Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Does anyone regret grade skipping?

I'd really love to hear your perspective, both good and bad, on acceleration. DS5 is in Kindergarten but is minimum 2nd grade level in math and reading. He doesn't like to write so that is lagging a bit, but coming along. I've been against considering a grade skip due to that fact that he has an early August birthday and hence is already one of the youngest in his class.

Today an old friend posted that her son, not quite 2 1/2 months older, would be starting 1st grade on Monday and it started me thinking again. What is best for DS5? I know at the moment the school probably would not entertain the issue because they have yet to test him to his instructional level in reading and not at all in math, despite my requests. The math coordinator keeps saying that the math assessments will be done soon, probably only including K level, and I have not heard back from reading support regarding further testing. I'm trying to be patient and work things out once they have the info they think they need. The problem is how to try to work things out. I'm very concerned about the social aspect of grade skipping but I wonder if it is as big an issue as I make it out to be.

Help! This is all so frustrating and confusing.

Master of None - thanks so much for your reply. It illustrates almost all the issues that I am concerned with. I'm sorry that the situation has become so complicated for you.

I completely sympathize with your daughter and understand where she is coming from. Could you possibly talk to her teachers and ask that they change their policy on making grades public? I would never let anyone else know what I got on a test, everything was "OK".

We are in Howard County and it has no GT until fourth grade. The county GT office suggested that I talk with the school GT coordinator. I've been hesitant at the moment because it feels like going over everyone's head. I keep hoping that as soon as all this promised assessment comes about they will understand and be looking for a solution along with me. I keep thinking "it's only a couple of weeks more" but it is so frustrating!

We do not regard grade skip, and although we do not have any bad experiences, I cannot say that it did much for our ds. I do regard that we did not do one right away in K and then we still could have done another in 2nd or 3rd grade. However, not sure what difference it would have made. We waited because we had zero support from school; at end we did the grade skip anyway. My ds skipped 3rd grade and none of the problems that school predicted and warned us about materialized. 4th grade was a good fit for him socially. Academically very early on we realized that he was not challenged enough anyway. When we started to talk to him about skipping 5th grade, he was against and we did not pursue it. Now he is in the 6th grade, taking 7th grade math, but really brings easy As in all subjects. Fortunately his science teacher has noticed ds abilities and has told us that he will do everything he can to keep him challenged, will challenge his thinking, will make sure that he thinks about each topic more critically and in general will have higher expectations of our ds. But that is only one teacher! I am slowly working with the school system and by the time he is in 8th grade, he will be taking mostly high school classes.
Ds has only one friend that they spend all time together and lucky are taking the same classes together as well. Sometimes I worry that he is not making more friends at school. I have talked to him about this, but it seems this does not bother him. He has good friends outside school setting, one in our neighborhood and then several from his soccer team and other sports activities he is involved.

I can't say that we wouldn't grade skip again if we had it to do over.

My DD (13 now and a HS junior) has-- obviously-- been accelerated 3y. That also masks the fact that she's actually taking senior coursework now, so it's really more like a 4y skip in most ways... and it still isn't really ENOUGH from an academic/cognitive standpoint. She is a virtual charter school student, by the way. Yes, we get a lot of flak off and on from administration because-- well, we've "had our share" basically, and what on earth are they SUPPOSED to do, hmmm? "We differentiated. I see the check mark here on this form. Now go away." I guess what I'm saying is that the fit problems may not be as completely eradicated as most parents, teachers, and administrators want to think, and then you may be in a situation where you get labeled "that parent... OMG... THAT parent" as you try to advocate further, which can really hamper the process if it colors your every interaction with teachers and administrators. Honestly, it can even color your CHILD's experiences somewhat.

Would we have done even two years in a brick-and-mortar setting? I honestly don't know. What I do know is that in some ways, the need for a grade skip is a situation which is already "no-win" on some level. The reason is that the adults in the situaton are having to grapple with the fact that this is a child whose asynchrony and competing needs and maturity have led to a LACK OF FIT with the 'available' placement, and you're seeking least-worst alternatives.

Other than that, I like the observations that MoN has made, and I'd echo them.


My daughter is lonely, and she's weary of being a mascot, a novelty, or a pet. Recognize that a grade skip means being much more obliged to find ways to allow your child's normal development socially/emotionally (and not expect them to actually BE older, if that makes sense).

The more acceleration, the larger that burden. My DD's peers only see her as a real "peer" until they learn that she's 2-6 years younger than they are, and then she becomes "that little kid" again. This was fine until adolescence, and now she wants to be something other than that, socially. In some ways, her social maturity outstrips that of some of her friends... but that is obviously not something that anyone is happy acknowledging. Emotionally, she's a fairly typical 14. Physically, a typical-to-young 13. Socially, an intuitive and astute chameleon... hard to pin down, but she can "hang" with pretty much anyone. Cognitively? I'm not even sure that we truly know, but it's well past most high school coursework, so perhaps about 18? 19? Understanding, of course, that this doesn't account for the fact that she learns differently from typical people at any level.

That asynchrony and the different learning process won't go away because of a skip.

The other thing to realize is that executive function is probably LESS developed on a year-by-year basis in kids with higher LOG... which makes it all the more nightmarish to 'manage' a child in a high school setting when this particular aspect of cognitive development probably lags agemates in terms of completion. What that means is that they will eventually wind up with far superior executive skills than what might be predicted based on age and development, but the here-and-now of getting a twelve year old to understand that doing calculus homework is more important than playing WoW with friends... meh. Good luck with that.

It's hard.

HowlerKarma, that was an informative post for this thread bystander. Thank you!

Hi Eibbed

You've had great advice already. For what it's worth this is a bit of our story.

My dd, nearly 7, has been skipped and has changed schools with the skip in place. Had we not changed schools I might have assessed the skip as a failure - at the first school there was little change in dd after the skip. She was still socially isolated, the work was still too easy and the problems we were seeing with her behaviour weren't resolved. Basically the school itself was a poor fit.

We moved across the city to an area and school that is more 'us' as a family. The school is a straight public school but is close to a university and has a lot of bright and gifted kids. Here the skip works well. Dd, 6.5 at the time, recently completed out of level and IQ testing which put her at a 5 grade level up achievement wise and >99.9% IQ wise. While she certainly isn't working at this level at school, with the skip and the bright cohort she has found herself in a situation where she is socially happy for now. Work-wise she could be skipped again, but for now we have a happy kid for the first time, so we're not pushing it.

Without the current skip she'd not cope; she's extremely social and her best friend is MG and almost exactly 2 years older than her, which is a good fit. She struggles with kids her own age. I don't think they'll skip her again at this school, but we have access to a secondary school which will likely skip her again.

None of it's perfect, but it is our least worst option (for now - I have become a big believer in planning, but realizing our plans will likely change as dd grows and new issues emerge). So I'd say make decisions based on what your son needs now and, if at all possible, have a few back up plans in case plan A doesn't work out (or simply to have some ideas of what is out there if things do change down the track). Keep an eye on the long term, but only insofar as you can reasonably foresee any issues that are LIKELY to arise from any given decision. I say 'likely' because I feel I can have no idea at this age whether a decision to skip now (that might look ideal) will cause a problem, say socially, in 5 years' time - so personally I disregard that kind of worry from my deliberation. By 'likely' I mean if it is foreseeable that skipping will likely mean a huge trade off for your family down the track (loss of income due to moving to an area that will accommodate a skip, pressure on another area that your child is invested in etc), then that's something to give genuine consideration to.

Good luck. It is a hard decision, but if the ingredients are right it can be a very successful one.

No real regrets after skipping our young-for-grade son at the end of K, but then we've only had one skip. DS experienced brief bullying but stuck up for himself and got past it, and seems to have integrated well socially. Though the academic level and pace still aren't close to right for him, he's less bored than he would have been, will spend one year less being bored, and is better set up for future skips.

Now, his additional subject pullout for math has been almost a complete waste, since the higher-level work there turned out to be just as inadequate to meet his needs. There is talk now of doing a pull-out to the middle school for math, or letting him work at his own level and pace while sitting in the third grade classroom. But the subject pull-out to fourth was probably a necessary interim step for this school to try before considering further options (which is why I used the word "almost" above).

When DD was young I could have never predicted how great grade skipping was for her. She skipped 1st and from day one was thrilled about it and didn't have any trouble with social issues. It was still too easy, but the newness of the skip made things more exciting.

In 4th grade she subject accelerated into an 8th grade class for geometry. At the end of 4th the administration suggested she skip 5th as it was too easy and 6th grade would rotate teachers.

She just checked her grade for this term for 6th grade and it's all A+ including the high school class she takes -- algebra 2. It's so easy for her.

Socially it's going so well I really don't think it could be better.
She is a very tiny girl just turned 9 and only 49 inches tall and still wears 13 toddler shoes. To see her stand next to these kids you just don't see the fit, but they readily accept her and she has a ton of friends. They instagram, kik, text constantly.

She's now girl's "besties" which I find so hilarious, since she been in their class a whole 2 months. She is never bothered by regular social issues or making friends because it's almost like a hobby. Going to a new place and making instant friends no matter where you are. For this type of person grade skipping is really easy.

The other thing we were worried about was PE. She was horribly uncoordinated and couldn't run at all when she was younger. She started doing 5Ks when she was 6yo and she's really built up her stamina and coordination. So much so that she passed her physical tests in PE by miles often beating most of the 11 yos in the class. It's amazing how things can improve in only a few years time. What once was a weakness actually turned into a strength.

It's very individual. DD has the maturity and the determination for grade skipping. She always wanted it and always told me she would succeed.

DS6 is a totally different personality and for now we don't want him skipping at all.

My ds has only been subject accelerated, but he has a late birthday. I know many people would have held him out a year, but I think he would still be the same: an immature kid who is smarter than the rest of the kids. He could be in any grade from 4th to 10th right now (he's in 7th) and that description would apply.

We are only one year in but so far my only regret is not forcing the issue of early entry when she was in preschool and we couldn't figure out how much more "school ready" they could get her.... She went backwards socially and emotionally being kept in preschool when her friends moved to school without her... She's recovering now.