Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DS pretends he cannot read

DS3 taught himself to read with minimal assistance and encouragement at age 2. He was reading Henry and Mudge books and Frog and Toad books by himself (very slowly) before he turned 3. Right when he was starting to be really fluent (around his 3rd birthday), he stopped reading out loud. He would say, "You read to me." If I say, "I'm kind of busy right now. Why don't you start reading by yourself and I'll join you." He would say, "NO! But I don't know how to read!" I started to worry a little that maybe he has indeed forgotten to read or maybe there's something wrong with his sight. But recently, he was doing something on the computer, I left him alone for a while, and when he snuck up on him, I found him doing a quiz on the computer about the solar system. He was reading the questions and answers almost as fast as I could and getting most of the answers correctly. It never even occurred to me that he could read silently and so well. I was stunned. As soon as he realized I was watching him, he said, "read this to me." I said, "Oh but you're doing such a great job reading by yourself! Why don't you keep going?" And it was the usual response, "But I don't know how to read!" For the first time, I refused to help him (I thought maybe that's what he needed to move on) and he actually quit the game which he was so enthralled by just a minute ago.

What is going on??? He is a perfectionist and has shown some frustration in the past with the slow pace at which he was reading. Does he just want me to read because he knows I can read faster? Is he going through a typical "latent" phase in learning to read that I don't know about? Does he feel pressure from me?? He is cognitively very advanced but a typical three year old in many respects; he is not always conscious of, or able to articulate, his fears and frustrations very well. I don't care whether he can read at age 3 or not. As long as there's nothing psychologically wrong with this picture, I'm not going to push him to try if he doesn't want to for some reason. I just would like to know whether there's something I should be doing to help him get over the mental block or the unreasonable fear of failure or whatever it is he is going through.

I know you are not psychologists but maybe you can speak from your own experience. Have you had a similar experience with your kids when they were learning to read? Do you have any advice for me? Thanks!

Junior

I would get his vision checked, and is eye muscle workings by a behavioral optomitrist, just to be sure.

I wonder if he overheard a babysitter, or an adult or a friend saying something about his reading that he misunderstood. It's not infrequent that he will misinterperet a comment.

My DS wasn't an early reader, but he was an early perfectionist, and would demand to sit on my lap and direct my hands to draw wild pictures instead of his babyish scribbles.

This would be a great time to get some really good individual professional help, although I don't want to suggest that it's an emergency, not so much for the reading, as for the perfectionism and the low frustration tolerance. My son is a very intense guy, and maybe always will be, but I sure wish I had worked out some parenting stratagies to deal with this earlier - you are miles ahead of me.

One idea is that it might be a level problem? What level of books he want you to read to him? I would bring home a book that's many levels above what he was last reading,(( like "Mrs. Pigglewiggle"? or "My Father's Dragon"?)) and start reading it to myself, and see if he sneaks it. Or you can misread a word and see if he corrects you. Have you tried large print Harry Potter? At least when you read to him, what books does he seem to enjoy?

I hope someone here has lived through this, but my understanding is that many have some level of immature eye function, immature relitive to their reading level, that is, not their age, and some are very stubborn kids.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Has your DS started some preschool or similar?

My DD4 did something similar not with reading but with puzzels when she started the preschool at 2yr4mo. Before that she was all hot on them and doing very good progress - she had two 15-pieces jigsaw puzzels and could do them without any difficulty. And then, she started to ask me to do them and if I refused then she would want to play with something else.
I thought this was just a phase and did nothing.
She lost interest in them for a long time and really seemed to have forgotten how to do them.
She eventually became somewhat intetested again but now I have no clue how many pieces she is able to do.

By the way, she does have vision problems and according to the optometrist this is why she does not like puzzles as much, so it worth to check that as Grinity says.

But I am pretty certain that the preschool played a big part in it

We had this same problem with DD5 this year. She also starting words and books by three, but didn't aquire fluency as quickly as your son.
When she went to kindergarten, the teacher would not send her to enrichment because others were reading and she was not.
The story is on another thread, but long story short, I got involved and the reading specialist assessed her.
The specialist saw she could read, but she really had been given K teacher the saucer eyes and saying "I just don't know that word".
When K teacher got the results, she just smiled sweetly back and told DD she knew she could do it.
Once the jig was up, DD started reading and advanced very quickly to fluency in just a month or two.
A. She thought if she started reading, I would never read to her again. Of course we still snuggle up and I read to her. Sometimes, I'll read a page, then she will, but I'll still read whole books to her.
B. It was a confidence issue.
I'm never sure how they get the ideas they do, but it usually works itself out.
Good luck Junior.
Incog

My son totally had the low frustration tolerance and confidence issues as well. He was comfortably reading chapter books before he would call himself a reader and he HATED stumbling over any word. If he saw a word he didn't know in any book, he'd say he couldn't read the whole book. He never "read" as a preschooler. Although he is easily, reading 5th to 6th grade level now in 1st grade. So I suspect there was some reading he could do before kindergarten, but that was just not where his interests as a 3 and 4 year old were. He much preferred to listen to a chapter of Roald Dahl than to try to read a "boring" early reader.

Anyway - I never pushed it as a preschooler. DS is my oldest and I wasn't looking for highly GT behavoir at all. I just followed his lead. Now my 2nd child, DD3 has some sight words and she more than happily calls herself a reader!

I'd follow up on it and look at his preschool enviroment if he has one, since he was willingly reading. But be willing to let it go for a while if it just seems like his temperment for a while.

I was thinking the same thing as Dottie--it sounds like he doesn't want to be a big boy. The fact that he was reading silently when you weren't looking and he stopped when he knew *you knew* he was reading makes it seem like this is more about your relationship with him than any actual problem with reading itself.

Has something changed in the home? New baby on the way? A friend with a new baby? Something diverting attention from your son?

I could be way off the mark, but that's where I'd start looking if I were you.

My kids have all been early readers. My daughter was not as blatant as your son, but she was very shy about demonstrating reading ability in front of others. Her next oldest sibling was a spectacular reader; using reference guides and reading adult non-fiction at age 2.5. Although we never made a big deal of it at home, others were exclaiming all the time over his reading ability. His Montessori director referred to him as a prodigy during a school assembly, much to my chagrin.

I think she was nervous that she wouldn't measure up, and she does have a spot of trouble with perfectionism. She played dumb so well that she would read entire books to me but then pretend she didn't know any of the words when Grandma came over and asked her to read the same book. She came out of hiding around the time she turned three, and by the time she was 3.5, she was reading Black Beauty. These days, she is a more avid reader than her brother, and frequently reads my books. She's seven.

My youngest is able to read, but doesn't like to read aloud. She's been reading books for almost a year, and does quite well at reading her way through various computer games. I figure as she becomes more confident, she'll be more overt about it.

FWIW, I read bedtime stories to the kids until they decide they are done with it. For my sons, this happened at age ten. For dd, it was six. My littlest one still tries to talk me into reading longer every night! We tend to do about 20-30 minutes per night.

I will just add that we had the same experience with our son who didn't like to read when anyone was around except mom and dad. When he was 3.5 and in daycare, we would send him a note each day in his lunch bag. He announced one day that we should stop wasting our time with them because he wasn't reading them and that he was pretending that he didn't know how. When we pressed him on why he was pretending not to know how to read he simply told us that it was because the teachers would make a big deal out of it and he just wanted to be like all the other children, who could not read.

My 5yo ds taught himself to read when he 3 and now is at a fifth grade level or so. He does the same thing, though to a lesser extent; he claims hes not a reader, but then reads all the time! I dont get it.

For what its worth, I'd guess that its a "big kid" thing too...not quite ready to be independent about it! What sort of reading material do you have around for him? I know with my ds, he could easily read and comprehend most children's chapter books -- but he still likes pictures and large text. Maybe its a problem with the combined level and layout of the books he *wants* to read?

Hmm. But then the computer thing... I'm gonna go with "big kid" issues.

Good luck! Its not easy, is it? :-)

My guess would be that he wants you to read him. BTW He is an awesome reader!

My younger one started reading before the age of 3, he can read easy reader books but lately he doesn't really care for reading Where 2 months ago he was proud to read a book to us now he wants us to read him all the time.