neighborhood who ride the same bus to 4th grade... Would the school suggest 2 or 3 of the older students as "bus buddies"? Typically bus buddies would be introduced to the younger child and designated as safe people for the younger child to sit with and converse with.

If a school (or a student) is keeping track of leadership activities or teamwork activities to count toward possible future Student Senate or other positions, being a bus buddy would count toward that.

I am with you and the school that letting her try it out first for a couple of weeks or so and see how she does may not be a bad idea. You always have the option to drop her off at the intermediate school in the morning, if the ride the bus with the big kids are not working very well. Sometimes kids will surprise you :-)

And I do like the "bus buddies" idea that Indigo suggested.

I agree that a bus buddy is a good idea, and I agree with ajinlove that you should give it a try and see how she does, instead of assuming that she can't handle it. Don't spin her up by worrying about it in front of her or spending a lot of time planning how to handle it - trust her and try it for a bit. You can always pull back by driving her, but it will be harder to start up the bus later if you don't start that way.

Thank you for the responses. The principal mentioned the possibility of having the gifted support teacher locate a bus buddy already, so your responses are good confirmation that she is in good hands and we are headed in the right direction.

I have a kid who I believe should have the same diagnosis but is being fobbed off. I would drive the first few weeks then look at the bus buddy thing.

When we've transitioned students with a similar profile from parent-driven or door-to-door special needs transportation to the "big bus", sometimes we'll have the student do one way only for a while (e.g., only the morning to school, or, more often, only the afternoon homeward), which gives them a chance to ease into the new routine, and also can relieve anxiety about having the whole day off on the wrong foot.

Another option is assigning a bus monitor/aide for the first few weeks, not so much to sit with them, but truly to keep an eye on how the bus ride actually unfolds, and to coach discreetly as necessary. Then, if successful, fade the monitor out.

But for some students, it's better to start the year as you mean to begin (i.e., on the bus from day one), as transitioning mid-stream can sometimes be worse than just starting off with a new routine.

Much depends on the child in question, and the bus milieu, including the specific bus driver.