Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Hindsight - what would you have done differently?

Many folks say they wish they would have known or acknowledged their child was gifted sooner. If you had - what would you have done differently?

I'm just curious

In our house, I wish I had kept better notes of what he did at what age.

I also wish I had taken him to OT for Sensory Integration Issues around age two, then he started wanting the socks seams "just right" and the tags cut out of clothing. That all just seemed normal for someone of our family.

Somedays I wish I hadn't let him watch TV or play any of those CD Rom computer games until age 5 or something - other days I think all that was really useful.

I wish I had acknowledged my own giftedness earlier, and gone out of my way to spend a portion of my social life with other gifted people, not all, but not none either. I wish I could have accepted that my differences were a strength and not a weakness, before I had to figure it out on behalf of my son.

I wish I had figured out better how to elegantly make the transition from totally entitled baby to socially responsible child.

These aren't regrets, I acknowledge that things turned out just the way they had to. But since you asked, I'll tell you.

Smiles,
Trinity

Great question!

First and foremost I would have documented their developmental milestones better. I never really saw the relevance when they were babies (they were the first grandkids on either side). I assumed that the developmental guidelines must have averaged in babies from third world countries who had no pre-natal care and suffered from poor nutrition, so I stopped looking at that chart! If I had looked at Dr. Rufs levels of giftedness I would have identified them earlier.

I wish that I had educated myself about giftedness earlier and been a more critical consumer of education. If all that had occurred, we probably would have moved to a large city of a neighboring state that has some requirement to educate all children appropriately rather than a community in IL with sky-high standardized test scores. I now realize that a situation where the very bright children of well educated and supportive parents attending schools with a very average curriculum where they receive straight As does not equal an excellent education.

I really didn�t want to be one of �those parents�, so I never encouraged early academic study especially for my first. As it turns out, I have had to become one of �those parents� anyways as demonstrated in the above paragraph. I am willing to tell the emperor that he isn�t wearing any clothes.

My kids are both sight-readers. I wonder if I had bought a phonics program for them when they were very young and reading by sight, would their phonetic abilities be stronger now. My daughter especially had been reading for several years before she started 1st grade and so wasn�t even included in the reading instruction given in class.

Sorry that I�ve rambled in free-associative form here. I�m really interested to see the responses of others also!

I though of a few more! LOL!

Duh, I would have pulled DS10 out of public school in 1st grade when the "behavior problems" started, and not let 2nd grade even happen! But then he never would have met his 3rd grade teacher, who was so wonderful! Good thing I'm NOT running the universe. But where would I have put him back then, anyway? Maybe a midyear grade skip from first to second? But his behavior was already scaring the teachers. Plus he wasn't reading solidly, and his gross and fine motor skill were so far behind!

I'm beginning to see the trouble with time travel. I'm so confused I can't remember the others - LOL!

Trinity

It is just wonderful to read what others "would have done" since I am in a situation that I can learn from what folks did as well as what they "wish they would have done".

It's really fun!

Also - I did contact Dr. Ruff and they have a "parent education" program that she offers for those out of town with children under 4. I have emailed back and forth with her assistant and we are going to get some advice from her as well. I am having fun really soaking up information

Wow, stbmom! That sounds excellent - I didn't know Dr. Ruf has a program for parents of under 4-s. Soak well!
Trinity

We would have pulled him out of kindergarten after the first week instead of making him suffer through a whole semester. It was obviously a bad fit, and my reluctance to pull him made him suffer so much.

We would have pursued neuropysch testing at a younger age. (That is, a complete evaluation rather than just IQ and achievement tests.) Knowing ahead of time that ADHD wasn't an issue would have been great.

We would have pursued OT testing for SID early. Although - I say this and we haven't pursued it yet and it does seem like an issue.

We would have bought more books and games - wait - if we had done that we would have had no room to live in our house. Scratch that.

We would have focused more on social interaction and motor skills and given our kids a little less freedom as preschoolers. Sounds cruel - but we have paid a price for letting them follow their interests and not making them develop some of the same skills as their peers.

I actually think we would have allowed computers earlier rather than later. Although still in limited amounts. Just because some of those learning to read games would have taken care of the formal phonics needs.

Mary