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    Joined: Dec 2009
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    Hi All,

    Some of you may already know my DD4's story and have already offered support and advice, but here I am again, still unsure.

    My DD4 is like many of the little ones on here: she spoke very early, read very early (well before three years old), did math early, asked outrageously advanced questions early, remembered things and learned at a frightening level and the "usual" (ha ha this is the only place I can call these things usual). Also, like some children on here, but unlike others, she is very, very intense.

    Now I know about over-excitabilities and how giftedness can look like ADHD etc. but I am still not sure where to turn. We actually had her assessed by an OT and she is beginning services for what appears to be sensory-seeking, but we have not received a report yet and they do not give a diagnosis. I am still wondering how much is sensory related and if that stands alone or is attached to something else like ADHD etc.

    She is funny, verbal, creative, and artistic, but some challenging traits are that she is impulsive, defiant, intense, grabby (wants to touch and throw everything), craves stimulation, seems to be talking a mile a minute every waking moment, etc.

    She can sit and focus on books, drawing, coloring, and Playdough for extended period. She has sat for the ballet and performances because she is interested in the show.

    She seems to get over-excited around other kids, esp, around littler ones: she regresses and acts sillier, louder, and more immature than they do. It is hard to advocate for your gifted child if she is acting like a clown and trying to talk in babytalk when she can read and speak in a very sophisticated way. I am all for her being a silly kid and acting goofy, but she often lets the wild woman out of the bag at the wrong times.

    She is extroverted and loves other kids, but gets over-excited sometimes and loses control of her senses. At that point, she makes bad decisions. She likes to rile other kids up and is good at it! She is highly emotional, and dramatic.

    Yeah, I love this kid, but she is tiring for a stay at home mom who had kids late in life and has a two year old who is also a fireball.

    Please pepper me with any questions if you have any thoughts. All feedback appreciated.

    thanks.

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    Hi Twinkletoes,

    Hyperfocus on areas of interest and general need for massive stimulation could be ADHD, predominantly impulsive type. Or, as you note, giftedness.

    If all this is intrusive on daily functioning and happiness (sounds like it is...) then you might want to get an evaluation by a developmental pediatrician or a neuropsych.

    FWIW, in our family's experience, OTs tend to overattribute to sensory issues things that may or may not be sensory in origin. We have never had success in approaching things from that angle.

    HTH,
    DeeDee

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    Twinkle Toes,

    Your DD sounds almost exactly like my DD7 with the exception that my DD has not shown any real giftedness except in art. I wish I had an answer. We are seeking out some way to help her regulate better as the older she gets the less tolerant others become of these intense behaviors. FWIW we tried ADHD meds this summer and it was not effective in our case. She has been in therapy all summer also to help see if we could tame things down a bit. In two weeks she goes to a psychiatrist to be evaluated as well. I will let you know if I find out anything of value - which of course may or may not apply to your DD. In the meantime - I empathize with you wholeheartedly!

    Breakaway

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    thanks, just to add on, she seems very happy overall, but has blips of anger or frustration that are short lived yet very intense, and it doesn't interfere with her ability to do well in school (so far) or sit at story-time etc. but when there is singing and action and so on, her behavior can go over the top and can disturb others and her intensity can be difficult on her parents / grandparents and teachers other parents and even some sensitive children. Many people actually are not bothered and think she is adorable and funny (which she is) but I do worry about how this will play out over time.

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    Twinkletoes, my feeling is, even if she's happy as a clam, if her behavior's wearing out dedicated parents and hurting other people's feelings, it should be worked on, and having help in this is better than not.

    Some people feel this approach is pathologizing children with whom nothing is seriously wrong; but taking this route has vastly improved the quality of our DS's life and ours.

    YMMV.
    DeeDee

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    I was starting to get the "ADHD" comments so I took out the book:

    Misdiagnosis And Dual Diagnoses Of Gifted Children And Adults: ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Asperger's, Depression, And Other Disorders by James T Webb.

    It helped a lot and clearly showed me that she doesn't have ADHD.

    I think I gave you a ~hug~ in your other thread because my two girls are very overwhelming as well. My DD4 sounds so much like yours down to the regressing when littler kids are around!!

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    Hi Twinkly,
    You are an amazingly good mother, persistiently looking to do the right thing for your children. Yippee!

    Your girls sound wonderful, if tiring. Thank you for bringing them into the world and for all the love and attention you give them.

    DD's lound voice has been a problem in the past. Has she made any progress with the 'inside voice?' Are you finding things to praise about her?

    We went the OT route for DS14,around age 7, and he got quite a lot out of it - but I think it's hard to know in advance until you try if it will help. Certianly OT's see sensory, MD's see ADHD, I see giftedness (LOL) but that's life, right?

    Practically speaking the question is how to get through each day. Hopefully increase the number of things she will do on her own and soon DD2 will be able to provide some fun for her.

    I'm hoping that your DD's school will be worth the time and money your family puts into it. If you can get a cool college student to provide stimulating activities for both dds at about the same cost, I would swap them out of preschool - I don't buy the argument that every preschools helps every child learn social skills. If the preschool would put your dd with the 5 year olds, then that's worth a try. If she is learning 'bad habits' in her current situation, then I wouldn't continue there, even if she likes it. I think the idea situation is one with multiages all together so she can gravitate towards the older ones when she wants to and be silly when she wants to.

    Love and More Love,
    Grinity



    Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com
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    Originally Posted by DeeDee
    Twinkletoes, my feeling is, even if she's happy as a clam, if her behavior's wearing out dedicated parents and hurting other people's feelings, it should be worked on, and having help in this is better than not.

    Some people feel this approach is pathologizing children with whom nothing is seriously wrong; but taking this route has vastly improved the quality of our DS's life and ours.

    YMMV.
    DeeDee

    DeeDee, I like this way of looking at it. Reading Twinkle Toes posts and yours and others helps me feel better about seeking help for my DD.

    Thanks for the perspective. - Breakaway

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    Thanks Grinity. I always feel thankful when I see your name on here since you are the one who directed me here. Before this discussion forum, I didn't have any outlet to discuss these things, esp., the giftedness piece. Thanks again for pointing me in this direction.

    We are still working on the loud talking by praising her when she uses a more appropriate volume. The OT seems to think she isn't getting the right feedback or that since she may be sensory seeking she just enjoys the louder volume.

    DD2 is able to provide more fun now, but they can get very wild together and someone, usually the little one, often gets hurt or there are fights. There are days I wish they sat quietly playing tea like little "ladies" but the truth is they are more likely to be roaring like dinosaurs and tearing through the house.

    I try to praise them when they are playing more quietly and getting along. I need a refresher on the Nurtured Heart Approach. I wish there were a coach nearby who could help keep me on track...

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    TwinkleToes, my DS8 is still waiting for more tests from psycho evaluation. He has many behaviors fitted OE, ADHD, AS, SPD symptoms. I searched information online and read books and still cannot figure out what he has. Then I decided to seek professional help. When I filled out the forms that doctor gave me, I ruled out AS. I still concern about ADHD though. When I read the forms, there are so many behaviors on the list fitted my son few years ago. Now he just outgrew them. I think if I have him evaluated few years ago, I would get different diagnoses. I can relate your feeling but 4 is still young. If there is no emergency issue, I will suggest to wait for one or two more years to see what happen. Hug~~

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