Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Helping dd speak up

I am looking for some advice to help dd speak up in class and with unfamiliar adults. DD, who is 5.75 is so shy with unfamiliar adults that she literally struggles to speak to them. In class she barely ever says a word during group discussions and says it's because she's got nothing to say. I distinctly remember feeling like this at school - my ideas are sometimes (lol, often) a bit out there and their relevance isn't always apparent. It meant I was often misunderstood at school and so I stopped contributing. I still struggle with this as an adult, but of course as you get older it's easier to pick and choose your audience and you can get some perspective on why you get the responses you do.

I don't know for sure that dd is struggling with the same issues, but I suspect she is. I have regularly witnessed people misinterpret her ideas(usually because they don't know her and are expecting her response to fit with what they expect from a 5yo and so they can't see the relevance of her remark because it's so removed from the context of their expectations). I should point out this has nothing to do with her speech, she is very clear and has an amazing vocabulary (which no one would believe if she wasn't comfortable with them).

At home dd never stops talking and she has wonderful ideas, which we share and promote. There is maybe one other adult that she responds similarly to. Ultimately her silence causes people to massively underestimate her, which in turn feeds the problem.

I suspect that over time, with encouragement and appropriate accommodations she will grow out of it, but in the mean time I am wondering if anyone has any tips for helping her feel more confident. She is grade skipped and in a high performing class, plus she is involved in a couple of pull out programs.

Her non-verbal score was significantly higher than her verbal (150 vs 135 on the SBV), but this is in part is suspected to be due to test fatigue. However I do wonder too if there are issues for her with being able to find the right words to express her ideas. Her reading and comprehension at a 7th grade + level, but her writing is at (grade skipped) grade level.

Having said I understand her ideas perfectly well at home, but perhaps that's because we have very similar ways of thinking.

Thanks for any thoughts!

You could put her in local dance or acting classes, if they have something like that. Our local art center has cheap musical classes where the kids can be in the chorus and/or do a little solo or say a few lines in a play.
One thing to realize if your daughter grade skipped is that there can be a social downside to skipping. We have not skipped our older son for that reason- it's a tradeoff for the academic part, to be sure. He raised his hand in third grade this year and ran for student council, something he had never done before. He got elected over all of the other kids.

She does dance, but perhaps acting classes might be a good idea. I can absolutely understand how socially a skip might not work for all kids, however in our case the skip has been wonderful for dd socially. This year has been the first time she's found kids she actually wanted to spend time with. Her teacher has told me she's not afraid to be assertive when she's working with other kids in class or with her friends - it's the 'public speaking' aspect of answering questions in front of the class, having to get up and speak and so on that's a problem(in addition to the issues speaking to adults in a more general sense).