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    Michaela #95613 02/26/11 07:35 PM
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    Thanks, it is always great to find out if an analogy is working or even when it isn't.

    Val #95618 02/26/11 08:33 PM
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    Its a relief to hear . �I feel the lack of horsepower under the wig, but I thought it was from spending all day talking only to a 3yr old. �I was beginning to believe the old wives tales that becoming a mother changes you. I read books and talk to adults as much as is practical too, and I've never done anything spectacular to really miss doing. Still, I miss it.�

    And the radio analogy rocks!


    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
    Val #95696 02/28/11 07:52 AM
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    Chiming in with more praise for the radio analogy - and the parakeet dreaming of a Mars mission, too!

    I was a bit flip in my first response, but I do find it a sad circumstance, and now that I've read through the other responses I'm feeling pinches of "the road not taken" - what might have happened, what I might have become, if only....

    Sad indeed. Perhaps sadder still that I feel powerless to change it, at least not for the next 10 years.

    JamieH #95697 02/28/11 07:54 AM
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    By the way, JamieH, that was a doozy of a first post - welcome to the board! I'm looking forward to reading more of your ideas!


    JamieH #95766 03/01/11 05:21 AM
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    Timely thread. I recently gave notice to my manager, for just this reason. I told him I HAD to do something different, or I had to leave. My job has become overly bureaucratic, and it drives me nuts. In addition, I work from home, so I don't get a social fix either. I'm transitioning into a different role, still WAH, but I hope the change wll help.

    What I find maddening is that my life seems to be defined by the management of meaningless minutiae, both at work and at home: Did I provide higher-level management with all the necessary details at work? Did I sign all the school papers for the kids? When is DS9's xyz project due? Did we send so-and-so a b'day card? Dental appointments... Camp deadlines... Housework (that never gets done)... Where's the meaningful part of life? I love DC and DH, and we do a lot of activities for/with DC, which we think is important, but I really don't have anything to sink MY teeth into IYKWIM.

    I've been wondering whether maybe I have ADHD (inattentive) because it's become hard to function. I feel like I can't remember anything, can't focus on anything. For a long time, I've blamed it on motherhood and getting older... But maybe it really is just that I'm in this place where it feels like my brain is shrinking every day from lack of stimulation yet overwhelmed by what seems meaningless.

    Originally Posted by Val
    I've also realized that I have a new song running in my head when I wake up in the morning. This had always been the case until some point after I started that job, and I only realized when the songs came back.


    I thought I was weird for having a song in my head constantly. I asked the psych who did DS's IQ/Ach testing recently, and she told me it's very common in gifties to have a song or running dialog in their head in the background. Unlike Val, though, the songs are still there despite the current situation, but instead of being pleasant, they are just one more distraction. To block the distracted feeling, I listen to music in headphones all day when I'm alone. Without that, I find I get nothing done.

    Originally Posted by JamieH
    Putting me in a room with nothing but AM is like putting me in a sensory deprivation chamber. My brain has no input to keep it focused and it just goes into a dream state.

    As I have aged, I am finding the techniques allowing me to work on this stuff I find complicated are less and less effective.

    Jamie, you put it better than I ever could have.

    Originally Posted by Val
    Anyway, I lost the job a couple months ago, and am now doing contract work that involves stuff that's more interesting. Not earning like I was before, but we're okay. Now I spend a lot of time on science.

    Interestingly, I've noticed that my forgetfulness is disappearing.

    Val, you give me hope.

    Last edited by Mama22Gs; 03/01/11 07:32 AM. Reason: typo
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    Originally Posted by La Texican
    Its a relief to hear . �I feel the lack of horsepower under the wig, but I thought it was from spending all day talking only to a 3yr old. �I was beginning to believe the old wives tales that becoming a mother changes you. I read books and talk to adults as much as is practical too, and I've never done anything spectacular to really miss doing. Still, I miss it.�

    And the radio analogy rocks!
    In my first two years of being a father, I found myself with little interest in anything other than parenting. This was not surprising given I had wanted this more than anything else in the world. I don't know if becoming a parent changed me, I always knew I would be this way.

    It was shortly after my daughter turned two I found myself interested in an old goal. One of the reasons I dropped this goal was I felt it was maybe a bit too big and might take me away from any kind of normal life. The most important aspect of this normal life was in my mind having children. My guess as to why this goal suddenly came back was due to a sense of freedom I felt having finally had a child.

    I also wondered if the almost complete lack of any adult contact had something to do with it. A baby spends a lot of the time sleeping, but not long enough for any given stretch to really start anything. Although I tried to catch up on much needed sleep, all I ended up doing most of the time was thinking.

    Of course right after the baby stage comes a child wanting a lot of attention. So any idea I may have had on spending any significant time on this goal will have to wait.

    It was interesting to read your comment. I hadn't really thought it might just be something that happens to a lot of parents whether they had some big goal in the past or not.

    Thanks for the comment.

    BonusMom #96261 03/07/11 12:40 AM
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    Originally Posted by BonusMom
    By the way, JamieH, that was a doozy of a first post - welcome to the board! I'm looking forward to reading more of your ideas!
    I am looking forward to spending more time on this forum. Going through a bit of a mental block right now on my paid work. Having found a number of useful techniques for getting past these mental blocks in articles related to gifted issues, I just looked up gifted and forum and found this forum. I am happy I did and will definitely be back.

    Time to get back to work for a while or at least I am hoping to do so.

    Last edited by JamieH; 03/07/11 12:42 AM.
    Mama22Gs #96349 03/07/11 04:37 PM
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    [quote=Mama22Gs]
    What I find maddening is that my life seems to be defined by the management of meaningless minutiae, both at work and at home: Did I provide higher-level management with all the necessary details at work? Did I sign all the school papers for the kids? When is DS9's xyz project due? Did we send so-and-so a b'day card? Dental appointments... Camp deadlines... Housework (that never gets done)... Where's the meaningful part of life? I love DC and DH, and we do a lot of activities for/with DC, which we think is important, but I really don't have anything to sink MY teeth into IYKWIM.

    I've been wondering whether maybe I have ADHD (inattentive) because it's become hard to function. I feel like I can't remember anything, can't focus on anything. For a long time, I've blamed it on motherhood and getting older... But maybe it really is just that I'm in this place where it feels like my brain is shrinking every day from lack of stimulation yet overwhelmed by what seems meaningless."

    Yes! This is precisely how I feel. (I think I really do have ADD, though--it is just exacerbated by the circumstances.)


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    Originally Posted by HowlerKarma
    There are days when I feel that about half of my brain has rotted away...

    life is very dull and frustrating when you can't ever face novel challenges in your areas of strength/passion. I was never meant to be a SAHM. Never-- it relies on my weakest skills and leaves my strengths entirely untapped. It's awful.

    Wow--you just have a way of putting things so succinctly that I feel but can't quite articulate so clearly (because half my brain has rotted away!)

    On the other subject--I clearly remember saying to my mom after one particularly agonizing high school bio class where I wanted to bang my head on the desk that I could deal with practically any kind of disability in my future hypothetical child but that I couldn't deal with it if they weren't smart. Well--my 7 yr. old has Down syndrome and honestly--the good parts are just as good, and the challenging parts aren't more challenging than the other 2--just different. I think this brain rotting, suffocating, constantly being measured on all of the things that I suck at...that would all still be the same, no matter the interests or abilities of the kid.

    And I don't think it is horrible to admit at all--just honest.

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    Originally Posted by deacongirl
    I've been wondering whether maybe I have ADHD (inattentive) because it's become hard to function. I feel like I can't remember anything, can't focus on anything. For a long time, I've blamed it on motherhood and getting older... But maybe it really is just that I'm in this place where it feels like my brain is shrinking every day from lack of stimulation yet overwhelmed by what seems meaningless."

    Yes! This is precisely how I feel. (I think I really do have ADD, though--it is just exacerbated by the circumstances.)
    I've never been good at memorizing fact based information. For a long time I thought I had a problem with my memory in general. At the same time, people were often commenting on how well I could remember conversations I had years earlier, various events, who was there, what people were good at and what people are not so good at.

    I realized it was not my memory that was the problem, it was what kind of information my brain is tuned to remember. So I will not be good at crossword puzzles or Jeopardy. But I at least realized what I was good at. Now it comes down to figuring out how to make use of this and even better would be to be able to make a living out of this.

    Over my years of working, I have occasionally been asked to do some of the things I am not particularly skilled at. When I was younger, it was easier, but as I have aged, it has become increasingly difficult. I don't think it is ADD, but more the fact my brain is progressively becoming wired better and better for the skills I am good at. The negative result of this is I am at the same time getting worse and worse at what I have never been good at.

    At the same time I am getting worse at what a lot of so called normal people are good at, the fact I am seeing myself as getting worse, has caused me to worry about whether society will recognize my value. Sometimes when I find myself struggling, I begin to get worried about it and then my emotions make the problem even worse. It's like a chain reaction.

    I don't doubt there may be some ADD medication, which allows people like myself to function better in these areas others have little trouble with. The part that bothers me is I like how my brain works and don't want to change it.

    Last edited by JamieH; 03/07/11 05:09 PM.
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