Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums GT Research Hindsight - changes?

Hi! For several days I've enjoyed reading your posts. I've got a lot of catching up to do with GT vernacular.

My son is only 2, but I'm already a little anxious about what type of elementary school would be the best fit for him. Knowing what you do now, when would you schedule testing and school shopping?

DS's teachers and pediatrician think I need to consider having him tested at some point. DS's preschool has let him move to an older class, which seems to be working out well. My son is happier, which makes me feel better.

I have learned from you to track his developmental milestones. Thank you!

If he is only two and you are concerned about his giftedness being an issue in a typical classroom, then he must be a "very" gifted kid. Most parents don't question it until there is a problem with fit in preschool or kindergarten.

Testing a child younger than five is a crap shoot. You might get an accurate picture of his intelligence, but you might not. Another reason to wait is that many programs want information that is fairly current- as in obtained in the last year or two. Unless you need the numbers to get him into a specific program, I'd encourage you to wait *at least* until age four.

I'd love to hear more about your son, and what you forsee his issues with school might be.

take care-

I think it's other parents at my son's preschool that are making me anxious. One parent is upset that my son is in her child's class (b/c he is younger than the other children). DS's current teacher has told me that other parents have asked her when their children will be speaking like my son. I guess I need to learn to develop thicker skin.

The school director doesn't like to transition children before their birthday triggers the move. I think the only reason she let the transition happen early is b/c DS's teacher was persistent. She was concerned that my son was getting increasingly frustrated/angry.

I've read posts of parents who wished they had tested earlier. I wondered how early was "earlier," and how this would have made elementary advocacy easier (i.e. acceleration or grade skips).

This is my first and only child. I'm not exposed to children my son's age for any meaningful period of time. He has 2 "friends" that are 4 y/o that live near us. I've watched him play with them, but that's my only means of comparison. I was a GT kid in school. I think my son is much smarter than I am, but that may be a mix of my own self-doubt and motherly exhuberance. All I know is that DS2 is f-u-n: funny, chatty, bossy and fiercely independent. He makes me happy.

Hi Ann,
In a way, Gifted is as gifted does. So if your preschool will keep him with kids he enjoys and see to be similar in ways that they play overall, you are doing the best kind of testing there is.

Is your son just developing early, and the gulf going to shrink? Is the gulf going to accelerate and become even greater, even faster? Who knows? Just worry about meeting his needs now. When the other parents complain, get all misty eyed, and say: "Isn't it beautiful how each one develops in their own natural timetable, like flowers! What a miracle!"

After youve said it for the 75th time, everyone will relax and start to feel better.

Yes, allow him toys, books, and friends who seem to fit him, and don't worry too much about what it says on the box. You will have to protect him from material that he isn't emotionally ready for, as best you can.

Don't give up your parental athority, even if he is smarter than you - you have wisdom! Recognise his need for intellectual stimulation so that he can develop the rest of himself as well, and not be locked in a battle to merely survive.

Try to figure out if you can set up your financial life so that if you 'have' to homeschool him from time to time, you can afford it. Other than that, read books and hang out so you don't get isolated. I like Ruf's Losing Our Minds: Gifted Children left behind.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I'm one of the people who has said that I wish I'd known earlier just how GT my son was. But I had a *BAD CASE* of GT denial, and I thought our son was just MG, not PG. DS6 was our first child, and while it was impossible to miss some of the things he did and the early dates he reached milestones, I didn't know just how early and how unusual these things were. Most of the kids he was around were probably MG, but I thought they were ND (normal development), so that also skewed my view. If you don't know what average is, it's hard to gauge where your child really is.

It sounds like this is not your problem, happily!

If you have discovered this forum and you already realize that your 2yo is significantly "smarter than the average bear," then I'd say that testing probably isn't necessary for your DS at this point. I think early *identification* is important, but it sounds like you HAVE identified your child already, so testing isn't needed for you. Do I make sense there? Testing can help with ID, but if you can ID without testing, then so much the better!

I think testing should be done to answer a specific question you have about your child. Do you have a specific question at this point? Or are you just looking ahead? If the latter, then I'd say wait. You already know he's way ahead of the curve. When you need to make decisions about school, then you can have him tested.

As for those other parents...That's hard! Grinity's response is right on target. I'd add that if you can comment positively about what their child is doing, so much the better. Specific comments like "Little Jimmy's artwork was so beautiful today" or "Did you see Susie ride that tricycle? Her legs are so strong!" can make parents feel less competitive. They're all doing cool stuff, so let's celebrate them all! As Dave Letterman used to say, "This is an exhibition, not a competition, so no wagering, please!"



Welcome, and good luck! It's a wild ride you've got ahead of you!

Thank you very much for your posts. Former coworkers have referred to me as a raccoon w/ shiny objects when it comes to research�I tend to obsess. That�s why I�ve loved reading comments about your joys and struggles in raising and advocating for your children. It�s given me a lot to think about. I imagine the ideas will roll around in my head over the coming years as I reflect on DS2.

I don�t think my son is PG. My husband asked me what LOG I thought he was, but I can�t answer. It seems too early to tell, and I don�t feel like I know enough about giftedness to be able to answer. My son�s pediatric nurse told me that she doesn�t think I realize how smart my son is. Her comment gave me pause and caused me to research characteristics of gifted toddlers.

I say that I think DS is �much� smarter than me b/c I don�t see how/why I was in a GT program as a kid. I never felt as smart or smarter than my GT classmates. I always thought they�d made a mistake, but I was happy to comply with the ride. It was more fun than the non GT classes.

Kriston, I�m not sure if I remember this correctly, but was it your son that loved �wheels� as a young child? If so, what types of toys activities did he enjoy? My son is obsessed with all things with wheels. I�m curious if there�s something else we can do to expand the interest. DS is at the museum w/ his grandma right now, which gives me a chance to write. However, I should be reading for my classes. This is much more fun though!

Yup, my DS6 has always been a wheel guy. He started with regular cars and trucks, moved to construction equipment, memorized the makes and models of every vehicle on the road, moved on to NASCAR, and now is enthralled by Transformers because they change forms. He likes the engineering aspect of them.

I don't think we did anything too exciting with his interests though, I'm afraid. That's one of the reasons I regret that we didn't ID him sooner.

He memorized the Consumer Reports annual car edition when he was potty training around age 2. I guess not every parent would go there with their child. We would walk through car sale lots and parking lots for his amusement.

He liked to draw cars and trucks. (To attach to a different thread, his drawings of people were nothing special, but from the moment he could hold a pencil, his cars and trucks were quite obviously advanced for his age, complete with windshields, bumpers, etc.) We encouraged this artwork.

He created giant interstates with ALL of his MANY Hot Wheels cars on them and wove long stories out of the backups and accidents that ensued. He called this game "Traffic."

If I had it to do over, I would probably have gotten him more toys that allowed him to build his own vehicles. He was under age 2 at the time, and though he didn't put things in his mouth, I was worried about the "choking hazard: not for kids under age three" warnings on the toys that came with wheels. But I think he'd have loved to build his own cars and trucks with Legos and such.

My husband has a cousin who owns construction equipment, so we took him on a tour of the vehicles. He impressed the cousin with everything he knew, including the correct names and uses of all the equipment. They had quite a good talk together, and DS was not yet 2yo at the time. Field trips like that seemed to work well for us.

I don't know if any of that is very helpful...We weren't terribly creative, I'm afraid.

As for LOGs...Have you checked out the Ruf book? Hers is the one that helped me to figure out where our son was in terms of LOG. However, DS was already 6 at the time. I'm still not sure what's up with my 3.5yo, even after reading Ruf's book. I think it's a bit easier to distinguish LOGs when they're older, especially if there's a 2E issue, which is possibly what's up with my DS3. With him we're in "wait and see" mode, and maybe you have to be, too?

If your son is happy at preschool, has friends (such as they do at that age), and is not having problems, then things are probably going along just fine. If you see problems developing or about to develop, then you probably have to start worrying. I do think it's okay to take preemptive measures, but I also think that if it ain't broke, then don't fix it. Aside from the other parents at your school, it sounds like nothing is broken. Am I reading you right there?

If so, hang out here, keep watching, keep reading, but don't worry until you have to. There's plenty of time for that later!

You don't give yourself enough credit. The variety of wheel-related experiences your son had gives me ideas to try out w/ my own son. I think it's great!

This morning DS2 wanted to play "farm." He likes me to watch, but not interact. DS prefers to narrate and manipulate the events himself. It made me snort thinking about my role (as DS sees it) in certain activities. If I try to sing along w/ him DS will sigh and say "No, Mom. Don't do that." My mom laughs and sees it as karma. I was a bossy kid.

It's also interesting to watch the manipulation play out. Last weekend I let DS play with ice cubes. He wanted to see how quickly they would melt under different circumstances. When I told him this game was over, he went in search of his dad. I found him in our bedroom asking his (sleeping) dad if he could have more ice cubes (to which he added "please"). I stood in the doorway and told DS that I'd already said we were done. Without a word of reply he slammed the door in my face. It was hard not to laugh. I was amused.

What is a "2E issue?" Thanks for the Ruf/book tip.

You're right; nothing is "broken" other than friction with other parents. I think we'll have to go a couple rounds with the preschool director when it's time to move DS up again, but I have some time before I have to gather stamina for that affair. The two teachers who were effective at getting the preschool director to act on DS's behalf have since left the school.

My DS6 still won't let me sing along/join in sometimes. I think it's part of the perfectionism. They know how they want things to be, and they can't control our actions, so they'd rather we didn't "mess." Headstrong little things, aren't they?

It does improve as they get older.

I usually put up with being the passive observer for about 5 minutes, and then I say, "This isn't much fun for me. I can either participate, or I can go do something else and let you play by yourself. Which would you prefer?" That has worked well for us most of the time, since he gets to choose. Sometimes I think they just like to have an audience, and that's okay, too, to a point. At least for me. I get bored if I'm expected to watch cars move half-an-inch at a time for very long though!

Sorry for the specialized terminology! 2E means "twice exceptional," so that's a GT child with learning disabilities or developmental delays. You can see why 2E is preferred--much shorter to type!

That the teachers who were advocating for your son have left the school could be troubling, I think. (Unless that's merely a coincidence, of course.) I think I might recommend that you look around at other schools a little. A good teacher who sees your child as he is can make the worst situation work fabulously well; a teacher who doesn't "get" your child can destroy even the best-laid plans. I don't want to worry you unnecessarily, but if you know the director is resistant to accommodating your son, then it might be smart to consider your other options early. No reason to get blindsided and be left feeling helpless. I've been there, and it's a lousy feeling!

As for the other parents, do you know any of them beyond school? Have you arranged playdates? Sometimes that sort of thing can put other parents at ease. It can turn a competitive situation into a friendly one pretty simply. Just another thought.

Helpfully,

K-

Many thanks and a giant hug to you all. I enjoy learning from you. To echo Dottie "Go team!".