Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Handle a problem friend

DS11 has asked for advice on how to handle a friend who follows him around constantly.He is an unpopular child and holds on to my son by telling lies to other children to make my son unpopular and so increasing his monopoly of my son. DS doesn't dislike the boy in small doses and in fact says he has been helpful to him in the past. He doesn't want to hurt his feelings but the boy gets easily upset when asked if he can have some time alone or do something else and the boy then says my son is being horrible to him. Has anyone had a similar experience or any suggestions on how to solve this with minimum damage.

I suggest he say, "you're here to help or you're here to hinder, and if you're going to hinder me I've got no use for you.". Just fit it into the conversation sometime. Also when the other boy gets upset tell your boy to say, we can't talk about this now, we'll talk about it later. I'm busy. I'll see you later.". But then tell him never to really talk about it later. Talk to the boy later, but only as kids having fun, ie, on good terms. On ds' terms. Ds is a school kid, not a licensed therapist. He can only offer friendship and only in a healthy way.

Your boy already had a problem being bullied and now this. He doesn't need this. Victim and rescuer is an unhealthy relationship. See this: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle?wasRedirected=true

I know that we all have friends that were made "when we both needed a friend.". I have a couple of friendships like that. They are over a decade long and are strong relationships. But wether this friendship will last or not ds can not learn bad relationship patterns right now just before he starts dating, of all times. Just because he doesn't want to rescue a victim doesn't make him a cold heartless blank-blank. It doesn't even mean he can't be friends with the boy. It just means that ds will only keep healthy relationships. The friend will adjust or hit the road. "You know where I'll be if you ever get your head out of your" ....I need to clean up my Jerry springer language and go read some literature so I can share my thoughts but sound more like a mother should. Oi

Honestly, I usually just tell my kids to find someone else to play with. While being nice to everyone, but there is no need to be subject to this sort of treatment from another person. Your son is free to play with and do what he wants, without permission from this other child. he can allow this child to participate, but not make rules as to what your child can and can't do. Soon you'll see this other child backing away and finding someone else to "control".

Thanks both

I guess it's a form of bullying in a way - i never thought of it like that. Just printed of the wikilaks ref. to read later - but on the face of it it seems spot on

Once again many thanks

P