Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Advice PLEASE re: contrary two year old

Ohh my my little dd2 almost 2.5 is very contrary.... Any idea that we want her not to do something that thing becomes magic and a must do. Also if we offer her anything then she says no. Now she sets us up and says she wants something and then says no when we give it to her. I can't reason with her, she does not care. She is completely and utterly committed to the contrary. Sometimes I think I have a making of a sociopath on my hands and then it becomes is that me or her..(SMILE it was suppose to be partly a joke) My other one I was able to reason with...this one will not reason. I have tried hard to hide my emotions so she does not get the reward of irritating me. I have tried being completely honest about how the behavior makes me feel. I am exhausted of constantly trying to think of repercussions that are in line with the misbehavior... Ideas? Any btdt's? Thank-you!

If you haven't tried this one yet, it seems taylor made for your little sweetie. Remember that sociopath behavior is normal in kids of this age.

http://www.amazon.com/Transforming-Difficult-Child-Workbook-Interactive/dp/0967050758

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Wish you'd been around to tell me that when mine were 2!

So do I!
Imagine though that our kids will grow up with this resource...what a change!
Grins

Hi there, thank-you for the book recommendation. We don't have it anywhere in town. I was looking through it on Amazon, the few pages they allow... I have tried the noticing the positive things that she is doing and she immediately stops doing the thing and goes for the negative. She has done that since she was really little, almost as though positive is to much for her to take. The contrary behavior is almost like a drive and it has been there since the moment she could propel herself and hence do what was not suppose to be done. I am still contemplating buying it from Amazon and wondering if the book is worth it also? Since if I get both I do not have to pay shipping. I am much more astounded by the drive than what it actually is, if that makes any sense. Since she was little I have "ignored" improper behavior even risky dangerous behavior due to the fact that if we called attention to it possibly being something that she could be contrary about we had a much bigger battle and one that could be more dangerous in the long run. My other child, I did not even have to put the locks on the cabinets. I told her to stay out and that was that. Our house is a fortress in comparison. Who knew they could be so different!

Yeah I'm kind of worried about # 2 also. If # 1's a daredevil and he's here being a bad influence, scratch that, since he's her first best friend, does that mean she's going to climb the walls and do flips off the darn sofa twice as early?
My thoughts were it was easier to train than restrain. He really never thought he was a baby. I read somewhere toddler's get told what to do about 500 times a day. That statement put everything in perspective for me and I began to use as many of my daily allotment of 500 "suggestions" as possible to tell him what to do rather than what not to do. The boy does not like to not be able to do stuff, the more he knows, the more he's able to do. But that lead to unsavory hothousing, well, apparently. I don't know, the boy has a self-sufficient independent personality. Got it from me and dh. So I took those 500 x a day that I was going to tell him what to do anyway and used them to give him skills. I did not be child-led because I just tried to teach applicable skills, figuring he could explore his interests if I showed him the basics. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think it helped.
He acted more like a baby when the baby got here than he ever has in his life. Lol, I could go on and on about my family. <333

Oh, do I know contrary. My DD4.5 was so contrary at that age and three was much, much worse. We did try the Nurtured Heart approach and I think it helped to some extent, but it was no magic wand. I think they resent their role as follower and will do anything to try to exert some control.

Okay I bought the books and am waiting for their delivery.... In a public restroom the other day, she comes in the stall with me and starts doing everything she knows I do not like. I hate public restrooms...and she gets on the floor, wipes her hands all over the place... so I'm sitting there...on the porcelain throne rendered completely powerless. (I think that has to be an ultimate for her!) (smile) I'm not willing to spank although I sure want to sometimes!

Two was bad. Three was worse. DS is almost 4 and things are soooooo much better. 3.5 was the turning point for both of my kids.

I like to think of this as a critical learning cycle. It is a time to teach children the consequences of their behavior. In addition, it allows them to learn during heightened emotional states. This is not the first of these cycles.

Think of what would happen if this cycle never occured before a person reached adulthood. For example, if you were to become angered by someone for the first time at age 20, you might hit them. If the person hit happened to be the wrong person, the consequences to the hitter could be multiple times worse, even fatal.

It is not uncommon for a 2 year old to bite someone for the first time. First, they probably have no idea biting another person hurts this person. Second, they have no idea there are consequences to bad behavior directed at others. Third, they may be experiencing anger for the first time and have no idea of what to do with it.

I don't think everyone will agree, but I feel the best thing you can do for a child the first time they bite is bite them right back and make sure it hurts. Depending on the child, you may only have one opportunity to make this lesson effective. You may also only have a matter of 2 to 3 seconds to respond as well. Any longer and it will not work. I like to think of this as possibly saving the child a much worse experience later in life.