Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy In laws think we are pushy parents

So my DH told his parents a little bit about where our DS is at with DYS and switching to a gifted program at a different school for next year and how happy we are for him. Our DS also played piano for them on Skype a few days ago because he is very proud of his accomplishments including a few compositions he's working on by himself! They don't get it. They think we are pushing him with piano and we should just "let him be a kid and back off." Has anyone else had good experience with explaining to people (family members) who are not intellectual, very small town and really have no clue? We don't see them that often, but it has really been bothering my DH. I have tried to tell them that I am exhausted by the end of the day from all of the things he is interested in and the research, building, reading, etc. that he loves to do, but still, they don't understand. Any suggestions or simple articles to send them would be helpful. It's kind of a bummer because if you can't brag about your awesome kid to his Grandparents who can you brag to??

Thanks Portia. You're right about family. So challenging. And thankfully there is this forum where it makes me feel like our little family is not so alone. I also like the Ultimate Brag Thread!

We can't brag to my parents or my in-laws. Too much baggage, there...my parents interpret it as my pointing out yet another way in which they failed as parents (and trust me, they did, in many ways), and my in-laws see it as competition with my SIL's kids...And even my DS8 who excels in a sport. You'd think that would be OK, but no...can't excel there either. Get lectures from my dad on how even if kids are good at a sport, chances are they won't make it to the Olympics. As if...the kid is 8.

So, we really don't say much to anyone. Welcome to the club!!

And thanks for giving me a chance to vent a little, too.

Can they take him for a week or so this summer? I bet that he will exhaust them. Maybe if they get hands-on experience with him they will realize just what kind of kid that you have.

Have you seen the book, Grandparents' Guide to Gifted Children? It may be the perfect Mother's Day gift for some spouses to give their moms (or MILs).

Portia's right. Some people just won't be receptive to the idea that your child needs to be on a radically different trajectory from the norm to be true to himself. It's sad when those purportedly close to us can't be supportive, but you have an enthusiastic audience here to cheer with you when the times are good and to support you when you face challenges.

Oddly I've always had a hard time talking to my in-laws about this and my husband was a PG gifted child who did an unusual trajectory through H.S. (And in general I get along with them.) You would think they would be sympathetic. But I get feeling they think it's competition, or putting down my nephews who are both bright boys who do well in school. This might be in part my BIL was one of those gifted but overlooked kids since my husband got all the notice. And when they look back in retrospect they regret not giving him more notice. Another issue is they just don't really see how different things have changed in H.S., applying to colleges and finding summer employment.

I had this problem just the other day with BIL asking DD7 if she ever plays. Don't even know where that came from! I'd taken her to a half-day electrical circuits course where she'd built a cool game from scratch that she bought to a family thing to proudly show everyone. Guess that's all it takes
But I kind of don't feel like we should have to explain ourselves. If they want to think we're pushy parents, meh, that's their problem

I struggle with this as well. I think that those without gifted children cannot fathom the drive that these kids have. He pushes ME. I don't think they would understand it unless they lived with it as well. I'm new to this journey but I try not to say anything at this point. This still causes issues because people notice and then when I respond, I feel like I'm bragging.

I don't know why but my FIL thinks my kids are idiots. Says things like,"If you go to college..." (one is already in college), but doesn't realize that 700+ on each section of the SAT is pretty good. He also dislikes that my kids get the NYT. He thinks they are ultra liberal - they are actually conservative but just go through the first few pages to quickly get the news of the day. I don't think he speaks the same way to his other grandchildren.

My kids don't get the same comments from him when it comes to sports. He actually thinks more highly of their athletic abilities than he should.