Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion School placement for asynchronous 4 year old

Hi folks,

Some of you may be aware of my son's journey to this point. In a nutshell, DS4.5 is an osmotic learner, extreme extrovert, on-the-move chatterbox and inventor. To date he's been homeschooled and has mostly had carte blanche in his direction, but we're exploring school out of necessity for next year.

Academic needs

- Unstructured learning that is interest led. Does not respond well to regimented learning.
- Opportunity to explore topics of interest in depth, and to present ideas to others who listen and share in the learning process as co-creators.
- Moving onto Singapore 2 math, work done sporadically as interest dictates
- Reading level grade 2ish+, rising quickly. Will not read independently or in head due to lack of stamina, but will effectively read me a chapter book if I run my fingers under the words.
- Science (favourite area) is completely interest led and considerably more advanced.

Preferred mode of learning
- Socratic. Likes to read with knowledgeable adult or older peer, then ask many questions.
- Does not tolerate busywork or crafts.
- Excellent presenter. Work is currently done orally as graphomotor skills are age-normal or young for age. Will need express instruction in writing with a patient teacher.
- Learns large quantities in bursts when highly motivated, with long periods of latency in between.

Social needs
- Independent, divergent thinker.
- Extroverted. Enjoys playing with children from a wide range of ages and backgrounds.
- Needs teacher who listens respectfully and values his input.
- Needs flexibility in school setting to remove himself from busy or crowded group activities if overwhelmed.
- Strong sense of fair play. Needs an environment where respect for others is paramount.

Emotional needs
- Needs stability and affection from peers and teacher.
- Needs to know that he is not expected to perform on command or at an unreasonably high level.
- Needs firm, compassionate support to develop areas of weakness (e.g. graphomotor, volume of speech) to support access to higher level work in subsequent grades.
- Needs teacher who does not talk down to students, and who is comfortable with students exploring topics outside his/her area of study.

Physical needs
- Performs best when able to move freely.
- Intimidated by independent self-care and toileting if it involves walking down hall solo to eat or use washroom.
- Needs 2-3 hours of vigorous physical activity daily.
- Fine motor skills require development.
- Naps after lunch and needs the sleep.

I find myself frustrated because even two good options locally for gifted children are a poor fit for DS at this time. These are objectively schools that are GREAT for gifted kids who are older or more temperamentally suited to structured learning at an early age, and I have a lot of respect for the educators who run these schools. I will keep in touch with the schools and re-evaluate options next year, as they might be a better fit in a year or two. Details below...

The first placed him in a blended grade 1 to 3 class for a visit, and the teacher felt he would finish grade 3 next year if enrolled. The "peers" would all be 7-8 years old, so 2-3 years older than DS. I was told that DS was a joy in the class, "ridiculously smart", and that the other children responded really well to him. However, they felt he was too young for the small setting and needed more unstructured learning time and space to roam while learning. The teacher also wondered if he would be able to sustain interest in the curriculum daily, as he would need scaffolding to reach ahead and, obviously, she has other students to teach. DS has been invited to apply again next year.

The second school placed him in a blended KG/grade 1 class, and had him in grade 2/3 science. KG/1 curriculum was not engaging for DS. The KG/1 day focuses on basic skills and is surprisingly regimented for the age range. He loved grade 2/3 science, and the other kids (who were mostly 8) took really well to him. However, realistically DS would be unable to complete most of the assignments independently in class due to fine motor limitations, as the work is mostly construction/engineering oriented. He would also inevitably be a cute "pet" for the class, even though the other students seemed universally polite, intelligent, and sensitive. On our visit, the teacher observed DS design a model car and later commented to me that his thought process was surprisingly advanced. She said that he figured out a key design concept immediately without prior instruction that most of her 3rd graders never grasp. When DS joined her class, she said she had him figured for a gifted child the second she met him, which was reassuring as it showed she was attuned to the needs of different learners.

So I don't know whether to classify this post as a rant or an advice seeking thread. It's not a rant in the sense that there are good schools to be had locally, and which would be viable in future. It's not a rant in the sense that I don't regret a single aspect of DS; he is who he is and I love him dearly.

Obviously the first school isn't an option for this year, and the second seems a poor fit at this time in DS' life. In a year or two, either could be viable options, as they allow students to stretch 3+ years ahead of grade level.

For this coming year, I'm considering enrolling DS in half-day play based kindergarten with the sole goal of having him develop friendships and be given an opportunity to mature in a low-pressure setting. He doesn't need *rigor* or *structure* now, just an opportunity to be a child without having his love of learning destroyed. I would need to ensure his teacher was supportive and wouldn't require him to work on grade level material. He is a happy little inventor and would probably putter in class building things for 3 hours a day if he knew he had afternoons at home.

Montessori would be a poor fit, as the options in our area are quite rigid in their method. DS isn't a hoop jumper.

Asynchrony is a real beast. I can imagine some of this process getting easier with time, but it's a delicate balance between the cognitive, emotional, physical, and social needs. In no way am I comfortable with a 2-3 grade skip in his first year of "formal" school. Aaargh!

You have my sympathy. That's not an easy combination. What came to mind when reading your post was perhaps a project-based, well-considered program. Then I thought "tutor," but that doesn't fit the social aspect.

It sounds like the play-based kindergarten option might be a practical solution.

Good luck!

Your son sounds exactly like my DYS 7 at that age. He went to a play based
preschool and it was great. I doubt he learned anything academic at all however
He learned to help with the 2 year old class, prepare snacks, plant and tend a
Butterfly garden and he liked doing yoga and singing. He was so happy there and had many friends that he still plays with regularly!

Working on sending you a PM. It might take a day or two.

I tend to agree that serious consideration should be given to a half-day non-academic kindergarten/preschool. Ditch the in-school academics for at least another year.

Thanks ConnectingDots; it's certainly a multifaceted decision.

It's funny that you mention tutors because I had actually considered the option of tutoring with a heavy side order of extra curricular activities. But, at this point, I think DS craves the depth of friendships that comes from frequent contact.

If I remain in my current work situation, my schedule could be supportive of homeschooling once DS is sufficiently independent as a learner. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

This is heartening to hear, Ellie. Thanks for sharing!

Because DS (apparently) prefers to do most of his learning in bursts and isn't strongly motivated on a constant, incremental basis to build up conventional academic skills, I think a year of "school" absent academics might be a nice counterpoint to our time together. Outside my work hours, we log a lot of time in discovery mode at his urging, so I think his intellectual needs would be met in spades with this plan.

I'll admit, I do find it a bit unexpected.

Thanks Mana, looking forward to reading it!

My feelings exactly, because we're already used to all learning happening outside school anyway. If he's advanced and the schools are voluntarily recognizing it and offering radical solutions now, it stands to reason that those options will probably exist in a year or two when fit might be better.

It has been freeing to view school from the lens of pure social opportunity for a year or less, knowing that I have the power to step in and change our option as needed. It's less daunting than mapping out a longer term path.

(A friend has been ribbing me in PM about the image of me interviewing teachers and principals to find the one who would guarantee to teach DS the *least* [in their standard curriculum].)

Hi Aquinas,
I have not been on these boards for ages, but thought I would check in. My son is almost exactly a year older than yours. In the past year, his learning has become remarkably more independent. I have to say age 5.5 is really a pleasure. I wish I could hit the pause button for a while...

We chose to homeschool and it has worked for us so far. In your shoes, I would hire a private tutor (or nanny) whose main roles are to play and shuttle to extra curricular activities. These kids learn so fast, you can cover material when you are home from work.

My second choice would be the play based kindergarten. I think a lot of damage can be done by a bad academic fit and PG kids have long memories...

I would be hesitant to put a 5 year old boy with 8+ year old boys regularly without significant scaffolding, because you can run into some pretty negative bullying situations (or at least power plays). You need a very special group of kids to avoid that kind of dynamic -- particularly if the 5 year old boy is viewed as smarter than the 8 year olds.