Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Introductions - who are we? What have we been through?

I'm pasteing a version of "the story" from Jaxmom's tread, but I'd like to here intoductions from the other folks here also.

It's so easy for me to "forget" how painful that time was - which is good. But it was so bad. In retrospect i think my son was inattentive in school because he was depressed and anxious, perhaps clinically. I don't think that's true now - Thanks Be. Here it is:

When my son was in 2nd grade, the school asked our permission to complete a "behavior scale" and gave us one to complete at home. Then we had a meeting. We were told that our scale revealed that our dear son was at risk for 9 or 10 catagories like: agression, anxiety, atipicalily, depression and that his in school scale showed him as "significant" even worse in those catagories. Then we were told that even though our son's teacher had 20 years experience and was particularly strong in handling kids with ADHD, that our son's behavior in class was "like nothing she has ever seen before." Our state has a law that school personel are not allowed to give a diagnosis. I thought this was very innapropriate. So we went to a local child psychologist who noted that our son tested "very superior" on the WISC III in many of the substest but average or below average on a few. Although we liked this gentleman, I feel he was unqualified to interpret a WISC III that was so high. His take on our son was that our son might certianly be a little bored at school, but that the behavior problems where due to the splay in his scores, and could be thought of as a "relative" Non Verbal Learning Disorder. When we shared back our "diagnosis" there was another meeting where they showed us checklists about NVLD and ADHD and have multiple school specialists explain to us why ADHD was a better fit than NVLD. If I had know then what I know now i would have realized that unaccomidated giftedness is associated with many of the things they were concerned about. My belief is that a child like this can not be evaluated for NVLD or ADHD unless they are in an academic setting which is appropriate for them. I wish I was in a position to homeschool or try private schools but I am not, and my son reports that he likes his school and his friends. It's two years later, and a wonderful 3rd grade teacher, and a 4th grade teacher who tries her best to accomidate him in the classroom have improved the situation quite a bit. BTW, when we asked the school for single subject acceleration, our son was evaluated by their specialists and found to "not be a very deep thinker in math." and turned down. (He got the highest possible score in reasoning on the WISC IV that they regave him this January.)His behavior at school is "so-so." Thankfully He was accepted into the Davidson Young Scholar Program and I have had so much support and information! It's my glimmer of hope. I am still trying to work within the Public School system.
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Since that time DS10 has attended summer Institute for the gifted day camp program twice, had a bunch of playdates with other Davidson kids, started playing a musical instrument and learned to touch type, to the tune of (his estimate) 65 words per minute. There is still a variety of opinions as to "what to do with him."

Love and More Love -
Trinity

Wow! That's exactly what we are going through with the schools, Trinity. I think it really boils down to professionals who really have no clue about their own fields. Mite, I feel, is far brighter than the WISC IV indicated even in the verbal areas. When talking to the school psychologist about the testing, I was told the room was very warm and there were a lot of hallway distractions because kids were having a lot of free time due to it being the last 8 weeks of school. A couple of times Mite missed questions because kids waved at him while they were walking by and the school psychologist wouldn't repeat the questions because you can't on the WISC IV. I had to really bite my tongue to keep from pointing out that you also "can't" administer the test in a noisy, high distraction area. sheesh.

Our DS14, behaviorally was more like your DS10. Tecahers were always complaining about him. We have never had him evaluated and he doesn't want to be now, but I know he is highly to exceptionally gifted. We are thinking he will be testing this year regardless of whether he wants to or not. I think he has the right and responsibility to know what his abilities are. I will say he has calmed down and hit his stride since entering middle school. He's been A honor roll all but one trimester when we missed a month to travel abroad. That time he was B honor roll. So, at least he has learned to roll with the system. I don't want him to settle for that mediocrity, though.

Hi Trinity and Willagayle,

I feel very fortunate that I haven't been through a lot of the frustrations many others have with PG kids. I have 4, either highly or exceptionally gifted sons, although I do credit myself in advocating for them early and often and the cooperative school district admin. Each son was diagnosed early (either age 4 or 5), each qualified for a self-contained exceptionally gifted public school program for elementary school, and while no school program is perfect, it did allow them to work at accelerated pace with peers. My 3rd son has the highest IQ and was/is challenging enough to make me seek help with Davidson Young Scholar program. He is wonderful, but physically a clutz (destroys his clothes and my house, 3 broken arms by age 5...just seems to disconnect with his body). He is definitely functional in class, and loves learning everything, but the teachers tell me he lay down on the floor to do the standardized testing and is "all over the place". He is so deep in thought all the time that he doesn't register your directions.

He was able to such advanced math so quickly at such a young age that I just was plain scared (I still am sometimes, but it comes it waves). I felt that someone should help develop his ability (kind of like harnessing power to a usable resource)and that it was beyond my abilities. I still spend most days investigating would be best for each kid, how to supplement what school is providing, not wanting to miss opportunities or be a deliquent mom. But I doubt there is any one perfect solution, especially one that would fit all 4 kids, so I guess that's my destiny for the next decade or so...tweak their educational situations. I do find the ditd and these bulletin boards immensely helpful to me in not feeling so alone. I have found that I cannot talk to my sisters or even the grandparents, or my friends, because I am obsessive (and feel one needs to be to keep up with these kids) and always agonized over the next and newest ideas. They either feel I am bragging, or compare their kids, or just think I'm crazy. Luckily, I have found a partner in my husband who has been supportive, and the kids are happy to know that they don't have to fit into a standard box, the box keeps changing shape & size.

That's my story.

Welcome Cym
((smile))
Trin

this is nice...seeing other kids like mine. Both my kids are to the "too deep in thought to hear instructions" type.

Finding that ideal school district is important. Finding synchrony within parents is important too. We don't have that yet. DH is from a culture that recognizes neither ability nor disability.

...sounds interesting - can you say more?
Trinity

Well DH is from India. Basically the philosophy there is you make or break the kid. My DH is an exceptionally intelligent man, but his light was covered by years in harsh boarding schools. He was beaten to conform. So, he conformed.

If a child cannot make it in India, the situation must be severe and obvious. Anything else is just met with strict discipline and abuse. While the system is improving, it is still far from where it needs to be in recognizing ability differences.

DH feels that if Mite has handwriting problems it is because I haven't practiced with him enough and I am not strict enough in discipline. Neither case is true. DH feels that the "giftedness" really is an American/Western term that is meaningless in life overall and as such doesn't matter in education.

He can be quite harsh with Mite over things regarding his hands, but he does think Mite is smart. For example, tonight supper was a miserable time because Mite, who was exceptionally tired after a daycamp with his choir, was very clumsy and having difficulty cutting his meet and scooping food onto his fork. He spilled several times, dribbled down his shirt and used his left hand (big no no with food for Indians since the left hand is used to clean the ****ocks after bowel movements in that culture) to hold down his meat while he took cut at it. DH hounded Mite all through the meal which only added to Mite's distress and increased the errors. Mite continually apologized and said excuse me. Finally he just gave up eating (not pouting, just simply found a lull in the storm and set the knife and fork into position for done). All this from what I understand is symptomatic of dyspraxia. Fatigue increases clumsiness and decreases organization and motor planning. DH will not take any time to understand the disorder. He just finds it "another weak American education excuse". I'll give Mite a bedtime snack to get him over any hunger, but I'm so stressed out by DH's negative reaction to the school districts assessment, I could scream. He's been much more strict since the results meeting.

I'll address DH about it later. He has periods where he is better about stuff, but other times he freaks out and tonight he must have been very tired.

He works with Mite on math, too. Most of the time it goes really well, but he doesn't have patience with fatigue and concentration lapses in Mite and frequently erupts. That's very Indian father style.

So, things are not smooth on that front for us.

Forgive my ignorance, but what is dyspraxia? I'll go look it up on the internet, but since Mite sounds remarkably similar to my YS, my curiosity has been peaked. The dinner scene...it's as though you've witnessed our dinner, except that my DH doesn't have cultural indoctrination, but definitely loses patience, as, I confess, do I. Same trouble with handwriting for YS, but I thought it might be related to 3 broken arms.

Dyspraxia is a neuromotor planning disorder. In the States it is often called "coordination disorder". It can be manifested in many ways from severe whole body lack of coordination, visual motor issues, to oral reading issues and graphomotor (writing, aka, dysgraphia) disorders.

Actually, the 3 broken arms might be because of dyspraxia.

It is common among highly gifted kids due as severe asynchronous development.

I have it, I have found out this summer. It was a "aha" moment. As an adult who never had intervention for it I can say life can be manageable but sometimes not very enjoyable because of it. I have difficulty descending stairs, being in crowds (stumble at light bumps), writing, excercising, spilling when I'm eating remains a problem but DH doesn't go ballistic about me, knocking over water, dropping things...etc. But in general I have a productive life. So, there is hope for Mite.

There are lots of sites about it. Here's a beginning...

http://www.ncld.org/index.php?ption=content&task=view&id=466

Hello, I'm new to this site. However, I am a member of the SENG community, The Gifted Developement Center, and currently pursuing the injustice in the state of Illinois. It is already too late to help myself in this matter, so I intend to help future students avoid the life that I was forced to endure.

My story is a little different than most. I was discovered as gifted in the first grade(1985) with an IQ of 168 out of 175. I was doing integers, multiplication, division, reading J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis and Shakespear in the first grade. My teacher told my parents that my scores were high school level and I should be moved to the 5Th grade. My parents rejected the idea of grade skipping. They also would not let me enter any gifted programs for some reason. In 6th grade, I was in the chess club and mated an Airforce Pilot and his commanding officer in less than 9 moves combined. Again, my parents jerked me out of that too. My math teacher that same year sat me in a corner and handed me a test. I scored a 9 out of a possible 9. My parents and teachers thought I cheated and made me retake the test under their supervision. Again I scored a 9. My teacher told my parents that a 9 is an automatic acceptance to University High School for the gifted. Before she was able to finish, my father said NO! My AP Physics class in 10th grade was my only experience with academic acceleration, and that was an accident. I ended up dropping out of high school with a sincere hatred for the world, but more towards my parents. I remember my 9th grade english teacher; I had done half the semesters work in 3 weeks and had 152% grade because of extra credit. I also remember the puzzlement on her face when I told her I was dropping out a year later. I was supposed to be the class of 1999, but I went through a self-paced GED program and became the class of 1998. My father made too much money and wouldn't pay for college. There's financial aid out the window. Here it is 8 years later, and I'm in the middle of my 2nd semester of college. My whole life feels like someone is choking me and only letting me take in 10% of the air I NEED. My outlook towards this countries education system and society in a general sense is a very complicated emotion.

The point is that I was discovered at a very young age, but that is only one step. I was not only held back, I was hung out to dry. I've called my father twice in 4.5 years. My stepmother once in the same time period. I see a psychiatrist twice a week, to cope with social rejection and the loss of my family(they are still alive). The emotional damage was so traumatic that I still have repressed memories and repressed knowledge. I was doing college level Physics 9 years ago, now I struggle with elementary algebra. I 've labeled myself as a "genius-burnout". But even as a burnout, I'm too smart to fit in. Within the last 14 months, I've become more in touch with my intellect because of my therapy, and I've decided I could care less how I'm treated. Some people would give anything to have my problems, I would insult them if I tried to ignore it. I've seen these same results from others that are gifted and put through similar situations. Gifted people tend to detatch from those whom they think is holding them back. I just drafted up a way to build an infrared telescoped optics in a day and a half. I finished the drawing 4 and a half hours ago, and it will be built by Sunday. Where do I work? I'm 26 years old as of 09/26 and I work in a call center. But MAN it was fun drafting up an infrared telescope!!! Why did I draft it? Because I can,....