About two weeks ago I posted the story of our battle with the school ("School Frustration!" thread.) First, I really want to thank everyone for the amazing responses! This board is incredible!
So, here is the update... and I really need advice. We had the "answer" meeting with the school yesterday (the head of school, current teacher, and the 1st grade teacher.) We walked in and they were extremely happy. They said they had a great solution and they were eager to make things work for DD. A little background: The school is a Montessori school and DD has been in a primary program for 3 to 6 yr. olds. We are asking that she be accelerated into the 1st through 3rd grade (combined class.) So, given the mixed age class, it is a good fit for her-- better than simply accelerating to 1st in a traditional school. A little more background: when we first requested acceleration they said as a "test" they would "invite" DD to the 1st-3rd classroom and see how she fared. After the second "invite" they gave her an "open invitation" which meant she was allowed to go, on her own, any time she wanted to. (It simply required asking her Primary teacher.) The classrooms are a few doors apart, so her leaving one classroom and entering the other is no big deal logistically.
Well, since our initial request, DD went to the 1st-3rd class about 5 times. All of these were by "invite" and none were via her own initiation and the "open invite." I think she is quite intimidated by the idea of entering a strange classroom with 1st through 3rd graders she doesn't know. (Although next year, presumably she will know three or four of the kids, who are the ones "graduating" from her class into that class next year.)
So, with the background out of the way, here is the school's proposal: DD will start the year in the primary classroom (3 through 6 year olds) with an "open invitation" to go to 1st-3rd classroom any time / as much as she wants. She can go in the morning and stay for the whole day, she can go for an hour. She can choose to not go at all. When she begins to choose to go every day, for as much time as the day is long, she will be in that classroom, and she will be a 1st grader.
They were very excited by this proposal. They feel that when she is ready she will "chomp at the bit" to get out of the primary classroom. And that because it is "child-led" she will be accelrated when she is "truly ready."
In addition, they asked us to not tell her, to not encourage her to "go up" so it will be authentically her choice.
I responded by asking if it equated "being ready" too much with extroversion and a boldness that has nothing to do with if 1st grade was really right for her. I pointed out that DD is very "law and order" and I think it is likely that she feels that without a specific invitation she should not go. They said she would not be intimidated when she is truly ready.
When we left the meeting we were torn. My husband's first reaction was that this is great. My first reaction was that it is terrible. Here are the reasons I am not happy with it:
(1) She is "ready" to be in that classroom now, but she hasn't chosen (on her own) to go... why? what will change between now and next year? How can you equate "readiness" with all the other stuff that is packed in with taking that sort of initiative?
(2) Is this just a clever way to effectively say, "no"? We know they have been very negative about acceleration, citing size issues and refusing to speak to the expert we hired. Do they believe that DD won't avail herself of the opportunity and so they appease us while doing exactly what they want?
(3) This is too much pressure on DD! Being totally responsible for her own classroom placement is not fair. She will be five years old, making her responsible for her own acceleration is problematic.
(4) Will there be subtle pressures on her not to go? Will she ever feel like she "belongs" with the 1st-3rd grade kids? Will she ever feel like the 1st-3rd classroom is really hers, or will she feel like an "impostor" sneaking in, instead of being "chosen" to be in like the other kids? Is missing the rite of passage of being placed in that class-- missing what is in effect the stamp from authority of "graduating"-- important? Will she ever feel truly included when her transition happens this way instead of the way it happens for all the other kids?
As you can see I have a lot of misgivings. But I am wholly able to acknowledge that I might just be paranoid. So, what do you think? Is this really a good idea, and I am just too blinded by my anger from the process to see that it is good? Or is it really rotten? I am really confused. Thanks for any thoughts you have!
