Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Birds & Bees??

My DS 4.5 is really into human anatomy and physiology right now and I keep running into the reproduction discussion in the books that he's getting from the library. (most are around the 3rd grade level, I think)

At this stage, he knows the various organs and parts but not the how. Nor is he asking the how . . .

Basic question: Do I just spill the beans on the details (even though he is very young) or should I keep tiptoeing around it?

I certainly don't want him discussing it with other kids. He already freely uses the word "uterus" in public which freaks people out! Plus I don't want to take away what little bit of innocence he has either.

What did you do??

I was matter-of-fact about it. It's just parts, and I figure they might as well understand it when they're too young to snicker over it.

One thing I do is to only answer the questions they're asking. If he's not asking about the how, then he's probably not ready to learn about it yet.

Thanks, Kriston.

The "wait until they ask" is my normal MO but avoiding the books that include reproduction (and the act) is severely limiting his reading material.

So, is it ok for him to read about it even if he's not asking? Should I just buy the books and cut out the pages? (ugh! don't know if I can stomach defacing a book though). . .

I was matter-of-fact too, and the boys just took it in their stride. I think DS5 was a little younger than your DS at the time. I don't think it takes away innocence because their view of it is so simple. What I haven't gone near, and would prefer not to for a while yet, is the rampaging hormonal/emotional side of things. Waaay to much for my little people.

They are inclined now to ask if I have any eggs left in me, or if daddy is still making sperm. I've explained quite emphatically that if they want small babies in their lives (which they think they do) they will have to find nice girls some day and take care of it themselves.

my dd7 is really into animals and dinosaurs and reads just about every level text he can find. The other day he was in our community pool playing with another boy. They appeared to be wrestling (not uncommon) but i felt it was getting too much so i intervened and my son yelled, "its ok mom we're playing dinosaurs and we're mating".. i was fire engine red and was not sure WHAT to make of this. We got home and i asked him what mating was and he said "its when a male and female fight".. so i guess he's not getting it all yet..and was relieved a bit, actually.
irene

Personally, I'd let them have the books and not worry about it. If they have questions and you're open to answering them, they'll ask. If they don't ask, it probably means they're ignoring that part of the book.

Remember that kids on the farm know how baby animals get made from a very young age. They have living examples of how babies are made that are out in the pastures making babies! Knowledge isn't going to do them any harm even from an early age. Both my kids knew the basics of how babies are made by 4.5, and they're not out corrupting the neighbor kids. LOL! To kids at that age, it's just more factual info. No big deal. At worst, they'll think it's gross.

If I may make a suggestion, I would recommend that you have a clear idea of where you stand on things like premarital sex and how you want to present your moral views from the start. You don't want to be fumbling through that conversation if a child decides to take it there. And if you start talking about your moral views from the start, the kids will tend to accept them more easily.

If your child is the sort to lecture anyone and everyone about his latest interest, and reproduction becomes his latest interest, you might want to talk about appropriate forums for discussions about sexuality. A kid old enough to talk about it is also old enough to understand that it's not a conversation that the old woman in line at the grocery store or the 3yo neighbor is going to need to have...

Okay, so when our DS was about 5 he was HUGELY into human anatomy. It stemmed from one of the magazines he gets (like Ranger Rick, but focused on science... the name escapes me). That article on the blood & circulatory system was the trigger for 6 - 9 months of intense focus on anatomy. I'll post some of the resources that you may be interested in. We were lucky enough to have the BodyWorlds exhibit near us at the time (www.bodyworlds.com).

When it comes to the reproduction system, we treat it as any other organ such as the kidneys, lungs, etc. (DS is a very good reader.) We had a discussion--reviewed a couple of times--talking about what is appropriate to talk about within the home setting and what is not appropriate to talk about with friends. Somehow we found a good balance with that without making it into a big stigma. But other than that, we don't have a problem with our children reading material that is "age appropriate" about sex. He understands a lot of the process and biology of reproduction, but not necessarily the sexuality part of it. At BodyWorlds, all of the bodies are naked (and the skin is peeled away) and one of the things that he was naturally curious about was "daddy this is a male... daddy this is a female." We're probably a bit more open than most people. But he'd also point out the kidneys, bladder, digestive system, etc.

So of the books that we made available to both DS5 and DS2 (at that time) were books like:

Where Willy Went (still a favorite)
http://www.amazon.com/Where-Willy-Went-Nicholas-Allan/dp/0375830308

It's not the Stork
http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313/ref=pd_sim_b_4

It's so Amazing
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/07...IKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1PDAB7T230YMQR1E10G0

(We were also pregnant during this time.)

While I am sure that we warp our kids in others ways this approach has worked out very well for us. Like I said we're pretty open about it and treat the subject matter almost like a clinician.

Some online resources we've found and enjoyed:
http://www.visiblebody.com/ (the best and IIRC you can turn off sex organs)
http://www.medtropolis.com/vbody.aspx
http://www.innerbody.com/htm/body.html

Hope that helps and is not TMI...

JB

DS6, then 4.5 asked me what the ducks were doing and I told him... That was pretty much the beginning and end of the conversation. He looked up the particulars on his own.

Okay, I've told this story before, but it's one of my all-time favorite stories about our DS8, so please forgive me for repeating it.

When Son #1 was about 2.5yo, I was pregnant with Son #2. Son #1 was learning body parts at the time, including some of the official medical terms (clavicle, femur, etc.). Rather than telling him that the baby was in my "stomach"--which seemed like it would lead to confusion about why Mommy ate a baby--we told him that women have a special body part to hold a developing baby that's called a uterus. He accepted it easily.

At the midwife's office some weeks later, the kindly nurse knelt down to him and said, "You know, your mommy has a baby in her stomach."

He was reeeeeeally skeptical. He looked to me with uncertainty, as if to say "Dude! You're going to trust this crazy person with your medical care?" then he gently (but firmly!) corrected her: "No, she has a baby in her uterus."

The poor midwife laughed so hard she almost fell over. "How soon is he going to med school?" she teased.



I really think that the earlier they figure it all out, the less of an issue it is to them. He knew the basics (including how babies are made) at 2.5yo. It has just never been a big deal to him. Funny though!

That's a great story.