Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy your gifted child in the media

Kiddo has been in the (very) local media this week for an award, but we are hoping it will stay out of the city paper. I'm not very comfortable with having her picture, name, and school all in the same place - okay with the internet it is inevitable. But she is still only 8 - for a few more weeks at least. There's plenty of time to get written up in the paper for all the fabulous scholarship she is doing later - like at least in the double digits.

Then yesterday dd was out at a local library for an period clothing dress up event where a different suburban press reporter took a lot of photographs of dd and asked dh for consent after. DH politely said it was okay to print the pictures without her name, or her name without the pictures. His reaction might have been different, if the other article hadn't just come out. The reporter went away peeved and muttering. Oh well.

I guess we don't think dd needs to be in the press, unless it is going to significantly benefit a program she is participating in and isn't going to mention the PGness. It does make me wonder how other parents of gifties deal with this issue. I know DYS has some guidelines that I think are very reasonable. What do others think/handle this?

DS has been in the newspaper for a few little local things, with and without photos, and is very google-able for awards and whatnot. Those don't bother me. Where I draw the line is interviews.

My main issue with media exposure isn't that you can "find" him but how much is up for public discussion. A child being interviewed doesn't generally have the media savvy to understand the implications of word choices, the bias of the journalist and his or her questions, etc. I've been interviewed for things before - very boring and non-controversial things like volunteering for a local animal-related charity - and they still managed to misquote, misrepresent, and turn my very boring answers into all kinds of things I didn't say or mean. There wasn't any real problem with that except that someone who read it might think I didn't know what I was talking about... but for something like "young child doing lots of really impressive work" a little twisting of words can come out extremely different. Also, an article specifically about that can invite public comments I'd rather not see.

Yes, as KAR12OC says, the biggest concern is with public appearances that are unscripted and less controllable-- magazine, television, and newspaper articles all three have done things like that to DD (and us).

It's often more about cherry-picking soundbites than a deliberate attempt to misrepresent meaning, but misrepresentation still happens with a great deal of regularity. I find if frustrating myself when I have "talking points" and most of them get ignored in favor of the reporter's agenda or whim. Grr.

The bottom line is that it is generally best to allow that kind of access conditionally, in our experience:

1. evaluate the bias and agenda of the entity you're dealing with by carefully examining the reporter's previous work, and what gets press/air time at the media outlet... odds are good that "oh, look what a freak this enmeshed parent has produced" in the past is a good clue as to future editing, if you KWIM...

2. LIMITED access. If celebrities and politicians can do it, so can YOU-- ask for questions to be vetted ahead of time. If they won't, there may be a reason.

3. Ask if you can approve the finished peice before it goes to press or airs. Sometimes this is yes, sometimes it is no.

4. Recognize that this is an act of TRUST, and that you're trusting the person wanting that interview/access with your child.

5. As a parent, I always have to ask whether or not the media appearance is in the best interests of my child. Or is it about feeding MY ego? If I have any twinges that it might be the latter, I ask my child what SHE prefers to do-- making it very clear that she can say "NO" to any media contact.

With all of that said, my daughter has, since she was seven, made several appearances formally with state lawmakers (using prepared statements, mostly), in marketing/PR materials for her (national) virtual school-- including video and print materials, been interviewed by regional magazines and newspaper editorial boards, and in unrelated areas, with the local and regional television and newspaper media.

She's had a fair amount of media exposure for one eleven year old girl who has nothing to do with the media as an industry, in other words.

On the other hand, she isn't out there in cyberspace much, and we are cautious about private details. VERY cautious about information regarding her medical history, our precise location (or address), and her weekly itinerary.

We feel that her LOG is (generally) not a topic for discussion, though this is generally a bit muddy since that is precisely why she is a good poster child for her school. (Well, that and her disability.) So she has mentioned those things in appearances related to the school thing. Those are special cases, and in this case, the fight is over whether or not her school continues to be viable in our state. So you bet we are willing to be forthcoming about just why she needs it to be there. I wanted to explain why I consider that to be a special case. Also worth noting is that she retains VETO power when they call to ask. Always.

But for general appearances related to her activities and awards? No, we don't mention it. We mention either her age, or her grade in school, generally not both. The fact that her school is K-12 helps, since it isn't obvious from her age that she's been radically accelerated several times.

Interesting. I've found this board to be a good place to share dd's achievements when I need a pat on the back. I don't think having her in the paper serves her at this point.

Any other ideas out there?

It's not something we seek out for a "pat on the back"... it's just unavoidable at some point. Random group activities might be followed by an entry in a newsletter - if we go to a state park they might have a "homeschool group visits state park" article on their website. Virtually every public event comes with a blurb in the local paper - summer swim league championship, rock climbing event, even the library's summer reading program. Competitions list winners online and in press releases, and virtually everything DS does in that line requires a media release form allowing it.

Agreed.

If your child does unique/unusual things, eventually the media will find YOU, we've found. This is all the more true for physically attractive children, or those that seem to be 'stereotype-busters' since they are more desirable from a media standpoint. Besides, if they win contests, or earn awards, that kind of thing is almost automatically newsworthy in some places.

My DD, for example, gets a LOT of attention for her entepreneurial activities and anything STEM-- probably because she looks so... well, dainty and girly.

We've said "no, thank you" to a LOT of requests. But "yes" to a few.

For example:

my daughter started her own business when she was nine. She came up with a model that profit-shares with a local community assistance agency. At the end of her fiscal year, she made a significant donation to the non-profit, and they were sufficiently impressed that they notified the local newspaper... and word got around that she was witty, pretty, articulate, and highly principled... oh, and female. Naturally, this is the kind of "feel good" neighborhood story that most media agencies love.

DD wanted to do it, so we allowed it. (With some reservations.) She appeared on the front page of the local paper (we don't live in a large city, but neither a tiny town), and was on regional nightly news broadcasts in a neighboring metropolitan area. DD's rationale was that her business model is something she'd LIKE for other kids to adopt, because it is just plain good for everyone involved. It's not about the intellectual property for her-- so why not spread the word and do more good in the world?

ETA: one more thing about this, too-- when the TV reporter asked "how old are you" I intervened. We'd rather have grade/school out there than her age, and never both, since that isn't what the media appearance was about.

I talk relatively little about specific identifiable achievements online (anywhere) because I feel that probably poses the greater risk to her privacy long-term. I don't ever FB about my daughter.