Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Santa, Tooth Fairy, etc.

Jenner, remind me that this is really funny in about 10 years - I'm currently still traumatized!

DS13 was totally serious and full of righteous indignation. But he did later admit that he used the information as a weapon against other kids when things weren't going his way. Ah Asynchronous Development!

My soon to be 4 yr old DD sounds a lot like your DD. We haven't had to deal with Santa, Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy yet, but we have had the issue of death including a pet and a grandmother. She obsesses over what would seem to me as minor situations with classmates just as you described with your DD as well as major things: death. I would have never aligned the two together before your post and the comments to it. Very eye opening for me. I would love to know if anything has eased her obsession and if you have found any useful coping methods.

Good suggestions. DS also asked about the tooth fairy and I answered, "Do you really think that parents could put money under pillows at night and NOT wake their kids up?" He didn't answer, but eyed me suspiciously. I think that because Christmas and Easter are some time away he has the luxury of time to contemplate their existence, whereas the tooth fairy seems to be making an appearance every month or so, and it hits closer to home, lol. We also put out holiday candy out for the Sugar Sprite, which surprisingly he has not questioned at all yet. Ah yes, obsessions. Don't get me started on fire safety covered in DS's kindergarten, and his resultant obsession with functioning smoke detectors in our home. My only suggestion is lots and lots of hugs and reassurance.

Grinity - my husband has pointed out that this could occur, and given that my DS can be less than subtle, it is a real possibility...hmmmm, something else to consider.

Katelyn'sMom--I totally hear what you're saying. My DD will churn over things that seem "minor" to me, but that clearly aren't to her. And then "major" stuff, too, like death. We tried seeing if she wanted to write down her feelings, but that was a definite no--too raw, I guess. So far the only thing that seems to work is to cuddle her until she's asleep (since these things only seem to come up when she's tired). By the morning, she's generally forgotten them. Interestingly, talking only seems to make it worse.

Grinity--I can see your point. I guess it's just your description that's funny, maybe because it's so evocative! I definitely feel for you, as I can see DD doing the same thing!

And now I'm afraid we might be going through something similar very soon--she's making her way through the Harry Potter series and is on book IV (?), in which Sirius Black dies. Her older sister said, "Boy, if that makes you sad, wait until you read Book V." DD just came down from being tucked into bed and said, "Mom, Dumbledore doesn't die, does he? Mom, just tell me now so I can go ahead and just be sad..."

My brilliant response? "Ummm, we'll talk about it in the morning..."

Sympathy! You're off by one in the volumes: it's HPV (Order of the Phoenix) where Sirius dies, and HPVI (Half-blood Prince) where Dumbledore does. And how do I know? Because DS6 has just steamed through HPI-IV and I'm trying hard to discourage him from reading on just yet, without outright forbidding it... He is not going to like Sirius's death at all - he's been filling in his holiday reading list with a sentence about each book, and they've been about Sirius since Sirius appeared.

You're talking about kids being upset about Sirius and Dumbledore?? I had to re-read those sections 10 times each to convince myself it was really true. No way they could be dead boo hoo hooooooooo.

More about Santa, etc: DS questioned the logic of Santa and Easter Bunny before he started school. Once everyone in school was talking about it, he seemed to accept it more. 1st grade was also when he came home talking about God (we are atheists and had described it as a myth) and told me we would go to "the bad place" if we didn't start believing! So I started taking him for religious education for him to learn his own way instead of having kids at school telling him what to believe. It's amazing to see a young kid come up with his own beliefs instead of just going along with what his family believes. I was raised a certain way and didn't question it until I was much older. Another interesting aspect of giftedness that I love! Nan

With HP, I was much more upset about Sirius and Dumbledore than DS5 was! I was shocked at how well he handled the whole series, since he still sleeps with a light on and is my just-like-mommy scaredy cat. Book 7 gets REALLY scary, I thought, esp. with George dying, but it does make you feel a little bit better about Dumbledore, doesn't it?

With Santa, etc, I accidentally blew it about the Easter Bunny this year by buying stickers and candy for the family egg hunt in front of him. He acted like it was no big deal at the time, but was very sad for the entire day. He recently lost his first two teeth, and even though I'm pretty sure his logical mind has figured out that her story has some problems, he's still into it. We've just made it fun by giving the tooth fairy a bit of a humorous cranky attitude in the letters that she leaves with the money. He's having a lot of fun with those.

I think DS also really wants to believe in Santa, so we're good for awhile. Since he knows all about St. Nicholas and we are also a reliigous family, I think he sees the parallels pretty clearly. Besides, don't we all still want to believe in the big guy? I remember being in college when my parents started making us lug our own presents from the basement to the tree after Midnight Mass. It was such a bummer to not see those presents magically appear on Christmas morning!!

Ok, so I didn't read the last HP book and am now sad lol Why did George have to die??? lol I need to get out more

And I'll admit, (nervously stands at front of class) I still lie to my kids about the tooth fairy and santa, at least they havn't told me yet that they found out, they are probably just stringing my along to make me feel better lol.