Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Help with crying

Hello all,
I recently discovered that my son has a mild form of dcd. I am trying to gather as much information but my biggest immediate concern is how to cope with and help him cope with his anxiety and fear over day to day situations that yields crying outbursts.

If anyone has techniques to help me get started I would be very grateful.

For perspective, my son is 9 and has cried during situations such as swimming in a lake (because he felt it was dangerous since he couldn't see the bottom, despite reassurance from myself, his dad, his brother and his friends). After repeated attempts at logical explanations still unsuccessfully getting him to swim and play like a child I gave up not knowing what to do.

This is my biggest immediate concern as I am having a difficult time enjoying time and new experiences with him because of this.

Any pointers are extremely helpful. Thank you.

Both of my kids have freaked out over various things, sometimes for years at a time. The best I can say is that eventually they get over it -- they see other kids doing things long enough, or they forget about it over a long winter, or something.

My DS11 had that swimming problem for years, but just last year he learned to swim in the river. When he was two, three, up to about seven or so, he freaked out every time he even got a drop of water on him. He could be brushing his teeth and have a drop of water fall on his shirt, and he'd have to change his clothes. He didn't want to get in the water to swim, he didn't want to do anything but hang on the edge when he finally got in. Eventually he decided swimming with his friends was more important. He spent one summer mostly in the house because he had developed a morbid fear of bees. By the next spring, he had forgotten it.

DD7 has been a freak-out kid all her life. She went through a couple of years of being terrified of wind. She used to scream bloody murder if she saw even a speck of anything in her bath -- a hair would send her through the roof, but even a speck of dust or towel fuzz was grounds for a total panic attack. She had a horrific fear of dogs, even though we had one that she wasn't afraid of. These days, most of that has been blunted to a manageable level -- she can get hair out of the tub herself, and while she still asks if the trees are going to fall on us when the wind blows, she will actually go outside and play in it, and she's ok with dogs for the most part.

I think if you just keep explaining, keep calm, and let them figure it out from practice, it gets better. So far, anyway.

My DS7 gets upset about getting water on his sleeves when he washes his hands. He's had some germ-aphobia that has come and gone and come back.

He did the involuntary throat clearing, eye tics for awhile--come and gone, come and gone again.

I myself has some occasional anxiety- I think it's hereditary, nurture, and for some kids part of being gifted. Sort of a soup or a perfect storm. Unfortunately, he saw me get a bit freaked out by germs, and it probably triggered his natural tendency. Honestly, though, I think something would have triggered it eventually.

My strategy is not to explain or force something in the moment. Anxiety is a powerful, involuntary emotion and will not respond to logic or any kind of coercion.

I wait until the moment is has passed, then ask in an open ended way, what is so frightening. Then address (not dismiss) the fears one at a time- in our case, I explained that yes, germs can make us sick. However, most germs are harmless and even the ones that make us sick are usually temporary. We also discussed a short list of "reasonable" strategies to keep the spread of germs to a minimum--once those things (hand washing at certain times, for instance) are done, we can forget about germs.

I think with kids (and anyone who suffers from anxiety), it's important to keep the conversation open and judgement-free. My husband made it pretty clear that he was displeased with some of DS's anxiety behaviors as a way to "snap him out of it." The result is that DS didn't get over the behaviors, he just tried to conceal them--all the while, the anxiety grew inside and poor buddy felt like he couldn't talk to anyone about his feelings.