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    #135404 08/09/12 04:50 PM
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    Kvmum Offline OP
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    Recently my daughter changed schools, and is now attending a great school with lots of gifted kids. This is many ways is wonderful, but it also adds a different twist to advocacy because while these guys are genuinely knowledgeable about giftedness it does mean they think they've seen and dealt with it all so they take some convincing.

    We had had our daughter tested on the SBV when she was 4 with scores >99.9%and because of her age, the fact that she refused to complete all of some of the subtests and her amazing abilities as a shape-shifter - able to fly under the radar wherever she goes - there were always some doubts raised about her scores. I suspected them to be accurate based on what she does at home, but to be sure we had her rested at 6.5yo, this time on the WISC and, in fact, she scored higher than the previous test. So we know now, for sure, that the kid is pretty smart.

    The tester did some achievement testing on her too, which put her 3 years ahead in spelling, comfortably 5 years ahead in reading fluency and comprehension (she didn't test dd higher than that, figuring 5 years ahead was enough to point to the need for extension), 9 years ahead in decoding. Her teacher has tested her as being 4 years ahead in maths, despite so far being largely self taught. At the moment she is grade skipped in to grade 2 and is being extended about a year ahead again in class.

    Dd wants harder work, but she is also extremely social and wants to be part of the group. She has a couple of gifted girls in her class that she is working with and she is friends with and I suspect she is benchmarking herself against them despite being able to do more (as well they might be able to too - I just mean she's not stretched beyond the work that group is doing).

    She is extremely happy at school for the first time ever. While she feels she'd like to do more she finds the work 'ok' and class time fun. This is her third school and our last two experiences were dreadful. Now I have a kid who says on Saturday 'I can't wait for Monday' because she is so excited about getting back to school. So on that front, I am also reluctant to rock the boat.

    But on the other hand, I know this kid has NEVER been tested at her challenge level in an academic sense, other than during her testing. She was elated for the rest of the day after doing the WISC, it was like stretching herself had set her brain alight. But at school her cruising is enough to be impressive, keeps her not ahead of her friendship group but still in it and so on.

    I know from my lurking others have been through similar things and I am just wondering if anyone had any tips?

    I'm not really willing to skip her again at this point (for now) - she has been in 3 schools and 5 different classes in 18 months and socially I think she's in a good setting with an older gifted cohort (she would have been young for her 'proper' grade and her best friend is already close to 2 years older).

    Last edited by Kvmum; 08/09/12 04:51 PM.
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    Originally Posted by Kvmum
    Recently my daughter changed schools, and is now attending a great school with lots of gifted kids. This is many ways is wonderful, but it also adds a different twist to advocacy because while these guys are genuinely knowledgeable about giftedness it does mean they think they've seen and dealt with it all so they take some convincing.
    We see this. Unfortunately. There are scads more kids in the 130-135 range than kids in the 150-155 range. So it's an understandable error.

    How old is your DD? There is a big difference between coasting in school at age 7 and at age 12. As a family, DH and I decided that we were ok with alternating years, one for social development, one for intellectual development - since we believe that both are important.

    But I do know the heartache of seeing your child with eyes blazing one day, but not the rest of the days. Outside enrichment might be a good compromise - have a tutor come to the house afterschool to work with some intellectual content she just loves. It could be math, or meteorology. That is, you can choose a topic that is outside her normal academic curriculum.

    Then there is music and sports. Lots of gifties have done well pouring their extra energy into learning an instrument or competing physically.

    Think of the airplaine story - here's one version:

    Quote
    A perfect example is an airline flight. Did you know that a flight is "off course" over 90% of the time? Wind currents push the plane off its path and the pilot (or navigation system) makes subtle adjustments to keep it on course. Head or tail wins will push for or against the plane. The pilot can slow down or increase engine power to compensate and stay on schedule. If there is bad weather in the flight path, the pilot will adjust by flying over or around it. The key is that it is easier to figure out your options when you have a destination in mind.

    Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6963133

    So remember that your goal isn't to have everything perfect at every moment. It's more that overall, your child has a variety of good experiences.

    Make sense?
    Grinity


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    Grinity...

    I adore the idea of alternating goals of social vs academic. It is clear we cannot get both easily here as of yet.

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    At this point, maybe "extremely happy in school for the first time ever" is good enough? I guess I would want to know if my kid continues to learn new material. I think all kids have the right to learn something new at school. Does the school doing any progressive testing, such as MAP testing? In our situation, I feel pretty good if DS's test scores keep going up, especially in areas that he couldn't have learned through osmosis, because it means he's being exposed to new materials. I still get a little worried when he has the highest scores in the class, but since he doesn't complain, has lots of good friends, and he's still learning new stuff, I'm happy too.

    I would investigate afterschool activities that are not taught at school, as others have suggested, in your DD's area of interest.

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    I hear you. I remember arguing for more for my kiddo before we found our right fit school. I remember specifically asking for a chance for him to fail, so he can learn to persevere. I can see how you're in a tricksy spot, since the school "knows" gifted. Is there one particular area you could focus on for a "test" area, to see if your DD could be moved up a grade for that class to see if it's more challenging? Maybe start by saying something like "thank you so much for all you've done for my DD, she is the happiest she's ever been in school, but I still have this nagging worry that she's not going to learn what to do if she fails, as she seems to still get everything so easily. Any chance we can move her up a bit?"

    I think sports and music lessons can be pretty good. For us, our DS learned some of that feeling of success after working hard through piano lessons. Maybe an outside of school academic class, even online, could help if the daily school isn't enough?

    Sorry, no particular advice on the girl front, as I have just a DS. Also, I was an underachiever myself, not being challenged until college. So I can completely relate to all the efforts you're putting in to find a good fit for your kiddo!

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    Sorry, realised I had accidentally posted under my partner's account so have deleted my last post and I am reposting to avoid confusion (or maybe create it!):

    (Thanks or your reply to what I've reposted posted below, St Pauli Girl. I have an appointment with the school next week so I will see how we go - I'll definitely give the positive approach a go).

    Thanks for your responses. I absolutely get what your saying and certainly we're not worried about the situation as it stands at the moment, more looking to build in it. I am thrilled that she is happy and if we get nothing more than that for now we're completely ok with it. What I think about though though is that she has never really been challenged and when I think about the kids in kindergarten that I used to help with reading, they were were getting that challenge every day, learning that it's ok to fail and ok to not to know something straight away, satisfying to enjoy the success that comes from overcoming a challenge.

    What I guess I am curious about is whether anyone has had any luck with helping kids (particuarly girls) past that underachieving for social reasons thing, helping them past just doing the minimum. I don't mean a short term fix so it I can have her putting in 110% every day (she's 6.5yo), but the messages or strategies people might have had success with over time?

    On the one hand the social stuff is kind if her thing, but having underachieved all through school and having to play catch up now, I just don't want dd, over time, to sell herself short. She does do out of school activities that provide some challenge. I more keen though to help her feel she can own her abilities, successes or failures in a more public setting too. Perhaps I should look in to some team sports (she does individual activities currently)

    (And I know I am being greedy wanting more than happy at school - we've left a situation where dd was having panic attacks about dying each day before school because she wass so unhappy so I am extremely, extremely grateful for 'extremely happy'!) smile

    Thanks again.

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    As the schools are so fond of telling those of us who are ESE parents: they are not required to provide the pinnacle of all possible educational experiences. They are required to provide an appropriate education. Period.
    Which means, honestly, that your highly or exceptionally or profoundly kid will rarely be completely challenged in class, and will never, ever get everything he or she needs to work at his or her peak. And that's not the worst thing in the world. School should never be confused with education. Schools can only do so much, and after a point, it's up to us to do a lot of the challenging and supplementing and yes, teaching that our kids need.
    And yeah...happy at school is a gift from the Cosmos, and not to be underrated...though clearly you know that already.


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    Ugh, just re-read my last post and my terrible typing - I can actually spell and have a pretty good grasp of grammar, just not that day!

    Eldertree, your post prompted me to post an update. I did go and see the teacher and she was, well, fantastic. She took dd's new report on board and admitted she had probably been underestimating dd. No defensiveness, just an acknowledgement she could do more and described her plans for doing so. She even took on board the fact that dd has a confidence rather than ability issue with multiplication and vowed to try some other strategies with her. Goodness knows what will happen in practice (how terrible to be so doubtful in spite of this teacher's obvious enthusiasm - but once, or in our case, many times bitten, many times shy!) but I am incredibly relieved.

    I explained my concern about social underachieving and she recognised that she thought she had seen some evidence of this given there are some very strong personalities in dd's work group, who are also highly competitive (dd is not). I came away pinching myself. Our experiences in the past have been so awful. I dreamed of coming across a teacher like dd's - if only there was one for every classroom!

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    This makes me glad that I was in possession of the Easy Button in high school.

    Me: "Father, I wish to change the school system to accommodate my needs. My teacher has been insolent to me as of late. I wish my teacher to be bent to my will. Will you do this for me?"

    Father: "Yes, my son. As school superintendent, your teachers are obligated to perform as I instruct. I will make the necessary change to the bureaucracy."

    Granted, this wasn't quite how the conversation went, but my limiting factor was what my father was willing to do, not what the school was willing to do.

    And yes, some of my teachers resented my power.


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