Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy The (less than dramatic) last straw...

My son, who just turned 9, is profoundly gifted in math, and profoundly unhappy in school.

There's a lot of background, as there is in every case. But briefly:

He was homeschooled for kindergarten while we lived abroad. In first grade he went to second grade for math, and met with a school volunteer (retired teacher) for enrichment. In second grade, he went to third for math and had some weekly enrichment. Midyear I began homeschooling him and his siblings (two school-aged; we also have a baby and a pre-schooler, as a result of both DS' constant requests and my inclinations.)

DH did not love homeschooling (he travels for months on end in his job; his main concern that it was too much on my plate, he now wants us to homeschool, at least through high school when the schools track in earnest) so we tried a charter. The charter made a lot of promises that have not panned out. The spirit is willing, but the school staff really isn't up to the task.

We've had meetings. We've had testing (Woodcock Johnson 135 broad reading; 150 broad math). We've thought about going back to our old school. (where we were heard and he was understood better, but where they lack the resources to do more than let him jump ahead a grade. the school stops at fourth grade so options next year are limited for 2012-13.)

DS has been frustrated for a very long time. I wish I had started homeschooling him in December when both DH were all gung-ho (we were also concerned about our oldest son who is a 5th grader at the charter and not being challenged). But we balked, and dragged thing out, so here we are.

The last straw: Last night DS told me that he feels bad for his teachers. "They seem like they try so hard to help me and to make me like school but I just can't. I'm trying, but it is so boring. The only thing I like is when I get to read to myself in the corner." The help seems to be math puzzles and randomly-selected difficult math problems with no instruction. There is a promise of a grant being written for instructional support for him for next year.

So now I'll try to form a question: what are my next steps? Do I get another set of tests done so he can qualify for the Young Scholars Program and/or Johns Hopkins? Will that help? Is there real support through those programs? Do I simply pull him out and resume homeschooling? (I do have well-thought out resources to do this, and a willingness. I just don't want to keep jerking everyone around.)

I have the sense there are wonderful resources out there for my son, but I feel overwhelmed everytime I settle down to research them. I am fearful I'm missing chances for him, and that he'll end up unprepared to work and learn with his intellectual peers, but too far beyond his local cohort to enjoy school here.

This is a huge post, and I'm grateful to anyone who has read this far.

Wow - heartbreaking! I read back to your November post and it seems like this teacher is pretty harsh in some ways. Did you have any luck 'going up the food chain' and getting the Principle involved.

Questions:
Originally you felt like the classroom instruction in reading/writing were at a good level for your son - do you still feel this way?

Is it possible to go to the school and meet your son in the library to do Math during school day while the other kids are doing Math?

One possible 'wonderful resource' is khanacademy.org
another is 'Art of Problem Solving' and look at
Athena�s Advanced Academy (Online A3): http://www.athenasacademy.com/

Between these 3 you will find something useable.

For language arts, I hear great things about http://www.onlineg3.com/

I'm thinking that splitting your sons into 2 different schools might be a great thing for your family, and hard, but still less work than homeschooling. Maybe to get your younger back to your neighborhood public as a 3rd grader doing 4th grade math, or as a 4th grader, and next year to send him to wherever the middle schoolers go from your local public. If the language arts program really does seem like a good fit (which I'm a bit skeptical of - 'The Illead?' - not regular 3rd grade level in my town! They do it in the Honors track for 9th grade!)

Please let us know how things go!
Grinity

Suzie, have you had a look at state education law? Our state says something along the lines of this: all students are entitled to an hour of math instruction every school day. If they are not instructing your child, you may be able to come at them with an advocate and negotiate for actual instruction.

Failing that, can you hire a college math major and a few tutors and make another go of homeschooling, but using other people as resources as the main "school"?

DeeDee

I've been thinking about what all of you have written and here are my late-Sunday night thoughts.

DS started his day today saying "oh no, It's Sunday. I have to go to school tomorrow!" He's really been trying. He just can't stand it. He likes other kids. He likes recess, and lunch and art and all that. But he knows he's not learning and it is making him nuts.

I have another meeting with his teacher Thursday. I think that will be the last one. After April vacation, he's mine. I had a college student lined up to teach my two oldest boys when we thought we would homeschool in January. I've written to her to see if she's still game.

I bought the Art of Problem Solving not long ago, I need to take good look at it to see if he's ready or if there should be some intermediate steps (I have several levels of Singapore Math and Life of Fred; he likes both). I'm going to look at your other suggestions, too, Grinity.

Our public school doesn't track in math until 8th grade. There is a 5-6 school and a 7-8 school, then the high school, so there aren't a lot of easy opportunities for subject area acceleration. I sent an e-mail to the Asst. Superintendent on Friday to meet about some long-range thinking. She'll be a good resource, I'm told.

As far as language arts--he reads the way a starving man eats, indiscriminately and fiercely. He is a third grade writer. Sometimes his writing is lovely and brilliant. But he does not try in school. He finishes most things before the other children even settle down to work, and does the rewrites as required.

His comprehension and recall are great, if you really want to talk about books with him. He recently made a connection between Ponce De Leon (whom he had studied in school) and Copernicus (from his own reading) and the Age of Enlightenment (he didn't call it that) that would have made fine college paper thesis. But, again, his non-math schoolwork is not so inspired. Based on that, it would be hard to make a case for full grade acceleration. And we were told at both schools that full grade acceleration wouldn't help--the math would still be too easy. A full grade skip with an additional grade acceleration for math might work, but his grades don't support that.

I so wish he could go to school with other kids like him--where the level of expectation was very high, and where the quality of instruction supported that. Does such a place even exist outside of NYC and a few other cities? I would love for him to be among peers, and still challenged.

Dee, Dee, I'm going to pursue that. RI provides no funding for gifted education, and there is no mandate to provide it. Still, the law require an education be provided. By definition, that means the student needs to learn. You cannot learn what you already know. So, if he knows it, you can't keep teaching him it over and again and call it an education.

On to another line of questions: should I pursue the DYS program? It would mean an intelligence test, and paperwork. Would it really help us? If you have the scores, how difficult is it to be accepted?

Again, thank you for reading this, and for any advice or words of wisdom you have.

I posted in your other thread b4 reading this one. I'll think about it for a little while and if I think of something useful I'll write back. Poor baby.

Developing Math Talent arrived from Amazon today. Scanning it I can see this will be very helpful. Thanks for the suggestion.

Sorry Suzie,
I'm just not seeing that his writing skills are so low that he couldn't do a full skip. It sounds more as though you think that it wouldn't work, so you don't want to try - which is your right. But I wanted to tell you that you may find he suddenly likes school with a skip and is delighted. Having a delighted kid is so wonderful, but when they are miserable, it's hard to imagine that a little thing like a skip might be enough to make delight. But it might.

If he goes to 4th grade after April vacation, then he can go to 5th grade next year and do 6th grade math in the same building if it appears to be needed. Then in 6th grade they may allow you to drive him to the 7th grade building, or he may be old enough to do Art of Problem solving independently online alone for a year, and pick up 8th grade Math as a 7th grader the year after.

Or after a bit of 4th grade you may decide to homeschool him. Schools don't always work for our kids, but it seems worth it to give it a reasonable try before giving up on the school idea.

One way or another, you are going to make things better for your son, and I love seeing that determination.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Grinity, you've got me thinking.....

I AM convinced DS would thrive if he did a grade skip with an additional acceleration in math, in the right school. Where he is isn't it, and it's April. I don't see that even our lovely local elementary school is going to get on board with taking him back as a 4th grader at this late hour (though if I pursued this back in November they might very well have jumped on board).

I also think DS lack of effort in writing is strategic, and that if he were in a setting where expectations were significantly higher he would meet them.

I really appreciate your insight.

OK, so the local school maybe wouldn't take him back as a 4th grader tomorrow. But in the name of your spiritual development, please say a prayer that you want what's best for all and call the principle and ask if you can stop by and visit her/him, and ask if they will take him as a 4th grader tomorrow.

It's no skin off their back, they may say yes!

I agree that what you have described does sound like a strategic holding back in the writing department.

I love the idea of homeschooling, and I think you'd be a great homeschooling mom, but I'm just not getting the vibe that all the alternatives have been explored to their 'dueness.' So call your sweet neighborhood school - today!

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I met with DS�s teacher today for a regularly scheduled parent-teacher-student conference. I had been planning to tell her DS wouldn�t be returning after the April vacation. Now I am more confused than ever.

I'm a little confuddled now, and so will try to summarize the meeting later. But here are some points I can recall.

DT has been working hard crafting individualized instruction for him, and has found him not so easy to work with. She thinks there is a major disconnect between his abilites and his willingness to work hard. She has the sense she and others who work with him have been dancing around him trying to engage him, but he isn't willing to meet them halfway.

DT thinks: DS spends a great deal of energy trying to manipulate his situation so that he is either doing work he really wants to do, or work that is no effort.

She thinks lots of the kids in the class seek him out and like him, but that he is aloof. She found his complaint that he doesn't have friends difficult to understand. (he is new at the school)

We did talk about a full grade accleration with an additional accleration in math for Sept. (He's currently in a 3/4 classroom, and so there would be little point in changing his grae now, except to give him bragging rights, which would be counter-productive). There are three issues with that: 1. the class he would move into would be a 5/6 class, so at 9 he would be in class with 11 an even 12 year olds. 2. Even though he could be in a different class than his brother (who will be 6th grader) they would be in math class together. That might work out fine, but it might not. 3. The school is a charter, the lottery has already been held, and the open spots for fifth grade have been given to students already. Having said all this, I have followe up with an e-mail to the teacher and the principal to say we need to pursue this further, and give it real consideration.

DT really thinks DS is in some kind of psycholical turmoil. I just don't see it, but she seems convinced.

She said she thought the best place for him would be a school for highly gifted children. Indeed. I'd love to find that place.

She also said he's constantly on the lookout for next new fix of info--te next new thing, that he has an intense need for stimulation. When he gets someting new the thrill doesn't last, he doesn't want to stick with it and he is off looking for the next thing.

I am meeting with the asst. school superintendent Tuesday to see what options there are should we bring DS back to our public schools.

Thanks, as always, for reading this. Did I mention that my husband--the only other person who really "gets" our son--is i Libya and communications are horrible between here and there--sat phones are beyond staticy and electricity is erratic. If it weren't for this board I'd be speding the evening talking to myself.