Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Preschool 2010-2011

My DS 4.5 was exceptionally clear at 2 but now he gets more what did he say then he did then because he is using such complicated words. Other people don't expect him to use such big words so it takes a while for them to realize yes he just sad that. We've even had that issue with him occasional when he tries out something new, it's hysterical, he slows down his speech and gives you a look, like c'mon people stay with me here. We had been talking about him growing inside my stomach and he of course wanted the appropriate words like uterus and womb, a couple of days later he said something about when I was eating in the "gobbledygook" couldn't figure it out, finally I said to a 4 year old could you use it in a sentence, and he yelled when I was in your tummy, oh you ,meant uterus!!! LOL

DeHe

So were the other kids talking unclearly or simplistically? My kids, despite unclear articulation, talked in a complex way with a very large vocabulary and long sentences. I would be more concerned if the other kids were not able to have a converstaion with my child because they were just talking on a much more simplistic level.

I wish you were wrong. But you are not wrong. And your DD will pay the price. If you are lucky you will be able to tell by her behavior. If you are unlucky you won't find out until later. Would you send her to a preschool room to be the only 4 year old among 2 year olds to learn social skills? No - no one would. Why would you send her to a preschool room with agemates who are verbally 2-4 years behind her to learn social skills? Do you think that they are having fabulous thoughts on the inside and just not able to express themselves? I think this is possible but unlikely. Normal Human Development is a beautiful thing - it just doesn't help your DD.



Now I'm thinking that you are really grasping at straws. If you want her to talk to adults, use the preschool money to hire one. My son used this strategy because I didn't know any better. I was SO clueless at this age. Teachers thought he was immature, clingy, and an attention-hog. I was told that I had to teach him to be less needy by ignoring him more at home so that he'll be less demanding at school. (((teeth grinding - yup I'm still frustrated on that one.)))


But worst of all is the impression he formed of his classmates, and by reflection, of himself. He thought that there was something terribly wrong with him because he was in the classroom for kids who were terribly flawed. He has always played very well with agemates and thought that Adults were 'kinda dumb.' Do you really want a 9 year old who thinks that adults are doing a poor job of running things and that 'from now on I follow my own rules'? Ug!



Yes, this is the way most Adults think. If they didn't think that before they became teachers then they were likely brainwashed during their educations when they were taught about 'normal developmental milestones.' You will wonder why the teachers look at you as though you have 2 heads when you try to communicate to them a fact which they have already been taught couldn't possibly be true. There are exceptions of course, but unless you see chapterbooks among the picture books in the classroom, you probably didn't find one of them.

Good. That feeling is coming from your mommy gut. Listen to it.

It is true that if the percentages are like that she could have a great experience. Especially if it's only a few hours a day or a few days a week.

Spend a day in the classroom and observe. This week. Ask if they plan to ramp up the academics as they go through the year. Ask how much time is devoted to academics, and what she might be able to do instead. Ask the teacher if she has ever taught any kids who did learn their letters at age 2. Bring in your 2 year old and let her talk to the teacher - watch the teacher's body language.

I don't mean to be such a downer, but you are a wonderful mom, of 2 wonderful girls who have some needs that you can't learn about for regular parenting books. or regular conversations with the neighbors. So I feel like I have to be the one to tell you.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I'm sorry your DS had such a horrible experience Grinity! Let me just put in that my DS's experience was quite different. He was in nursery (daycare) from 10 months until he went to school, usually 10am-4pm 5 days per week. He had a wonderful time, and learned a lot, although what he learned was not academic subjects. Social skills are not just about conversation, far from it! A huge amount depends on the individual place, and as you suggest, the less time they spend on academics the better.

Thanks ColinsMum -
I know that there are wonderful daycares and preschool. And I had to work so I did. Kristen's Mom's setup sounds wonderful too. But what scares me the most was that to anyone's eye back then everything was fine. DS seemed generally happy. The complaints about him was had no context for me - so they were easy to ignore. I was later that I started really feeling the pressure to 'do something about him.'

The best news of all is that every time we got a wake up call, we were able to try things to put DS on a better course. Last year DS was totally able to keep his head down at school and didn't get into a speck of trouble. Right now DS is very successful with authority at his new school. I heard him talking about almost having to break a rule by accident and could hear the gravity of the situation in his voice. The teachers say he is polite and respectful. It was just so much more work than it had to be. Of course- there maybe hidden benefits that we'll only find out about later.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

My children have been years ahead of their agemates linguistically, but emotionally and developmentally they are right on track. In my experience it doesn't matter if one child uses complex sentence structures and the other one uses very little language at all, when they're wrestling over a toy, struggling with the concept of taking turns, co-ordinating their hole digging or princess dress wearing activities. They enjoy each other's company and learn how to negotiate socially. I've seen kids play happily together even when they don't speak the same language.

What breaks my heart is when a two or three year old does a typical two or three year old thing and a four or five year old scorns or belittles them for being socially unaware or making a mistake. It doesn't make so much of an impact when it's infrequent, but a two year old with four and five year olds every day might have a very difficult time of it.

Though my DD's school is divided by age per class they do play with each other on the playground. What I've noticed with this setup is DD choosing to play with the older kids. Not shocking since she gravitates towards older kids in general. A common characteristic of HG+ kids. DD has a high empathy and is very mature for age. I believe this sets the groundwork for her acceptance of kids her age and getting along with them but also her ability to fit in with the older kids. She has no problem playing with kids in 3rd grade as well as kids that are age 3 but I definitely see the difference in how she interacts in each group.

I'm glad for you children - that's a wonderful circumstance. I don't think that is the case for most gifted kids. What I see more of are children who have a wider range of behavior than most - sometimes they are acting their age, sometimes younger than their age, sometimes years older. If we judge them by their most immature behavior, then sure, they can look 'right on track' but that oversimplifies their internal reality.

I've seen children playing happily with stuffed animals, and they may even be increasing their social skills through practice, but I wouldn't be comfortable if that was the full picture of my child's social interactions. And, perhaps more importantly, no authority figure acts like that is supposed to be the full picture of a child's social interactions.


Grinity

Hi Everyone,

Grinity I understand that you are trying to help and that you have learned from experience with your son. I do take everyone's suggestions to heart and am looking for ways to expand her experience. She is eager to go to preschool this morning, meanwhile, I am looking for other options. A majority of the programs are filled up at this point in the year. Her preschool is large and I just found out there is another boy in another class who is reading at the second grade level so I asked the director if they could be put in the same class so they could work together and my hoping he is also very advanced and she she said it was too late in the year--ah, they have had ONE CLASS. I am exhausted, so I am looking for somewhere she can go during the day a couple times a week for a few hours. Having someone come here, just won't work knowing me and knowing her. The local public preschool is an option, but 50% of their population is learning delayed so I wasn't sure if that was a great idea, but the teachers are more highly trained and they said they would be able to ramp things up for her, but I guess I was worried that classroom energy would go to children with real challenges rather than an advanced student. Some days I think I am making too big a deal of things since she says she wants to go to her class today, it is only a few hours three days a week, and well, I never even went to pre-K, had parents who had no interest in academics, and I went to very good schools including Harvard for my masters, but yes, I had many, many problems in school and was considered a "behavior problem" and even dropped out before getting back on the horse and kicking academic butt and top schools with little effort. I want to do the right things for her, but on the other hand, I don't want to be obsessed and worry too much either.

Oh TT!
I think not getting obsessed is a good idea, and it's true that the short hours are on your side. ((My son was in daycare all day by age 4, every day))

Do you have any idea, in retrospect, if your so called behavior problems were due to a 2e or just being 'too gifted' for the classroom? On one hand you don't want to assume that the DDs are 'just like you' but on the other hand lots of times the apples fall sort of near the tree.

Too bad about that reader boy, and all the stress of filled up classrooms.

It seems like a good idea to visit the local public preschool and observe. The population may or may not be an issue - it really depends on how the teachers administer the program.

I'm glad to hear that she wants to go - that's got to be a good sign. Keep combing for that special college student or homeschool kid/mom combo or grandma-type to get you some respite!

Love and More Love,
Grinity