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Holy mackerel. Just tone it down-- no need for a grand exit. Welcome.

We had our next meeting today. I handed the person who'd advocated previously for retarding DS6's progress his head on a platter, and he sat silently through it. The plan is for a pullout to fourth for math and to assess whether that's enough for math. My wife began to advocate for more, in other subject areas, but apparently he's been giving one-liner answers as quickly as possible in writing activities, and hasn't done a lot of his homework. So that's the plan for now. My wife lined up an educational consultant to come in, and she is officially part of the team going forward. She will be sitting in on DS6's classrooms and making recommendations as well.

DS6 and his classmates each submitted a piece of art and a short essay to their teacher, for inclusion in a book aimed at extracting money from parents. His teacher didn't send the order form home to us. Today I saw why: he'd drawn a picture of a sad little calculator person, and his essay began, "My name is [DS6], and I'm an unhappy calculator. Nobody ever uses me, so I just get dustier and dustier..." It went on and on. :|

Wow! Impressive. Good for you guys.

Oh, that is so sad. Glad you are working so well on his behalf.

DeeDee

Thanks to everyone for all your support. Val, I hope you're feeling much better. I feel like I've let DS6 down somewhat, at least to the extent I've reassured him all along that fixes were in the works. It's really been tough for me to face such a long campaign of subtle resistance from the school, after we initially seemed to get over the hump of their denial of DS6's unusual needs. I feel like I would've snapped into attack mode much more quickly if they'd been more aggressive. I hope I never have to go through this with our younger son.

I have no illusions now, including about the new measures adopted today. DS6 will be going to a fourth grade classroom that's sure to have nothing new for him, especially since the Everyday Math as taught here seems to be a bit down-level. Meanwhile the school district is doing away with the MAP test for budget reasons, which will make it harder to appeal to the school's better nature through evidence-based practice; I guess we'll have to get more outside assessments done every time we want a level reset.

One good part of the plan is that another third grader will be doing the pullout to fourth with him, so at least he will be one in a pair of sore thumbs.

Iucounu, IMO, it will get better. Elementary schools are poorly equipped to differentiate math, especially in early grades. When our DS was 6, he wasn't getting any appropriate math, but it's steadily improved as they got to know him and understand that his needs were real. We have seen that through later elementary it became clearer to school personnel what DS9 needs. (Our 3rd-4th-5th grade track record shows a steady increase in appropriate placement, not all the way to his max capacity, but acceptable to us).

Once you're in middle school, it is so much easier, because the kids are typically traveling between classes; it's less of a big deal to place a kid some years ahead. A scheduling hiccup rather than a nightmare. And once you're in the range of things like EXPLORE testing, or Math League, it's easier to provide them evidence of what your kid can do.

Good for you for advocating for your DS.
DeeDee

You've done a great job. Don't beat yourself up about telling your kiddo that fixes were in the works. He knows that you are working with the school and fighting for him.

I know it is frustrating to work with people who just don't get it, but I have found that you can whittle away, and people with preconceived notions eventually do see the light, even if it's a faint light to begin with.

An update, in case it is ever of interest to someone regarding the twists and turns of this particular advocacy:

DS7's school this year has been largely uneventful so far. Apparently there was a rash of requests by other parents for subject accelerations after word got around, but no adjustment problems for DS7. Our educational consultant is being paid for by the school, which is nice, and is slated to meet with his teachers and do some classroom observations in the next few weeks. We had a brief meeting with his two classroom teachers and the principal, which went mostly well. This was prompted by an email from me, after "curriculum night", expressing concern that DS probably had already mastered the fourth-grade curriculum.

The math teacher said at the meeting that she had decided to give him the fourth-grade end of year test starting that morning, and that he had gotten one out of twenty wrong on the first half due to a simple error, something along the lines of misreading an operation symbol as another (ETA: she actually lost his test before he had a chance to finish checking his work, so adjusted his score to 100%). I asked whether DS would be able to take the end-of-year test for fifth grade if he did well on the second half too, and the principal agreed.

We discussed for a while concerns over DS's progress. The principal said that according to his reading, the research suggests that acceleration is not all it's cracked up to be, but that they were already doing their best to make sufficient use of both grade and subject acceleration strategies. (At the end of last year he promised to do whatever was necessary to make sure that DS actually learns new concepts this year, though, so I chalk this up to the same old worries about maturity and not a refusal to provide the right level of work, in whatever context that might need to happen. This school has always been of the mindset that it's best to keep children with their age-mates, and we're in a relatively anti-skip district to start with. The principal did also say however that our case was causing them to re-evaluate their policies, which is nice.)

The principal agreed that if DS shows mastery of an entire year's curriculum, he must be given new concepts to learn, and that it's not sufficient to pad his time with problem solving practice at a lower level. DS's fourth grade teacher said that she plans to do her best to differentiate within the classroom using a menu approach, under which DS will be able to pick from a grid of choices whatever enrichment activity strikes his fancy, including some types of projects that weren't defined in the meeting. I asked if she had worries about giving him the right level of material if he's completely past the planned curriculum, and she agreed that she did.

I asked how he'd be exposed to new concepts, then, and the idea was voiced that he might be exposed to new concepts in the course of enrichment projects. This naturally prompted a question from me about how he would receive instruction on the new concepts, instead of being left to his own devices and essentially teaching himself. There wasn't really any answer.

It seems to me that if he encounters new concepts and needs a quick lesson, we parents can give it to him at home. However, we would need enough information to be able to do that as necessary; the new concepts wouldn't necessarily be introduced in a good progression or in such a way as to build a strong conceptual foundation, as they would be in a curriculum; and as a result this would essentially be winding up with what we've requested before, partial afterschooling, except with a poorer instructional model.

I really want to avoid another year of ineffectual approaches and busywork, or it's back to afterschooling-- but this time with a vengeance, and I'll tell DS to simply ignore the math schoolwork while I reconsider legal measures. I really want to avoid that, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the school honors its promise to do what's necessary, and that our consultant can exert some useful pressure.

If I heard that in a meeting, I would very politely say something along the lines of, " I wonder if you could send me some of those studies? I'm really interested in doing the right thing here, but if there's evidence that this isn't a good move, I'm open to it."

(I would actually mean this, too, although it would serve a double purpose as a possible--more like probable--calling of the bluff. At the same time, it would signal that you were at least paying lip service to their concerns.)

hi,
wow. your ds7 is smart!
may i ask where he was gradewise at 5yrs?
my ds5 is in kinder completely bored and unhappy. expressing now his feelings to the teacher verbally.
he is basically self taught- he comes to me with questions that i answer of course. (he is also a very high functioning aut- not aspergers), he is reading grade 2/begin 3rd, math approx begin grade 2. he loves anything educational. and he wants to learn.

i had the option of putting him into 1st, which i knew the academic material would be more appropriate, even if not challenging, but i was worried about the social aspect. i want him to stay w/ age peers b/c of his social immaturity (he is very quiet, non-assertive, reserved even) and i want him to continue to gain social confidence this year.

this is why i am curious regarding your ds7- how does he cope with older kids in his grade level? how did you cope with it? maybe you have something to offer me that would help me to understand challenges posed with that?

my son prefers older kids but in controlled environment, in learning they seem to include him, but i notice in play- they do not...

sorry to butt into your "saga" ;)~
but i just couldn't get over how you are sort of same situation but WANTing the acceleration i refused....

thanks and much luck to you, i hope the school does do what it has said it will do for your child!