Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Gifted 9yo 4th grader

My DD is age nine. She is now in the GT program at her new public school. This is the first time she has had the opportunity to be a part of any program like this. Her test scores give her an IQ of 150, and her ERB's and other scores put her far above grade level. Her previous (very exclusive private school) had NOTHING for advanced learners, and she was bored to death(another story). Because of the length of the identification/testing program, she was placed in the classes in late October.

We're facing a real dilema. After years of being the smartest kid in the class (and the class clown) she is now insecure, unsure of her abilities, and shuts down when it comes time to do the more challenging work and homeowrk she has LONGED for for 5years!!! DD will not do homework on her own now, and shuts down and says she can't do the work,'causes she's stupid.

The G&T teacher is a bit of a "tough girl", something with wich DD has NO experience, and uses threats and questioning techniques (I am a G&T teacher too) that are harsh, and can be humiliating and intimidating (teacher admits to this).

DD wants to move back to the regular class ASAP. We'd like for her to finially step up to the challenge she has wanted. Teacher is not willing to scaffold her to better understand the goals of the curriculum, and is not sympathetic to dd's lack of initiative (dd says she's scared...).

Do we let her go back to the regular class? Make her do the work on her own? Talking to teacher has not produced much fruit so far...

Oh, HELP!

Welcome Lizzienel!
I would be sympathetic - up to a point - and provide scaffold at home - for now - but I would find some way (incentive, bribe, telling stories of when you faced similar challenges) to keep her in that classroom. Praise her for her bravery, effort, and every slightest initiative you see. (See 'Transforming the Difficult Child' by Howard Glasser for more) I'm hoping that next year will be a different teacher.

Everytime she whines it will break your heart - BUT - keep remembering that it's better to learn this NOW than to coast into college and be all on ones own to face 'THE WALL!'

You get to be totally pleased that she is getting the chance to break her bad habits now. You can even appologise that you 'let her down' by not finding this sort of environment sooner, and say that since you failed as a parent, you are willing to sit with her as she does her homework until she learns how to do it herself. Just continue to smile your secrete smile and project a confidence you may have to pretend. She is really lucky to have this opportunity. She's a kid and allowed to complain, but not to quit!

Smiles,
Grinity

Oh, thanks so much. I live in CT too...

Nine, at least when I was nine, is such a mixed age anyway, looking back. It was, for me at least, an age where I was allowed to sit in some of the adult bible studies and join the conversation because i could without being off topic or a pest (what jappened, right?LoL) I also walked around for over an hour crying one day because my none of my friends were playing outside and the girls that were outside that day were mean to me. I'm with you on the hoping she sticks it out because next year things might be a lot better if she makes it through this adjustment. She will have adjusted to the class, gotten past the hard part, and get a new teacher. You're gt educated and you're her mother so I hope you trust your judgement.
It's tough to fight the panic and anxiety and ride out your decision while remaining objective and flexible and open to change of plans as needed. I trust you can do it. Yuck! I just remembered when I was nine I would chew on that currier and Ives scented candle wax in class. I won it gambling at connect four.

I find it surprising that with those test scores, prior experience at an elite private school, and a mother who is a G&T teacher she is finding the work challenging.

I'm wondering if there a specific skill deficit that's been unnoticed until now? But you are a teacher - you would have noticed. Does the current program emphasize something kind of obscure - so that all the kids who have been there a while are experts in it and it's new to your daughter? Or maybe she missed too much orientation at the beginning of the year and the classroom routines/procedures are overwhelming her?

If I were in your shoes I would probably micro manage her homework and studying until she regained a little confidence.

What kind of gifted program is this?

It sounds to me like she's not struggling with the material so much as with the intimidation?

Words like "threats," "harsh," and "humiliating" set off real alarm bells for me. I can see Grinity's point about sticking it out in this program, but frankly, this environment sounds abusive.

I agree with Grinity above--unless there is some kind of undiagnosed LD, I would say that she prob. just is not used to this level of challenge, and even though she is likely perfectly capable of doing the work, it is a shock after years of not having to try very hard. I am sorry for your dd, I can imagine how difficult it must be for her. But better to face it now than in college with no study skills. As hard as it might be, I personally wouldn't let her go back. Interested to see the outcome, as I have a 4th grade dd as well.

There are test scores and there are test scores, so first I'd make sure that the expectations aren't too high based on a number that has questionable meaning. A 150 FSIQ on the SBV at 8 is a very different thing than one 150 score on the WPPSI at 3 or an IQ screening test which can be wildly inaccurate. Does she seem very advanced to you? Compared to other GT kids? Is there any subject area where she seems to struggle?

It surprises me that any kid with a post-preschool individual IQ test (SBV or WISCIV) of 150 full scale would struggle with any 4th grade curriculum. Even facing challenge for the first time, most 9 yo can adapt fairly well. It's not uncommon for a kid with similar scores to skip a grade or two or more and not even notice much. Having difficulty would make me worry about the accuracy of the score, the possibility of LD, or the emotional environment in the class. It seems there is a disconnect somewhere. She could be just adjusting to the work, but she might also be afraid of failure and dealing with perfectionism, showing her first signs of dyslexia or dysgraphia, or having a hard time with the other kids and/or teacher.

thanks to all for your thoughts, i really appreciate it. There is no lurking LD, though I wondered if there were an auditory processing problem for a while -- none found. I do think that it is an unfortunate confluence of dd's perfectionism, a teacher whose style is very loose (often assigns questions without assigning the appropriate reading, takes essay prompts word for word from SparkNotes, does not provide clear instructions...) issues threats as a regular part of the day "if you don't do your best work on this you will have to do it again, and get a lower grade" and NO scaffolding dd into the program. Teacher is one of those GT teachers who makes a great impression because she teaches bright kids...does not provide structure or skills, yet expects them...

Sadly, MANY elite private school DO NOT provide programs for GT. They say they move at a faster pace, but in my very exclusive CT suburb, there is not a private school (for $31-34k per year), that can deal with GT kids. They have so many bright enough kids with issues, and big $$$...so no time (or resources) for GT.

We do have an acceleration recommendation...and I now regret not doing it. We made some major life transitions recently, and did not want to add additional pressure....perhaps a bad move on our part.

I will continue to scaffold, praise, hold dd responsible, and try not to kill the teacher, who is sucking the motivation and love of learning out of my kid!!

I don't know about CT, but where I live you can "choice" your child into a different public school than the one to which s/he is assigned. Would something like that be a possibility? I assume that you know who the good GT teachers are if you work in the same area. I'm sorry that she's having to deal with such a difficult teacher!

Looking back at my daughter's education (she is 13 now), the teacher made all the difference. A program is as good as its teacher.

Intelligence is part of the equation - but not all. My daughter has had some truly "gifted" teachers who just think differently than other people.

You can usually tell which ones they are by their classroom - stuff everywhere. They have to have the ability to connect to the students and have the flexibility to "go with the flow".

My daughter had several highly intelligent teachers who did not have these characteristics.

The other day, she said that she often ended liking the teachers that nobody else liked - especially in Middle School.

Truly look at your options - meaning your teachers and the classroom. If everything looks stimulating and flexible, this may be the classroom.

Gifties don't really like harsh teachers. However, as they age, they love the sarcastic ones.

Is it too late to accept the acceleration recommendation mid year. Mid year skips can be great if the recieving teacher is great, and it is a needed skip. I like your idea of not adding additional pressure, but now it seems that this particular teacher is more 'additional pressure' than a skip into a kind teacher's room.
Of course, one can't come out and say "Please skip my kid because her teacher is evil." but if a skip is needed, then taking it at opportune times to avoid 'bad matches' is ok.

I love your plan for now, and it seems very solid and likely to get you through to next year - skip or no skip.

Smiles,
Grinity