Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion what do you do or say

when your child says "I should be in 2nd grade not first grade".

He has never expressed this before. School starts in a week. I don't even know how to respond to him.


btdt.. what did you do?

thanks
Sheila

I'd ask him why he feels that way - that's my default answer whenever I'm thrown for a loop when my kids ask a tough question! Sometimes the reason they are asking comes as a complete surprise, or is much simpler than what I would have thought it would be based on the question.

Then if he's asking because he's bored etc and wants more challenging work, I'd be honest with him about things - if he doesn't have an option of moving up and yet he really wants to. Explain that the school won't let him change grade levels, but offer him other ways to put some interest back into his classwork or offer him the opportunity to do some extra studying on something he loves outside of school. It's far from ideal, but it's something. Another tactic I've used with my kids is to take them deeper at home in the subjects they are studying at school. There's a potential to "going deeper" and after-schooling ahead in early elementary if you keep a record of it because you can use it to advocate for acceleration and higher level of challenge as your ds moves up in school. Early elementary was tough for our ds, but as he moved into middle school there were more options for ds, and having the advanced work he'd done after schooling in elementary school helped move him subject-accelerate (at last lol).

The other thing I always do for my kids when they tell me they have something about school that is bothering them is to let them know I'll talk to the teacher about it if they want me to. If they do want me to, I also ask if they'd like to be there when I talk to him/her, and I honor whatever there wishes are re that. Then I follow-up and tell the teacher about how my child is feeling - even if I know it's not going to accomplish anything or fall on deaf ears - the important thing is that I'm showing my child that I tried, and in the process he'll begin (over time) to learn to advocate for himself.

Last thought - have you talked to your ds yet about his ability level? I found it really helpful to have that conversation in early elementary when our ds started getting noticeably bored and frustrated with the subjects he excels in and wanting more challenge. It helped for me to talk about how different people have different talents (sports, music, etc) and how different people have different levels of abilities in sports, music etc; then we talked about how one of his "talents" is being able to understand concepts quickly and I introduced the concept of a bell curve to him and explained where his intellectual ability was on the curve - and that was like a lightbulb going off for him (at 6-ish) because I think he, at that point, was also getting frustrated about friends who didn't understand a lot of the things he was interested in.

I think I'm rambling now - hope some of that helped!

polarbear

We are hoping our second grader ( who works comfortably at a third to fourth grade level ) will not get stuck in the first/second grade combo class. He has said he wants o move to third grade now; he is a tiny kid so we will not do that.

My knee jerk reaction, if it was one of my kids, would be to say "You're right!" ...and then something like: "Everyone has strengths, and one of your strengths is being clever."

Then I'd draw them into more conversation, like why do you feel that way, what parts are boring, what can I do to help, etc. etc.

Can you make class requests? We have that ability. We can submit a form requesting a type of class (i.e. bottom grade of a split, etc) and they will accommodate us if they can. We're not allowed to ask for specific teachers though.

No, you can't make class requests. You can try but they don't honor them. I'm very active as an officer in the PTA, and I hope somehow that will be helpful. Our gifted program, which is supposed to be very good and starts at grade 4, is the only thing out there for him, but he's in second grade.
He got a 165 total IQ score on the RIAS and 99th% on the NNAT.
School starts next wednesday- I emailed two days ago the gifted teacher about my 4th grader who is hearing impaired and starting in the program, about his IEP. No response! Maybe they don't check email until after school starts? Grrr...

I agree with polarbear. This is a great discussion starter. I like polarbear's idea about talking about differences in how people learn. I think it helped my kiddo when we explained that not everyone understood things as quickly as he did (just like he isn't as athletic as some of the kids).

Also, I think this is a good statement to bring to the attention of the school when you are advocating for differentiation or acceleration. Ask them, "What do I say to my child who just told me that he should be in 2nd grade, and not 1st?" (although you'll have to figure out a way to say it so they don't think that you fed the line to him...) I think that teachers do respond to concerns of the kids. E.g., when I told my son's kindy teacher that he cried every day before school and didn't want to go, she was very surprised and then tried to figure out how to make things better.

Honestly, I'd be more worried about what to say to the school than to the kid, because what can you tell him other than, "You're right"?

One thing I'd be careful to do in this situation is make sure your child knows that you hear him, and you're taking his concerns very seriously. If you're opening a dialog with the school about what accommodations can be made, make sure he knows you're doing it.

The reason I say this is because my DD made the same comments in 1st grade, and her attitude was going downhill at home. It turns out she thought we were the ones at fault for placing her in 1st grade. We thought we'd already made her aware that by that time we'd had a few meetings with the school where we were adamantly arguing for a grade skip... and getting nowhere. They were offering instead some accommodations that just weren't making the grade (and still aren't).

Finding out that her parents were in her corner did a lot to relieve her anxiety about school. Otherwise, she's sitting there miserably in school and thinking about how none of the adults understand and/or care about what a bad time she's having, so she can't trust or depend on any of them. Now at least she knows there are two she can.

Dude - you're so right, and that's such an important point. No matter what happens at the school, they need to know that we understand them and accept them, and are trying to support them. It's so easy for gifted kids/people to feel isolated, and sometimes kids need to hear the actual words, "I understand" or "I'm trying to help" or "I believe you" etc etc.