Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy obsessions/fixations

I'm just wondering how others deal with obsessions and fixations. My DD6 traditionally has become fixated in areas of science and I've always been very comfortable and supportive. Within the past year she has become very very interested in fashion, and spends hours each day drawing gowns and begging to watch runway shows on the internet. I'm concerned and feel that she is missing out on many learning opportunities. I'd love to hear from others, esp. when interests are unusual. What was the interest? How long did it last? Did you feel the need to intervene/redirect? If so, how did you redirect?

Annaliisa

Annaliisa, I think you put your finger on the key question: is it interfering with other activities in a way that's a problem?

Our DS has Asperger's and has gone through period of repetitive writing and drawing that were definitely a problem: same picture over and over, or long strings of math problems of the same type. We typically would explain that he's "stuck" and redirect him to another activity.

I wouldn't have too much trouble with his having strong and well-defined interests (although that too is an Asperger's symptom that we manage); for me, the criterion for intervention is whether there's growth/development/learning happening through the special interest, or whether it just appears to be "stuck" and repetitive.

DeeDee

Perhaps your daughter is just artistic, and sees this as a way to express it? Maybe you can buy her some materials for painting or an instructional book that explains how to draw? If possible, maybe even put her in an art class, if there is one available in the area. Take a look at different types of artistic activities - I bet you can find something she likes.

Having passions is a good thing. I would be concerned if: she's not able to let other people take turns in conversation, she's neglecting health or sleep, she won't take a break to join in family activities or to see friends, or if she's not getting adequate exercise.

Rather than getting in a position of cracking down on her obsession, I would suggest attempting to gently broaden it and use is at as a means to connect with other people. Perhaps you could take a tour of the costuming department of a local theater or look at the history of fashion.

A propos of this suggestion, I was looking just yesterday at photos of the most wonderful collection of reproduction 18th-century clothing; a woman who is working on an MA in historical textiles reproduced an entire wardrobe of a middle-class English woman ca. 1750-70, using only historically appropriate sewing techniques--very fascinating! And beautiful clothes (even though I'm strictly a T-shirt and blue jeans kind of a gal, I love looking at lovely garments, I must say!). She also has some very interesting observations about cultural history. Here's the address:
http://brocadegoddess.wordpress.com/

Sorry, kind of veered off down a tangent, but thought it might strike her as interesting.

mm

I'm starting to feel like I'm a member of The Electric Company. I call out 'Hey you guys...'. Thank you so much for your help.

I do think that the fashion fixation does cause some problems socially. My DD becomes very upset when her friends and family are unable to maintain interest and/or participate in endless fashion shows and other fashion related activities. I routinely take her aside quietly and gently explain that her friends do not share her interest and that she should try doing something that everyone can enjoy. She is getting better at accepting this but she does shed tears... Otherwise she doesn't experience problems related to sleep, etc.

I agree with all the suggestions gently trying to broaden her experiences with sewing, costume/fashion history, etc. I do think that this will work. Purely because I was curious, I asked her if she could take a 'day off fashion' just to see what would happen and she agreed. She seemed to be quite content reading most of the morning which certainly made me happy... but I know that is not the objective:). I am relieved that she was not at all distressed. I have to keep in mind that my own bias is at play here. It doesn't bother me half as much when she tries to engage others in conversation about the Periodic Table (her waning fixation) and so I need to keep myself in check too.

And MM, thanks for the link. Fascinating and gorgeous, a very good combination.

I do have lots of art supplies, books available, including a kids sewing machine and dress forms (I sewed before I started homeschooling and went to art school in what feels like a previous life). I'm going to spend more time encouraging her in these areas.

And cricket, thanks for all of your suggestions. I keep thinking about the road signs. I will look up the older threads. I really don't want to discourage my DD... it's a slippery slope because she is a perfectionist in virtually every way imaginable, drawing 'gowns' and performing fashion shows is one of the very few areas that she seems uninhibited and I certainly don't want to mess with that.

A.

Hi A,

Not sure if I would call it an obsession, but my eldest daughter is really interested in fashion. Our greatest Xmas buy was a $99 Brother sewing machine. It has 14 stitches, a button hole and is very easy to use. It's basic, to be sure, but it's been such a winner. I've even found a dressmaking course next week for beginners. I agree with the suggestion of broadening the interest. THere's much scope... jojo

This Christmas DD received a belated present, a book about fashion illustration. Unfortunately she has been in tears for the past 2 days. I guess she had never seen fashion illustrations before, or at least in this much detail. Her illustrations do not look like professional illustrations and this realization has been completely devastating. Perfectionism is rapidly seeping into every nook and cranny of her six year old life. Do all roads lead to perfectionism?

Thanks Jojo. DD is completely resistant to hand sewing, but very eager to use the machine. I think that the 'deep and wide' approach might be the best.

Get her some tracing paper so she can trace the elements she likes from a few pieces to make her own designs. Can't hurt. Poor kids. They really notice the difference in the quality of stuff a little better than they should. Show her to trace the shaPe of one dress, then trace the ruffles of another dress onto it, then pick her own colors.

Hey my DS( yes son made pillowcases for each of his teachers for presents. He loves to sew. Fashion through history and art is great. My son tries to fit it in with cartoon drawings and anima. The issue is in reading an audience and social cues. I heard an interesting comment about perfection. It is our inclination to tell kids to do their best. For a giftie perfectionist this means perfect, boy what pressure, instead applaud the effort or learning opportunity.