Trinity had asked me some questions about our decision to have our child in regular public school. It seemed like a chance to introduce myself and it also probably belongs in a separate thread, so I am starting one.
First, I do completely agree that our decision would not work for everyone. I have a EG brother who is a kinesthetic learner. All he ever wanted was to follow is his father around on the farm and watch him and help him with the equipment. He hated every minute of school and turned from good natured into angry and resentful. Home school was not an option that many years ago. But in retrospect it would have been the best option for him. I would never think of torturing DS and putting him through what DB (dear brother?) went through, nor would I ask anyone else to do that. I am a counselor who works with parents, and I believe that parents have great insights into their children. I also believe that each family has their own unique circumstances which are crucial in making schooling decisions. I do not judge others for making the decisions they make, nor do I wish do be judged for mine. Frequently, though, it is helpful to see how others make their decisions. Sometimes we make the same decision, other times we make different ones, but with more confidence, because we see how decisions are made.
Second, DS's gifted level was raised as a possible explanation for why he was able to adapt to regular classroom. I doubt this is the explanation. He is pretty firmly a Ruf level 4. He started spontaneously pointing out sight words on signs at 23 months, was reading The Chronicles of Narnia at 5, figured out how to multiply to find area spontaneously at 5, and by the end of 3rd grade has passed the state standardized test at the appropriate level necessary to graduate HS (the test is computerized so increases question difficulty with each correct answer, so he was getting 10th grade level questions, not just doing well in 3rd grade questions). In first grade, he was the only child in his grade in GT. In second grade several children tested into the program and the GT teacher pulled me aside to apologize that she would have to "dumb down" GT to accomadate the regularly gifted kids. But he is not a level 5 and I doubt we could pull this off with a 5.
I have been fortunate for several reasons, things for which I take no credit. 1) as Trinity gathered DS is remarkably social; he has always wanted to be where the party was. I remember in Kinder, he would sit with the other children as they identified letters--his was always the first hand up "OOH OOH, that's an A" This is a kid who was already reading 5th grade chapter books, but he wanted to do what everyone else was doing. 2) DS is not shy and has never been afraid to show what he know and asks for what he needs. Usually, but the end of the first week, before I had even met them, the teacher would have started noticed how different his is. He has gotten himself subject advanced in reading, math and spelling all with minimal intervention from me. He came home one day with a really hard spelling test when he was in 4th grade. I asked him where it had come from and he said he had gone to the teacher and showed that he had gotten 100% on each of the last 3 pre-tests and thought he could do something harder, so she gave him 10th grade lists for the rest of the year! 3) The teachers really have been great and the principal has always been supportive. I am well aware that this is not always the case.
Here is what I do take credit for: 1) I have volunteered 4 hours a week since he was in kindergarten. I have made friends with DS's teachers and everyone else in the school. I have made friends with the other students and advocated for them as much, if not more, than my own child. When I need to advocate, I think I am taken very seriously because we already have a warm relationship. (Again, I know that would not work in every school or with every teacher.) 2) I have hand picked every teacher my child has had. I choose them for their flexibility and ability to see each child as unique. 3) We went into this believing it would work and if we ran into trouble, we would try everything to make it work. I think this sent a message to our son that we were comfortable with him going to school, that we were excited about his new adventure at school and that we believed that he would do well and be happy there. I see that sometimes when parents go into this with ambivalence that begins to undermine the child's confidence in the decision 4) I have always told him that he can learn wherever he is, " Sometimes we learn what the teacher is teaching and sometimes we learn something else. For example, today while the other children were learning to add, you were learning [different ways that teachers have to explain things, how to be patient, etc]. " I remind him that we have to be patient with other people and that other people will be patient with us when we need it. I tell him about all the tediously awful meetings I have had to sit through; this is not just something that happens at school, but if you are smart enough, you can figure out how to keep your brain busy during the dull times. 5) Afterschooling. We have so much fun learning together. He still gets bedtime stories and that's when we read biographies, philosophy, religion, and science--generally things we both want to learn, so he sees me learning, too. 6)I have worked with the teachers to get him the curriculum he needs. For example, in 4th grade we dual enrolled him with a public charter school for math. He finished 4-6 math at his own pace in that curriculum during math time at school. This year he's doing 7th and 8th the same way and supplementing with a college text which he loves. Since its a home school curriculum, I plan the lessons and send them to school with him, I grade them, and I record them on the computer for his charter school teacher to review. It's extra work for me. But now a really cool thing is happening. There is another child who is gifted in math who is in the same class who rushes through his traditional lesson and then he works with DS just for fun.
So the bottom line for us is that this is a huge commitment and would not work for everyone, but I do think for some it is worth try. It doesn't always go well--I was terrified this year when they added a mandatory at grade level reading curriculum this fall, but we got around it. And right now we are planning his move to middle school and I am very nervous about starting over with new administration and staff. But my husband and I both went to what we call "mediocre public schools" (neither of us had a clue about what AP was until we got to college and found all our new friends had lots of AP credits) and then to a good college and ultimately top-tier graduate schools, so we believe it is possible. And we look back on our public school years fondly.
I hope this is helpful, even if you don't decide this is what will work for you. And I would love to meet other families who have successfully navigated this public school route!
Cheers!
Anne
