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Mama22Gs, I'm sending virtual hugs to you. DS was like that for the longest time. The worst incident was when he just turned 5. He was so upset at the thought that his friend made a nicer Lego spacecraft than his that he wanted to jump from the apartment building. I was so freaked out! The other screaming incidents when things don't come out right, well, you can imagine. I consulted a few psychs and therapists after that and among what they suggested was:

1. keep showing explicitly how you value yourself, and that we should all do that. Eg, saying you need to relax because you just love who you are, warts and all, and you want to treat yourself well. Children tend to accept their parents value system over time.

The following two are fairly common advice and I'm sure you must be doing, but it's worth repeating.
2. Show that you make mistakes now and then, and laugh it off.
3. Keep harping on the fact that mistakes are great because they tell us what we don't know. We homeschool so its easier to focus on his effort and learning process rather than the grade.

It's been 3 years and I keep going on about the same things at home, but it's definitely working. Learning a musical instrument has been wonderful because he has to learn to get over the frustration of manipulating his fingers and getting the timing right (he has poor fine motor skills and CAPD) because he loves the music.

No quick fix, this one. But over time and with consistency, there will be improvements.

Thanks, Sajechma and Blob! I appreciate the comments and hugs.


It's kind of comforting to know that DS isn't the only one like this. I do try hard to exhibit numbers 2 and 3 above, Blob, but I'm not so sure I've ever really thought of number 1. Thanks for posting it.

Just had a conversation this week with DH re: #2. He's really hard on mistakes, especially his own. He is also a big perfectionist. When DC do something laudible, he'll express his approval and then usually point out where they could have done it better. I'm trying to get him to temper that a bit, but it's a hard habit to break.

I think DS7 is also harder on himself because DS9 is hard to live up to. With them only being 2 years apart, I think his tendency to compare himself to his brother is probably common. I'm hoping to find something that DS7 enjoys that is "all his" if you know what I mean. He really seems to enjoy being in the expert role when he gets the opportunity. I'm hoping that may temper his need for "perfection" AND boost his self esteem.

Thanks again for your comments! Have a great weekend.

I've got advice for this situation!
1) get DH to read 'Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook' by Howard Glasser and Lisa Bravo
2) Shamu your DH. When ever he shows a partical of restraint, or even 'almost catches himself before being hard on DS' notice and verbalize.

Have a great weekend,
Grinity

Just reserved Transforming the Difficult Child book from the library. Hoping it's as helpful as the workbook.

Thanks, Grinity!