Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy I think I am going to insist on this-

DS11 just took a 12 week long Shakespeare workshop with our homeschool teen group. He was the youngest player and a complete novice, but he really did an amazing job! Last night was the final performance, and he nailed it. He had no trouble remembering his lines, though he rarely studied them. He was very proud of himself and he enjoyed the whole experience tremendously.

The director/instructor is now starting a community theater production of Alice in Wonderland. She wrote out the audition schedule and asked me to have my son audition. She told me that he wouldn't need to bring any memorized lines, as she already knows that he can memorize. She really seemed to want him in the play, and I cannot imagine any more perfect way to ease him into the whole community theater experience. He has talked about doing more acting, but when I asked him about Alice, he said he wasn't interested. I figure that he is wary of new situations, but quick to adapt and acclimate when presented with them, so maybe it is time for me to do some gentle pushing. I generally don't do this, but I feel like he has a golden opportunity where he is almost guaranteed a part. He will be familiar with the director too, which is a huge benefit- he already knows how to work with her and what her expectations are.

What do you think? Am I wrong to insist that he audition? It is unusual for me to do so, but I feel that he shouldn't miss this chance.

No, Lorel, I don't think it would be wrong to insist he give it a try.
But perhaps it is not acting he is objecting to, perhaps it is Alice in Wonderland.
Are there any other options besides this play?
Maybe he would be more interested in more Shakespeare.
It sounds like he's a real natural!
I'm sure other acting groups would also love to have him!

Incog

Hmmm, going from Shakespeare to Alice in Wonderland, maybe he thinks it just not his genre? If that's what seems to be holding him back, tell him he shouldn't narrow his focus at this point, he needs to be open to a wide variety acting experiences.

Has he read the book? If the problem is that he thinks it's not his cup of tea, he may just need to actually *read* the tea party scene.

I think I'd be asking *why* he doesn't want to do it. If the reason really is valid, then I'd let him off the hook. If he's just nervous about new things or biased aganst "Alice," I think I'd <ahem> be a bit more persuasive about it.

You're sure he enjoyed the acting experience, not just the class? Some people just really hate being on stage.

I'm pretty sure that he read the Alice books years ago, though maybe it wouldn't hurt to reacquaint him with the wit and humor of the story. I don't believe it is the subject of the play though- I really think he is reluctant to do it because it's new and scary. He does love Shakespeare though, and gets a lot of the wordplay and puns.

Good question about whether he enjoyed being on stage. It really was clear that DS loved the whole experience, and was very comfortable performing for an audience.

DH agrees that DS should pursue a role in Alice. He talked to ds about how he was Captain Hook in a middle school play, but never acted again. He's always regretted not performing again, as it was a lot of fun.

I was a more introverted child than ds, and I know I wish that I had been nudged to get outside of my comfort zone a bit more. He's much quicker to adapt and should be fine and enjoy himself once he gets started. Yet I feel guilty about not respecting his wishes.

thanks all,

Meh. Moms have enough guilt. I think you should let yourself off that particular hook!

I think some of it is just the specifcs of how you push him to do it. "You're going, and that's final!" wouldn't be my choice. (Not that it would be your choice either!) "Let's give it a try! I really think you'll love it," would be more where I'd take it.

But if he gets surly about it, I'm not sure I'd actually force him to do it. If he decides he won't enjoy himself, then he won't, no matter how much fun it is. What's the point in that?

Lorel - I was just like you as a child and wish I would have been pushed more outside my comfort zone. I think it a great idea to strongly encourage him to do it. Especially if it's an issue of trying something new and scary. Would anything make it more appealing to him to try?

And don't feel guilty either! It's one of those things that if he does it, he will never regret it. He may well regret NOT doing it though!

*Razz alert*

Be careful about pushing him, you might be looked upon as one of *those* mothers. If you aren't looked upon as *hothousing*, you'll definitely be seen as a *stage mother*.


I just had to say it, hehehe. You all don't know me well enough yet, so I better make it clear that I love good-natured teasing.

Btw, I'm much more laid back about the consequences of my choices regarding child-rearing now, than I was with my kids 25-30 years ago. You weigh the options, you look at where your child is now, where he's going, where is adult wisdom required for the choices, etc; and you make the best choice possible for *right now*.

Oh, I so agree with both of you, OHGrandma and kimck!

My whole philosophy of life:

Get the best info you can get at the time, make the best decision you can make based on what you know, and then banish regret. If you did the best you could at the time, kicking yourself is a waste of time. And always make decisions to avoid regret. It's been quite effective at helping me to overcome procrastination and perfectionism. (And it's why we had a second child! )

Maybe this is the way to frame it for your DS, Lorel?: will you be more likely to regret doing it or not doing it?

(Though I guess that depends upon what you think his answer will be...)

Beautifully stated! This is definitely how I operate. Carpe diem! (And it's also we had that 2nd child.)