Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Free play = Act out?

Do you have any children who act out when they are free playing?

If DS4 is not engaged in any kind of structured activities, I can almost certain to find him misbehaving (e.g. climbing on the basketball hoop, terrorizing his younger sister, etc). He is especially bad when we are outside - I was talking to his doctor when he sat down on the floor and took his shoes off and acting silly.

He has no problem concentrating if I give him structured activities – crafts, practice writing, do worksheet, Lego, but he is so wild up when he is free playing.

Any advices on this? TIA

When he's engaged in free play, who is playing with him? Is he by himself? Or is it just him and the younger sibling?

Free play is incredibly valuable in human development. One of its many benefits is that it's where kids learn social boundaries. They experiment with rule-making and rule-breaking. There are consequences involved, because if the play isn't rewarding to all players, the game ends. Your DS does need someone who can hold him accountable, though, and a younger sibling would have trouble with that. So that's where you'd need to find some peers for him to play with, and/or step into that role yourself.

One trap you'll want to avoid is over-structuring as a way to avoid the problem. Sometimes kids act out as a result of spending too much time in structured activities. It's quite stressful to conform all the time... another benefit of free play is that it functions as a safety valve to let off that pressure. As such, my DW and I act as guardians of our DD's play time, and start taking action anytime her structured day is getting excessive.

Beyond that, I don't have any wisdom to offer that you haven't heard before, as all I can do is recommend the same tried and true methods for dealing with misbehavior you've heard before.

For more information on free play and its MANY benefits: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/119/1/182.full

Sometimes usually when they are tired and/or hungry. Being able to self entertain doesn't come easily to all kids but is a useful skill.

I have to suggest that a certain amount of acting out by a 4yo is to be expected, and sometimes even encouraged Surely every 4yo should occasionally get to be a rascal! Also I know you probably couldn't think of any good examples right when you were posting, but taking shoes off during a boring doctor visit (definitely not free play) wouldn't be anything I'd blink an eyelid at ... neither is climbing, nor probably sibling terrorising within reason. Maybe check if your expectations around standards of behaviour are not a little too high? Have you got lots of cool stuff to free play with? Get some equipment that he is allowed to climb on if the basketball hoop is out (and nothing too easy!)

Yes. Our son(s) are always eager to find something to do... and the older one (7) is especially good at finding things that are irritating or problematic. YDS is better at finding things to do that are more productive and parentally approved (building something, playing with his cars, etc.).

We try to keep books on hand, which is handy for times when he is at "loose ends." Sometimes we have had to give up and send him to the basement when he starts tormenting his brother. That sounds harsh, but it is full of toys and craft supplies and puzzles, lots to do once he gets over the complaints about being there.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

I have changed my timeout strategy a little bit - from time-based, which he whined the whole time, to counting-based, which he gets done with timeout when he is done counting. It helps tremendously.


Can you tell I am a perfectionist myself?