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We have an advocacy without burnout plan for this year. The biggest problems we had last year were accountability and gossip because most of the communication was happening orally while I was waiting outside the classroom to pick up dd from school.

- Dad will go to all conferences and school meetings. He is also going to back to school night.

- I am not going into the actual building more that once a week. But will continue to volunteer in the library and school store on that day.

- We want all communication between us and the school to be addressed to both of us.

- After meetings, we will send back thank yous with outlines of what we agreed on.

- DD will ride the bus twice a week to help out with the commute.

- The school has agreed to Iowa Acceleration Scale. I'm sure that they have never used it before and are convinced that it is a test for dd to take. But we are going to hold the school to the fact that they said she would be evaluated with it in January. We have a pretty good idea how she'll score. We'd like her to skip 4th at the end of this year. 5th is the last grade in the elementary portion of her school. We'd rather have her skip 4th and have one more year in elementary than bump her up at the beginning of middle school. I don't know if the school will go for this but I'd like them to at least acknowledge that she would be an excellent candidate for acceleration. Otherwise, they are going to need to have a really amazing plan for dd set up for the next year, before we make an more financial commitments to the school.

I know there are things at the school that sets me off. And I also know my daughter loves going there. So, I'm really trying to step back, involve my husband and get everything in writing.

I'd love to hear what other people are doing to keep their sanity!

Tank is empty: oh, yes. BTDT.

We have done well to hire an educational advocate (who handles both gifted and special needs). She doesn't get tired of it, because it's her job not to, and she has both expertise and connections with school and district personnel that we do not have in the family. She sometimes talks to the school on our behalf and shows them solutions that they wouldn't ever take from us.

This is a bill I pay gladly. When my advocacy tank is low or empty, I have backup, and I need it that way for my own sanity.

I think "the bunny or the gun" (LOL) depends on the individual teacher's personality and methods. Some teachers like frank talk about what they're getting and don't want to mess with the bunny. Some teachers want to make their own assessment and will ignore any attempt at frank talk. We've had both kinds.

FWIW, I think "Jimmy has a 504 plan and here's the rough guide" isn't guns blazing, I think it's solid information. I provide a one-page cheat sheet to teachers about my 2E kids. If they want to use it as kindling, that's their loss, but at least they have the information. It also helps them see that I understand the deficits (no denial here) as well as the assets.

The gifted talk regarding your DD is harder because every parent thinks etc. etc. and the teacher may or may not be in a position to appreciate the need right away. We are still figuring out how to get that one done gracefully.

DeeDee

p.s. Edited to add: I don't like to think of it as "going to the mat." Rather as "oh, here's a big problem we will solve together for the good of this child." Approaching the school staff with gratitude (even if it's hard at that moment) and positivity has always gotten us more allies in the longer run, which we have surely needed. Not wrestling, but persistence in community.

I have had to use both approaches over the years.

My older son (now a senior in high school) was identified as gifted in Kindergarten, but we ended up putting our kids in private school before he was placed. When we re-entered public school, my son was entering midschool and we chose not to mention the prior testing and put my son in regular ed.

What a mistake. He started misbehaving, and I was finally called in for a conference when my son began failing all of his classes after he decided to see if he could get all zeros while still doing the work. When I asked him why, he said, "Because it is a lot harder to get a zero than it looks. You have to pay attention to the question to make sure you get it completely wrong and don't earn partial credit."

At that point, I became a firm believer in gifted education, but by then the school had my son pegged as a ne'er do well, lazy brat. They refused to provide gifted screening, pointing out that my son's grades did not indicate a gifted level of performance. I was a reporter at the time, and I "went to the mattresses". Short story is that the administration's fear of media coverage resulted in testing and placement in the gifted program within a very short time. And I would go in guns blazing again; it made a massive difference in his performance, self esteem and behavior.

When it came time to deal with my younger son's need for testing for a learning disability, the diagnostician refused due to his grade-level performance. At the time, we had wonderful insurance that covered private testing at a $30 copay (can you believe that?), and rather than go to war, I just had him tested. Getting the results into his file was a much easier challenge that fighting for testing, and it kept me from having to make an enemy to get it done. Thus far his teachers have been amazing with the exception of his second grade teacher who decided she was going to "cure" him. After several heated meetings that escalated to include the entire support team and administration, she decided to abide by the accommodations set out in the IEP and to stop penalizing him for spelling errors when it wasn't a spelling test, poor handwriting, and not writing on the lines.

His teachers last year and again this year have been amazing - making suggestions for alternate projects to help challenge his strengths and accommodate his disability, emailing me when his class clown coping strategy has gotten out of hand, and letting me know when he's had difficulty with a project so we can address it at home. Any time I've emailed either of these teachers with a concern, it's been met with professionalism and a thoughtful plan of action, and so kid gloves have been all that I've needed.

I don't care for the guns-blazing approach, and I think if it becomes a pattern, one runs the risk of becoming that "problem parent" that the school no longer takes seriously and avoids at all costs. But when saved for times when it really matters, it is a vital tool in advocating for kids who don't fit well inside the standard education model.

For sure. Also remember that you can do everything right, and still not get your child what he needs. Advocacy isn't called 'negotiation' for a reason - because in the end, the school holds all the cards - until you walk, which unfortunately you have to do sometimes. But not because you didn't handle things well - because you basically have little power in this situation. Some - but sometimes not enough.


I agree that this doesn't sound 'out of line' at all, unless the rough guide is 4 pages in size 8 font.

This is a great discussion, and I particularly love bringing in the DH as 100% full partner. I think that there are three different situations that could be called 'going to the Mat'

1) Doing stuff that really is unusual - like pulling the journalist card ((Applause, BTW, excellent in this extreame situation!))

2) Doing normal stuff that is really unusual for you - like emailing the teacher and asking for a meeting. This is where we can be tremendously useful to each other. Remember most of us can't vent to our local friends and clear our heads of second guessing with family members. So we come here to pick out our 'big girl panties.'

3) Approaching everyone and everything as if they are withholding something important from you child because that's just the kind of xxx they are. Obviously this isn't recommended. But given our own experiences as children, we do have 'baggage' that needs to be cleaned up so we can be good advocates. Hearing each other's stories here can help that process too.

Yes?
Grinity

I've been really lucky up to this point. All of my advocating has been very matter of fact, "It is what it is" sort of conversations. Up to this point two seperate districts have gone out of their way for DS, fingers crosses that it may continue!