Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Son tired and withdrawing

My DS12 has been withdrawing from all extra curricular activities and barely wanting to leave the house. He used to be keen to get out and explore and move. He says he has to go to school and do things all day and just doesn't want to HAVE to do anything else.

Is this typical of this age? Has anyone else seen this?

He often uses "I'm tired" as a reason though we've pulled his bedtime in earlier and have kept it there.

It feels like he is also finding ways to resist any direction from us. Perhaps he just feels too "managed". I don't feel like we're demanding a lot from him. Basically come and eat when it's dinner time and pick up your stuff and go to bed at bedtime. It's not a nag fest.

This could be typical early teen behaviour. I remember withdrawing into books about the same age and spending a lot of time in my room.

Any insight?

Social overwhelm maybe?

It could be many different things, including growth spurt/pre-growth spurt that sucks a lot of energy out of him, but I will just note not to overlook the possibility of a depressive disorder, or other medical condition.

Are you in a part of the country where you can have problems with not enough daylight? If so, is there a dog that needs walking (2 birds one stone....exercise and sunlight). Or a neighbor's dog he can walk?

My bet is hormones though.

Thanks for your responses.
He doesn't seem to be blue at all - laughs, participates in conversations etc. but that is something to keep an eye on.
I don't think there is any hazing going on in the activities he participates in and there certainly isn't anything negative happening if we go out as a family (something he's recently resisting as well) - which may also be a preteen thing.

This happened through our very bright summer as well so I don't think it's Seasonal Affective Disorder but more time outside certainly wouldn't hurt (back to square one there though).

Does anyone else have a tired growing 12 year old?

My DS16 went through this from about 12-14. (6th-8th grade) When he wasn't going to school or doing homework he just wanted time to veg by himself. This did get better when he hit high school.

My son is naturally an introvert and in 6th was having anxiety problems that translated into social problems at school. Even after I got him professional help with these he still CHOOSE not to participate in outside activities. I believe when school was over he found it exhausting to have to keep that social face on and he just wanted time to relax. He still really wants time just to veg. but he now participates in Marching Band and the H.S. Robotics Club, and goes out with friends occasionally. Still not the most social kid in the school but he is active and involved in school.

What I did insist was he had to be involved something physical. But that physical activity doesn't need to be something formal and at 12 they are old enough to send them outside for a bike ride or run. In junior high my son did keep up a martial art in a club that was mostly adults.

Junior High is a a rough age socially and emotionally. They are growing fast and hormones really take a toll. Add to this that we are in the internet age and teenagers don't socialize in person as much as we did a generation ago.

Thanks for your response bluemagic. That sounds a lot like my son. Good to hear that others have been through this too. I think he'll reemerge when he finds his peeps in high school. Hopefully.

Here's another question. He needs sleep but manages to draw bedtime out until it's really late. It's like pushing rope. The last leg of getting ready for bed is spending time in the bathroom. Once that door is closed there's nothing you can do. He is in control. We pulled bedtime in to 8:30 as he spends an hour in the bathroom and he still managed to get to bed just after 10. Too late for him. Frustrating. Exercises in control it seems.

Just to be on the safe side, I would probably have him tested for mono. It seemed unusual to me but lately I have been hearing a lot of mono among teens. I have two really good friends whose teenagers had mono. Since the exhaustion seems relentless, I would probably just take him in for the blood work to at least rule it out as a possible cause.

That leads me to his phobia of needles. Short of putting him under we won't be able to get a needle in him. Suggestions.
We took him to the doctor because we thought he might have mono - his cousin had it. Though in his age group it's a 4 to 6 week thing and it is long past that mark. It might be something else though. Suggestions? He is about 4 inches taller than me - I can't picture (or stomach) the idea of holding him down for one.

I have a 12yo boy with similar issues. Not interested in things he used to love, taking forever in the bathroom and with routine tasks. He's always had EF problems, but lately it has been more difficult than usual.

I think the age has something to do with it as well as the transition to being a teen. DS is no longer interested in many of the things he used to spend time on (Pokemon, Legos), which seems to be him wanted to disassociate with reminders of himself as a small child.