Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Behavior at school is concerning teachers...

Hello everyone!!! Here to vent, cry, whatever...Just got off the phone with principal AGAIN. DS10 seems to be blurting out in school and it's concerning the teachers etc...Before the school year, I actually took DS to get an ADHD/ADD evaluation done...Doctor says he just needs to be more challenged. I am in the process of subject accelerating him...I was really hoping the doctor would have just given me a "magic pill" to help make this impulsive behavior "go away". I am so tired to DS not respecting authority, classroom rules, teachers...He has all the excitables to the max too, sigh. Rewards, talking to, consequences, doesn't help. I know at times he does care because he cries about it, but then at other times I think I see a smirk. HELP!!!... I don't know what to do

What have you tried so far with -
a) getting him more challenged?
b) getting him more well-behaved?

When do things naturally seem better?

If there was just one behavior that would make everything better, what would it be?
What have you tried to target that one behavior?

What parenting style do you and the other significant adults in his life use? Any favorite parenting books that seem to work on your kid?

Who are your key emotional supports? Any new prospects there?

Love and More Love,
Grinity - who hates those phone calls!!!

Hi Grinity! Thanks so much for your reply I always highly value your opinion! You left me with some great questions...When I thought about it, he seems to be more "calm" when he's in silence by himself reading or drawing. I had to take a little step back when I thought about that, because he seems to have such a social, humorous personality...Maybe he just needs more "alone" time??? When he's at school, that's tough. I am in the works of getting him subject accelerated ( Another topic I have questions about I will have to post that later ) He is taken out for g/t programming but only once a week. The g/t coordinator is working on getting him another science mentor for this year. He works on EPGY at home, violin, piano, ect...If I had to pick one thing that would make everything better, I would have to say listening and just DOING IT haha I always try to touch him to get his attention, get down to look in his eyes, give lots of positive feedback etc... Husband can be inconsistant on this Have to say that I've read just about every parenting book out there to no real "that's it" with DS Lol ... Well anyways, thanks for the support! Grinity and evryone else, I really do appreciate your thoughts!

Is the blurting out a new behavior? Is it just new this school year (maybe it always existed, but this teacher is less tolerant or less something else than previous teachers)?

Have you thought of meditation? I know it may sound out there but it can help. He may be more calm in his alone time because it is the one time that he is fully involved in an activity to the point where his mind stops all the other clutter for a moment. He may be one of those kids that sees, hears, feels, experiences so much more than the rest of us.

Imagine sitting in a classroom bored to death already and seeing the kid in the back picking his nose, the girl at the side sharpening her pencil, the kid next to him playing with his notebook, the teacher giving a lesson. Hearing the air conditioner going in the corner, the squeak of a pencil eraser ect. You get the point And in the mist of all of that trying to entertain himself in his head. How could he not blurt out? Unless you've experienced this it's hard to explain. I know that most people in general don't experience things in this way. For some people it's that all at once all the time over stimulation.

The meditation provides a great peace in the noise and helps to train the mind/body to do what you want. No blurting

It's a long term solution, you won't likely see a difference in the first 6 months. When you start to see a difference it's amazing!

Is the smirk coming from just been coped with self-consciousness? You know bravery isn't the absence of fear, it's really the decision to act in spite of the fear. Maybe the smirk isn't derision, maybe he's terribly self-conscious most of the time. Even if he is comfortable in his own skin.
Sorry the teacher doesn't love him too. I know there's programs that teach kids leadership but I haven't got that far. Do they teach diplomacy?

Well, I actually started a reply to this several hours ago. As I was writing, an email arrived making me aware that my son had not done his science homework and had frittered away time in class set aside to complete the project. He didn't know how to do something on the sheet, so he copped an attitude to cover. Oh, and he lied through his teeth, making up a very dramatic but believable story about why the project didn't get finished the night before. (Telling you this wonderful little story just in case you're feeling alone ... )

I do have one suggestion for the blurting out issue that has worked not only for my son but for his entire class. The teacher has a "redirection" book that sits on his desk. When a child does something that disrupts the class - anything from blurting out an answer to arguing to general misbehaving - they are invited to go sit in the hall and write in the book on a new page which simply has three questions: what did I do wrong, what should I have done, what can I do differently next time?

Because the entire class is required to do this, no one child is singled out. The rule is the same for everyone. And because it temporarily removes the child from the setting, they settle down quickly. And on the privacy of that page, they have to own their behavior and make a better plan for next time.

If you like the idea, you might ask the teacher if they'd be willing to try it with the class.

I read this tip in "Living with Intensity" but I've never tried it. When a child tends to blurt out or ask a lot of questions, the teacher will give the student an "IQ Sheet". The sheet is divided into two columns, one labeled Ideas and the other Questions. Instead of blurting out the student is asked to write down their ideas and questions. The teacher then will spend a few minutes with the child at the end of the day going over the sheet. Just a thought.

Hi Keet & everyone ~ Yes, as far as I know, the blurting out is a new behavior. When talking to the principal, he did acknowledge that DS is probably just trying to "spice up the class" probably due to boredom, but that it's still not acceptable. He says it's preventing the other kids from learning. Now I do know one of the teacher's who reported one of the instances...Lets just say she has no sense of humor (DS can be very humorous and dramatic) The other instance I know of was from a teacher's aide...I'm guessing no instruction on gifted behavior...I feel like I'm always justifying his behavior. Yes, I always acknowlede to school that this isn't acceptable...And yes teacher and yes Mr. Principal, we will talk to him about apropriate choices blah, blah, blah...It's not like the kid doesn't know appropriate behavior. He somehow can't control it when he gets excited about something or just doesn't care to control it. I hope that the subject acceleration okay comes quickly. At least then we can get him out a little bit every day into a new environment. I've been pushing to principal that this acceleration will hopefully solve the behavior problems, but what if it doesn't??? Then what??? I don't even want to think about it ...Ugh.

Good morning everyone!!! Thank you so much taking the time to reply to my "dilema" I really do appreciate it and feel like this is the only place that really does understand ABQMom, thanks for your science homework story...It did make me feel better. I hope the homework got done! Momma Bear, I really love your idea of meditation. Do you have any books or sites recommendations??? I asked DS what he feels inside when he knows his "excitables" are starting to act up. He said he feels a "twinge" So I suggested that whenever he feels that, to take some deep breaths, ask if he could go to the bathroom (DS said that would be lying) or that I could talk to his teacher and see if maybe he could step into the hallway to "regroup" DS said he never wants to go into the hallway again. Last year, he had a horrible teacher, who I feel, really damaged his soul by sending him there all the time. She was determined to correct his, what she thought, "bad behavior" Ugh, DS just dug his heels in even more. Le Texican, I never thought about the self-consciousness piece. He is in 5th grade, and I feel like he doesn't know where exactly he fits in. Yes, he's smart...He is extremely charming and handsome ( the girls love him Lol ) Class clown all the way, sensitive, beyond creative, and tries to keep up with his older brother athletically... Elenor05, love the IQ sheet idea. I will bring that up to his teacher and will let you know how it works, thanks...And thanks again everyone... I don't know what I would do without you!!!

I love this suggestion, Eleanor. What a great way to allow a kid to share their ideas that just keep coming without disrupting the class. Much better than sending a kid outside the room once the disruption has already happened.

I started meditation about a year and a half ago as part of the Nurtured Heart Approach, but it was a sort of 'symptom relief' approach. Since I've had more time lately, I've been exploring the Meditation more fully. I've been working with the ideas inspired the Nurtured Heart Approach, called Heart Rhythm Meditation.

http://www.iam-u.org/

Great article on what makes Heart Rhythm Meditation unique:
http://www.appliedmeditation.org/Heart_Rhythm_Meditation/meditation_types_of.php

I've read both of their books:
http://www.appliedmeditation.org/books_cds/now_available.php
(several times) and can highly recommend them.

The best way to reach them for questions is through their Facebook fanpage IAM Heart University on facebook.
Scroll down to the link:Find us on Facebook

Go to the Discussion tab.

I signed up for their introductory Webclass which starts Sept 27 - even thought the website says Sept 13. I'm so excited!
http://www.iam-u.org/101.html

Enjoy,
Grinity

I want to accuse you Cecilia of the Greatness of Restraint. I'm so proud that you didn't retort: Why should I care that the other kids aren't learning. You don't seem alarmed that my kid isn't!

OK -off I got to the acceleration thread to see if I'm wrong (hope I am!) But seriously, your child is 10 years old - isn't it reasonable to expect that they would have handled this by now?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Started to post and my computer when wackado! Trying again. I'm sure there are some great books for kids, I just don't have any. We started our son with kids yoga once a week at age 5. His school actually did it! Yoga for kids is a great way to start meditation. Moving meditation seems to be less of a strain on the mind that just sitting. Then we would sit facing each other cross leg and breath for 5 minutes.

Now he's 7 and we just started taking him once a month to a meditation group with us. He loved it! He sat in between us on a cushion and meditated for 20 minutes. Of course he wasn't completely still. He held our hand alternately, winked at me, moved his legs ect. But he did it. And he then sat through the next hour of a reading and discussion on meditation practice. Sounds like torture only when we left, he said, "I like that place, can we go back?"

The whole family was calmer the entire next week!!!

A few books that helped me along my path... Nothing Special by Charlotte Joko Beck, Everyday Zen also by Beck, The Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet.

Enjoy your journey

Our ds7 is also notorious for blurting out answers and not waiting his turn during academic exercises, but our primary concerns are his emotional meltdowns over frustration and perfectionism and his outbursts with other kids: he raises his voice or yells at other kids if they don't respond well to his "constructive criticism" or if they "insult" him in some way. He also gets loud and overreacts if another child tries to cut in line in front of him or refuses to let him join in a game or activity. He's been described as "so sensitive". So, our goal is to reduce the number of loud outbursts in the classroom.

DS started counseling a couple of weeks ago, and one thing we are learning to do is guided relaxation where ds closes his eyes while we tell him a story. We talk about going somewhere relaxing but not emotionally charged one way or another, slowly add in a little anxiety inducing component, quickly move out of it to another calm place, and end up in a very wonderful peaceful place filled with love and happiness. We take him there alone in his mind so that he can go back there alone anytime he wants. We've only been doing it for a couple of weeks, but ds is really into it. Getting him to go there in the middle of a meltdown is not easy, however. Hopefully with practice this will get easier.

Sometimes when the therapist does the guided relaxation, he'll ask ds questions. For example, in one scenario, towards the end ds was in a row boat headed for an island. He got out of his boat onto a beautiful deserted island and did a little exploring. All of a sudden it started pouring and there was a terrible storm. He told ds to find some shelter and then asked him what his shelter looked like. When the storm ended, it revealed a beautiful clear sky, however his boat was filled with water and too heavy for him to move. He was in no danger but wondering how he was going to get off the island. Then he heard a motor boat and looked up to see it headed his way. When the boat reached land, the therapist asked ds who was in it. Ds said it was his dad and that he tied the boats together with rope and took him and his boat home.

I'm not sure completely how it all works psychologically, but I know part of it is to provide ds with a safe place to go in his mind when he's feeling overwhelmed or upset. Also, over time, I think it desensitizes him to stress and trains the brain that stressful events and temporary, that he is capable of rescuing himself, but that he is never alone. He can always get help from a parent, teacher, or friend.

Not sure how relevant this is to your situation, but I thought I'd share just in case.