Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy help me get centered for next meeting

So school has called another meeting. DS7 is subject accelerated 3 years in math. He is in 2nd grade and goes to 5th. We partially homeschool all other subjects. The school has decided that they are not happy about it. So, every month or so, they call me to a meeting to gripe about something else. I continue to go to these meetings because they are about my child and I am trying to keep a positive relationship going - I do hope for divine intervention!

But sometimes I get lost in the meetings as they really try to knock DS down. Can anyone just give me some guidance on how you stay centered during these meetings?

I'd probably make a list ahead of time of all the things that YOU think are working well, and why. As well as any needs that are not being met.

How does your partial homeschooling work, and in what regard are they not happy? Who exactly is not happy? (Everyone, or just someone?)

How have they knocked him down in the past?

DeeDee

DW credits me for being able to keep an emotional even keel during these kinds of meetings, and as a result I end up doing most of the talking (she starts getting upset and then doesn't trust herself to speak without making things worse). I maintain by keeping a singular focus on our purpose. The school is likely to ambush or distract us with a whole lot of complaints that have no relevance, and I have a habit of redirecting the conversation back to what we're all there to do.

The school isn't happy? Not my concern. I'm not there to provide the adults in the room with happiness. I'm there to ensure my child gets an appropriate education. Any conversation topics that don't relate to that aren't really worth my time.

Can I borrow you for our meeting with DS's math teacher this afternoon?

ITA. Having my list of key points in front of me helps me do that too.

I think what you don't want is to go in feeling defensive-- they are calling the meeting because they are annoyed (about something), but you don't have to feel that you are up against the wall about that. Instead, you can turn it into a troubleshooting session framed in mutual terms:

--hear what they have issue with, and make notes
--but then make sure they know what YOU think is really going on, and give them evidence as needed to support your points
--ask them to solve what YOU think the actual problem is
--only after hearing their solutions, offer solutions that are acceptable to you; hopefully these can be offered as "tweaks" to their solutions, but if not, offer yours anyway.

You don't have to accept any solutions that are unacceptable to you. You can always ask to continue the meeting after gathering more data or information.

I like the suggestion to make a list of things you want to address. I'm going to try that as I go in with DH to meet with our son's math teacher.

My situation is different. I'll be going in asking how she can help us curb ds's math anxieties caused by timed tests that he's still being subjected to in compacted 7th/8th grade math, and also asking about the zero given to everyone in the class for talking. So my hope is to invite the teacher to work with us, to convey our willingness to work with her and respect the authority she has over her classroom, while at the same time point out the fact that maybe such a disciplinary action only hurts the kids who never needed it in the first place.

And all the while trying very hard to keep the anxiety and irritation from flashing neon on my face.

somewhereonearth, I wish you luck and fortitude. I'll be thinking of you.

KADmom, there are some posts on this blog that might be useful to you.

http://stemprofmomadvocate.weebly.com/1/post/2014/01/step-2-collect-evidence.html

The evidence collecting post seems particularly relevant, perhaps the "dos" and "dont's" as well.

Thanks!!

DS goes to school in the morning. He has 1 academic subject there and after lunch he goes home where he has the rest of his academic subjects. They are not happy that we are doing this at all. They (principal, some teachers) are most concerned because other families are finding out and they are concerned that lots of other families are going to do the same. This is ludicrous for lots of reasons. The real issue is that they don't want other families to find out because it will be apparent to them that we are partial homeschooling because the school refuses to meet DS's needs. The school prides itself on meeting everyone's needs, so this does not fit together well.

The way that they knock him down is to criticize him and put him down because he is not "perfect"....and they believe that he should be because he is PG. So, they pull out worksheets that DS completed where he got a bunch wrong and say things like, "He's not as smart as you think." Or they say that DS is only interested in physics because we bribe him (really - they have said this..."what child would be interested in quantum physics?! It's completely boring to a 6 year old. You are obviously paying him to be interested in it, for your own ego.")

Really these meetings have become a flogging of sorts. We arrive and they just start the assault on how poorly we are doing with homeschooling. It is apparent to them because DS "can't" do the grade level worksheets at school. So they are pushing to get him back full time. No matter that we had him tested and he is ready to jump 2 grade levels ahead.

Anyway, I always remain calm but it is upsetting, I always come out feeling like DS is just a game piece to them. I always try to steer the conversation back to facts, data and my son's needs.

Thanks! Have you ever walked out of a meeting if you felt that your time was being wasted?