Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Headache ...another complain email from school

My son's reading teacher sent me the below email yesterday. He is 10 years old in 5th grade, a public school (metro Boston). He was in a top private school from 1st-3rd grade in another east coast state and had ok school life there. I've seen similar emails/complains from almost all his teachers. The difference is that teachers in private school did better job than public school in dealing with my son. I heared "highly gifted" kids but have never done any research on this topic before I saw his WISC-V report which we did in Dr. office in Oct, 2016. He has FSIQ 146/99.9 and GAI 152/>99.9. Recently he got 99% in SSAT middle level exam without preparation. Both exams remind me that I should stop screaming him and question him why he keeps getting him and busy parents in trouble. He is a busy hockey/swimming kid, true love for two instruments, and does very well in math (currently working on Algebra 1 in AoPS). I were so frustrated yesterday after I saw teacher's email. This is a very critical time because I need teachers write recommendation letters for private school application (6th grade). Parents who have kids in Boston area know how difficult to get a seat from a good private school. My son was rejected last year because of his 4th grade school reports and teacher's recommendation. Now this email puts him in risk again.

I screamed him last night again and he cried so much. He told me that he doesn't know "how to pay attention on some subjects in classroom". What he asked me last night really hurt my heart. I asked the teacher that I want to meet her and I plan to tell her that my son had WISC-V evaluation and Dr. claimed that he is a highly gifted kid.

I am asking parents here for suggestions: what I can help him to survive in school and how to get an above average school report for private school application? I am going to read some gifted education books and will engage some professional people for further service.

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##### Good Afternoon xx and xx,
I just wanted to check in about DD and let you know how things have been going.
Really nothing much has changed since we first spoke. DD continues to possess very strong reading and comprehension skills, well beyond grade level. I have zero concerns about his ability to read and understand text, both fiction and non-fiction .
My concerns continue to be with the student skills and work ethic that appear to be difficult for DD to maintain. Almost daily, I am giving DD reminders about staying on task, or following directions. I also would love to see him really engage with his assignments and show me what he is truly capable of!

I have pulled DD separately on several occasions to ask him how I can help him show me his best effort. He does not seem to have an answer about what is getting in his way.
DD is a great kid, with so much potential. Perhaps a conversation with you both may help him identify what seems to be getting in the way?
Thank you for your time, ####

He sounds bored to me too.

Some teachers seem to think that a child has to show interest in grade-level assignments before they give him or her something of a more appropriate level. Unfortunately, some gifted students are not going to be engaged by the work until it is at their level.

It sounds like your son would qualify for DYS, maybe they could help with the advocacy.

I agree with above opinions. My son is a year younger than yours, lower test scores than yours (for reference). He refuses to participate in anything which is too simple or easy. He had one-on-one teaching for dual World History and World Religions with a high school teacher, but refused to do the homework because it wasn't deep/difficult/fast-paced enough. :frustration!: He quit trumpet lessons because his middle school band teacher wasn't demanding enough. In contrast, he has a new piano teacher who teaches fast-paced and rigorous music theory - he loves it and is a very conscientious student for her.

I don't know what resources are available in your local area, so I third the suggestion for DYS.

He is bored. I have a gifted son younger than yours and I can tell from experience how boredom and lack of mental stimulation shows up as a lack of work ethic. My son is a rule follower and people pleaser - so, his reaction is to think about entertaining things in his mind while doing his school work with 10% of his brain logged in - hence the endless "silly mistakes" in his work.

I recommend that you pursue that private school application process and visit them and find out how they handle subject acceleration. Also, continue the good job you are doing in after schooling him. Children need to face challenges in academics in order to learn how to persevere when faced with a problem that cannot be easily solved - most gifted kids never learn this because everything comes easily to them.

You can ask the current teacher if there is any way to let him work on open-ended assignments. I believe that it might make him more interested and help him survive the rest of this year without further incidents. Tell her that he is highly gifted (provide the test numbers) and that he also responds better to challenging work. Ask her if she can assign open-ended projects e.g.: read a biography and prepare a presentation (you can choose a book with a higher reading level), be allowed to do his AOPS homework if he finishes school math work quickly etc.

For a child with issues due to classroom boredom a strategy for applying to middle school is to make an admissions portfolio - in the portfolio, put his test scores (SSAT, any Talent Search test like JHU CTY etc), awards or prizes won in sports/music, recommendation letters from people who think that he is good at what he does (orchestra or instrument teacher, hockey/swim coach) and some work samples (AOPS, essays, original music compositions if any etc). This is the best way to counteract the effects of any of the school teachers who are frustrated by his lack of work ethic in the classroom. This will show the middle school that he indeed has a good work ethic and can apply himself to tasks that are demanding and produce good results.

I also, second other people's recommendations above to apply to DYS and get the help of their educational consultant to talk to the new school. Good luck.

Thanks all parents here. I am going to submit DIY application forms.

@Ashley, thank you for your suggestions. We submitted all his achievements /certificates to 6 schools. Not sure if we need to do any extra to convince admission office that DD is a good candidate? Please suggest ...

As I mentioned earlier, a recommendation letter from the coach/instructor (need not be academic, could be in sports or music) that says in detail why your son is a great student will certainly help convince the admission committee in the new school. Also, make copies of work samples where your son has done remarkable work - showing his teacher comments appreciating his work (like 100% in a test with teacher writing positive feedback or AOPS work) will help. Make copies of the work and send them as additional documentation to the schools that you are hoping he gets into.

In my opinion, if he is going to do better in the new school due to more challenging school work, there is no harm in going the extra mile in providing all kinds of documentation. Good luck.

Keep in mind some teachers are just whiners. You might let her know that when she emails you, you get upset, you yell, your kid ends up in tears and it is a bad night. She might stop.

Your child may be bored by classes which do not provide an academic/intellectual challenge worthy of his potential... and/or he may have an attention deficit, such as ADD or ADHD. Wrightslaw provides information on ADD/ADHD.

Has your child been evaluated for possible attention deficit?

It sounds like the teacher knows your child is advanced, therefore telling the teacher that your child is gifted may not be helpful. However asking for advanced academics may be helpful.

While some teachers may be whiners, that may be best dealt with by gently probing for the degree of the problem which caused the teacher to send the e-mail. For example, a person might ask for facts such as:
- the frequency of the child's problem behavior,
- the length of duration of the child's problem behavior,
- a statement of the impact of the problem behavior,
- what has been tried in the classroom to curb the problem behavior,
- what suggestions the teacher has for partnering with the child and/or home to address the problem behavior.

Or this may result in negative consequences ranging from a note in your child's file which may preclude his acceptance at another school, to child services being contacted and your child being removed from the home.

Escalating a situation is not a recommended approach for problem solving and advocacy. Instead, one wants to deescalate any situation, and communicate in a fact-based, solution-oriented, forward-looking, and unemotional manner.

The goal must always be: helping the student.

Thank you Indigo. I was being flippant and I apologize. I owe this resource more respect.

I should've taken the time for a more thoughtful response.

If we were all talking casually face-to-face, people would hear your tone of voice and see your mannerisms, body language, and facial gestures, to help them interpret your words.

Unfortunately, in the forums a newbie may read your tongue-in-cheek posting and think it is sound advice which comes from years of successful experience... especially if no one else takes the time to provide a counter-point.

A word to the original poster (OP): You may wish to edit your post as details which you have provided may make your child identifiable to staff in your district (which you have named). The board rules caution us: "Remember that this is a public forum... Try not to post any information that will allow others to identify you, your children, or anyone else."